Dark Stag Ch. 10

"Okay, go..." I said.

"So you do know where Kijus is?" Someone from behind me asked. It was relieving to see it was Robin. I just stared at him, "I'm worried for you, Richard."

"That was Silver! I was writing my brother. He'd want to know our mother is dead." I said back.

"Oh. I thought it was Kijus's raptor." Robin said.

"You need to leave me alone..." I responded.

"What do you want me to do? I've never known you to be this stubborn, Richard..." Robin countered.

"This is my life! It has been changed for forever. I'm clinging on to the pieces of what once was..." I said back.

"I just should tell you but even then I don't think you'd get it..." He said.

"Tell me what?" I asked, growing upset, "I'm so tired of people acting like I'm dumb, saying I don't get shit."

"You know why Jon and I started getting close? Both of us felt betrayed by you and Roi. It was only to make you jealous..." He said.

"That was something I could see as clear as day..." I shrugged.

"And... it didn't work. I could see your heart was somewhere else..." He said, unable to look at me. I instantly knew where this was going, "I thought worst case scenario when I first saw Kijus. He was gorgeous, regal, smart, talented. I was jealous..."

"Oh no..." I sighed, not wanting him to continue.

"And I was right to think for the worst. In a flash, he undid the years of courage building I had spent trying to eventually one day tell you the way I feel. I could see it in the way you stared at him, the way you two would smile, how much time you two spent with each other and how when he left, you seemed the most devastated. I couldn't help but feel betrayed..." He said, clenching his eyes tight. His nostrils flared as his voice broke with speech. Tears cascaded down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry I was blind to this! Kijus was the first person I ever experienced feelings for." I said.

"Ever?" Robin asked, the word hitting him like a hammer, "I want you to understand just how much you meant to me. My father would be frustrated with his activities not going the way they wanted. He'd either beat me... or fuck me. I didn't WANT EITHER!!... And I couldn't tell no one! When I... When I was introduced to you, the way you introduced me to lure polo... It took my mind away from it. You have this way of putting me in this simple state of peace and I just wanted to be in that state for forever! With you... You'd make me forget about it all... And when I'd go home and it was time for father to pound out his frustrations, I'd think of you. That tomorrow I'd see you again and that this would all be over. You were my light in my shroud... and I hate! I HATE how I couldn't tell you that! I hate how everything I worked for and built, to tell you how you were my hero got erased by that FUCKING southerner! I just want you to know. Your heart is rare, man. Tell Kijus he's lucky to have you and that he stole my soulmate..."

Robin left. To think that this boy was molested by his father night after night and told no one, to think that I was his only confidant yet was so blind to not even see it. He didn't betray me! I betrayed him... But it did nothing to change the way I felt about Kijus. He still had my heart. I maybe was Robin's hero, but Kijus was mine!

I stripped off my clothes, crawling into bed. The sleep was not pleasant, dreamless and tense. I got up unrested heading down to the lounge. There was something I had to do.

"Sir Socoshian..." I called out. Moments later he appeared, cool, calm and collected, "Where is my mother?" I asked.

"She's been moved to a mortuary where her body is being prepped for resuming. I'm getting her funeral planned..." He said.

"No need... I'm doing it." I said, full of bitterness.

"May I ask why?" He wondered.

"Because my mother died a hero trying to undo... this mess..." I said, my eyes burning deep into him. It was then he realized I knew a lot, "She needs the funeral of a hero... You wouldn't be able to give her that!"

"I assure you to rest easy. The funeral is being planned by professionals. There is a certain ceremony that must be practiced for the death of a lady of a house!" He refuted.

"Well where is her body?" I asked.

"She's in the main mortuary in the middle ring..." He responded.

"Okay..." I said back, hating how nothing was going to plan.

I didn't want to go though. I just knew something horrible would happen to me. It was like I was trapped here until something else horrible happened to me. I had to go find my father.

He was in his room, lying in the bed holding mother's robes.

"Father..." I said, "Get dressed, we're going to the mortuary..."

"Why?" He responded.

"Mother's body is there and I want to see it. Plus, there are details I want in her funeral that I feel the funeral directors need to know about." I said.

"I don't feel so well, Richard. Maybe tomorrow..." He said. I just stared at him.

