Creature from the Black Goo

It's actually second person, with the narrator describing what happened to you, the reader. First person is the narrator telling you what happened to them, and third person is the omniscient narrator. I get the most enjoyment reading erotica if I can "become" one of the characters in my head. While it's easy to imagine this regardless of the narrative style, I've always found it's easiest with second person present tense, so that's how I write. When writing non-erotica, I almost always write third person.

As far as knowing who Brondal is, I admit he's kind of a blank slate at this point. I have some ideas that should flesh out his character in future stories. After all, the villain can't get personal if the hero doesn't have a personality.

Your point about female readers is well taken. One downside of the second person narration is I'm choosing for the reader which character they are. On the other hand, this is all fantasy and role-playing. I love reading stories from the female perspective.

As far as the plot twist, "man gets special powers to control women" is absolutely not what's going on here. I do enjoy those stories when they're well done (search for the "Superman Fucks Gotham" series for a good example), but it's not appropriate for a story where the special power is an evil force trying to control our hero. Make no mistake, the black goo may heal Brondal and help him fuck better, but it's wholly evil.

It’s an interesting story, and I think it has some good potential to be above the many run of the mill stories on here

But I had difficulty getting into the first person aspect of it. I could see it being useful should the protagonist’s body be controlled by someone else, as it gives a strange feeling of helplessness and not being in control... but it’s just strange to be dumped right into it. I suspect an intro from the mind of the protagonist to tell us who he is would be useful, so we can have a clue who ‘we’ are supposed to be might be useful, but it might still limit your audience if they can’t relate to the protagonist. I suspect female readers would feel more put off then men in this regard.

Maybe it’s just an issue of my not reading enough first person stories to be comfortable with them, but I have to wonder if the lack of first person stories out there is a sign that others take issue with them as well

But I still think the story shows great potential. It wasn’t an entirely unexpected plot twist, but I’m hoping that it means you won’t follow the cookie cutter ‘man gets special powers then makes a harem or breeds as many women as possible until readers get to the point where they just stop caring about the story because it’s so predictable’

For this story, I wanted a little less character development and a little more mystery. I'm a much bigger fan of fantasy than horror, but I've always found the villains to be the weakest part of fantasy. I like horror villains because they can get more personal with the heroes, so I mixed in a few horror elements. As an added bonus, this gave an excuse for the sex to be a little less realistic.

Since there is more potential here for an epic tale than my first story, there's plenty of room for the supernatural parts to expand. Who knows the full power of the black goo? Likewise, who knows how freaky the sex will get? I'm sure there's some Venom stories I can read on here for inspiration.

Since the reference in the title is so obvious this time, I thought I would explain my username instead. My headcanon for Half-Life 2: Episode Two is that Uriah is secretly a kick-ass action movie star, and that he snuck aboard the rocket and flew into space, straight through the superportal to fight the Combine on their own turf. Hence, a Vortigaunt astronaut.