Dancing Ch. 03

I watched the film a little longer, barely noticing that my hand drifted down to stroke his hair. He mumbled slightly, but didn't seem to mind, and I enjoyed the silkiness under my fingers so I continued. I didn't notice immediately he fell asleep, but soon his regular and slow breathing gave the game away. His face was slightly turned towards me and I took the opportunity to look at him for a little while, so perfect and angelic like this and still as cute as always. I took a chance and kissed his forehead, but he didn't even stir. I couldn't move without waking him, and it seemed wrong to disturb my sleeping angel, so I leaned my head back on the sofa and got comfy, soon falling asleep myself.

* * * * * *

I woke to movement and strange whimpering sounds. Matt was starting to thrash about and was clearly in the throes of a dream. For a moment I didn't know if it was a good or a bad one, but he started to shout 'No', and his arms seemed to be trying to push someone away. His movement meant his head dropped from my lap and I stood away for him for a second. Seeing him so afraid was breaking my heart and I somehow knew he was reliving what had happened to him. I reached out to try and wake him, and felt a sharp pain as his fist connected with my stomach.

Dumb move, apparently, but me collapsing to my knees as the air rushed out of my body was enough to bring him back to consciousness. He'd caught me in just the right place to make me double up and I had to stop coughing and grab some deep breaths before I looked back up to him.

He was clearly confused, but now alert. I guess it was hard to get back to reality when a dream has taken over, and I knew it had been a bad one. He looked at me on the floor, for a moment relieved because he wasn't wherever he had been in his dream, and then horrified. His hand reached out towards me and then he pulled it away sharply.

"Oh God, I hit you. Aaron, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise. Please don't hate me..."

He tailed off into some incomprehensible muttering as he started to cry, either at the dream or at what he had done to me, I didn't know right then. He tensed when I put my arms around him to hold him tight, but he needed that comfort now, and soon relaxed into it.

"It's okay, it was an accident. You didn't know it was me, you were still asleep. I could never hate you."

"I had a nightmare," he snuffled into my shoulder.

"I know. It was just a dream, you're safe."

He pulled back from me then, looking concerned.

"How did you know it was a nightmare? What did I say."

"You were saying 'No' a lot, and moving around as though you were trying to fight someone off. It's alright, everyone has bad dreams sometimes, and reliving difficult times is part of that."

He drew me back and started clinging to me as though I was the only solid thing in his world. Maybe I was right now, I was reality and safety. His head was buried in my shoulder as he shook and let out a few more tears. I wouldn't have thought I could hear anything he said as he was practically whispering and it was muffled into my top while he was still crying, but his next words came through loud and clear.

"I was raped."

I'd kind of guessed it, knowing that something had happened to him to make him shut down like he had. I thought it was worse than what I had been through, and I thought it might be sexual, but actually hearing him say it, I didn't know how to react. He started to murmur again, and I went into protective mode, wrapping my arms around him even tighter, but still aware of him so if he needed to get away from me he could. I kissed the top of his head lightly.

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know. I want to. I need to."

"Okay."

He pulled back from me a little and I let him go, trying to make sure my expression didn't show the horror I was feeling, or the anger that anyone could do that to him. I felt like crying myself that it had, and yet I knew I needed to stay strong for this, both for him and for me. He took my hand and started to stand, and I wondered where he was going. That obviously did show on my face.

"I know this sounds crazy, but I need to be held right now. Please."

As if I could refuse him anything. I stood and followed, and he led me into his bedroom. I know I swallowed hard. He wanted me to hold him in here? This was a little more intimate than I was expecting. On the other hand, with what he was going to tell me, there was no way I could fail to control my urges to make love to him. It was more my urges to go out and beat the crap out of someone I was concerned about right now. I might be against violence in general, but some people deserved it.