"I wonder why..." I responded, "You know... I'm all you have left right...?" I was feeling very courageous.

"I..." Father said realizing it just now, "See that..."

"I want some honesty from you, pa. Did you let Sir Socoshian do what he wanted to Roi?" I asked. Father tensed up, closing his eyes.

"Yes..." He responded.

"Why?" I demanded, looking at him in disgust.

"There are things at play beyond my control. Sir Socoshian has been far more powerful than me for a long time. I am a pawn at his hand but there are still people more powerful than him that can smite him. He went after Roi and there was nothing I could do because I feared for what he could do to us all. I told him that you were off limits and that he couldn't touch you... He agreed but with a number of conditions I had to comply with..." Father said, shaking his head.

"This man... This evil, evil man is responsible for all of this..." I said, clenching my head.

"Watch the way you speak boy. There are eyes and ears everywhere..." Father warned.

"Do you know what he's trying to do?" I asked, not caring.

"No..." Father said. It was shocking considering father knew of Sir Socoshian's power.

"Are you lying to me?" I asked.

"If you know something I don't know I'd like to know." Father wheezed, obviously in pain. I said nothing.

"Explain to me why you treated Roi like you did?" I asked.

"It was one of Sir Socoshians conditions. He wanted him abused, broken and submissive..." Father said, speech sounding hard.

"How can you even live with yourself?" I asked, appalled by this man.

"Not very much longer, I suppose..." Father said, coughing, "Don't think I didn't feel guilt. I was never this regal, brave person I facaded to be. That was for you, because I needed you to be a stronger leader than me one day... One day you were going to learn of Sir Socoshian's endeavors..."

"How fucked up is that? You were just going to pass on the torch...?" I asked.

"You've proved to me you have what it takes to be a leader, Ricky. The torch will be passing on to you very, very, very soon..." Father hinted.

"I don't want this shit!" I said back, "I see poverty... I see homeless people, I see uneducated people! I see slavery! I see drugs and dealings! No, I don't want that..."

"That is what Sir Socoshians hands are all in! You'll find it is hard to find an industry he is not in. He has eyes and ears everywhere..." Father responded.

"Yet he can't find Kijus..." I said, arms folded. Father just looked at me.

"You're treading on thin ice boy... I'm sick and can't fend him off like I have in the past. Your newfound boldness won't serve you well! You better learn how to poker face your way through this or Sir Socoshian will be on to you! I never wanted Kijus... He did..." Father said.

"How could you let this man control us like this!" I asked, so upset.

"It's my fault. I had him doing all my affairs... Little did I know, he had a huge drug ring before I started letting him do my affiliations. I introduced him to very, very high people. His affairs were more alluring than mine and he won the allegiances that were mine since birth..." Father said clenching his head, "I was stupid... Didn't listen to my wife like I should have. I thought I had everything figured out..."

"This is horrible, dad..." I said back.

"It's too late to fix..." He said, feeling doomed.

"No it isn't..." I responded.

"How can you fix this?" He asked.

"You just better have everything together tomorrow... Be ready at sunrise!" I said, leaving.

I walked down the stairs to my room. I didn't want to be seen. Paranoia crept in, feeling as though everyone was working for Sir Socoshian. I hated how the truth hit me this late. Why couldn't I see it like Brija or Roi. Maybe I should have left! It definitely seemed far too late to leave now.

Sleep was difficult that night. The morning came, the brunch happening as normal.

"You ready?" Father asked.

"...More than..." I said back, getting up. Sir Socoshian looked alarmed.

"You're leaving, my liege?" Sir Socoshian asked.

"We're heading to the mortuary." I said.

"Well my company will be needed." Sir Socoshian said, rising from the table.

"No..." I hissed, shocking the man.

"This is a time for a father and son to bond. I hope you understand." Father said with far less hostility.

"Yes, your grace..." He bowed, sitting back down.

Father and I were off. He wheezed and ached his way to a horse. He stood there daunted by the task of climbing on it.

"I don't know if I can get up there..." He said.

"You can and you will..." I said back. He sighed, using every ounce of strength he had to climb on the horse. It looked painful, "You good?"

"Let's get this over with so I can get back in the bed..." Father said.

"Very well..." I sighed.

