Darker Places Than I Want To Feel Ch. 06

"You know, the way I was raised, talking about this was always such a taboo among the boys that I knew. I mean, all my friends would joke about it or even threaten people with it. The whole act was a scary thing to consider for a young boy. The idea that someone could beat you down so much they could fuck you in the ass. For a fifteen-year-old kid, it was a sobering thought that someone could force you to submit yourself, totally. We all ran from the idea and we did whatever we could to prevent it."

He turned around and handed Sarah a glass of wine then they walked into the living room to sit down.

He leaned forward and set his glass on the coffee table. "Sometimes I wondered why it was such a forbidden thing? I guess, at the time, religion had a lot to do with it. You know, the whole Sodom and Gomorrah thing. Plus there's the whole act of forced domination over another."

"But what if there's pleasure? What if the idea of giving yourself to another was a pleasurable thing?"

"I studied a lot of things related to gender issues before I started developing my research. I've read that pleasure, and pain, are part of the experience, just like it is for a woman for the first time." Ryan shrugged his shoulders and sat looking out the window at the night sky.

Sarah took a big breath and let it out slowly attempting to settle her nerves. This was so hard for her. She was afraid that if she said the wrong thing she would ruin everything but she loved him so much. "Have you ever thought about...well, I mean, what if we." Her quavering voice trailed off.

He turned back to look at her. "You mean?"

"Yeah, you and me?" She blushed bright crimson and dropped her eyes. "If you don't want to that's okay. I understand. I just wanted to share myself with you, to make you feel as wonderful as you make me feel. That's all." Her voice trailed off again into silence before she finished.

Ryan blushed as well. He bowed his head and sat very still.

Sarah was beginning to wonder if she had pushed too far too fast. She began to stammer. "I-I'm sorry Ryan. I-I wanted to give y-you the same pleasure you g-give me." Her eyes began to well up with tears. "I-I'm sorry..."

Ryan reached up and gently cupped her chin in his hands. "Sarah, you're such a beautiful soul. Of course I would like that. I would do anything for you."

"Really?" She wiped her eyes.

"Of course. But you should understand that when it comes to things like this I have no experience. I don't know anything."

She reached forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to pull him into a big hug. "I love you Ryan Sullivan, I truly, truly do." She stood up and extended her hand. "Come on sweetheart."

"Now?"

She blushed a bit and nodded.

He gave her his hand and let her lead him back to his bedroom, a place where only six weeks earlier they'd made love for the first time.

"I guess you get to be my teacher again like you've been since the first day we met."

She led him through the bedroom and into the bathroom where she showed him what to do to prepare for her.

"Just use this enema rinse with warm water. The directions are on the bottle."

"Is this what you do for me?"

She nodded and leaned forward to kiss him gently on the lips. "Uh-huh, each time." She walked to the door and turned to smile sweetly. "I'll get the bed ready. Come out whenever you're ready."

* * *

Ryan nodded and turned his attention to the directions on the enema bottle as Sarah closed the bathroom door softly. He took a big breath to settle his nerves. This was going to be a huge step for him, giving himself to her, being her bottom as he's heard others describe it.

He knew that there would be pain involved, but he trusted that she would be gentle with him. She was such a beautiful woman, so kind and generous. He felt such love from her, knowing that she could have any man, but she chose him. He blushed at the thought. She chose him.

He glanced at the instructions on the bottle again. He opened the hot tap in the sink and let it run until it got warm. He began to remove his clothes and glanced up into the mirror to look at his naked body. He wasn't fat or chubby or anything like that but all the virility of his youth was gone. Still she picked me, he couldn't stop thinking about it. She picked me.

The water was warm now. He opened the bottle and filled it to the mark on the side. He glanced up again in the mirror. He was about to feel her inside him. The thought made him hard again. He looked down at his cock. It was okay, not big, not small, just okay. She was bigger. She wasn't huge, thank God, but she was big and the thought made him a little nervous. What if he wasn't any good? What if they couldn't do it? What if... He sighed and half smiled as he glanced back into the mirror again.

It didn't matter, nothing mattered, except his love for the woman waiting for him beyond the bathroom door, and her love for him.

He shook the bottle to mix the contents and began to prepare himself for her.

