Dawn of a New Day Pt. 02

After singing 'Happy Birthday', I helped my nine year old daughter Nikki blow out the candles on her pink and white iced cake. Her younger sister Michelle giggled delightedly as I began cutting the cake. Yet again, my husband Mike had called to say that he would be working late and that he wouldn't be able to make it to another of the children's birthday parties.

I didn't think it was natural that the kids were learning to function and grow without their father's presence. One of the reasons I had originally stayed with him was for the sake of our children growing up with him in their lives. Now it seemed the exact opposite was happening. After 10 years of marriage, I knew that there was someone else. I had even confronted him with it. Of course, he denied it, but lipstick that wasn't mine and the smell of another woman's cloying perfume didn't lie. I don't think that love for him was even an issue anymore. Fear of the unknown, not knowing if I could ever be happy with anyone else or trust any other man around my precious children, my daughters, kept me from even thinking about moving on and trying to find love and happiness.

I had taken my mother-in-law's advice about birth control. As soon as Michelle was born, I decided that at least I had control over my own body. It's not that I didn't want more children, I just didn't want more immediately. I wanted to be able to offer the 2 I already had the very best I had to offer. Lately, I'd started to think about being able to provide for them if the worst happened. To me that meant Mike leaving me. After being without a job for so long, how would I be able to provide for the kids and myself? His name was on everything...where would we live?

Sex was a thing of the past for me. Since Mike was getting his needs met elsewhere, I couldn't bring myself to let him touch me. I was thankful that he didn't try to force me on the rare occasions he actually wanted it, but he would also use my reluctance as an excuse to continue doing what he was doing. After a while, I just didn't care anymore. We lived separate lives most of the time...almost like roommates. He paid the bills, I took care of the house and the kids.

It hurt to see the gap growing between us. The man that I had loved so deeply was becoming a stranger to me. I didn't know how much longer we could keep the farce of our marriage up. Well, I was about to find out.

One day Mike came in with some papers in his hands.

"Dawn, we need to talk."

From the serious look in his eyes, I knew it couldn't be anything I really wanted to hear. I tried to stall him for a moment.

"I'm cooking right now, can't it wait?"

He sighed. "No it can't. It's already waited long enough. Now come have a seat."

I tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach as I joined him at the dining room table. "What is it?"

He laid the paper that he had been carrying on the table in front of me. I looked down at them. I didn't feel surprise when I saw that they were divorce papers. What I felt was dread and the worst sort of betrayal.

"I want you to sign these. Things haven't been right between us for a while now and I don't see any need in going on pretending."

While I recognized I didn't love him anymore, my mind flew back over every opportunity he could have put forth some kind of effort to help keep us from reaching the point we'd come to. I could feel anger beginning to simmer within me.

"Why now?" I asked him with a calmness I really didn't feel at the moment.

He looked down at the papers before answering. "Is it really necessary to get into all this?"

"If you want me to sign these damned papers, you'd better start talking. I've devoted my life to you and our children for the last 6 years. I think you owe me this much. Talk."

Any other day, when he became belligerent, I would back down. Of course, he tried it.

He raised his voice slightly, saying, "I don't owe you a damned thing. I pay the bills around here..." And that was as far as he got.

Still simmering on the inside, I stood up, walked around the table and slapped the hell out of him. I heard the loud, satisfying crack as my hand made contact with his face and I watched dispassionately as his head snapped back. I turned and walked back to my chair.

Once seated again, I told him, "You will not raise your voice to me again. I'll sign the papers when, and only when, you answer my question."

Rubbing his cheek and staring at me as if I was someone he'd never seen before, he asked, "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"For the moment I'm your wife, asshole. So tell me why you've decided to ask for a divorce now."

I could feel nothing but coldness within me. Amazingly, not the cold rage one would expect after thinking about all that I had missed and had been denied. What I felt was a mixture of peace and the desire to see him squirm. Which after a moment, he had begun to do.

Shifting in his seat and still unable to meet my eyes, he began speaking. "I don't know where to start..."

I tilted my head a little to the left, watching him closely. "Hmmm. I did everything you asked me to do. Even putting my career on hold to raise the children the way you wanted. I've been the one raising them-me and me alone. You have been doing the same thing you were doing before we met. So it can't be the burden of having to help raise the kids. I've never denied you in any way at all. So what is it?"

He cleared his throat. "I don't know. I guess I just miss being single..."

I felt one of my brows raise. "Oh really?"