We both were off, heading out of the upper ring. We rode to the middle ring, taking the fairly swift ride to the mortuary. There, we were recognized as the royal family.

"We're here to see Queen Giselle..." Father said.

"We're sorry but the tradition for the death of a house of a lady is a closed casket. We cannot allow you to see her." The mortician responded. Father grew angry.

"What?" He responded.

"We're sorry your grace but the casket has already been sealed." I said back.

"She died a hero..." I said, very upset, "She deserves a hero's funeral..."

"I want to see her face before you put her in the ground..." Father said, his eyes welling up.

"If we crack open the casket we risk damaging her." The mortician responded.

"I wanted to plan her funeral, make it about things she liked. I didn't want this cold ass shit!" I hissed.

"We can still incorporate all that she likes. The funeral isn't until another week." The mortician responded.

"I just wanted to see my wife resting..." Father cried. I looked at father, not used to seeing him this way. It was the opposite of everything he taught me. Don't let people see you down, don't let people see you cry. It was bothersome...

"This is what I want..." I began, speaking the the funeral planner, "I want sabers, I want bows... I want detailed portraits of her, since we can't see her actual face, and I mean DETAILED!! I want all her favorite foods, drinks, everything she ever loved... there!"

The morticians all looked at each other, daunted by the task. Father and I left. It was a long and taxing week waiting for that funeral. Father seemed to be holding together better than I thought he'd be. I spent a lot of time with him, making sure that he stayed away from those drugs. We sat down the night before the funeral, our conversation in his room the week before loomed heavy in my head.

"Would it be a slap in the face to learn that... the son Sir Socoshian didn't touch turned out gay?" I asked with a thin smile. Father's eyes bucked wide, his breath ceasing for a moment.

"You're not..." Father said back, shocked.

"But I am." I responded, prying for a reaction. Father sighed, shielding his face.

"This week just keeps getting worse and worse," He said, "I lost my family... Killed my wife and my last hope to saving this place just went down the drain..."

"What does that suppose to mean?" I asked.

"I gave birth to not only one, but two disgraces!" He said, completely shocked. It made me smile.

"You know for a long time, I was so afraid of you knowing because I wanted to be everything you wanted me to be. Now that I know why you wanted me to be this way, I'm beyond proud! You know, father... Mother learned this and didn't give a care beyond the fact that I was healthy and happy. Of course, at the time of this discussion we had more concerns..." I responded.

"You are a mix," Father began, leaning over to look me directly in the eye, "Between your mother and my worst traits!"

"What do you mean?" I asked, laughing.

"Well..." He coughed, having a hard time speaking, "You have my foolhardiness, my pride, my gullibleness... You have your mother's assuredness, standoffishness and I see a budding killer in you, just like your mother. Don't think I forgot you were about to gut me!"

"And I didn't have reason to?" I said back.

"I would have if I were in your shoes." He sighed. All of this got me to thinking.

"Pa... I don't know much about mother. What was she... I...I just know she's from France..." I said. Father looked overwhelmed.

"Your mother was... See, France is not a place you want to go without proper protection. My father, the old king before me, took the family on a trip to the west. We toured Greece, Romania, Croatia, Italy, France and Spain. It was in France where your mother and her clan were hired to protect my family. She and I were just children at the time but I saw her in action. Your mother was a badass, trained to be a cold assassin. It was in the days when I didn't look this awful. Believe it or not, I was a dashing young man at one point, just like yourself. She left a lasting impression on me. However, I couldn't say I did the same for her. So in my own time, I came back to visit her. I inevitably told her that one day I was going to be king and that if she'd be my wife, she could be queen. At first she was opposed to it but her clan talked her up to it. She didn't do it for love. She did it for the benefits to one day repay her clan. It was an adjustment! It was hard to break that outer exterior and make that woman love me but she did so after years of hating me... What we had was good but I didn't know just how worthless I really was until Sir Socoshian squeezed his way into our lives. Giselle slowly became less talkative, more quiet. She'd sit back and watch, and smile. She grew a heart... I think it was because she had her first child. But your mother was at one point a cold blooded killer, literally an assassin... I thought after twenty five years of marriage, her ways had escaped her but she still had it..." Father rambled.