* * *

She raced around his bedroom, lighting candles, pulling down the bed covers, puffing up the pillows and making sure that everything was just perfect.

She turned and glanced across the room. Beyond that door her lover was preparing his body for her so she could make love to him. She felt giddy, like a schoolgirl waiting for a boy to kiss her for the first time.

She quickly disrobed, draping her dress on the chair besides the bed. Naked, she knelt on the bed and waited for him, her breath matched her rapidly beating heart.

Countless times she'd fucked boys, ramming her cock into their tender butts, hearing their moans and sometimes their screams. But this time...this time was different, way different. She felt like she was fifteen again and he was her first.

The bathroom door slowly opened and the light switched off. The shadows cast from the candlelight danced across the room as Ryan slowly emerged from the bathroom and stood at the edge of the bed.

She reached forward and took his hand in hers, pulling him gently onto the bed with her. She could see that he was nervous; he was shaking like a leaf. She pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tight, her nipples were tickled by the hairs on his chest. "I love you darling."

"Please be gentle."

"I will. We'll go slowly and we can stop at any time, my love. I know that there will be a little pain at first but, if you can bear it, the pleasure will be well worth it."

She kissed him tenderly then looked down his body. He was hard; his cock was rigid against his stomach, straining to be released from the confines of his boxers. She could feel his heartbeat; it was as quick as hers.

"Lay down here darling, and I'll take your boxers off." She tugged a little and they slid off down his legs.

She placed several pillows under his butt then she reached across to the nightstand to pick up a bottle of lubricant. She coated her fingers liberally then stroked her rigid cock with more lubricant. She placed her finger at his opening and gently moved it inside, reaching her knuckle with little resistance. She moved it around trying to coat his insides. A moment later she added her second finger trying to stretch him so that he could accept her. She wasn't huge but she was big and she didn't want to ruin the whole experience for him. She wanted him to savor it, to crave it, like she did with him.

She moved her fingers around a little more. "How does that feel sweetie?"

"It's good, strange, but good."

She moved her fingers up against the wall of his rectum.

He clenched a moment as he felt pressure inside. "Oh, what's happening there?"

"That's your prostate, it's sort of like a boy's answer to a girl's g-spot." She rubbed it a little more vigorously and he began to moan louder. "I think you're ready for me sweetheart."

He nodded and opened his eyes to watch her as she inched her body closer and placed the head of her bare penis at his opening. She leaned forward a little more and her cock slipped past his sphincter.

"Oh!"

"Are you all right? Does it hurt?"

"No, its okay, it just surprised me. I'm fine but I think I'll need a moment to adjust to you, you're so big you really fill me up."

She smiled and arched her back, pushing her full breasts out and up to stand proudly on her chest. She felt so wonderful, so magnificently wonderful, making love to the love of her life. She knew he was, there was no doubt in her mind, because he filled her heart with such joy.

She rubbed his hips and then moved her hands to caress his cock, stroking it slowly up and down.

"Okay, I'm fine now, you can push in further."

She continued to stroke his penis as she slowly pushed her cock further into him. He moaned as she moved into his body but he didn't protest. A moment later she felt his balls against her abdomen as she pushed all the way into him. "I'm all the way in my love, how does it feel?"

"Amazing. I feel so full. Oh my God, you're moving inside of me. Oh fuck that's wonderful!"

She slowly began to pull out and thrust back into him. As he got used to the feeling of her thrusts inside of him she began to pick up the pace, thrusting deeper and harder, until she was nearly slamming into this body.

"Oh shit, more sweetheart, fuck me harder, oh shit! I'm going to come!"

His seed began to ooze from the tip of his cock and dribble down the shaft to puddle at the base. She continued to stroke him, matching her strokes to her thrusts. It felt so good to be inside of him, to make him hers.

He wrapped his legs around her and locked his ankles behind her back as if never wanting to let her go.

Her eyes began to well up with tears. She was making love to the man of her dreams, the man she loved with all her heart.

=THREE=

Ryan pulled his car into the outer parking lot for the ballpark. He figured they could use the walk anyway and besides, he really didn't want to pay the extra thirty dollars to park a half block closer. Sarah didn't seem to mind, she was acting like she was floating on a cloud anyway. They had made love again last night, each filling the other with their love. It was amazing.