He just looked at me, clearly expecting an outburst after my previous display of temper.

I smiled and asked him, "Then why didn't you just say so?"

If ever a man resembled an owl, it was Mike at that moment. Then his eyes narrowed with suspicion. "What do you mean? Are you seeing someone else?"

Nope but I should have thought about that earlier.

Avoiding the question, I told him, "This is about you and what you want...as usual. You want a divorce, you gave me half of what I wanted to know. Now tell me the rest. Who and when?"

"If you're going to give me what I want, I see no harm in telling you the rest. I met Alicia six months after we got married at Darren's birthday party. She's fun, she keeps me interested and we want to get married."

Okay.

He wanted to marry a bitch he had been screwing since our sixth month of marriage.

So much for peace.

Unfortunately for him, he took my silence as acceptance, so he continued. "We have a little boy a month younger than Nikki."

Now he was telling me that he had another child outside our marriage. Humph.

I would cry later. At the moment, I was eyeing his golf clubs sitting so neatly in their bag only 3 feet away with relish.

He glance down at his hands and I reached for the nearest club with lightening speed. Before he realized what was happening, I had already struck him twice in the shoulder (though I recall aiming for his head).

"WHAT THE FUCK...YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!!!"

The more he tried to grab the club and keep his balance in the chair, the harder I would swing. Finally, the chair tipped over and he managed to roll away and up to his feet, still retreating, trying to avoid my swing.

I could hear my own harsh breathing, feel the tears sting my eyes, as I chased him to the door. He ran out but I didn't bother to try to follow him. Instead, I dropped the club, closed the door and locked it.

As I slid to the floor, all the tears I'd held inside for years began to flow.

Chapter 2

At first I thought the hardest part about our breakup would be the knowledge that my husband was openly seeing another woman. I thought that the humiliation of it would kill me. In the beginning, I went through a period of pitying myself and mourning the loss of the years wasted with him, then eventually got over that. But none of that bothered me as much as the question our oldest child put to me. The day she asked me why Daddy didn't want us anymore was the toughest thing I've ever had to endure. I didn't care whether the bastard wanted me or not, but the thought of him playing house with another woman and child the way he never did with us was a more than I could bear. And the hurt in her eyes was enough to make me want to kick him in the balls until I got tired.

Somehow, as much as I hated him, I couldn't destroy the image his daughter had of him. Nor did I want to hurt her any more than she had already been hurt. I sat her down and did my best to explain to her why mommies and daddy's separate sometimes.

The months leading up to and after the divorce went by quickly. My days were full of trying to find a job and take care of the kids. The terms of the divorce kept the kids and I from really needing anything, much to Michael's dismay, but I needed something that I had been denied for too long. Something that belonged to me and my daughters. I never really liked the house to begin with because it was too big and I had no say so when Michael bought it.

After putting the kids to bed that night, I got a call from my mother-in-law. Since Mike and I separated, she called me every night..

"Hello, Dawn. Are you and the kids okay?" she asked in a soft voice.

I took a deep breath. "Yes. And Sadie, the soft voice doesn't suit you," I joked with her.

She replied in her normal voice, "Hell, that's good to know. I don't know how much longer I could have kept that shit up anyway."

"How are you tonight?"

"I'm doing fine," she replied. "I just wanted to let you know that my boyfriend has some openings at his shipping company. He said he'd be more than happy to give you a try if you're up to it."

"Oh Sadie! Thank you so much!! When would be a good time to meet him?"

"Well, honey, that depends. How are you feeling these days?"

I didn't even have to think about it twice." Like I'm ready to start living again. I need a job first and foremost."

She was quiet for a moment. "He's coming by tomorrow," she said thoughtfully. "Why don't we discuss it over dinner tomorrow evening?"

I agreed and we hung up a little while later after discussing the kids.

For the first time in a long while, I slept like a baby with high hopes about my future.

Chapter 3

The next evening, the girls and I made our trip to Sadie's for dinner. I hadn't been by since the divorce, so I rang the doorbell. The front door was already open so I could see her peep out of the kitchen. And she just stood there giving me a really shitty look.

I opened the door a little sheepishly and we entered the house. I knew something was coming...

She kissed the kids, and sent them off to play while we set the table.

"I know you didn't just ring that damned doorbell."

"Well, it's been a while since the last time I was here..."

She continued as if she hadn't even heard me, "I've had this house for nearly 40 years, and you the first damned nut to ring the doorbell." She chuckled. "Come on, dinner's ready and Bill we be here in a few minutes.

