Cuckold! Yes? or NO!

I don't know if my story will be a turn on. It is not meant to be. Maybe if I write this down, it will help me sort out my feelings of excitement, anxiety; my fantasies and my fears. Got married to a beautiful mature Lebanese woman, love was divine and making love was great! Cuckolding never entered my mind. She seldom initiated sex but she truly enjoyed it. I know she did because after her second orgasms, she transformed into a wild woman. She wanted more. And more. It's like after she came twice, she was eager for sex and pleasure, wherever it comes from! And that's when I started to get indications that she could, under certain circumstances became a slut, needing to be fucked, she didn't care how! That was my first clue.

She assumed my cock was long. Her ex-boyfriends must have been short, because I didn't consider myself well endowed. Very turned on with a full erection I got just over 7 inches (18 cm) medium width. We sometimes had sex twice before going to sleep and when we had privacy, and enough time for me to get hard again, we went for a long third time! If her moans, screams and orgasms were any indications, she was sexually satisfied. Eventually I bought a vibrator. I chose a white model about the same size as my cock, maybe just a bit harder, and although she was reticent at first, she realized it could add to her pleasure and accepted it. She called it "your little friend", and we used it from time to time.

Fast forward a dozen years or so, we have a kid now, monotony reigns in our house (happiness was scarce), and in our bed (orgasms rare and far apart). Day to day life is boring. Of course I had started masturbating to compensate. Our marital sex was not what it had been. Around that time, I got my second hint of naughty / nasty behavior. I was still completely oblivious to their meaning, but they were there. One precious night, we just had very pleasurable sex and each had an intense orgasm. It was a sensuous and erotic moment. I ejaculated inside her cunt and laid beside her before pulling out. We wipe ourselves and she says:

-" Why don't you go in the drawer and bring out your little friend and continue pleasuring me with it?" I was surprised but of course complied! We had A LOT of fun. But I never forgot the incident. I should have known that something was amiss.

A few years later, my 16 year old daughter told us that she had a new boyfriend, and he was an 18 year old black Jamaican. My wife didn't react well at all. I never knew she had such intense racial prejudices. When we were alone, she explained her reasons.

-"She's too young! She's a minor! What happens if he kisses her!?" I replied:" If they kiss, they kiss, what's the problem, it's just kissing!"

- No it's not! It's not just kissing. Don't you know what happens when a black man kisses a woman with those thick full lips??? She won't be able to resist.

-What?

- Yes! Don't be naive! You know about black men! They have thick black lips, so soft, when they kiss a woman, she just melts into his arms. Those lips are so seductive, a woman can't withstand the attraction and if, God forbid! , the kiss lasts a long time and then he slips his thick tongue in her mouth! It's irresistible! Oh, my poor baby girl!!

- You're serious? How would you know all that?

- Remember, I told you about a party I gave for a few colleagues, when I was 25. And everybody left, except a black man who was flirting with me all evening. I had asked my best friend not to leave me alone with him, but she couldn't stay. He tried to seduce me, he kissed me with his delicious lips. And just like I told you, I melted. I tried to resist him but he was so tall. And strong. He kept on kissing me and then darted his tongue in my mouth. I wanted to protest, and kept up trying to push him away. But I couldn't. I was overwhelmed, by those lips.

Fast forward. A few weeks later. Jacking off while watching porn on my computer. I stumble upon a cuckolding video and my memory brings back to mind the pieces of the puzzle. I put it together. One, two, three strikes, you're out! And I am turned on!

So I watch more of the same, and specially, a white wife cuckolding her husband with a well hung black man. And I start reading stories about it, and forums and blogs, and black superiority web sites. And I don't understand. Probably because I have jealous tendencies...

A husband who loves his wife can't let her be used like that by a black man. Impossible. And yet, not taking into account the video-clips who are 90% acted, or fake, I can't deny that some of the amateur, homemade movies seem real life clips and most of the stories on forums and blogs can't all be false. I have to face the fact that some men do, let their wife, or encourage their wife to cuckold them. I still don't understand.

Then I compare our couple to the "cuckold's" couple. Oops. Damn!

My wife likes sex, but when she comes a lot, she LOVES sex! She becomes insatiable.

I have an average sized penis, and I have gained weight, while my wife is still super sexy!

She never found it necessary to shave or trim her pussy for me. But she has asked me to help her cut and shave a bit of the hair 'down there', before she goes to the gynecologist. She says:

-"When I lower my panties and spread my legs in front of the Dr., I don't want him to see how hairy my cunt is."

She rarely sucks me and every time she does, she warns me the she will never swallow my cum.

She categorically refuses anal sex. I can't even put a pinky in her ass hole.

And, finally, without mentioning the size of their cocks, she has expressed an attraction for black males...

I am confused. I know I am possessive, not a little bit, then again, not extremely jealous and green with envy. To elaborate, I don't particularly like when strange men flirt or dance with my wife, but I don't worry that she's going to leave me for one of them. I don't think I have the inferiority complex that I read about on some cuckold site. But I will concede that I am slightly insecure.

The big question is: Why do I get excited watching those cuckold videos or reading the stories and personal experiences. Because, I get turned on. A lot!

So where does that leave me?

I am torn with the desire to experience the sexual excitement of having my wife fucked hard by a very well hung black man while I watch, and the revulsion for a situation that would very probably cause jealousy, deep anger, resentment and disgust, maybe even hatred.

I welcome any comments or advice.

Thank you.