Date Night with Mom

(While the first half of this story is written as a romance the back half ventures into very hardcore smut. I wanted this stated up front so that you know what to expect. Also, this story is the length of a short novel so be prepared for a long read. Finally, a particular mental health condition is referenced in the course of the story. It is used here as a device in a cavalier and pulp fiction sort of way and should not be taken as a realistic portrayal. It is not the author's intent to offend anyone. Hope you enjoy the story!)

***

I am hanging around the apartment by myself one night when the phone rings. I glance up from the textbook I was reading and over at the phone with some annoyance. It was the landline which meant it was almost certainly for my roommate Craig. It was probably his work calling. Besides telemarketers they were the only ones to really use that number. Despite needing the shifts Craig refused to give them his cell phone number. He had a standing request of me to answer these calls and accept whatever was offered on his behalf as long as it wasn't the same day. I hated doing it but if I wanted to see his half of the rent on time I had to do my part to make sure the guy got work.

With a sigh of exasperation I get up and walk to the phone mumbling about how I should get a commission for each shift he got like this for secretarial duties rendered. Without even looking to see who was calling I answer the phone.

"Hello."

There is a slight pause before I hear an unfamiliar female voice. "Hello. Is Noah Miller there?"

It was for me but I had no clue who this was. I reply warily. "Yes, this is Noah."

The woman's voice says in a friendly tone. "Hello Noah. I apologize for calling you so late. My name is Doctor Amy Nelson and I am your mother's psychiatrist."

I am hit with a bolt of worry followed immediately by confused curiosity. Why in the hell was my mom's shrink calling me? "Uhhh, okay. Is...she alright?"

"There's no emergency or anything Noah. There is nothing to worry about." She says in a calm easy manner. "Since I've been seeing her I can honestly say that her mental health has never been better. But to answer your question. No, your mother is not alright in one important way."

This answer did nothing to assuage either my confusion or concern. "What's the matter? I just talked to her today and everything seemed fine."

"Yes, she puts on a brave face but..." She sighs. "Michelle is doing great with everything except...she's lonely Noah. She's desperately lonely."

I wait for more but I am greeted by silence. This was not news to me. My mom was divorced from my asshole father just over two years ago now after catching him with another woman...for the second time. The first one she had been able to rationalize away but having it happen again was too much for her. The ego crushing indignity of it destroyed the vibrant and vivacious woman that she had been and left a sad shadow of what she used to be in its wake. I cut him out of my life at the same time. It killed me to see what that bastard had done to her.

In the aftermath she decided to move to the city I was living in to be closer to her only child and the most important person in her life. My mother and I had always been close. This decision had been a mixed blessing. On the one hand she and I got to see more of each other plus she didn't have to see all of the people and locations that would bring back so many hurtful memories. On the other hand she was now in a city where she knew almost nobody at a time of her life she was at her most withdrawn and introverted.

"I visit her at least a few times a week Dr Nelson. As often as I can."

"Call me Amy."

"Sure, Amy. If you want me to visit her more I suppose I can try to..."

"No, no. You misunderstand." She interjects. "No, you are doing everything right Noah. It's not about spending more time with her..." Once more she falls silent. I could tell she was edging around something.

"Dr Nelson, Amy, why did you call me?"

"Listen, Noah, just by contacting you I am breaking patient - doctor confidentiality."

"It's good. I won't say anything. If there is any way I can help my Mom I am all ears."

There is yet another odd pause before she finally speaks again. "Noah, I believe Michelle is very close to a breakthrough. There have been so many positive signs in our sessions lately and I think...I think she just needs a little...nudge."

"A nudge?" I ask.

"Noah, do you have any Oedipal issues? Are you sexually attracted to your mother Noah?"

"What!?" I exclaim. "NO! Of course not!"

"Good. Sorry but I needed to ask that. Ahem." The psychiatrist clears her throat. "What I am going to request is extremely unorthodox. But..." I wait with rising impatience. Out with it already! "Noah, I was wondering if you would ask your mother out on a date."

I wait for the punchline but none was forthcoming. "A date?"

"Yes, a date." Suddenly her voice was all cheerful again. "A first date. Like you would a girl you recently met."

I laugh out loud convinced this had to be some sort of joke. "Are you for real? Who is this? Who put you up to this?"