I followed her to the dining room, where everything was already set. "I thought you wanted me to help!"

"No, honey, I want you to relax and enjoy a meal that you didn't have to prepare yourself this evening. You need to have an evening of relaxation." I called into the other room, "Nikki, Michelle, wash your hands!"

A short while later, Bill had arrived and we sat down for dinner. I have to admit, it was an enjoyable and stress free evening. The kids talked animatedly amongst themselves while Bill explained what he needed in order for me to fill the position he had available at his store.

The more I heard, the more excited I became.

"I'm going to give you a chance at this because I know you can do it," he said. "Do you think you can handle it?"

"YES!!" I answered.

"Then I'll see you Monday morning. I'm going to start you out in the office as a clerk. The lady whose place you'll be taking will train you up to the day she leaves. Then if all goes well, you'll be my new accountant."

We talked a little longer while he and Sadie enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine, then I said my goodbyes and headed for home with the kids.

That night as I lay in bed, I said a prayer of thanks for the direction my life was starting to take and for a new beginning.

Chapter 4

Monday came quickly for me and at 7:45 am, I was standing in the office of Bill's shipping company wearing a deep burgundy pantsuit, waiting for the arrival of my trainer. She arrived about 5 minutes later with a coffee mug in one hand and a stack of papers clutched under her other arm.

She was a cute little red hed with a lively disposition. She walked up and introduced herself. "Hi there! I'm Hyacinth. You must be Dawn."

I couldn't help but smile. "Yes. And I'm a bit nervous."

She gestured for me to take a seat as she sat down behind her desk, depositing the papers and mug on her desk. "Oh, don't be. You'll fall into this easily. Just take your time and learn as you go. I'll be here to help you for the next month and a half. If there's anything you need to know or need to be reminded of, just give me a holler."

She stopped just long enough to take a sip of coffee.

"Do you mind if I ask why you're leaving?"

"No, I don't mind at all. I'm moving to South Carolina to be closer to my mother. Fortunately, Bill also has a company in the next town from her, so it'll just be a transfer for me."

"I guess you couldn't ask for better than that," I replied.

She rummaged through some papers on the desk and pulled out a few. "Now these are your application, tax information and information about our policies. I'll need your signature on them and we can get started with what you'll be doing here."

After finishing my paperwork, she gave me a tour of the building, showed me what was done in each department, introduced me to many of the other employees and finally, we headed for the dock. She explained that I would sometimes have to make trips to the dock to verify orders and get information that may have been left out of the paperwork.

As soon as she opened the door, we were greeted with the sight of a totally male world. Men of different sizes, colors and builds were everywhere. Some talked as they worked, others were completely engrossed in what they were doing, but everyone was moving. All of them were in great shape as a result of their work.

An 'oh my' slipped out before I knew it. I heard Hyacinth giggle. " 'Oh my' indeed."

She gestured for me to follow her. I was hoping she wasn't going to take me through the same introductory process that she had in the office. There I could deal with it...but after the bad taste Mike had left in my mouth, I had avoided coming in contact with men for as long as I could. Well hell...

As we approached a guy unloading one of the shipments, Hyacinth stopped, stuck 2 fingers in her mouth and gave an earsplitting whistle that could be heard over voices, forklifts and idling trucks. All of them turned in our direction.

"Guys, this the young lady who will be taking my place in about a month. Her name is Dawn."

I heard a chorus of "Hi Dawn!" along with some smiles and a few whistles.

"Don't worry, they're harmless. Besides, Bill already gave them a talk about you. He'll have their balls if they disrespect you in any kind of way. Then Sadie will have HIS balls for breakfast!"

To this day, I'm still not sure how I felt about that, but it did bring me a little bit of comfort at the moment.

Of course, this story wouldn't be complete if someone hadn't ignored the warning from Bill.

Suddenly, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I knew someone was standing behind me. I turned to see who it was and stared right into a well muscled chest wearing a grey shirt. My gaze traveled up and into the most beautiful and soulful eyes I'd ever seen on any man.

"Hi, I'm Damon the dock supervisor." He extended his hand.

My 'hi' came out more as a 'hhhhhh-hi'.

We just stood there for a few more seconds looking at each other until Hyacinth cleared her throat. "Her name is Dawn, you shameless devil."

He smiled. "Nice to meet you, Dawn," then I understood why she'd called him a shameless devil. "Glad to have you aboard. I have a feeling it's going to be fun breaking you in." With that he smiled and continued out onto the dock.