Dawg Origins: Honey Dipped Snob

Disclaimer: *All teen characters are eighteen years old, over the age of consent.*

***

I sat in silence as the Lyft pulled up in front of my house immediately noticing the activity there. It looked like mom was home and entertaining because it was the only time you'd see my front door open. I was told that in my infancy, there'd been a break-in which my late father thwarted single handedly while my mom watched with her trusty thirty-eight at the ready. Known for his explosive temper, mom allowed dad to pummel the two criminal minded idiots before the police were notified. Weeks later some probable relatives had taken a shot or two at my father from their car before crashing into a telephone pole two blocks away. These numbskulls were apprehended as well, but mom never invited anyone over to our house after that citing and open backyard party that preceded the initial attempted robbery. As a result of that parental mandate, I knew I'd be looking at some of my relatives, most of whom I had this shared antagonistic connection. As I sat looking at my house, my thoughts wandered back to Edna, wondering how she was making out. I was conflicted partially thinking she was in a taboo relationship with Pastor Grey from the start. Sister Jacobs outlined the sordid affair perfectly, but her motives and reliability were in question. I shuddered at the thought of her incredible hips and monstrous buttocks feeling a stirring in my loins that I pushed away.

After exiting my ride, I felt the distinct need to investigate the irritation awaiting me by simply walking along the curb in front of my house until my suspicions were agonizingly realized as I viewed a familiar Escalade parked haphazardly in my mother's parking space. My Aunt Gladys, an insufferable snob who'd married into money, was over visiting and that meant I'd have to suffer the company of cousin Everest Johnson-Sinclair the third, or simply "Ecom" as I liked to refer to the effeminate goof. It was one of the worst kept secrets in the family that my cousin was gay; but Aunt Gladys was offensively clueless to the point of sending him away to boarding school when he attempted to come out to her. I didn't really have a problem with the brother for being fruity, but he had this habit of "borrowing" things and "forgetting" to return them. I'd recalled a missing bicycle recently purchased by my dad, going missing and turning up in his possession during a Sunday visit to my cousin's Mc Mansion abode in the affluent suburbs. I'd began pummeling him before I was restrained and sent to the car for the rest of the visit. Mom scolded me on the way home, tossing in a few cheap shots of her own for embarrassing her in front of family. A week later, Aunt Gladys sent my bike back along with two others and a condescending written apology. I wasn't allowed to ride any of the bikes, including my own. Mom donated the two, new bikes to the church. I watched Pastor Grey award the bikes to two "needy" families that included an asshole that used to bully me in grade school and the daughter of some well endowed (Huge Tits) member angrily rumored to be in the running to become the pastor's wife.

"I SEE YOU LURKING AROUND OUT THERE; GET IN THIS HOUSE!" My mother called to me from the half opened front door. Mom had this kind of cadence to her voice that could emasculate you from a distance and I didn't want any of that shit, hurriedly running into my home and her wagging finger. I was tersely instructed not to cause any disturbances during Glady's visit, because she was rebounding from another failed relationship from the blue blood set. The original Mr. Johnson-Sinclair had long absconded from the relationship with his blonde, personal assistant leaving behind his stuffy wife and long neglected son. He'd done his wife one better with a flippant, "Dear Jane" letter explaining away his relationship and subsequent marriage as an "Interracial Phase". Aunt Gladys reminded me of a frail version of a cheap, rail thin version of Toni Braxton, immaculately dressed in a beige pants suit accentuated with various baubles designed to silently herald her wealth.

"Hey auntie." I mumbled a greeting earning a rough, bicep shake from my mom, who always seemed out of sorts whenever Gladys was around. Gladys was sitting in the living room with a glass of wine from a bottle she'd brought over herself.

"Watch yourself son, your aunt is having a difficult time. Show her a little respect, but I teach it to you." Emasculated, check; mom's did it again spiking my ego as I gritted my teeth, forcing a smile.

"Hope you feel better, Auntie Gladys."

"Whatever." She didn't even look in my direction waving me off with a flick of her hand as she soiled the carpet with the remnants of her wine glass.

"GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR COUSIN, EVEREST!" I was happily shoved on my way, making a mute death curse to Aunt Gladys love life. She was truly, one miserable bitch.

"Whatever." My comment earned me a loud, resounding slap to the back of my head and a threatening finger point as I trudged off to my room.