She is patient and steady in her response. "I am who I say I am Noah. You can look me up if you doubt me. I have a website and I am in the office right now. You can look me up and call me back if you wish."

Shit, this lady was serious!? My laughter fades. "No, that's okay. I believe you. You're...actually...serious?"

She lets out a tense laugh. "Yes, believe it or not I am. Listen. You aren't just her son. You are her best friend Noah and the only person she is really close to in the city. She adores you. But...when I say she is lonely I am not talking about the type of loneliness a visit from family can address. She might be your mother but she's also a woman Noah. A woman with all the needs and desires that go along with it."

"You want her to start dating again."

"Exactly. She's ready for it, she is SO ready for it, and it would be good for her but she won't take the plunge on her own. Your father really did a number on her confidence."

I tamp down the anger that always threatened to rise at the mention of my dad. "Yeah, he sure did."

"Here is what I am thinking Noah. She is comfortable around you like no one else. I'd like you to take her out on a nice 'first date'. I'm absolutely not saying you should try to get to first base or attempt anything lewd. Obviously not! But just a pleasant first date. A dinner and movie perhaps. Dancing maybe? Go through the motions. Be on your best behavior, pretend to get to know her again, and just have a good time with her person to person. Not as mother and son but as two adults enjoying each others company. Treat her like a real special lady, you know?" She waits for a response, of which there is none, before continuing. "I am hoping it might just remind her what she's missing. She's an attractive woman still in the prime of her life and there is no reason she shouldn't be enjoying it. A night out might help build her confidence in a casual and nonthreatening atmosphere. Because you are her son there obviously won't be any of the usual sexual tension or awkward expectations that a regular date would have. Getting out in public with a young attractive man might be just the thing to nudge her to take the next step in her healing process."

I sit there for a time processing what I was hearing and unsure of what to say. There was a logic to Dr Nelson's words yet the mere suggestion felt so twisted and wrong. Also, how did she know I was "attractive"? I realize Mom must have shown her a picture.

I finally find my voice again. "You have to be kidding."

"I'm not."

"How would I even...ask her?" I can't believe I was considering this for even a second.

"Well Noah, luckily I've already done half the work for you." She replies as if expecting the question.

"Half the work?"

"Yes. Lately Michelle has been talking about you a lot. More than usual. She is concerned that you are working too hard at school and that you never seem to have time for a girlfriend." I cannot help but grumble a defense but she continues. "I told her that it was perfectly normal for someone in their PhD to put off a serious relationship but she still worries about you. If you ask her out in such a way that it sounds like it is actually you that needs the confidence boost I am certain she would be more than happy to oblige."

"So...you want me to lie to her?"

"Errr, yeah, I guess I am. A white lie with good intentions though. Noah, If I suggest it or if you let her know your real motivation it will only undermine her confidence even more. The last thing she wants or needs right now is to be pitied. She is an attractive and intelligent and spirited woman that needs to see herself as such again."

I was incredulous. "So you want me to ask my own mother out on a date? Like a date date? You want me to tell her it is because I need a boost in MY confidence? And you don't want me to tell her that you were involved with this at all? That it was all my idea?"

"Exactly!" She replies in a cheerful voice, seemingly oblivious to the sarcasm I'd just been dishing out.

This psychiatrist belonged in the loony bin herself!

"I..." I shake my head in disbelief. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I can ask. It is entirely up to you. Thank you for considering it Noah. You are a good son." She says. "Call me anytime if you have any concerns or questions."

I let out a sharp breath. "Sure, yeah, whatever."

She laughs. "Don't worry. It's just a first date. That's all I'm asking."

Just a first date with the woman who gave birth to me and raised me. This was preposterous. I keep my tone cordial. "Okay, thank you for the call Amy. Thanks for looking after my Mom."

"Of course. After hearing so much about you it was a pleasure to finally talk to you. Goodbye Noah."

"Take care." I hang up the phone and stare at it. After a moment I wonder if that surreal conversation had actually just happened. I pinch myself. "Nope, not dreaming."

I then let out a scoffing laugh and return to my studies. A date with my mom. Ridiculous!

***

I return to the textbook and attempt to start up where I'd left off but the call from my mom's psychiatrist had thrown me off.

