Cuthbert and the Cleric Ch. 05: Shopping and Squeezing

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Cuthbert trudged along behind Inyelw'n as they stepped out of the Salty Siren, making no effort to hide that he'd rather have stayed behind. The elf duchess didn't seem to notice or care, instead looking up the cliffside to the rest of Ightwood. "The Eiriadhuld embassy is doubtless in the upper echelons of town, but I refuse to let them see me in these tatters." She indicated to her dress with a dismissive hand, which, despite being scavenged from her destroyed caravan and dragged through the forest for the better part of a week, was still made of silk and nicer than anything the sailors around them had ever touched. In fact, several of the rougher ones kept glancing over here...

"Well, if you want we can pawn some stuff and buy you new clothes along the way up. Come on, come on, let's get out of here," Cuthbert said, grabbing Inyelw'n by the arm and dragging her along behind him. Thankfully she followed without making a royal fuss, and focused on keeping pace with the marksman as they marched up the steep walkways along the jagged hillside. The transition from one class of the city to the other was obvious to them when the oily dead fish smell was replaced with a sucker punch of spices and burning incense. Drab brown wooden buildings were replaced by sturdy stone structures with colorful banners, and a constant muddle of shouting made any whispered conversation a laughable concept. The streets were made to be much wider here, but in reality every available space was crowded with merchants trying to sell their wares. Anywhere the tide of people lessened for a moment, a new stand was erected from the aether and a new merchant's voice was added to the throng.

Cuthbert was pulling Inyelw'n by the hand as he weaved through the crowd, yelling back at her to not talk to any of the merchants. After some headway was made the elf insisted on stopping for a moment, and he was able to find a shaded alcove that was only moderately shaking with activity. Inyelw'n was panting and had a bewildered look about her, so he asked if this was the first time she had been in the middle of such a large crowd. "Well, I have addressed large crowds before, but I'll admit this is the first time I've been among such an... unruly people. I'm thankful you seem to know what you're doing, are you from here?"

"Nah. I did grow up in a busy trade town that's further inland, and if you've fought your way through one business district then you've fought them all. Right now we're still in the touristy part of town, so we can't sell anything just yet. Just keep one hand on your bag at all times and don't get dragged into any conversations, we need to go further in and find a stand that's just seedy enough. You ready to go?" Inyelw'n nodded and he took her hand again, this time having the grip returned with an anxious energy. They went back into the throng, the marksman ducking and weaving amongst the crowd with the ease that comes from being ignored most of your life. By taking a winding path they were able to avoid a stand of different nuts, gave a wide berth to an argument over cart placement, ducked under a sarong stand that had somehow grown into an overhanging bridge of cloth, and stopped at an alleyway. Here the crowd was thinner but not gone, the alley was shaded but not dark, the stands were selling illegal animals but not weapons, and the air smelled of only technically illegal drugs. Perfect.

Unfortunately, they didn't have any money left to bribe merchants for information, but eventually they found a stand manned by an elf with a similar dark complexion as Inyelw'n. To Cuthbert's surprise she thrust the bag of jewelry into his arms and urged him forward, insisting that she remain out of sight to protect her image, so with a shrug he approached the merchant. Like any elf he was tall and lean, but unlike Inyelw'n's ropy dreads his hair was a close-cropped bush with a goatee to match that made his ears appear all the pointier. The table in front of him was draped with a turquoise cloth and covered in lines of baubles--small silver jewelry, bone carvings, and wood sculptures all with a curvy element he took to mean elven origin. "Uh... hey there," Cuthbert said, and the elf's beaming smile quickly faded when he assessed that he probably wasn't there to buy anything. "Nice stand. I got some, uh, elven jewelry he think you could expand your inventory with."

The elf didn't say anything, but his expression turned quizzical and then to surprise when he opened the sack. Cuthbert pulled a piece out at random, a section of silver and white gold filigree bent into the shape of some weird tree, and handed it to the merchant. He took and studied it with a discerning eye, turning it over and over as if it would suddenly change in his hands, and asked in a very quiet voice, "Where did you get this?"

"Oh, just a little thing he picked up on my... adventures..." Cuthbert's voice faltered when the merchant looked up at him for the first time, his eyes full of suspicion that was quickly being overcome by anger.

