tagHumor & SatireCupid's Revenge

Cupid's Revenge


Cupid 1769 did not look very much like the model cupid right now as she stood in front of the General's office. She had just returned from her latest mission and her appearance was the most disheveled that any cupid had ever looked. Her knees were caked in the sticky mud where she had knelt with the broken and twisted body of her best friend and wing man, cupid 1770. Smoke smudged her whole body except for the streaks where her tears had washed away the grime from her face.

Two years ago they had lost another cupid, but that had been in a crash. She had been returning from a mission and been fogged in, unable to find their base she had crashed into the side of a mountain. The last cupid to die from enemy action had been almost 650 years ago when she had been attempting to deliver her love arrow to a castle under siege and been struck by a flaming ball shot from a catapult.

Tears ran freely down her face and she was wracked by sobs as she stood before the General's office. She had been standing at attention for almost an hour now. She hurt inside and out and longed for a shower to wash away the mud and the tears and the blood of her friend.

1769 knew she was in very deep trouble. She just wasn't sure what she would be in trouble for. There had been so many things on this mission that she could be in trouble for. She had been responsible for the loss of the first cupid in 650 years, then she had broken the rules of engagement! She wasn't even a regular field cupid. She had volunteered for this mission to escape the doldrums of the lab where she usually worked developing new love weapons.

It had been such a long day! They had started before sunrise with the mission brief. She and 1770 had been ordered to seek a target in Iraq. It would be a very touchy mission. They were forbidden political targets and instead had to concentrate on individuals.

The intelligence division (even an oxymoron in the cupid corps) had assigned them a particularly stubborn target. They were to catch an insurgent leader who had been ignoring his wife in favor of spreading jihad and death amongst the invaders. The intel people had told them that his wife would be visiting at a specific address. They were to strike his home in the hope of not only rekindling the fire between he and his wife, but also in the hope of diverting him from his deadly deeds.

1769 felt a bit of pride when they were assigned a full weapons load of #69 arrows. The number 69 was one of her two major developments in her time in R&D. Unlike the more traditional #1 arrow which instilled a long lasting platonic love in the target, the number 69 hit them like a ton of bricks. When struck with a #69 arrow, one was bowled over with lust. Men, so hit had known to immediately dismount and screw their camels right into the sand. The problem with the number 69 was that it was short lived. One was compelled to have sex with the nearest object or person and that feeling lasted for about two weeks. After that, it was hoped that the afterglow would last.

The number 69 was the chosen weapons load for this mission because it was hoped that when hit the insurgent leader would be too preoccupied for the next several weeks to spread any hate.

It had been a long and grueling flight. Life was getting much tougher for cupids. Until 100 years ago they had flown easily and with total impunity. Then in 1903 the Wright brothers had come along and from then on they had had to worry about mid air collisions. Now it was even worse with detection radar and air to air and surface to air missiles improving dramatically. Those nasty shoulder fired missiles could even lock on to their body heat! Even worse were the radar directed rapid fire anti-aircraft guns. They had to fly low and fast and hard to avoid detection and to keep from coming in range of any air defense weapons.

They were tired when they got to the target. 1769 was assigned the first strike. Her friend flew top cover while 1769 swooped down on the ramshackle house where the leader was supposed to be hiding with his wife. She swooped low. No sign of the target. She buzzed house several times and finally with her heart beating in her chest she had actually broken with policy and landed in front of the door. She had crept inside the house and found it deserted! Damn the intel weenies!

The worst was that it took almost a full minute for her to search the house. A full minute of 1770 circling. A full minute to be detected. It was not 1770 who was spotted though.

1769 was seen leaving the house by a band of ragtag "soldiers". They began to fire on her with small arms. 1769 weaved and twisted trying to throw off the bullets she could hear whizzing all around her. She was sure she was a goner until she spotted a burning vehicle. She flew into the smoke and hoped that she would be hidden from their view but when she emerged they still had her in their sights. It had seemed only a matter of time when 1770 swooped from the sky, drawing the fire from her.

1769 followed orders, she merely evaded fire, until one of those bullets struck 1770 in the left wing. 1770 spun in from 250 feet. 1769 flew low over the unmoving form of 1770 while bullets whizzed around her like bees around a hive. She saw her best friend lying inert below her. She tried to go near her but the fire was too intense. That was when anger hit her. She put that silly 20 pound pull bow away and pulled out her special cross bow and she let loose returning fire. She struck every one of those 15 "soldiers" who had been firing on them before she ran out of arrows.

She watched them drop their weapons and rip each others clothes off. She watched the homo-sexual orgy get under way and she marveled at the power of her #69 arrow! She swooped down and collected the body of her friend. 1770 was broken but still breathing. 1769 flew several miles and then landed beside the banks of a small river. She bathed her friend in cool water and tried to stem the bleeding from her wounded wing. The broken bones from the fall were more serious however and it was obvious that she had serious internal injuries.

1770 never spoke a single word. She looked into 1769's eyes with a look of love that only a cupid could give and then she sucked in her last breath.

It had been a long trip home for 1769 carrying the body of her friend, the first cupid lost in action in almost 650 years!

She had been debriefed immediately by the squadron commander and then she called the General with a full report. 1769 was directed to report immediately to the General's office and was left sobbing and crying standing at attention before the General's office for over an hour.

Finally, the General called her to her office. 1769 had been expecting to be thoroughly chewed out but instead there was compassion in the General's face. "Sit Down 1769."

"This has been a most busy hour. You probably think that you're in trouble but that is not why I wanted to call you in here. I want a progress report on the Love Bomb you've been working on."

1769 was caught off guard. The love bomb was a secret project she had been working on. Instead of a single arrow, the love bomb spread love potion #73 over a wide area effecting everyone. 1769 knew that there had been another love bomb before hers. That one had been developed about 1000 years ago and spread love potion #1 which was slow acting but long lasting. Love potion #73 was an even mixture of #1 and the potent aphrodisiac #69. It didn't cause people to strip naked in the middle of the street and screw the first thing they found like #69 but by diluting it with #1 it had a more subtle long lasting effect. People fell in love or had their love enhanced but also they were filled with lust. They could make it home before having to relieve their sexual tension, but then found themselves fucking like bunnies for weeks on end. When they finally were satisfied as love potion #69 wore off, the effects of #1 kicked in and they felt a warm loving feeling for several months or years.

1769 sobbed as she replied. "Love Potion #73 has passed it's field tests and it's approved. The bomb itself has never been used. We have a stock pile of the old ones though."

"How soon can you have 1000 love bombs ready?"

"We have 20 ready for field tests now. We could make new ones in about two weeks. There are also about 750 of the old number one bombs in inventory."

The general smiled. "You realize that the last time we lost a cupid in action was in 1352. It was the last time we used love bombs on the population of the world. Didn't you ever wonder what really ended the 100 years war? People don't realize that what really ended it was that we bombed everyone with the #1 bombs. The council has approved an attack with the new #73 bombs. We think that it just won't do to have a slow acting agent. We want them to stop fighting and start fucking right this very minute!"

"1769, I know we're asking a lot from you, but we want you to rush those bombs into production and then lead the first missions. We plan to target the whole mid east as well as much of Africa and any other areas where there is hostility. We're still working on the complete target list. Then we're going to blast the more peace full places with the #1 bombs."

"It's all in your hands 1769. The first missions are planned for Valentines day. We're planning to usher in a few hundred years of peace but it's all up to you!"

1769 dried her tears. Suddenly she could hardly wait to get to work! There wasn't much time before Valentines Day!

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