Muffled, ambient noise and music were coming from my room giving the proceedings some kind of impromptu get together in my absence. My heartrate skyrocketed as I imagined myself pummeling my cousin senseless pushing on my cracked bed room door causing it to swing wildly open. I was unprepared for the sight before my eyes witnessing a lush set of cheeks stuffed into some cutoff shorts.

"My Ecom, how you've changed."

I glanced upward finding myself looking at this sort of eclectic, looking girl that you usually only saw on the North Side of the city. Her face was oval shaped with light green eyes, a distinct narrow nose, and moderately thin lips. Her brown, dewy looking hair was drawn tight on her head ending in two, wavy ponytails. There was a golden, honey dipped hue to her complexion that contrasted with the color of her hair giving the young woman this almost metallic quality. A thick, pair of horn rimmed glasses sat at the end of her nose giving her a demented librarian kind of aura. Her body was that of a cheerleader or athlete's long, shapely, and somewhat lean with curves in the right places. She seemed proud of her figure with an exposed midriff over the aforementioned shorts. A vintage, lumberjack styled halter covered her chest doing little to hide the full, medium sized breasts there. This girl turned to me with a finger in her mouth and this kind of weird, gregarious sounding laugh. I guess you could say she had the stereotypical, nerd laugh.

"My aren't you something; you've made an impression, cutie." The way she turned made her seem a little larger than life for some reason I couldn't pinpoint.

"And you, are?"

"Charmed." She burst into the strange nerdish, giggling as I became aware of the other people in the room, the first of which was this thuggish, looking female, dressed in a hoodie and sagging jeans. She had the kind of face that begged a fist to be launched into it. This woman looked ready for a fight and her first impression left me to believe it the correct one as she stepped in front of the other girl placing her hand flat on my chest.

"Bro-man, you needs to bounce; this a private party, homes." She sounded rough.

"In my fucking room, excuse me, bro." I dismissed the much larger, woman stepping inside my room with purpose turning towards my closet door. The self-appointed bouncer placed a hand on my shoulder as I noticed a couple lying in my bed spooning.

"I don't THINK you HEARD me, HOMES!" The bouncer reiterated.

"I heard you just fine, Zena." I was confident having already got a hand around the Louisville Slugger inside my closet door. Her eyes widened as I slung it against my shoulder, staring her down as the nerdy girl laughed finding the proceedings humorous.

"WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT?!!" I couldn't believe this, big, bulky looking female was going to face off with me even though I had a weapon. I'd grabbed it to make an immediate impression.

"Evict you, She-Man; get the fucking memo darling, this is my room." I motioned with the end of the bat drawing her attention to it. I intended to feint with it and clock her with my free hand to create enough space between us to swing the bat if need be.

"Chill man; why're you so belligerent to guests in your house. Your mother said we could use the space." I glanced over noticing Ecom in front of my television.

"The space is taken; you didn't ask me shit cousin...and you two had better get the FUCK off my bed." The couple looked mixed as well, probably a little Spanish or something with an almost incestuous vibe in the matching, shoulder length hair and clothing. Thankfully the guy had a thin mustache to differentiate himself from his female counterpart. The self-appointed bouncer edged a little in my direction.

"Hey darling, you'd better cool it with that shit or I'll treat you like the man you want to be."

"Geez man, we cum in peace; thought I'd catch up with you and introduce you to my girlfriend, Mel and some of her friends." His declaration caught me off guard.

"Girlfriend, you?"

"Mom's idea of course; but it works out that we get along famously, dear cousin." The mood in the room lightened, but I kept a weary eye on the bulky female in front of me. Thankfully, Mel stepped in front of her giving me a deep hug that I thought was a little too personal. I almost reached down for one of her cute, cheeks stopping myself at the last minute.

"Hi, I'm Everest's beard and what is it called uh, down on the low? Oh, his personal fag hag as it were and he's my gay bestie, for a perfect rom-com tandem, fabulous right?" The smile never seemed to leave her face making me wonder about her mental state.

"Ecom, where'd you get this girl?" Mel didn't miss a beat encircling an arm around my waist as she faced him. This seemed to agitate the larger girl, my emerging foil who took a step pulling Mel's arm away from my body.

"Stop playing with him; don't get his head gassed up, babe." Mel softly pulled back finding no resistance as she pulled away returning to my side.

