Crucifix: Longing Ch. 04

William kissed her with such force he could practically feel her moans traveling down his throat. She tasted good. Like cinnamon.

Vicki couldn't hold on a second longer and when she let go she felt the rush of adrenaline that always accompanied her orgasms. Her heart raced and her breathing became more frantic.

William felt the same thing. The rush, the surge, the much sought after wave of bliss finally washed over him, too. He rode it all the way to the shore and when he set foot back on the beach of reality, he shivered. Partially from the satisfying tingle that always followed a good orgasm and partially from the blast of cold air that came pouring out of the vent directly above them.

Vicki rested her head on his still damp shirt and slowly felt her breathing return to normal. She listened to William's heart beating. It raced and he was breathing like he would after a good run. She loved him and he had no idea just how torn she was feeling him hold her in blissful ignorance all the while knowing full-well what she had done. {Shit, Victoria. Shit. You fucked up. Christ, what have you done?}

She started to cry and William lifted her chin, "What's wrong, Baby?"

Vicki shook her head, if she told him what she'd done, it would be over. She knew it. It would kill him. There was no way to tell him that she and Trey had slept together not once...not even twice, but multiple times during their week long training trip. Why did she do it?

It left her feeling somewhat hollow and filled with regret. How could she? Why did she? The first time, she chalked it up to getting plastered at the 'meet-n-greet' reception. Trey was there, he wanted her and she wanted sex. Not love, just sex. But being drunk wasn't an excuse she could use the second time. No.

When Vicki closed her eyes, she saw it happening again and again and wished she'd stopped him...only it was too late. She could see him walking with her to her suite and she invited him in. She did it. He didn't force her. It wasn't his idea. Trey was ready to walk away. But she held onto his arm and kissed him with the same passion she reserved for William. That was the second time. Then things just roller coastered out of control.

Vicki didn't love Trey, no, far from it. But he did something for her. She thought he completed a part of her she was afraid she was missing out on. It tore her up to think of what would happen if William found out. She knew she would have to tell him...one day, maybe...but not today. "Nothing. I just missed you, William. That's all. I missed you."

William kissed Vicki on the forehead and wiped an errant hair from her brow. "I missed you, too, Vicki." William pulled out of her and slyly looked around, "Miss Bardole, you've really got to keep your hands to yourself. Honestly...what would people think if they knew what you were doing to me here in this closet?" He grinned and held Vicki close to him.

Leave it to William to take their tender moment and make it a funny moment. Vicki sighed, "What 'I' was doing to you? Oh, that's a good one, babe." Vicki slipped back into her clothes and tugged at her shirt, trying to 'hide' what they'd done.

William, on the other hand, simply peeled off his wet shirt and put on a dry Grayson Center 'Walk-a thon' T-shirt. He felt very good. Very good, indeed. William stuck his head out of the closet and looked for 'wandering eyes'. "All clear." When he and Vicki stepped out of the closet they looked at one another as though they'd just completed some covert assignment and were satisfied with the results.

As they turned and headed down the hallway, Trey Martin happened to step out of his office. He smiled the happy couple, "Hello William. Vicki." Trey continued down the hall and turned, "Oh, Vicki, if you don't mind...could you come by my office in about an hour? I'd like to talk to you about some equipment I'm thinking of ordering and need your input."

Vicki froze for a second and looked up at William with an 'honestly, that man is going to drive me insane' look. "Yes, Trey. Sure...one hour...alright." {Damn, Vicki, you've gotta put an end to this.}

William wasn't sure but he thought that her voice sounded strained. {Jesus, if I had just spent a week with an uptight asshole like Trey Martin, I'd probably be a bit frazzled myself.} He rolled his eyes as he and Vicki made their way to the PT waiting room.

{He doesn't have a clue. Thank God.} Vicki happened to glance up as they walked into the large room and looked at the abstract painting of an angel hovering over a PT specialist working with a patient. She always liked that painting. Vicki wasn't exactly a 'religious' girl by any stretch of the imagination, but that picture always calmed her. However, today when she looked at it, it seemed like the angelic figure was looking straight through her.

William grinned as he walked. {That's what I needed. All I needed.} He grabbed the charts for the late afternoon session. {Put her out of your mind. Vicki's back.} At least William felt like things in his life were getting back to normal. In a few weeks, they'd be getting married, he'd be running in the marathon. Everything was back on track.

