Cruising for a Bruisin' Ch. 01

It was very chilly and I wore an off-white, down-filled jacket with light blue sweater and black leggings with my wonderful, comfortable suede boots! We had coffee and pastry in a little shop and browsed for trinkets along the main street before heading back to the ship.

We spent the afternoon in our cabin relaxing just listening to music and catching up on the news. The farewell dinner was tonight and I'd been saving my killer red dress for the final soiree. I'd been SO excited when I bought it and now I was almost dreading having to wear it. It was a floor-length, sleeveless, open-back gown with a split that ran from the floor to the middle of my left thigh. It had a large, silvery kind of lace all along the neckline, which with a pair of 3 1/2" glittery silver heels and more faux diamond jewelry, was a perfect mix and match. Specifically, I was wearing a teardrop diamond necklace and earrings.

I got ready by 7pm and Tim whistled at me. "Holy shit, girl! You look good enough to eat or even..."

"Thank you!" I said. "I have a very handsome, very rich husband who spoils me terribly."

Tim laughed. "What's funny is that most people can't tell the difference between diamonds and imitations. For all anyone knows, you could be wearing the real thing."

"True," I said, "but they'll as phony as me." I didn't say that in a joking way and Tim picked up on it immediately.

"Hey. There's nothing phony about you. Do you know how hard it was to find you? I was beginning to think girls like you didn't exist except on the internet or in my fantasies. You're everything I want in a woman, Callie. You know that, right?" He put his hands on my shoulders as he talked. He really was amazingly supportive and I couldn't ask for a better guy.

"Thank you, Tim," I said as I looked at him. "You make me feel very special." I hoped that sounded convincing enough that he'd drop it.

"That's because you are special, honey. I love you." He moved closer and kissed me before saying, "I may even be falling in love with you."

His eyes were so alive and sincere. I wanted to say what he wanted to hear, but all I could think of was, "Oh, God. That's all I need." I'd had a long-time fantasy of a wedding in Las Vegas but a faux wedding, of course. I wanted to wear a beautiful dress with a tiara but had no desire to be anyone's wife or husband. I wasn't in love with Tim and there was no way in hell I'd ever marry a man. I doubt I'll ever marry another woman for that matter, but I couldn't last a week with a man in a marriage where I was supposed to be the woman. I did love Tim. I just wasn't in love with him.

"I love you, too," I said honestly. No lying this time. Did I mention lying is exhausting? Even the little white variety on a cruise ship gets to be very taxing!

Tim looked very dashing in his dark suit, red silk tie, and white shirt. Over the course of the evening, we had three different women make mention of the way his tie matched my dress. It was so interesting to me the different way that men and women viewed the world. We were all human beings, but our focus and priorities are often very different and those differences have been the source of endless joy as well as endless aggravation and frustration for married couples over many millennia.

Everything was going great until 10pm when the ship's captain stood up and asked to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, it's been my pleasure to have you on board with us for the last four days. We hope you've enjoyed being with us as much as we've enjoyed serving you. I'd like to dedicate this next dance to two couples who are with us here this evening. One is celebrating their 35th anniversary this week and another is here on their honeymoon. Can we please give a warm round of applause to Ed and Anna Martin and to Tim and Callie Mansfield?"

Every applauded warmly and some hollered out congratulations and others many happy returns. Then the captain asked if the four of us would start out the next dance. What choice did we have? Everyone was staring at us while clapping and encouraging us. Tim took my hand and led me out to the middle of the open area which served as a dance floor while Ed brought Anna along with him. No sooner had Ed gotten next to us than he said in his booming farm voice, "How 'bout we switch partners, young man?" Without waiting for Tim to reply, Ed reached over and grabbed my hand as the music started playing We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters. People were still clapping while many hooted and hollered at Ed's bold move even as he began waltzing me around. One by one, couples joined us on the dance floor. I was keeping my distance from Ed just fine until someone nearly bumped into us. That gave Ed an excuse to pull me in close. As he did, I could smell the beer on his breath.

"I've been wantin' to get close to you since the first time I saw you, honey," he told me. He had me in a bear hug and Tim was somewhere with Anna unaware of my dismay.

Then things went from bad to worse when Ed put his face right next to mine. "You sure do smell good, pretty lady," he said as he held me in his death grip. "Would you mind if I gave you one little kiss?" he said.

Before I could scream out, "NO!" Ed pulled back and shoved his fat face into mine and kissed me full on on the mouth. I fought back the overwhelming urge to knee him in the groin and waited for it to be over. It only lasted for a second and I kept my mouth completely closed but Ed was so drunk he didn't notice. "Oh, that was really nice, young lady. You wanna go back to my cabin with me and keep that up?"

I reached the breaking point. I pulled back then shoved Ed as hard as I could to force him off me. He lost his balance and fell hard on his fat ass. I was immediately worried he'd hurt himself and that their might be a law suit, but he just bellowed with laughter. "That's a fiery one, right there, folks!" Someone helped him back up as he straightened his glasses and looked around for his wife.

When the song ended, Tim came back to our table and noticed my lipstick was a mess. "What the hell happened to you?" he said.

"Ed," was all I told him.

"Oh, my God. Did he kiss you?"

"Oh, yeah," I replied. "But I put him on his ass so we'll just call it even, okay?"

Tim laughed and said, "You wanna get out of here?"

I told him I thought he'd never ask. We made an early evening of it and spent the rest of that night in our cabin. I had zero interest in sex and I was grateful Tim didn't ask me why. We watched the rest of a mindless comedy on TV and went to bed just before midnight.

Early the next morning, we pulled into port in Anchorage and I couldn't wait to get off the ship. We'd been able to move our flight up from the following afternoon to that afternoon and I was thrilled to be going home. I wore a long-sleeved charcoal-gray sweater and black skirt with heels and silver jewelry, but my heart just wasn't in it. It was almost midnight when we landed at Dulles airport and I talked Tim into letting me take a cab home.

I got there about 1:30am and couldn't wait to get undressed, get the makeup off, and go to bed in my birthday suit. The next morning I got up, put on a t-shirt and pair of running shorts, then made a cup of coffee. I sat down on the couch, put my feet up on the hassock, spread my legs wide apart, and slouched as far down in the sofa as I possibly could. "Thank God!" I said to myself.

Post Script: I'd still like to go to Las Vegas and have a fantasy-pretend wedding, but I can assure you I won't be spending the entire time en femme. I like being Callie, but not for that long. Never again is my new motto! The lesson in all this for me is this: no matter how much you enjoy it, crossdressing just isn't necessarily glamorous all the time. I've learned that a little bit goes a very long way for me, and I won't repeat this mistake again. But I'm also not giving up on being Callie part time. I tried that before and it was by far the bigger mistake.

For now, it's time to crack another beer—and maybe even belch a time or two.