Culture Shock

"I'm just teasing. I knew what you meant."

"Oh."

"I'm not in a hurry."

"Nor am I," Elaine admitted. She wanted to change the subject. "Can you point me to some good websites?" Without realising it, she'd chosen the one subject they'd previously avoided. She hoped she wouldn't regret it.

"Sure, I can email them to you."

Elaine was glad she had a Hotmail account. After giving him her address, moments later she had mail. Opening it, she realised it was from him.

"I just sent you a quick email," he explained. "I wanted to make sure I had the right address."

"I received it."

"Good. I'll go through my favourites and pick out a few good ones for you. 'castlerealm.com' is a standard though."

"Thanks. I haven't been there yet."

"How long have you been interested?"

"About four days, maybe five."

"How did you become interested?"

"I googled BDSM. I didn't know what it stood for."

"And?"

"Well, some aspects intrigued me."

"They turned you on."

Elaine bit her lip and typed, "Well, yes."

"It's okay to say so. I won't ask what aspects."

"Thank you." She squirmed. She was getting wet again.

"I know it's bad timing," he messaged. "But my meal is almost ready and I have to go. I was planning on returning later though, if you'd like to talk some more."

"I don't know. Maybe. I have to make something for myself too."

"Okay. Well, perhaps I'll see you then. Otherwise, I'll talk to you soon,kurious."

"Thank you. Take care."

A few minutes afterMasterServant, Elaine sent a general goodbye into the room as well. Lots of people she didn't even know waved and said 'be well' to her and she thanked them.People are so friendly, she thought as she closed the window.

Elaine made enough spaghetti to feed an army. She froze half of it and left the rest in a container for the girls to reheat. Making her way back to her room with a fresh glass of iced water, she looked around her room, trying to find something to occupy herself. She didn't want to seem desperate. Shewasn't desperate. She couldn't deny her desire to return to the chat room, but she wanted to wait. Spying the joint, she sat at the computer and sipped her water.

Oh, what the hell, she thought, picking it up and lighting it. She drew deeply and immediately regretted it, coughing so hard her eyes watered. Once under control, she took several smaller puffs and was able to hold down the smoke as someone had once taught her.

Moments after putting out the joint she felt dizzy and went to lie down for a minute.

**************************

Banging on her door woke her. "What? What is it?" she cried, willing the urgent thumping to stop.

"Oh, thank Christ!" said Chelsea.

"Can we come in?" asked Kendra.

"Sure," Elaine said, her door opening as she sat up on the side of her bed.

The two girls fell into the room, looks of concern across their faces. "Are you okay?" They asked almost in unison.

"We've been knocking for at least a few minutes," complained Kendra, rubbing her knuckles.

"We just wanted to thank you for the spaghetti. But when you didn't answer, we got worried."

"I'm fine, just dead to the world. I found a joint on the floor in the lounge room and smoked half of it. I hope you don't mind. I was going to ask."

Chelsea giggled and shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

"Listen," said Kendra. "I hope you'll agree that we can come in if we can't wake you after five minutes. You had us worried."

"Sorry. Yeah, that's fine."

"You gonna finish that joint?" asked Chelsea, grinning.

"No. Take it.Please. Hey, what's the time?" Elaine asked out loud, turning to look at her clock.

"Just after ten P.M.," answered Kendra.

Fuck!

Chapter 06

For a moment Elaine wondered where the disappointment was coming from. Maybe she was just annoyed with herself. She was usually meticulously punctual. But it wasn't like she'dpromised to meet him. It had just been a 'maybe'. Shaking her head, she had a new appreciation for the term 'wasted'.

Who am I kidding? she wondered. The guy could be a nut. Simone said he wasn't but who was Simone? MaybeHE was 'Simone'. Surely no one was that devious. She had to admit it was possible. Elaine decided she shouldn't feel disappointed at being late. Annoyed at wasting an opportunity to chat with him, maybe. But not disappointed. Was it just plain loneliness she was feeling? Or was it simply curiosity?

And why did he have to live so fucking close?

She felt like a moth to a flame.

"I think she's still out of it," Chelsea giggled, waving her hand in front of Elaine's eyes.

"I'm fine," Elaine said, stretching. "I'm just not used to smoking pot, I guess."

"For a second there you looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders," Kendra said.

