Cyn-ing Together Ch. 02

She turned to me with deep emotion and concern. She wasn’t crying, just very serious. “I know Craig, I love you to, but I think somehow we’re not right for each other right now. I think you, and the kids would be better off and safer without me around, and I know you’ll agree.”

We stayed together like that for a few minuets, doing nothing other than holding each other and being held. Thinking and searching for an answer that would make sense. Finally we stood and walked back to Chris and Jenny’s house. I took her hand and it was cold and stiff, but she gripped me tightly like she was afraid to let go.

We found the Allen’s working to straighten things up and fix something to eat. They looked at us anxiously but said nothing as we walked in and then Jenny suggested we take showers to freshen up, and offered us the master bath which was larger and more comfortable. Cynthia and I thanked them and walked off together hand in hand.

Cyn was ready to get into the shower first, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she undressed so she could step into the spacious glass enclosure. She was still the most beautiful and exciting woman I knew and I found myself wondering if we would ever share the bonds of love and confidence we had taken for granted before this hedonistic adventure began several months ago. I wondered how I measured up in her mind after had experienced with men that I thought were better equipped to make a woman desire sex than I was. I thought both the size of their male organs and the capability of their dominant natures seemed to make women universally fall at their feet, and anxiety rose in me as I wondered how I compared.

When she passed me nude on the way to the shower she paused to give me a reassuring kiss and seemed to read my mind as she said with unmistakable sincerity, “You do realize Craig, that no man has ever made me feel more excited, more beautiful and loved,” and with emphasis she added, “and more sexually satisfied than you. Don’t you?” She didn’t wait for an answer but gave me another kiss to punctuate her declaration. I noticed some of the red marks and emerging bruises that were evidence of her unrestrained lust that ended mere hours ago and suspected the largest were from Buck during their wild and noisy private sex.

As I thought about the sexual sights that must have accompanied her orgasmic screams behind closed doors, my penis stiffened a little with voyeuristic memory jealousy, and realized that the intense jealousy I had felt was a contributor to the arousal I had felt.

I knew I would be at just as big a loss if I ever tried to find someone else who would supply the sensuality and excitement Cyn did for me. All I had to do was work more on my dominant mastery.

When we had both showered dried and re-dressed we felt fresh in spite of the fact we didn’t have clean clothes to put on. We were cautiously happy with each other and life and everything that lay ahead, but there were still countless uncertainties. Neither of us felt sure it was wise for us to stay together, but when we recognized there were responsibilities we both shared in the lives of the children we loved and had forgotten about in all of this, we felt for their sakes we should do everything we could to bring the entire family back on course, at least until we had endured the troubling teen years that lie ahead and our kids were out and on their own.

In the light of objective reason, it was hard for us both to believe how reckless we had become in our selfish pursuits. Yes I know we were both selfish. I should have exercised my responsibility as head of the house to bring both of us back to a monogamous course when we first reconciled. I thought I knew and understood Cynthia’s nature, and that I was being selfless in making sure I didn’t force a suppression of her inner desire.

In reality, I was using that to justify indulgence of my own voyeuristic nature. Cyn would have been content to remain with me alone, even though she may have felt and had to work through the temptation to eat forbidden fruit. I continued to push her into her weakness to satisfy my own interests. I wasn’t nearly as good at practicing the three levels of love I taught about as I was at talking about it. Maybe with a little more effort I could learn.

The complications and memories we would have to deal with now were even greater than they would have been before, but we were both happy to accept our responsibility to the best parents we could be for now and the ten years that lay ahead. Maybe at the end of that we would have the kind of love between us that we could grow old with. For now, it was just good to talk to each other and hold hands. It’s amazing how exciting the old things that first brought us together were again.

The end, which is really a new beginning.