Ryan nudged her shoulder as they walked towards the ticket booth hand in hand. "Hey crazy girl, when you float back to earth you want to eat at the park or go somewhere after?"

"Let's go somewhere after, hotdogs and pretzels get old after a while."

Ryan nodded as they stepped up to the window. "Two reserved seats please on the third bases side." He turned to Sarah. "We get a better view from there because the afternoon sun isn't in your eyes."

"All the better to see that foul ball as it comes streaking at you."

"Exactly."

"Are we meeting Bill and Trina inside?"

Ryan nodded as they walked away from the ticket booth. "Yes. Bill has season tickets so they're probably in box seats up close. Personally, I hate being wedged in between some guy with a hotdog and too much mustard and another guy with too many beers. I feel kind of claustrophobic."

"I agree and it's cloudy today so the upper deck will be great. I'll text Trina and tell her where we are. Maybe they'll join us."

They handed their tickets to the gate usher and headed up the long ramp to the central concourse. A few minutes later Sarah got a text from Trina. "She said they'll probably join us in a bit, they want to wait until after the third inning."

Ryan looked at her quizzically. "I wonder why?"

"Something about the team mascot pitching game t-shirts and they might be able to grab one, I don't know. She told me it's what they like to do."

Ryan chuckled as they started the long climb up the stairs to the third deck.

An hour later Ryan waved to get Bill and Trina's attention as he saw them emerge from the lower level. They stood looking around then waved back when they saw Ryan.

Bill, still huffing from the climb, collapsed into a seat near Ryan. "I suppose you just had to sit all the way to the top, didn't you?"

"Ha, sorry, but you have to admit that the view is lovely up here."

"Yeah, I guess it is. How're you doing?"

"Not bad, classes are going well."

"And your research project?"

"It's doing great. I've managed to contact a few more subjects with Sarah's help, and they've agreed to do a survey for me. With that my preliminary research will be finished. And then it's onto the drudgery of data analysis and written summaries. The fun will be over."

A pop fly over the second baseman's head landed just short of the center fielder. Bill shouted in exasperation. "Would you look at that? It's like they're having a tea party out there!" He turned and sighed. "I hear you. My department chair has been pushing me to finish my sabbatical work but my heart just isn't in it at the moment."

They heard the crack of a bat and a foul ball looped high into the air in their direction.

Sarah held up her nephew's glove anxiously but the ball zinged over their heads and out into the parking lot below. A moment later a car alarm went off. They all laughed. Somebody would be seeing an auto body shop on Monday.

Ryan lifted up his drink and took a sip. "Any plays coming up?"

"Not for a month or so. Blithe Spirit went well at the box office so the directing faculty will probably try to choose more plays like that next year. For now we have a drama coming up. It's a contemporary piece about college girls and date rape." Bill lifted his beer with a shrug. "Happy days."

Several seats over Sarah and Trina were talking softly in a huddle. Ryan glanced over and caught Sarah's eye. She shrugged with a smirk, which told him that it was probably 'girl talk'. He nodded and turned his attention back to the game.

* * *

Sarah leaned in towards Trina; her wide eyes were filled with shock. "What?"

"That's why we're here today. Bill wanted to tell Ryan before it was announced at the university."

"But what about your studies? Are you nearly finished?"

"No, but Bill said he talked to the folks at his new job and they said that most of my hours would transfer but that I would have to do a few classes over. Either that or stay here for another year while Bill is in Cleveland. He did say something about taking some of my classes online but we have to look into it before I can say more."

In a gesture of exasperation, Sarah ran her fingers through her hair. "Damn, well, just damn. I mean, I'm happy for you Trina, I really am but damn it, I'm loosing a good friend and well, damn it."

Trina smiled meekly then pulled Sarah into a big hug. "I won't be so far away that I can't visit."

Sarah looked up a bit disheartened. "Yeah, we'll meet somewhere in Pennsylvania at a truck stop on I-80."

"Oh, don't be like that. We'll see each other, I promise."

"I know, I'm just being selfish. I am happy for you and Bill, I truly am. I just have so few friends that I can count on so I guess I hate the thought of losing one."

"You're not losing me Sarah."