"Come on, Chelsea. She's okay. Let's smoke that joint. You coming or crashing, Elaine?"

"Um, I'll skip. I want to do a few things online. I'll see you guys in the morning."

"Okay. G'night. And thanks for the spaghetti, it was great."

"Yeah. Night, Elaine. Thanks."

The door closed behind them and Elaine was alone again. Dragging herself over to the chair in front of the computer, she waited while it booted up and connected to the 'net. Feeling her heart start to thump, she took deep breaths and told herself to calm down.

Relax. I'm not desperate. I'm just kurious.

She smiled as she typed in the chat room URL and logged on.

Again Elaine was greeted by almost everyone there, includingMasterServant, who asked if he could speak with her privately almost immediately. "Of course, Sir," she said, feeling less confident than her words sounded. She thanked everyone for their kind greetings andSir Tim's helena winked at her.

She was already blushing before the private message box popped up.

"Hello, Elaine."

"Hi, Gary. You can just message me. You don't have to ask"

"All right. Deal. You may do the same."

"Thanks."

"Did you enjoy your evening?" Gary asked.

"No."

"Oh?"

"I slept through most of it. I wanted to come here but I was stupid and smoked some of a joint I found. I fell asleep almost immediately."

"LOL."

"Yeah, very funny."

"I didn't figure you for a druggie."

"I'mso not."

"Well, I'm glad you made it. I've been waiting for you."

Elaine blushed harder. Thoughts swirled and typing suddenly became difficult. "Why?" she fumbled, hesitating before sending the question, unsure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Because I like you."

It felt like her heart stopped. "But you don't know me."

"I know you better than you think."

With shaking hands, she typed, "Yeah, right." She had to retype it three times to get rid of the mistakes.

"Okay, let's see what I know. You can step in at any time and tell me I'm wrong. This is just for fun, right?"

"Um, okay."

"You are twenty years old and go to college."

"Public record," Elaine typed more assertively, though she giggled nervously.

"You have an interest in what goes on in the BDSM lifestyle that is growing daily. You have good parents but they were strict, or at least one was."

Wow. Yeah, Dad WAS pretty strict.

He went on. "You are a rebel of sorts, but few people really know you. You wish you had friends you could relate to more honestly. You think of yourself as independent, yet you yearn to be looked after. How am I going so far?"

"Um, pretty close."

"I'm just getting started," he typed, adding a wink.

Elaine swallowed. "Go on then."

"You like wearing black. It makes you feel different, but at the same time you can lurk in the shadows, unnoticed. Hmmm... May I take a stab at your personal life without offending you?"

"I don't know, can you?" Elaine's mouth was getting dry.

"Touché. I'll try. Well," he typed, stretching out the anticipation. "My guess is you are single and haven't had a boyfriend for a while. As time has worn on, your dreams and fantasies have become more and more extreme. You like to masturbate but you don't get to do it as often as you'd like. You get on okay with your roommates but you don't connect with them. You may even be bisexual, find them attractive, and be in denial."

Elaine's jaw dropped.He's gotta be joking. "I don't remember telling you about my roommates."

"I'm kidding!" followed a second later.

A clever reply wouldn't come. She had no idea what to say!

"C'mon, Elaine," he sent after an awkward few seconds. "I'm just making this up. I have no idea what you might be like or whether or not you are a compulsive masturbator." He followed his message with another wink.

It made Elaine smile a little. "Sorry. I'm just a bit surprised, I guess," typed Elaine. "How can you justnail me like that? I mean, I don't think Iam bisexual but I guess I might be. And um," she hesitated again. "I do like to play... you know, masturbate. And Ihave been fantasising strange scenarios." Flashes of the night before crossed her mind and she felt her nipples tingling. They were still a little swollen. "It's a bit scary that you're so close to the truth. I mean, I have no idea what you are like."

"Honestly, they were just lucky guesses. How about you try."

"I don't know..."

"Just see where your imagination leads you," he said, adding a smile.

"All right." Elaine sat pondering a moment, touching her cheeks and feeling how hot they were. Then she typed, "What about this: You are the urban cowboy type. You always had a desire to live in open spaces, though you grew up in the city. Your parents are 'laid back' kind of people who didn't really mind what you did with your life, as long as you were happy."