When Matt lay down on the bed and drew me down beside him my heart seemed to miss a beat. Perhaps as much as my mind knew that was not what was in store for me, my body didn't care, or perhaps the need to care for the man I was in love with was affecting me more than I thought. Either way, I let him curl up to me but made sure my crotch wasn't in contact with him. The last thing he needed to feel during this was a hard cock pressing into him, and I couldn't be sure it wouldn't react to him being closer to me than ever before.

He wrapped his arms around me and I returned the favour, feeling the warmth from his body all down mine. I steeled myself for what he was going to tell me, knowing that it was a huge step for him and grateful that he trusted me enough to let me in on this, but at the same time knowing it was going to hurt to hear what he had to say. I needed to stay strong for both of us. He buried his head back into my shoulder, and I figured he couldn't cope with looking at me while he spoke, which was probably a good thing as I wasn't sure that my expressions could be controlled too easily.

"I moved here when I was 19, I wanted to do bigger and better shows and I knew I'd have to be in London. I'd always found men and women flocking to me, but I didn't let very many guys near me. It felt too much like I was some kind of trophy for them and I knew they were just after a fuck. A few that I did like I'd do oral with, but I wanted to wait for someone special to go all the way.

I kept on like that for a while when I first moved here, and then I met this guy. He was working in one of the tiny shows I was doing, and he seemed great. He didn't push me for sex immediately, he actually took me out on dates and it was a proper relationship. I should have noticed, but it didn't take long before he started controlling me. It was subtle at first, worried about where I was or who I was out with, but it got more intense and although it scared me a little I was still naïve and I wanted to make him happy.

Perhaps I should have realised that he wasn't right because I couldn't seem to cross that final step with him. I sucked him off all the time, but I didn't let him in me. He said it was fine, he was happy to wait for me to be ready for that."

Matt started trembling in my arms and I knew what was coming next. I kissed the top of his head again and started to stroke his hair and his back to provide some comfort. I didn't think interrupting him was going to help, and after a moment to calm himself he started speaking again, even though the shaking didn't stop.

"He had this big party for his birthday. It was about six months after we met, maybe four since we started dating. I kind of thought that I'd let him have me that night, it seemed to be the right time even though I still wasn't sure. I hadn't told him that though. He made sure I got drunk, kept topping up my glass. I didn't think it was odd at the time, but now I know it was part of his grand plan.

He wasn't just drinking, although I'm still not sure what he and his mates were snorting, but I don't believe it was the drugs that caused anything. He waited until the party had wound down and almost everyone had left. I was drunk enough that when he asked me to strip off and suck him I didn't even worry about the fact we were in his living room and one of his mates was in the room. But then he started talking about how he wanted his birthday present and he was going to enjoy breaking me in, and I started to panic. He had me held so I couldn't move my head away from him and he was basically fucking my throat as he kept telling me what he was going to do to me."

I could feel Matt's fear even as he spoke about it and all I could do was hold him tighter and keep kissing him. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the rest but I couldn't stop him because it was going to upset me, I needed to let him get this out. I'd never told anyone about my beating, and by comparison it was starting to seem like I shouldn't have been complaining. He'd supported me through my issues over that, and yet he had suffered far more than I ever had. I know I took a sharp breath when he started to talk again, but he was too upset to notice, almost forcing the words out now as he shook and cried.

"I could barely breathe by then, but I still managed to start fighting when I felt another pair of hands on me. Turned out two of his mates were still there, and he'd told them they could have me too. He was telling me this as they were groping me and I was hitting and scratching. I would have bitten him but he had my mouth jammed open. He knew I wasn't going to make it easy for them, so he started with the threats. Either I could take this like a man or they would beat me to a pulp and then fuck me. He called me all sorts of names, kept telling me I wanted this and I'd love it once I got started. When he finally released me, I tried to scramble up and run, but the other guys were already holding me and there was no way out.