"This," he said, voice dangerously slow, "is the royal insignia for the House of Inyelw'n." Uh-oh. "Their caravan was meant to arrive here four days ago, but it was found ransacked." Not good. "Everyone dead and burned, except for its missing duchess." Oh shit. "AND you're wearing elven clothing." Cuthbert gulped, he had completely forgotten that the tunic he was wearing instead of his leathers had been looted from the caravan.

"Uh... I can explain?" The elf merchant leapt onto his table, and when someone is willing to leap onto their table it generally removes all pretense for a calm chat. He went for a weapon but Cuthbert was already making dust clouds in his hasty retreat, and to his surprise he saw Inyelw'n's backside as she darted ahead of him. Cuthbert caught up, grabbed her wrist, made a sudden turn down a different street, shoved their way through a crowd, dived into another alleyway, and kept running until the shouting died away. When it seemed they were out of immediate danger they stopped and hid behind a stack of colorful cloth, panting and staring at each other. "Why... the hell... didn't you just talk to him?" he gasped at her.

"Because... when you were talking... I found this," Inyelw'n panted back, uncrumpling a mildly sweaty flyer before handing it to the other. In big block letters it said WANTED FOR QUESTIONING REGARDING FORNICATION WITH DEMONS and below was a picture of a very elegant Duchess Inyelw'n. Any information below it was ripped off in the haste, but the message was clear.

"Oh hells, how did this happen?" Cuthbert asked, but Inyelw'n wasn't listening. She was staring at the wanted poster, the air around her sending off sparks as her anger fueled her magical talents. Luckily, he remembered the collar she has to wear and darted a hand into her blouse, taking hold of the slim chain and giving it a yank. Nothing painful, just enough to get Inyelw'n's attention... and cause her nipples to harden against her silk dress. "Breath, Inyelw'n. Calm down. This is not the place for sorcery or sex. If you want to find out who did this, you need to maintain control."

The elf was still panting, but it was slower with her face flushed and eyes dilated. After a moment she blinked rapidly and held a few fingers to her forehead, saying, "I'm good, I am in control. Whew. Give me that." Back to normal, Inyelw'n snatched the chain out of his hand and stuffed it back into hiding. She tried to look beyond reproach, but he could still see some doubt in her eyes. "Well, he certainly cannot go to the ambassador's without clearing my name. What do you suggest they do now?"

He took a second to think and take in their surroundings. They seemed to have stopped in a seamstress section, bright swatches of fabric hung off the walls and criss-crossed the alleyway to paint everything in dim colored hues. There were also costumes and instruments on display, making the setup look like a workshop for a circus... or a band of gypsies. Struck by inspiration, he started grabbing clothing items at random and said, "For now, you need a disguise. No sense in hiding that you're an elf, just need to hide that you're royalty. Here, try this on."

Inyelw'n gave him a look of haughty disapproval and said, "he would not be caught dead wearing clothes you picked up off the street."

"Exactly, that's the point. You're going to dress like a lowly peasant for a bit, now come on before someone sees!" The elf conceded and took the cotton fabric, shucking out of her silk dress and handing it to me. When she finished he gave her getup an approving nod: a sari skirt layered in sunset colors hung past her knees, a dark red blouse with short poofy sleeves that showed off a generous amount of midriff, lots of jangly cheap jewelry, and a red masquerade mask that curled around her sharp features. All in all the royal duchess looked like a street performer now, and although the collar or chain could no longer be hidden it brought everything together in its own way. "I gotta say, I dress you up good."

"Ugh, he am beyond embarrassment," Inyelw'n groaned, eyes squeezed shut while one hand tried in vain to hide her exposed skin. "And it's WELL, you... you..."

"Hey, I'm doing this to help you, you do not want to have your royal butt wind up in the interrogation chair." What Cuthbert could see of Inyelw'n's face screwed up in anger, but with a slow breath she deflated and just looked downtrodden. "Don't worry, Inyelw'n, we'll figure out what happened. The caravan driver that ditched us probably saw you being taken by the succubus and freaked, we'll clear this up and have you back in silksin no time." She gave him a small smile and relaxed slightly. "But pawning this stuff was a bad idea, we need to go back and regroup... if we can find our way back." He looked around, no one had made themselves known so with a shrug he dropped some jewelry pieces on a table as payment and walked off.

The maze of alleyways would've been a true danger at night, but during a bustling day he could make some headway by simply following the sound of the main street crowd. Cuthbert was actually starting to feel just a little confident when a familiar voice rang out that stopped him in his tracks. "I'm telling you, it was a human with Duchess Inyelw'n's personal belongings! He ran this way, help me find him for the duchess!" It was the merchant, and going by his voice he was right around the corner. The marksman gagged and backpedaled into Inyelw'n, and before she could say anything he shoved her into the nearest door.