"Don't be familiar darling; I'm the architect of my own destiny." I noticed the flowering emotion as the big girl flushed crimson.

"Hey, I'm not trying to get between you and your girlfriend, here."

"Don't get it twisted darling; Latonya here, has Hopes and Aspirations and nothing more if decide to cut her loose. She's decided that we have "potential" if you know what I mean?" Mel's purring, vocal style of speaking reminded me of the late Eartha Kitt.

"Don't fall off that pedestal, could be fatal." I remarked acknowledging how highly she thought of herself. Mel giggled again tightening her grip as Latonya reacted facially, turning away from the offending sight provided by her crush.

"I LOVE it, I simply must HAVE you, darling." I glanced around noticing that my room was basically trashed.

"I've had enough of this nonsense; you people need to bounce up outta here."

"Your mother will be substantially upset by this turn of events. We were directed back here as I mentioned earlier and perhaps made ourselves a little too much at home, sorry." Ecom was still tapping away at my laptop while he spoke making me a little antsy due to the fact that I didn't recall giving him my password. His light skin tone and sandy brown hair were the only giveaways to his mixed heritage. Despite his pseudo, eloquent speech, he was a contrast of sorts with a pugilistic face full of character, hidden behind the ugly, brownish frames of his glasses.

"Sorry is right; I don't go to your house and trash your room!"

"I would be glad to accommodate you; there are at least three in our current home not mentioning a Vegas timeshare, but you have to take care of your own airfare." The room erupted in laughter from his gathered associates.

"Fuck you, Ecom."

"Everest Johnson-Sinclair, that is my name."

"Ecom."

"EVEREST-JOHNSON-SINCLAIR!!" He reiterated tersely half turning from my laptop. I began to flip him the bird when Mel got between us grabbing my hips bringing her face close to my own.

"Now, while it is awesome watching dear Everest get in touch with his long absent masculinity, let's try to keep it civil for the time being. We're all friends here, aren't we, darling?"

"You have a problem with personal space, don't you?"

"...and wearing panties, too." I realized she'd grabbed my wrist pulling it forward around her body until my palm was flat against her left butt cheek. The tips of my fingers could feel the warmth from her exposed flesh. I found myself looking into her light, green eyes almost lulled into a trance. I wanted to kiss her even though I thought she was a little loopy. Mel's sex appeal was intrusive, informing my comments.

"You guys are so entertaining, better than reality television; perhaps we should arrange something?" The female of the androgynous duo on my bed commented.

"Perhaps you could arrange getting your ass off my bed." Both slowly complied seeming a little wary of me since I was still in possession of a baseball bat. Latonya had taken to checking messages on her phone, but still side eyed me.

"See what I've been talking about this whole time about the plight of the proletariat and how they're only recourse is to resort to the physical when challenged. Absolute lack of social grace and total regression into a primitive state." Ecom commented.

"Sweet man, you're rich Ecom."

"Yes, I am, cousin and suddenly I find myself with a distinct need to exit this small, shabby abode if you don't mind." He closed the laptop standing up revealing that he was little over a head taller than me.

"Yeah, I got you Ecom; and didn't you flunk out of that private school your mamma sent you to because you like getting them ass shots, huh cuz?" I watched Ecom bristle at my comments.

"I'm attending academy in the city, this semester."

"Whatever." He was dressed like a north side snob wearing a collared white, polo t-shirt over a pair of beige slacks and sandals. The guy had a sweater tied around his waist much in the fashion I'd seen used by soccer moms trying to hide their expanding backsides.

"People, we're leaving for greener pastures." Ecom announced to his clique.

"About fucking time." Latonya commented. The group slowly filed out while we stared one another down in silent challenge.

Truth be told, I did have the slightest bit of sympathy for Ecom, knowing he'd received a raw deal for trying to be honest with his mother. She hadn't reacted well telling anyone who was in the know that he was going through a phase while plotting to send him to a camp for troubled youth like himself. Ecom relented at the ninth hour telling his mother that he was joking in the most unconvincing manner, but still ended up being sent off to an out of state private school to assuage Aunt Gladys secret shame. The only reason I knew about this is because she'd called my mom in the wee hours of the night, distraught that her only son was a homosexual. Mom had no filter and no in-house decorum coming to me after talking her sister down to ask if I had any of these "supposed" urges and assuring me that I'd be accepted if I wanted to come out of the closet. The forced parental talk had offended me so much that I'd produced an adult magazine from between the mattress off my bed for her viewing pleasure. A model names Tiffany Days' absolutely, humongous ass was quite visible on the slick cover. My mother shrieked in horror before slapping me silly and absconding with said magazine. This was followed up with a THX-Level rant that reverberated off the walls as she tore the magazine to shreds, going to far as to whip up a small pot of oatmeal which she poured on the remnants of the book in the kitchen garbage can. If nothing else, she knew my orientation in no uncertain terms as I was grounded for three weeks for being "mannish" with her.

