tagHow ToCunnilingus, A Man's Guide

Cunnilingus, A Man's Guide

byjsmangis©

A MAN'S GUIDE TO CUNNILINGUS

(Eating Pussy)

Most men are not good at this particular kind of lovemaking. Not because they don't like it but because they haven't learned how to do it properly. Giving good head is the key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later on). The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can't read the emotional road signs, you're going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face. Unlike men, women will never tell you what they like or what to do next if they think you are oblivious to their wants and needs. You need to pay attention (something most men do not do) and, if you do, you will be rewarded tenfold later. The following are suggestions of things I have learned over the last four decades of trial and error so take heed and practice, practice, and practice again, because with anything important, practice makes perfect.

BE DOWN

Don't go down unless you are down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don't want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes get forgiven.

DON'T SAY HI TO DRY

A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging a while. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little finger coaxing is all that's needed to get the honey dripping.

Once you're sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There's nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she's really begging for it before you get under the covers.

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Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950's milkshake with two straws.

Important: Don't play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78% of a woman's pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.

SUBMARINE MISSION FOR YOU, BABY

Once she's lathered up, it's time to get down. Get your fingers out of there and don't touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you're going on vacation.

Though it's very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don't get carried away with her titties, though. That's something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it's all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow' shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head to the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few time will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.

When you're just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don't spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that's the actual cunt.

By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you're doing it right, she'll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she's been holding her breath for three days.

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Extra trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you're having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that mutherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin' crawdaddies.

Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If it needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

PARTING THE RED SEAS

Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what cavities are to dental hygiene. You're never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PIL album "That What is Not". One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet. Of course if your lady is one of those who shaves herself bald, this step may not be necessary.

THE GRAND ENTRANCE

Do your first lick super slow. It's good to groan and moan too. It shows you're digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above her anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do a dozen of these "St. Bernard licks" before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure what type of clitoris she has (from now on we'll refer to him as the "clit"). If he's really sensitive she'll probably convulse as you pass over him and that means you're probably in for an easy ride. If there's no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those tiny little hidden ones that will take much more attention and take much more time to rock her world. Don't worry, the more effort you put in, the greater your reward.

ROCK THE BOAT

Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you're getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who's boss.

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After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. He's surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you're giving the pee hole the seeing to of it's life. Think of the clit like a tumor in a pile of ear lobes. When you push down on the area he's the only one that can't be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention on getting him alone. One you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you.

Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.

IDENTIFYING THE CLIT TYPE

After the slow licks it's time to get the party started. There are essentially two types of clitori. Ones that enjoy being abused and those who don't. The latter require much more attention and oral sex with this type of woman should only be attempted by the most adept practitioners or lesbians.

Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes and sensitivities, but that doesn't really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slowly in the beginning but the only way to tell if you want to go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach but just do the best you can. All I can tell you is convulsing means take it easy and "Oh my God" means bring it on.

CLITS THAT CRAVE TO BE ABUSED

These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now you have him where you want him. Keep him erect by creating an air-tight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap him upside the head with one big tongue whack.

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He's not going to tell you anything because he's a clit and he has no idea what you're talking about, but kick his ass anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it's too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to an orgasm, but it's a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking.

As you are closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel her inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative at this point. You are almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.

Extra tip: To keep a steady rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Buddhist mantra or whatever comes to mind. The most important thing is to keep a steady consistent pace because any variation at this point will throw her off and kill her mood, or at least set you back for a few minutes which is bad for morale.

Important: Keep going for several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn't over until the hand come down from above and push you off. If she's multi-orgasmic you'll have to keep going ntil you've done the whole routine another four or five times. If you're not sure what to do, keep it up until she grabs you by the hair and yanks you out of there. Also, if she is one of those rare ladies that traps you between her thighs and is pushing you forcibly with both of her hands and so you are having trouble breathing, hang on and enjoy the ride. She will let you know when she's done, don't worry.

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CLITS THAT DON'T

Some clits don't like to be singled out and battered around. Some people think these are boring ones because they need to be treated more gently. In this particular case you actually have two options. The first is to just do casual licks until she cums pure and simple. You can mix it up by going in different directions and spelling out different letters and number on him. This will take much longer than the other type of clit and you need to be a patient man to make it happen for her. You could be busy for twenty or thirty minutes and if you are lucky, you will be rewarded by a very happy woman if you are successful.

The second will require a short explanation of the anatomy of the clitoris. Most people think that the clitoris is just that little thingy that resides under the hood at the top of the vulva. In fact, the visible part of the clitoris is just the tip of a bundle of nerves that extends up along the upper edge of the vagina almost to the uterus. It comes into contact with the outer wall of the vagina at a spot sometimes known as the "G" spot. This elusive part of the female anatomy is even more elusive than the external clit itself. If you are having trouble getting her to respond to your gentle licking, you can try reaching into her vagina with one or two fingers(depending on how large she is) and feel for the "bumpy" spot about two or three inches in on the upper wall. When you find it, curl your finger and wiggle it gently like you are motioning to someone to "come here". Then continue licking her clit until her responses show you are doing the right things.

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THE CONCLUSION

Once you are done(totally finished), She is going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is extremely sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don't move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it set there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face on your sleeve like a pirate. You now have a good minute to get the condom on and get ready for the ride of your life! Remember, no two women are the same, but you will find that some are very much alike. Learn to read the signs and nuances and your rewards will be great, and don't be afraid to take direction. Most women know what feels best, and most of these things I have learned from the ladies I have feasted on. Your most important sex organ is your mind. Listen and pay attention and you will not fail.

The Master Pussy Licker

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by Anonymous

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by Dragons_Pet07/17/18

My Domme made me read this, I thought I was good at pleasing her with my mouth, but these tips helped a lot. She actually came before I passed out.

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by Anonymous06/02/18

Excellent. Very Entertaining.

Consider having a dig at all the Lawyers (and legalese) you hate by "re-paraphrasing" the bit - ".. what type of clitoris she has (from now on we'll refer to him as the "clit")" -(hereafter referred formore...

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