....................

******

....................Erin was shocked at how badly her arm hurt the next morning. {Fucking Barbie weights.} She strained to pull her sweatshirt over her head. "Damn it." It took a little 'mind over matter' to force herself to push through the sore muscles, but she did it. {At least it's something.}

What was that? A tiny bit of optimism? No...it couldn't be. Not from Erin. She 'pooh-poohed' the mere thought of feeling 'good', deciding, rather, to just be her typical pissed off self. Something she'd become very good at over the past few months. {Just get today over with.}

And try as she might, Erin's mother couldn't coax so much as a tiny grin from her daughter as they made their way to the Grayson Center. Needless to say, when Chaselyn slammed on the brakes she wasn't sure who was more shocked...Erin or herself. "ENOUGH!" Her voice resounded loudly.

Erin jumped at her mother's tone. The last time she heard it was when she was eleven or was it twelve...that time when she and Karen had decided to paint their bedroom walls with flowers made from nail polish. "Damn, Mama, what's with you?"

"You! I am so fucking tired of your attitude." Chaselyn Durant barely ever cursed. And to her, saying 'fuck' in any shape, form, or fashion was never done. But she'd had all she could take of Erin. Didn't Erin realize how hurt she was, too? Her baby girl was struggling and there was nothing she could do except drive her to therapy everyday.

Erin didn't say a word. Instead she stared down at her fingers praying for her mother to hurry up and pull into the parking lot. The next fifteen minutes were silent...unsettlingly silent. Erin saw the large marble entrance to the center. {Thank God.}

Chaselyn stepped out of the car and left the keys in the ignition. She lifted the wheelchair from the holder on the back of her car and helped Erin in. "There you go. I'll be back in an hour and a half."

"What?" Erin stared at her mother as she climbed back into the car. "You're leaving?"

"Yes, Erin, you're a big girl. Act like it." Chaselyn slammed her door and took off, leaving Erin alone in her wheelchair in the middle of the parking lot. "What the hell?" She looked around. No one was there to help her. {Damn it!} She rolled across the lot and then pushed herself up the inclined walkway. {Jesus, fucking easy access ramp, my ass.} She could hear her mother's voice in the back of her mind, 'see, not so easy to do it without a little help, is it?'

By the time she made it to the large glass doors and felt the blast of cool air when they slid open, Erin was ready to call it a day. {I'll be goddamned if I'm going to do any more today.} And when William practically ran into her as he was rounding the corner, Erin sighed deeply. {Great. I look like crap and here's Mr. OOOH, Let's Go Workout!} She looked around. {Christ, I fucking hope little Miss Perky-Ass isn't here, too.}

William felt an odd warm feeling wash over him when he saw Erin stopped there in the main lobby. A feeling typically reserved for Vicki. "Hello Erin. Here alone today?" His voice was strangely calm.

"Christ." Erin wasn't at all shocked at how she sounded. Cold, like usual. Would she ever stop feeling so empty? Would she ever be happy just to 'be'? She looked over both her shoulders and sarcastically replied, "What? Can't you see my posse? Of course, I'm alone. I'm not totally useless." Erin looked up into William's eyes and suddenly wished her mother was with her.

William could hear the sadness behind her angry tone and smiled inwardly. He started to take hold of the hand-grips and backed away when Erin snapped at him, "I can fucking do it. I made it in here didn't I?"

Once they were in the PT workout room, William opened up her chart. "How're the legs today? Sore?"

Erin rolled her eyes, "No." Liar.

William shook his head, "You don't have to act like I'm the enemy, Erin. I'm here to help you." He had no idea how badly Erin wanted to get up and run away. The thought of being forever like she was at that exact moment terrified her. It was a feeling she just couldn't shake. William sighed, "Fine. Whatever, Erin. Let's get to work."

Work...that was an understatement. For the half hour, Erin forced herself to lift her right leg and then her left. Her right...then her left. Over and over. After about thirty minutes, she was sweating like she used to sweat after a full-out dance session.

"Good job, Erin." William handed her a bottle of water. "Now, let's see what you're really made of." He handed her a towel, "Dry your hands. I'm going to stand you up."

Erin's jaw dropped, "You're not fucking serious are you? I barely lifted the ankle weights, there's no way in Hell I can stand up."