They slapped me a few times, reminded me what they could do if I didn't let them do what they wanted with me, how it could be a lot worse. I know I was crying, but when they asked me again if I was going to let them I nodded. I believed they would hurt or kill me otherwise and I'd still be raped, so I let them. I stayed there and I let them touch me, trying not to listen to what they called me or the way they spoke about me as though I was just a couple of holes for them to fill. I let them tie me to his coffee table so I was on my hands and knees and couldn't fight them off, and I let them all fuck me hard until I was torn and bloody."

He broke down completely then, and I had a trembling, weeping mass curled up in my arms. I was shaking with fear for him and rage at what had been done to him, but one thing in particular stood out for me from what he had said. I spoke softly and hoped that my words would have some impact.

"Matt, you didn't let them do anything. They took from you and hurt you. It was not your fault."

I didn't get a reply, but I wasn't really expecting one. He was too far gone right now and needed to cry himself out. I moved a little so I could pull the covers over us, and he tightened his grip so I wouldn't leave him. There was no way I could, not just now but ever. He needed me and I was going to be there.

* * * * * *

I woke up with light streaming over my face. I had no memory of either of us falling asleep, it must have happened pretty suddenly once the emotions were released. I was warm and content, Matt draped across me and my arms still around him. I'd missed this, waking cuddled up to someone. It would have been perfect if I couldn't still see the lines of the tears that had dried on his face. It was still heartbreaking, and I tried not to think too much about what he had told me last night.

It wasn't something I was going to discuss with him unless he brought it up, and it wasn't my place to ask questions. Despite it all he looked peaceful and just beautiful. The effect was increased when his eyes opened sleepily and I saw the bright blue looking at me. I held my breath for a moment, hoping that waking to find me in bed with him, despite the fact we were fully clothed, wasn't going to upset him. He smiled.

"Morning. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"Can't have been much fun though, dealing with me while I cried my eyes out."

"It was what you needed. Besides which you would do the same for me, and have done more than once."

His eyes went wide in surprise, as though that hadn't occurred to him. Even his tone sounded disbelieving.

"I guess I have."

I smiled, amused that he was so surprised at what he had done. Then I saw past him to the bedside cabinet and the alarm clock on it. The one we hadn't set.

"Shit! We are going to be late for rehearsal. We've got to get moving."

Reluctantly I felt him move away from me and got out of bed myself. I stretched and realised I had fallen asleep in an odd position, plus my jeans weren't the best nightwear. Usually I slept naked, but I couldn't have done that last night.

We quickly jumped in the shower, got dressed and were on our way to work only quarter of an hour later. Both of us had wet hair but mine was short and would dry quickly. His was too long for that to happen, but he'd tied it back into a ponytail for the moment. It gave me a view of his neck that made me want to nuzzle into it and place soft kisses there while I smelled his freshly showered scent. My cock had behaved itself all last night, but that thought had it twitching. Matt was driving while I stared at him, and neither of us were talking much, but after a while he broke the silence.

"I wanted to tell you one last thing. They are in jail, those guys. When they passed out I got myself free and I got the police straight away. They were still asleep when the cops got there so there was evidence everywhere of what they had done, plus they'd videotaped it so they couldn't even try and claim I'd consented. They had to plead guilty, which thankfully meant I didn't have to give evidence. They got several years each for what they did."

"I'm glad. They deserved worse."

"When you said you were glad you were able to hurt Ben, that's why I understand. I keep hoping they got locked up with some big guys who made them their bitches."

He actually giggled a little at his thought. It made me feel like last night had helped him a lot, and I was glad that I had been able to be there. Yet again the teddy bear comes to the rescue, and yet again I knew that it would be enough to be with him in that way, just so long as I never lost him.

There was some teasing when we did make it in, everyone assuming we had been having sex and didn't notice the time. Matt grinned and winked at me, which didn't help stop the comments, but he seemed amused by them and I was too. It was rather odd to be accused of something I hadn't actually been doing, but then given everyone thought we were dating it wasn't that surprising either, and I had to play along. I could hardly tell them what had really happened, I could only be glad that Matt had felt able to confide in me. I understood him completely now.