"I know. You know what I mean." She glanced at Ryan to see if Bill had told him yet and it looked like he just did. She took in a big breath and let it out slowly with a little sigh. "So when do you guys leave?"

"The end of the summer. We're going up to Cleveland over winter break to look for an apartment. And then..." Trina blushed as she looked into Sarah's eyes.

"Are you two," she paused a moment and her voice soften to a whisper, "getting married?"

Trina nodded and Sarah squealed like a schoolgirl.

* * *

Ryan glanced over at Sarah and watched her jump up and down in her seat. "My guess is that Trina just told Sarah about the wedding."

"Yeah, she's going to ask Sarah to be a bridesmaid in the wedding." Bill laughed out loud. "There's the next squeal, she just asked her."

Ryan laughed at his girlfriend's antics. She was such a sweet little girl sometimes and it always made him smile. Bill was only about twelve years older than Trina so the age difference wasn't much for them but Sarah's age difference was often on his mind. He knew that every time he started to bring it up. But she wouldn't hear any of it. He also knew what she thought about it too. He remembered their last conversation on the subject.

"Come on Sarah, you can't deny the fact that things will constantly be changing for me. Sixty is just around the corner and then seventy. You won't even be in your forties."

Sarah's eyes filled with tears. She pulled him into a hug. "Shut up, shut up, shut up." She whispered softly as her tears spilled out onto his shirt. "I don't care if you're eighty years old, you dummy, I love you. So just stop, I mean it. Not another word, okay? Promise me? Not another word, okay?"

They stood there for the longest time in that embrace while she sobbed into his shoulder.

He held her tightly feeling her beautiful breasts press against his chest. "I thought when Teresa died that, that was it, that was my one chance at happiness in this life. All that was left for me was to just go to work, retire, and spend my remaining days in an old folks home starring out at the world passing me by. But I was wrong, so very, very wrong. When I met you everything changed. You brought life back into my world." He leaned back and looked into her eyes. "I love you Sarah, with all my heart, I truly love you."

A crack of the bat and the crowd roared. Ryan looked up from his reverie to watch a ball sail out over the center field wall.

"A homerun!" Bill jumped up from his seat and screamed like everyone else in the stadium. "Son of a bitch! They pulled it off! I don't believe it."

Ryan began to gather up his stuff. He glanced over to Sarah. "Come on sweetie, we should go."

Sarah picked up her soda from the cup holder. "Why? There's fireworks tonight, don't you want to see them?"

"Not really, they bother me."

"Why?"

Ryan threw his jacket over his shoulder and gathered up her nephew's baseball glove. "Cause I have issues with things exploding over my head."

"You do?"

He nodded and smiled meekly.

"Oh, okay."

=FOUR=

Tuesday of the following week, Ryan asked Sarah if she could join him for lunch. He suggested that they eat in the cafeteria because it was close to his office building and he didn't have much time between classes that day.

After walking through the line they sat at a table near a window.

"So, are you going to help Trina move next spring?"

"Yes, I don't want her to go but I'm so excited for her getting married and all. I can't believe she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. I hope the dress isn't hideous."

"It'll be fine, you look beautiful in anything."

"Thanks, I just hope she doesn't put us in chartreuse."

Ryan shook his head and chuckled.

She playfully slapped his shoulder. "It's not funny, I look hideous in that color."

Melissa Cavanaugh walked into the cafeteria with her usual entourage in tow. She stopped for a moment, glancing left and right, and then she decided on a large unoccupied table near the center of the room. Her followers flocked around her and started to settle in at the table until they noticed that they were one chair short.

Melissa stood up and scanned the room. It was nearly full of students trying to grab a quick bite between classes. As she continued to look for an unused chair she suddenly noticed Ryan and Sarah sitting across the room near a window. And she noticed that there was an extra chair at their table.

One of her minions offered to retrieve the chair but Melissa shook her head. She just couldn't pass up the opportunity to get another dig into that bitch Sarah Davies. She began to weave through the cafeteria making nearly a beeline for Ryan and Sarah.

"Well, Mr. Sullivan, I see that you are still associating with a known homosexual." Melissa turned to Sarah with a sneer. "You know, Jesus said that homosexuality is an abomination before God."