William stood in front of her and held out his hands, "Come on, Erin. I'm not asking you to walk a mile...just stand...that's all. Have a little faith in yourself." He saw the look of disbelief on her face, "Fine, have some faith in me. I've got enough for the both of us."

She glanced at the little crucifix William wore around his neck. {What is it with the fucking 'have faith' shit?} Erin was fuming and she wasn't about to budge. "I'm going to fall."

"Fall on me."

{He cannot fucking be serious.} Erin narrowed her eyes and took his hands.

"See, your hands didn't turn to dust or anything." William slowly and carefully lifted Erin. "That's it. Come on."

"I'm not a dog."

William stared at her, "Well, stop acting so bitchy."

"Fuck you." Erin used every bit of her will power to steady herself.

Finally, William knew how to get to her. {Piss her off and she'll do whatever I say, just to prove to me that she can do it.} He grinned. Erin's anger helped her to stand up and she gripped his hands so tightly her fingers were turning white. "Easy there, Erin. That hurts." William tried to wiggle his fingers.

"Good."

{Jesus, you are something else.} And she was. As she stood there before him, regardless of how steady she was, William was taken aback at how tall Erin was. She had a good three to four inches on Vicki. He looked straight into her golden eyes and could practically see her frustration in them. And then, there was that smell of baby powder and roses.

Erin looked into his eyes, felt his strong hands holding her steady and realized that she wasn't really scared. He was about the same height as James. Maybe an inch shorter, maybe. His lips were so soft. She wondered how it would feel to touch them. And she could smell his cologne. It was a strong scent, but not over powering.

William took one small step backwards. "Move when you're ready."

Erin stared at him. "I can't."

"Yes you can. One step. Just try." William shuffled back a bit more.

"No. I'll fall."

"Yes, you probably will." She stood there like a rock, utterly terrified. "But you'll get back up." He stepped back a little farther. "Come on, Erin...one step."

Erin felt her balance shift and she fell forward into his waiting arms. As she did so, she let out a small yelp. "See! See! I told you I'd fall."

"You stumbled. Try again." Even though she was leaning against his chest, William tried to keep calm. Especially when he saw that she wasn't about to budge. In an attempt to shame her into trying again, he pulled out the 'I'm going to fucking embarrass you card'. "Erin, see that little boy?" He pointed to a kid in a whirlpool. "He's watching you. You gonna give up?"

"Fuck you."

"Maybe later." He couldn't believe he said it. {Shit, Fitzpatrick are you crazy?}

Erin shook her head. {What did he just say?} "Funny." But something about hearing him say, 'maybe later' got to her. Erin tried again. And fell, again. This time outright...on her back. She heard the little boy laugh at her. {Fucking little shit.}

William leaned forward and held out his hand. Erin saw his crucifix again and wanted to rip it off and ram it down that kid's throat. She refused to let some little boy laugh at her. So she took William's hands and felt him pull her back up.

She tried again...and fell, again. This happened once, twice, three times. And every time, she'd reach up, take William's hand but not before seeing his necklace dangling down over her. By the fourth time she finally had had enough. William smiled, "Take my hand, Erin. Try again." God, how she hated him. It was obvious to her that it was hopeless. Why couldn't he see it? Why wouldn't he leave her alone? She'd never dance again so why should she care if she could walk?

"NO! I will not! I'm tired and sore. Now help me up." Erin covered her face with her hands. She wanted to cry. "This isn't so fucking easy you know. You can walk...I can't. Leave me alone. You don't understand." That was it. She couldn't contain the tears any longer and she started to cry. To sob, was a more just word for it, actually. "You don't get it."

William's heart sank a little when he saw how upset she'd gotten. {Too far, Fitzy...too far.} He sighed and shook his head. "Erin. I get it. Trust me." He lifted his right pant leg and revealed his prosthetic leg. "Trust me, I get it more that you can even imagine."

Erin was stunned. {No way. No.} Stupefied was more like it. But she wasn't about to let him know that. She sniffled and wiped her eyes, "Am I supposed to be shocked and amazed? Huh? Do you want me to go, 'Oooh, if William can do it, so can I'?"

William didn't say a word. Seeing her get upset was not what he wanted. He only wanted her to know that he really did understand. He knew she was baiting him, trying to get him pissed at her. The way he saw it was that he believed Erin figured her callus remark would make him so mad that he'd throw his hands up in frustration and leave her alone. Instead, he simply let her lay there on the ground as he went and got her wheelchair.