* * * * * *

We had three days left to go before the first performance, and everything was ready although tensions were starting to run high. We were all going to do our best, but there was still no way of knowing what the reviews would be like. In the back of my mind too, I was worried that they would mention the recent revelations about my personal life, although it did seem to be largely ignored now. Ben seemed to be dating some boy off the show he was currently working on, and the gossip columns had been full of that, but nothing about me. I was relieved but still unsure that everything could blow over so quickly.

It was back to normal with Matt. I didn't get to share his bed again, but we still spent our time together and I relished every evening. I didn't feel lonely and I had someone who understood me. I got hugs and touches regularly, we were so comfortable with each other, and although he didn't see me as a sexual partner, we were partners in every other sense of things. Daily I was impressed with how much better he was, how much he lit up a room when he was in it, and how he was always greeted with broad smiles because everyone loved him. It made me proud that I had something to do with the change in him.

He was a bag of nerves the night before first night, but then so was I. I'm pretty sure neither of us slept much, and I heard him heading to the kitchen and bathroom several times, just as he must have heard me wandering around. I just wanted everything to go well, and although I knew I had done everything I could there was no accounting for taste, and I had the horror of getting panned. It might be even worse if there was any criticism of Matt, because I'd want to defend him even more than myself.

The longest day stretched ahead of us. We were at work but everyone was in the same tense mood. It was the culmination of a lot of work for everyone, and the hardest few weeks of my life although that was mostly due to other things than work. The worst part was once we knew the theatre was starting to fill up and the calls started to come. We were in make-up and costume, waiting for the countdown, and then finally, waiting in the wings for my first entrance. Matt ran up behind me and gave me a quick hug.

"You'll be great," he whispered, and before I had chance to return the compliment he was gone and I was walking out in front of the audience, trying not to look like I was shaking like a leaf.

* * * * * *

It went perfectly. No lines were fluffed, everyone was where they were supposed to be and all the techs did their jobs exactly as well. The audience laughed when they were supposed to, and not when we were being serious, and they clapped so hard at the end I couldn't stop smiling. I was last out for the curtain calls, both of them, and each time the audience roared their approval. I got to the centre of the line of actors and grabbed Matt's hand while we took our bows, catching his eye and the pair of us grinning like idiots. Mind you, it wasn't just us, pretty much everyone had the same look on their faces.

I was on cloud nine afterwards as I sat in my dressing room, removing my stage makeup, the room full of flowers and gifts from friends and colleagues, and still unable to stop smiling. Matt came in as I was finishing up and he was bouncing with energy, also on a high from it going so well. He had on the little outfit that left little to my imagination as it was the last costume he had to wear on stage and he hadn't got round to changing yet. I managed to stop looking, somehow, as he bounded towards me, and as I stood up to greet him, into my arms to place a quick kiss on my lips.

Perhaps it was because of the high I was already on, perhaps it was that outfit, perhaps that one small kiss was just one too many, but I found I couldn't let go. Instead of removing my arms I wrapped them around to hold him tighter, and rather than his lips moving away I found them and held them with mine. A few seconds later that one light kiss had turned into a deep and passionate one, mouths open and tongues playing, and not only was he not trying to get away from some unwelcome attack, he was joined in the kiss just as much as I was, one of his hands roaming my back and the other with his fingers in my hair. It was like we were devouring each other, or taking of something that we needed to survive.

I was finally tasting him just like I'd wanted to do for so long and I didn't want to stop. His body was pressed against mine, and with so little material in the way I could feel he was getting hard, and it turned me on even more. I heard a soft moan from him and I replied with one of my own, unsure how this had started but loving every moment. I didn't know how long it lasted either, but it must have been several minutes before I pulled away reluctantly, only due to surprise as I heard someone clearing their throat.

Matt's head span round as fast as mine to find the source of the noise, and we both flushed as we saw our director standing there. He too was slightly red, which suggested it had been one hell of a kiss he had walked in on, if I hadn't known that by being involved in it.