"Pfff. A date with my Mom." I scoff. "That shrink is nuts herself. There's no way..." I shake my head and return to what I was doing.

Yet as I sit there in the quiet apartment vainly trying to return my focus to my studies a small seed of concern takes root inside of me. I love my mother like nobody else on this world. The woman meant everything to me. Sure I was a self confessed Mama's boy growing up but it went so much deeper than that. Doctor Nelson had been correct when she said we were also best friends. The pair of us just understood each other. When my mom told me she was thinking about moving here I was extremely supportive of the idea for both altruistic as well as selfish reasons. I wanted her away from those old memories for her own good and I was also happy I'd get to see her more often.

I sigh and lean back in the comfy old wingback chair and stare across the room to the phone.

Mom needed me. If what Doctor Nelson believed was correct all it would take is one night of my time to help Mom into living a more fulfilling life for herself. That was a small price to pay for the chance at finding happiness sooner.

Also, while I'd tried to shrug it off while on the phone, my own dating life had been downright barren this past year and a half. University kept me busy with studying, performing, teaching and tutoring, along with the various conferences and special events scattered throughout the year. Outside of school my various hobbies filled what time remained. I'd had two one night stands in that time but nothing I would call an actual date. I start to convince myself that it wouldn't do me any harm to go out on a practice date myself.

Once more with altruism and selfishness blended in equal measure I begin to come around to the crazy idea. The more I turned it over in my mind the more I realized it really wasn't that crazy at all. It was dating with training wheels, dating with guard rails, dating with a safety net. It was actually quite brilliant. There would be no worries about where it all might lead and what was expected going forward. Like Amy had said, I just had to go through the motions. Both of us could relax and enjoy the company. A night out would be fun for both of us and a new experience we could look back on with a laugh years from now.

I laugh at my own reticence. What the hell was I really worried about here? What could go wrong? The worst that could happen is the awkwardness becomes too much and we revert to our usual mother and son interactions. That would still mean a nice night out with Mom. Besides, she might not even go for the idea in the first place.

It was then Craig entered our shared apartment. Slamming and banging through the entry way with his road bike over his shoulder as usual. "Fuck it's hot out there!" He gripes as he puts his bike into the closet near the door. He walks into the living room unbuckling his helmet then slinging off his bulging backpack. "Want a beer?" He unzips the backpack to reveal a familiar shopping bag. He reaches in and produces a six pack of Sam Adams.

"Sure."

He enters the attached kitchen and puts four of the beer into the fridge before popping open a bottle for each of us. He comes back and hands me mine. The bottle was wet from condensation but still cool.

"Thanks." I give him a nod.

"Yep." He says.

I cringe as he too roughly shoves my violin off of his usual spot on the couch to the other side then slumps down heavily. His skin glistened with sweat from the hot ride he'd just had. He kicks his long legs out and rests them on the coffee table. Craig was a tall lean rangy man with short brown hair and a thick dark mustache that looked it like belonged in an 80's porno movie. He wipes his brow with the cold beer and asks. "What's up? You look weird."

I laugh. "Weird?"

He looks at me as he takes a swig of beer. "Yeah. Lost in thought. Get bad news or something?"

"Nah." I shrug as I take a long pull from my own bottle.

"Huh."

I look at Craig for a time, weighing out if I should actually tell him what was on my mind. If there was anyone I knew I could confide in it was Craig. We'd roomed together a long time and we both knew where the other kept the bodies buried of our past transgressions. What the fuck.

"Um..." I cannot help but smirk a bit as I say. "I'm thinking about asking someone out on a date."

"Oh...cool. About time." He says. I hesitate for a bit too long, just staring at him, which prods him to say. "It's not me I hope! I like you dude but..."

"Ha ha ha! No asshole, it's not you!"

"Whew, just the way you were looking at me there. So who is it?" He takes a drink.

"My Mom."

"Pffft!" He spurts up a small spray of beer which covers his already soaked t shirt.

I chuckle as I hand him a couple of the napkins we kept on the side table. He wipes himself off and soon joins my chuckling. "What the fuck? Ha ha ha! Your Mom? I didn't know you guys came from Alabama!"