"Stick and stones, Erin...sticks and stones." He extended his hand once more to her and waited patiently for her to take it. When she finally accepted his helping hand, he picked her up and considered putting her in her chair; but feeling her rest against his chest just felt so nice. William forwent her wheelchair and carried her to one of the tables. "You know, Erin, we've still got about twenty minutes left. What's say we work out those muscles?"

As he sat her down on the table she sighed and sniffled once more, "Are you serious? I just worked them out."

"Not 'workout' Erin...work them out. Massage them."

Erin felt stupid, "Oh." Who could really blame her? She was exhausted, truly exhausted. All she wanted to do was sleep, and not because she was mad at anyone or scared of anything. She was just so tired.

She laid back and considered the past hour of her life. First she'd been abandoned in the parking lot by her mother...the woman who was supposed to be there for her whenever she needed her. Then she'd been subjugated to an intense therapy session. To make matters worse, a little boy laughed at her. Oh, and there was the crying. She hated to cry. It was a sign of weakness in her eyes. She could hear her dance teacher screaming at her in her from the back mind. 'Dancers don't cry, Erin. Dancer's let it out on stage.'

But worst of all the feelings she'd experienced had to be loathing William for making her cry and then loathing him more for making her feel about as tall as a worm. Erin closed her eyes and tried to find a sense of calm to help her.

William, on the other hand, stared at the beautiful young woman who lay there on the table before him and felt anything but a desire to 'calm' himself. Her skin was so pale and her hair was so shiny, he wanted to touch it to see if it was hair or spun silk. He gently placed his hot hands on her cool thigh and felt Erin jump a little.

Erin immediately focused her attention on his hands. By comparison, his hands were bigger than James's hands. And when he started to gently knead her tired legs she let herself fall into the calm that she'd been desperately trying to find. He slid his hands down her thigh to her knee and massaged her calf muscle. The look on her face let him know that she most definitely could feel his touch.

William continued to massage her right leg and then moved to her left. His heart started to race. He felt hot, like the air conditioner needed to be lowered. "Can you feel that, Erin?"

She nodded slowly.

"Good." He worked his way up her leg, past her knee and to her left thigh. Without realizing it, William's tender massaging motion had slowed down such that he was more or less caressing her skin as opposed to 'working' the muscle. The expression on her face looked so pleasant. He was swept away in the softness that come across her.

The more he stared at her, the more of her he wanted to touch. He slid his hand up a bit higher on her thigh and wanted to touch more of her. If William had let go of his worries about 'pushing the envelope' with Erin he would have simply slid his hand up her shirt, across her belly and up to her breasts.

But he couldn't do that. No. Instead he slid his hand up her thigh even further. Testing to see how far he could go. He saw Erin's face grow flush as he neared the inside of her inner thigh. And then she opened her eyes, those gorgeous golden eyes. He heard someone gasp and was shocked when he realized it was he who'd made the noise. He quickly pulled his hand away.

Erin sat up on her elbows and whispered, "You don't have to stop." The farther up her thigh he went, the hotter Erin became. One thing was for sure, everything from her mid-thigh up was working and very sensitive. It had been a long time since she'd felt a man's hands on her, and even if it was just her legs, it was quite nice.

William stared at her and was stunned when he realized what she had just said. He wanted to make sure he wasn't hearing what he wanted to hear which was basically, 'It's okay William touch me' as opposed to, 'It's a nice massage, keep up the good work.' He carefully eased his hand up farther on her thigh, just touching the edge of her shorts. {Goddamn, William, you can't do this.} Without thinking another moment, William slid his hand up her loose fitting shorts and gently massaged the area closest to the center of her being. "Erin, I shouldn't be doing this."

Erin's throat was dry but she was able to quietly say, "It's alright. Really."

That was all William needed to hear. He slid his fingers beneath her little bikini panties. {Lacy, oh my God.} And then felt what he knew must have been a very neatly groomed tuft of hair. {Can't walk but keeps herself in check. My God.} He stared into her eyes and could feel the lusty fire they radiated as he slowly, tenderly slipped his fingers into the hot wetness of her. His knees, the real one and the artificial one, felt as though they would give way. {This is crazy.}