Shutting the door to the market was like shutting the door to the world. They were in a dim, stuffy room that muffled outside noises almost completely by way of partially boarded windows and stacks of books. Alchemical beakers bubbled on burners, giving the air a noxious quality that made their heads swim. Now he could see why their goblin rogue Klivikx was always wearing that plague doctor's mask...

"Oh, hello," a voice suddenly said, causing both of them to nearly jump out of their skin. A little old man had appeared in the archway to another room and was staring at them through foggy glasses. He was short, hunched, wore a long coat stained a myriad of colors, and had a look about him that said he was only halfway in this plane. "Are you here to see my wares?"

Inyelw'n raised a hand, but before she could say anything Cuthbert stepped in front of her and exclaimed, "Yes! Yes we are, thank you."

The mad little man nodded and stepped up to the marksman for a once-over, and although he could barely see the other's eyes he got the uncomfortable feeling the little man could see a whole lot more. "Mmm, yes, I'm not sure about you. Fighter, definitely... Battlemaster, I suspect. Won't do, I'm afraid, though you are of course more than welcome to still purchase one if you insist." He nudged Cuthbert aside, disregarding him with finality, and his eyebrows shot up when he looked at Inyelw'n. "Ah, a Wild Talent Sorceress! Excellent, don't see many of you, you'll find one no doubt. Come along, come along." He turned around and shuffled back the way he came, leaving them both perplexed.

"Um, excuse me... sir," Inyelw'n finally ventured, "but what will I find?"

The man stopped and turned, a glint in his glasses as he said, "Why, a familiar, of course." With that, he vanished into the next room, and with a shrug they followed. A few turning hallways later, and they came to a giant open courtyard that sounded--and smelled--exactly like a zoo. Cages and tanks of all sizes were strewn haphazardly in the court, some in the sun and some under shaded awnings. Fantastic beasts of all description yelped and yowled at each other, many of which they had never heard of before. There was a giant prawn in a wooden cage Cuthbert recognized by the sign [RUST MONSTER], a weird eight-legged badger sitting on a pile of gold titled [AURUMVORAX], some horrible monstrosity of tentacles and beaks and exposed brains called a [GRELL], and that was only what was immediately in front of them.

"What in the hell is this place?" he breathed.

"Impressive, is it not?" the old man asked, voice swelling with pride. "This is my life's work! I collect and study the magnificent creatures hidden away in the world. Fancy myself a 'parabiologist,' eh-heh. Of course, finding and housing my monsters is costly, and one must occasionally sell them for a profit. But I refuse to sell to those stuffed elitists!" Momentary anger flashed in the man's voice as he shook a fist in the direction of the upper city. "They don't appreciate the beauty I have to offer, that's why I prefer selling them to those that can bond as familiars."

Inyelw'n gasped as something dawned on her and said, "Oh, you mean those creatures that attach themselves to magic users, right? I remember reading about those. You mean I can find one here?"

"Precisely, young lady! Why get an attack dog when you could get an otyugh? Why align yourself with a cat when you could have a loyal mimic? Come come, see what he have."

The parabiologist started walking among the cages, but Cuthbert caught the elf on the shoulder and said, "Inyelw'n, maybe we shouldn't. This is pretty damn weird, could be a trap."

Inyelw'n pushed his hand off her shoulder and responded, "I understand your concern, Cuthbert, but I do not believe this eccentric little man poses a threat. If I'm going to take this sorcery business seriously then I need to prepare, and I might not get another chance like this. Just... watch my back, okay?" She trotted off and after a moment's hesitation he followed, hurrying to catch up to the little man that was pointing out creatures as if they had never left. "This is all fascinating, sir, but how will I decide on a familiar?"

"Ah, it is not like picking out your morning outfit," the parabiologist explained. "The creature picks the magician just as much as the magician picks the creature. Merely point to one and we'll see if there are any, eh-heh, 'sparks' between you two." The elf duchess was cautious at first, choosing creatures that seemed more benign, and the parabiologist would pull them out with surprising skill and present them to Inyelw'n. One by one the parabiologist would announce that it didn't take and replace the animal, leading to Inyelw'n becoming more bold with her monster choices. They thought Inyelw'n had found one, a sinister floating umbrella called a darkmantle, until it sprayed a puff of inky shadow at her and glided back to its cage.