"Shut up!" I chortle. "No man, she needs a kick in the ass. I was talking to...one of her friends and she was saying Mom is ready to start dating again but won't actually do it. I thought I'd take her out for a night and show her a good time. Show her what she's missing. Remind her what it's like. Totally innocent fun..."

"Ha! Innocent, right."

"Shut up."

He leans forward and tosses the napkins onto the coffee table. "Fuck dude, I'll take her out if that's the case. Mmmm mmmm!"

Like a bolt from a clear blue sky I am shook with a pang of...jealousy! I tamp down the irrational emotion and shake my head. "No way. You'd try to score with her."

"Hell YES I would! Yo Mama is fuckin hawwwwt! Craig would show her what she's missin!" He thrusts his hips and pumps his fists in a fucking motion. "HUAH!"

I roll my eyes. "Dude! Come on."

"No man, serious. Bro, she is one fine cougar. A top shelf milf. A..."

"Shut up!" I punch him in the shoulder. "Jesus, that's my Mom you're talking about."

"Hey! Not my fault she's a hottie. Besides, you're the one trying to go out with her." He laughs as he leans away so I couldn't hit him again.

"Christ, I'm sorry I said anything."

He sits back up normally and continues to laugh. "Sorry dude, but it is kinda weird." He thinks a moment. "Actually, I think that's a pretty good idea."

"Really?"

"Yeah man. Why not? Ha! Could be fun." He takes another swig his face staring off into the distance as he thought about it. He now seemed as invested in the idea as I was. "God, think about it. Romancing your own mother...fuck that's...HOT."

"Ooookay, let's talk about something else." I should have known Craig wouldn't take this seriously.

"I am so busting a nut to that shit tonight."

I punch him again even as we burst into yet another round of chuckles. "You're fucking sick! Ha ha ha!"

He mimics jacking off and starts writhing and moaning. "Ohhh Mommy! Ohhhhh Mommyyyy! Yes Mommy! Uh, uh, uh! Noah like it Mommy!"

"Shut the fuck up!" I exclaim as hit him in the ribs and both of us are claimed by gut busting laughter.

When the hilarity finally dies down. He stands up and stretches. He looks back down at me, actually serious for once. "Nah man, joking aside, I still say do it. Your Mom's too nice a lady to be sitting on the sidelines. Get her back out there."

"Hmmm." I ponder. "Thanks."

"Besides...once she's dating again..." Oh no, I knew that shit disturbing twinkle in his eye. Moments of being serious were brief affairs with Craig. "...maybe I'll have a chance...he he he..."

"Nope. Never. She's WAY out of your league." I deflate his buoyant hopes.

He flinches. "Ouch! You sell me short dude." Then after a moment to consider it. "Nah, you're probably right. Shit!"

With that he chugs down the rest of his beer, puts the bottle in the recycling, then head to the washroom to shower.

My eyes pan up from my beer to the phone once more. She was too nice a lady to be sitting on the sidelines. Despite his joking Craig seemed to think it was a good idea as well. Doctor Nelson was a professional psychiatrist, she wouldn't suggest anything that may hurt her patient. I could now see the merit in it too. That was three of us telling me to do it.

I take a sip of beer then take a deep breath before saying under my breath. "No time like the present."

***

Craig had a penchant for long showers so I knew I had some time that I would be uninterrupted. Setting down my beer I pause, take a deep breath, then stand and walk to the phone. I wasn't sure why I was using the landline but the phone had been the focus of my attention since the doctor had called and it somehow felt right.

My mouth was suddenly dry and my palms clammy. God, I felt just like I did back in grade 10 when I asked a girl out for the very first time. I was being silly about this whole thing.

I take another breath and shake off the unwelcome nerves. Before I knew it I had picked up the phone, dialed, and had it held to my ear.

It was then I panicked. What the fuck was I doing!? Before I could hang up I hear a voice greet me from the other end of the line.

"Noah! How are you dear?" My mother sounded like she was in a good mood.

"Uhm...good, good."

There is a pause. "No you're not." In an instant I hear her worry begin to ratchet up. "What's the matter?"

I smile. There was no fooling Mom. She could hear the unease in my tone.

I let out a sigh and decide for real right then and there to take the plunge. "I don't know Mom. I'm just..."

"What is it honey? You can tell me." I had her undivided attention.