"Pretty close. Keep going."

"Um... You relied on your own motivation to... go to college?"

"Kind of."

"Where you studied... um, veterinary science?"

"I wish. Carpentry."

"Carpentry... but you always wished you studied veterinary science." Elaine sent a wink of her own. "And let's see... You worked on building sites and enjoyed it, but now you work on your farm and do odd jobs around town to supplement your income."

"Okay, this is getting freaky."

Elaine grinned before continuing. It was fun. "You thought you were in love a couple of times, but those experiences paled in comparison to your dearly departed fiancé."

"She's dead to me!" he typed uproariously.

TheSoprano's accent was almost audible and Elaine laughed out loud. Remembering their previous conversation, she typed, "Um, but you were angry and annoyed and confused when she left, though in the recesses of your mind you always thought there was something wrong, though she denied it."

"Public record." He added a smiley with its tongue poking out. "Sorta."

"Let's see. Oh, and you found out about the lifestyle when you overheard a conversation in a line-dancing bar over a gin and tonic."

"Ahahahahaaaa!"

"No?" asked Elaine, giggling and visualising him laughing at his desk. "Was it a dry martini?"

"Well, um... No. I'm strictly a 'bourbon and beer' kind of guy. Though I don't mind a good wine now and again. Line dancing is out though, I'm afraid. I'm very much influenced by my parent's taste in music.Led Zeppelin; Rolling Stones; Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young; that kind of thing. So you wouldn't find me in a line dancing club."

"Awwww," Elaine typed, still giggling.

"Oh, please. Don't tell me you're into that stuff."

"Noooo! No, I was jesting."

"Good. I'd hate to have to beat it out of you," he typed, again the winking smiley followed his words.

Elaine had seen that kind of comment in the room before, but this time it made her stop and think. It was also enough of a hesitation for Gary to fill the void.

"Okay, enough kidding around," he typed.

Elaine's thoughts stalled. Only one thing came to mind to type. "Yes, Sir." Yet another moment passed and she wondered what he was thinking.

"Do comments like that concern you?"

"Yes," she typed before she knew it.

"I imagine they could be a bit off-putting. Okay, let's make use of this time more constructively. How about a bit of Q & A?"

Elaine was glad for the opportunity. She had millions of questions. The first one was chosen because it was on her mind. "Okay, thank you. Why do people make comments like that?"

He smiled before answering. Elaine wondered if she'd asked the right question. Or at least a good one to get the ball rolling.

"I'd say because it's an exaggeration, and therein lies the humour. It's like saying I'm going to get fit by running around the world. It's funny. Not hilarious, but it's enough to make people smile."

"Okay, I get it." Hesitating with her fingers over the keys, Elaine tried to frame her next question, the one she was dying to ask. Gary must have sensed it because he didn't fill the void. Finally she typed, "How were you introduced to the lifestyle?"

"An ex-girlfriend introduced me a long time ago."

Oh. Elaine for some reason had imagined a more prophetic answer. She swallowed and moved on. "I love your stories. But is it really like that?" Immediately after sending her question, she knew it wasn't framed well.

And he knew it too. "I'm not sure what you are referring to."

"Well, you have these kind of idyllic situations, where the Dom and the sub are so 'in tune'. Is it really like that?"

"I wish. I think it can be when both parties are honest and communicative. I just haven't found my girl yet."

Elaine swallowed. "Would you do the things you describe in your stories to 'your girl'?"

"Sure. But only if we agreed to that course of action. Submitting to a Dom is a huge commitment. You know the words in the old marriage vows? 'Honour and obey'? They are the pivotal words in a Dom/sub relationship. Once agreed to, many things follow because of them."

"Can you please elaborate a little?"

"Sure. Your submission, to a particular Dominant, is called your 'gift'. It's called a gift because it is somethingonly you can give. It cannot be taken or stolen from you. It is yours and onlyyou can choose when and to whom you will give it. However, once given, you are placing your submissive nature in someone else's hands, to do with as they please, within reason. You can of course take it back. But that is usually when the relationship ends. It means you have to be incredibly careful and sure of a person before you submit to them. Remember to take your time."

Elaine was riveted, and hoped he would continue. He didn't disappoint her.