"Sorry for the use of your bed; I'm Rolando and this is my girlfriend, Kirsten. It's been a pleasure making your acquaintance. We honestly haven't been this entertained in months." Both of them were rail thin, racially, and sexually ambiguous with similar, shoulder length hair. The female, Kirsten smiled revealing smoker's teeth.

"Girlfriend; is that what we're calling our siblings, now?" My snarkiness bubbled to the surface uncontrollably. Rolando paused for a moment before laughing my insult off as he pulled his girlfriend from the room. She peered back with a smile and a slight wave of her hand, dismissing me most likely to save face. There were used cigarette butts on the floor of my bedroom.

"Mel, we're leaving." Latonya called after her crush who stood staring at her clique, noncommittedly.

"All four of my eyes can see that, darling; be a dear and close the door behind yourself." I did a doubletake as Mel stood there with her arms folded across her chest. The larger girl stepped forward grabbing Mel's bicep tugging at it gently.

"Stop playing Mel, let's go."

"What did I tell you about unsanctioned touching; did I give you permission to handle me, dear heart?"

"I-I didn't mean nothing by it." Latonya's face dropped as she awkwardly apologized.

"Fuck off." Mel suddenly hissed in a serpentine manner that was not lost on Ecom and me. Latonya's large hand covered the center of her face as she darted out of the room.

"Melyne Montgomery-Lowell; you are absolutely horrible to that girl. Perhaps you should cut her loose and dispense with the endless cunt teasing. It's unseemly and we must keep up appearances; the Latonya person is not of our ilk, anyway." Ecom scolded while I wondered if all rich assholes had standard hyphenated last names.

"I'll call you babe; tell mommy dear we're still having brunch on Friday." Mel deftly ignored my cousin's admonition turning her back to him facing me.

"Snore." Ecom disappeared from my doorway into the darkness of the corridor following his friends.

"Whore." Mel called back.

I found myself immediately alone with this strange, entitled nymph unsure of what to make of the young woman. Looking at her without the ambient chatter and distractions from her clique left me feeling decidedly anxious. Mel possessed a unique sort of sophisticated beauty that was disarming even though I'd just witnessed her innate insensitivity to the point of emotional brutality to a girl I owed no favors to in the least. My humanity called for me to shun this bronzed vision to rebalance karma, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to for the moment.

"Want me to disrobe?"

"HUH?!!" My heart thumped in my chest as my loins seized up at her suggestion. Mel laughed at my surprise in that strange, nerdy half giggle.

"You seemed to be taking stock of it all; I just thought you might like to a more comprehensive assessment of my charms. I'm not shy in the least, you lovely idiot."

"I figured that out; so, what's the deal, huh?"

"I want you." She answered plainly.

"Excuse me?"

"I find you terrifyingly interesting, darling; so much in fact that I'm starved for more. Would you really deny yourself the experience?" She stood in front of me entirely familiar playfully tugging at the hem of my shirt as she looked directly into my eyes. Her lips were coated with a glistening balm that made me want to lose it and kiss her, passionately. Those enticing lips parted as she rolled her tongue over her pearly whites, before crawling onto my bed in a serpentine motion resting on her abdomen. She tucked a pillow under her belly making herself comfortable before snagging a magazine to read from my bedside table. Suddenly my phone started ringing thankfully interrupting the spell Mel was weaving.

"Uhm, excuse me."

"You're actually going to take a call while I'm here for your delight?" I stared at the face of my phone finding that my ex-girlfriend's face staring back up at me. I declined the call taking the time to change the screen saver. Edna called a few more times before the message icon appeared in the upper left corner of its face. I didn't want to talk to her right now, I knew that she'd been exposed but she didn't know I was responsible. After setting events in motion, I'd waited around long enough to make sure Edna was safe before running off.