"This clan she belonged to...?" I asked.

"It was called the Lutna Company..." Father said back, having to reach deep to recall.

"Interesting..." I said back, noticing a striking coincidence, "The mortuary... The people in there... were all French, father." Father looked at me intently, before thinking, "And they were all women..."

"Let's not think much into it." Father said back, "I don't need anything to make my heart pace more than it is..." It made me concerned.

"You're having withdrawals?" I asked.

"Try pricking yourself with a thousand needles on every square inch of your body. Every move I make, Ricky, it hurts... and it's getting worse and worse day by day... I'm either going to die from the drugs or die from the withdrawal." Father said. It shocked me! I didn't think he was previously aware of how bad a shape he was in.

"Socoshian has been trying to kill you..." I responded. Father's eyes wandered across the room, as though shock had evaded him and he was looking for it.

"I know. That night I went to the brothel, I tasted those salts for the first time. It was an instant addiction. I had to get more but my sources couldn't get ahold of any. By chance I brought the subject to Sir Socoshian who agreed to get me all I needed. However, like everything with him, it was a trap and there was a catch... He said if I he got me the drug, I couldn't just stop taking it when I got tired. I'd have to keep taking it and keep taking it... I asked him why. He told me plainly so I could die. I already was in deep with him with a loan pandering scheme from years ago which is something you don't want me to get into and I needed to taste those salts again... so I did it. I sold my soul to the fucking devil. Not even your mother was aware," Father said, making this strained pushed sound. I couldn't tell if it was coughing or laughing, "It didn't dawn on me until weeks ago that I was going to die..." Tears cascaded down his face, as he continued to make that strained coughing laugh, "My ignorance, my infidelity, my lack of commitment to your mother brought this evil seed upon us all..."

"Pa, don't speak this way. You can live!" I said, truly wanting him to recover from it.

"Do I deserve it? Your father is the biggest coward on the face of this narrow earth, Richard! I couldn't stand up to this man who molested my baby boy, weaseled his way into my wealth and took it over right up under my nose. I feel as though I do..." I said back. How was I supposed to respond to this? He sounded defeated and it was heartbreaking to hear. He was, afterall my father, and his evils were not as great as I thought. They weren't entirely all his.

We sat in my room the entire night. It was nice to get a true understanding of him, despite it being so bittersweet. Instead of the daily brunch, we were all taking the time to look our best for the funeral. The tailors prepared a fitted black trench coat, with black shoes, trousers, blouse, brimmed hat and white scarf for me. My father wore his signature golden chest plate but instead of a red cape, a black one.

A chariot awaited us outside the terrace. We rode to the funeral, getting there early. It was surprising to see just how many people showed. The Sorooshian from the Caspian Ziggurat were here. The Jordans from the Highland Ziggurat were here. A number of other houses from foreign Ziggurats also showed.

Everything I wanted at the funeral was there. Her sabers were over her casket. There were portraits of her, good ones! Her favorite foods were all here as well. This was shocking! These funeral directors were good! Father and I looked at each other, somewhat creeped out.

"Do they know I was mad when I requested all of this?" I asked him.

"This is impressive." He chuckled.

A funeral assistant walked over to me. She wore a dark, heavy dress, her hair pinned up under layers of sheer. The young woman's skin was fair, very fair, quite different from the middle eastern people of the region. She was a foreigner.

"We have to prepare you for the speech you'll give for your mother..." She said, taking my hand. Her voice told it all. She was definitely French. However, that wasn't my concern.

"Speech?" I asked, completely unprepared.

She took me to the rear, looking back over her shoulder. She then pushed me into an office, locking the door behind herself.

"WHAT...?" She placed her hand over my mouth before pulling up her dress. It startled me! There was gun and a holster.

"You're going to need this! Don't let anyone know you have it...Anyone!" She said, her accent French and strong. Something was definitely amiss, no second guessing it at all.

"Why?" I asked, concerned. The woman stared at me for a long time, her eyes hinting at something. She took a long deep breath...

"Your speech... Will be about your mother, and her will to live! About her love for her children and how she'll always protect them. About how she'll never be out... of... you... reach..." The mortician responded. Her tone was very implied, there being a deeper message somewhere in there... Something happened when mother went to the council and I think I knew what...