"When I say, 'within reason', I meansafely, sanely, and consensually. OrSSC. You may have seen this noted in the reading you have done. More recently 'RACK' is becoming the vogue.RACK stands forRisk-Aware Consensual Kink, and is probably a bit more accurate as a description of 'what we do'. We go into a scene or a situation with our eyes wide open, knowing what the risks are, and aware of the need for safeguards to protect those involved. We know this stuff is kinky, and we don't deny it. We just make sure the risks are known and agreed to before we undertake them."

"The idea makes my skin crawl. No, that's not what I mean. I mean, it just makes me incredibly nervous. Like, really scared.The whole idea. And yet, I feel like I have this need inside. Is that normal?" Elaine felt like her thoughts were going all over the place. She wondered if she was making sense. Gary didn't help. Not at first, anyway.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No. I honestly don't know what the word 'normal' means. If you mean 'normal' for a vanilla person, I'd say no, it's not normal. If you asked if it's normal for a submissive, I'd say it was completely normal. So it depends onyour perspective, not mine."

"How do I know if I'm a submissive?"

"That is an excellent question."

"Thank you, Sir," typed Elaine, smiling at her words. It was getting easier to call Gary, 'Sir'. She hardly even noticed it until after she'd hit 'send'.

"I think most wives, and husbands for that matter... okay now I sound sexist. I mean, I think most spouses like to please their significant other. Whether it be making a nice dinner or bringing them flowers or doing something for them so they don't have to do it themselves. It makes the other person happy, and that's why they do it. The crucial difference with the submissive person is that it pleasesthem. It makesthem happy to be doing something that makes theother person happy. It isn't a chore. It actually makes them smile. Or makes them excited."

Elaine swallowed again, crossing her legs. "You made that clear in your stories. Um, thank you for them, they're pretty enlightening."

"They are fiction, and nothing like real life. Well, no. That's not true. Stories, photos, things like that... they're like seeing real life in a mirror. Like a two-dimensional reflection of what life is really like.Being there is incredibly intense by comparison."

"Yes, um... I can sort of imagine." Trying to return to her thoughts, Elaine typed, "So, to be a submissive, I would have to enjoy 'doing' the thing that pleased you, rather than 'enjoying seeing how pleased you were' because of it?"

"Not 'rather than'. The sub would enjoy both experiences."

"That's a pretty subtle difference."

"I agree. It doesn't take a lot to tip a 'normal' (there's that word again) woman, into submission."

"Whatdoes it take?"

"Good question. Again, I don't know. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I could hazard a guess."

"Please do."

"Well, let's make some assumptions. Firstly, we are talking about heterosexual relationships here, where the potential submissive is female. Secondly, we assume that most women wantone man to satisfy every need that man is capable of satisfying. Thirdly, they want the security of being bound in some way to that man, ie. marriage etc. And lastly, they are willing to compromise greatly if that man is capable of satisfying the great majority of their needs."

"Sounds plausible. In fact, it's a pretty succinct description of most of the relationships I've witnessed."

"Okay. Then given these admittedly assumed 'facts', then there would need to be a defining moment, a 'time', where despite the woman's (or submissive's) commitment to these facts, she felt that there was something missing. This 'void' in her life is significant enough to cause her to investigate further, sometimes leading her to the door of BDSM."

"I didn't feel like that though. It just seemed 'right' when I read about it. Well, not all of what I've read. I'm really conscious of the 'consensual' bit."

"Good. You should be. Everything that happens should be agreed to in advance. Okay. Let's talk hypothetically. It might be easier to understand."

"Okay," typed Elaine, not at all sure what he might say.

"Let's say you and I are a D/s couple."

"D/s?"

"Dominance and submission."

"Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry."

"It's okay. So, assuming we are a D/s couple, we would have come to certain agreements."

"Such as?"

"Such as, if you were to talk back to me in say, a mocking tone, I would be within my rights to spank you forcefully. Or if you embarrassed me intentionally in company. Or if you hid something I was trying to find."

"But that might just be a joke."

"Which is true. And in which case the punishment may be playful, but the joke would need to be obvious."

"How would I do that?"

"Maybe by winking when you said you had no idea where it was."

"That's a bit sassy."

"It's called 'bratty' in the lifestyle. Which is like, 'provoking deliberately'."

"Some subs do that?"

"Sure."

"Why?"

"Some like to be punished, I guess."