"What about one of these weird little buggers running around?" Cuthbert asked, indicating at the ground. Creatures of flesh and metal were scurrying around our feet, most of them little more than giant eyes with spindly limbs and vestigial wings. They seemed to be the only monsters not confined to cages, and were instead feeding and cleaning up after the other inhabitants. One of them gave him the evil eye and he kicked it away, nasty bugger.

"Oh, the monodromes? Pay no attention to them, they are simple single-minded automatons. Would not make a good familiar," the parabiologist waved the suggestion away and reached for one of the last cages. "Ah, I had nearly forgotten about this little beauty." He reached in, gingerly taking out what looked to be a lump of shiny blue gelatin slightly bigger than an apple with tiny tendrils hanging off the bottom. Two bright white dots swiveled towards us, and Cuthbert realized the creature looked like a transparent baby octopus. "This came from my efforts to breed a domesticated offshoot to the ooze class of monsters. Non-acidic and more intelligent than any wild slime, I've named her 'Regalis pellucid,'or the royal jelly." He held out the creature, shivering slightly in the air, and Inyelw'n leaned forward.

The elf and the slime stared at each other for a few seconds, the tension breaking when it suddenly leapt off the parabiologist's hand. Inyelw'n barely caught it on reflex and the creature darted up her arm, and Cuthbert went to swipe at it when he realized it was... nuzzling her. The little goo octopus was resting on Inyelw'n's shoulder, rubbing its head up against her jaw and making happy bubbling noises. Even more surprising, the snobby elf was giggling. "Hee! It tickles! I think he likes me."

The parabiologist nodded, clearly impressed. "I must say, I've never seen one of my beasts attach itself to someone else so quickly. Now take it in your hands, focus, and picture a link forming between you two." Inyelw'n did so, and after a moment of concentration he could see a very faint line appear from her eyes to the jelly's. It grew and solidified, shimmering with magic until the line broke with some rapid blinking and uncomfortable groans from both parties. "...Well, that's normally a multi-step process but it looks like you're all done now. Fascinating! You must come inside so I can examine how the bond was formed on the first attempt." Inyelw'n pinched her eyes and looked at the parabiologist, and to Cuthbert's discomfort he realized that the little monster was mirroring the elf's motions with uncanny accuracy.

Back inside the stuffy house, they were lead to a sitting room with overstuffed chairs hidden below piles of old papers. After some awkward shuffling they were all seated--Inyelw'n and Cuthbert next to each other on a musty couch, the parabiologist in a run-down wingback--and he gave them the rundown on how having a familiar worked: the slime and Inyelw'n shared a mental link, and as it strengthened over time they would be able to share more and more information and sensations. She could issue unspoken commands, with practice she could see what it sees, and in times of duress it would automatically know how to help her. Inyelw'n tested this out by having the little jelly zip around the room and fetch trinkets while the parabiologist took notes and the marksman watched in awkward silence. Looked like she was having fun for the first time since they'd met.

~s~ Despite how much fun she was having, Cuthbert could sense Inyelw'n growing restless. Her legs started rubbing against each other and her hand was absentmindedly tugging at the thin chain of her collar. In a snap of insight he realized that the elf hadn't done anything about her sexually-charged magic in several days, and if the slime could read her mind now... As if in cue, the royal jelly stopped in its tracks, looked at its master, and quickly squiggled up her leg and into the folds of her skirt. A beat later and Inyelw'n gasped, hands darting to her pelvis as her eyes shot about the room.

"Uh... Inyelw'n?"

"It-it's going inside meEEEee!" Inyelw'n tugged the hem of her skirt up, showing her flower to the room as the blue jelly disappeared inside with a wet noise. They both froze and looked at each other, at a loss of what to do. Cuthbert was ready to try pulling it out when her back arched and a lustful moan broke the silence. "Oh, it's wiggling around inside of me! It's hitting, AH, everything, feels s-so goooood!" The little monster clearly knew what it was doing, within seconds Inyelw'n was totally lost to the pleasure--eyes rolled back, biting her lower lip, hands probing her slender chocolate body for any additional pleasure. They worked their way up until Inyelw'n was squeezing a breast with each hand, twisting her nipples for that last little bit of sensation to send her over the edge. Her back arched to the point of worry, bare stomach heaving as Inyelw'n let out a low moan and came to a rocking orgasm that left her panting with a happy afterglow.