Dawn Redeemed

Erica stared up at Torr, fighting the urge to just stand there stupidly and bathe in his presence. She wasn't sure of what to say. Confession seemed to be the theme for the night. She'd missed him too, more than she'd ever admit. She didn't know what to do with her hands. Folding them in front of her chest didn't feel right somehow. Torr had a piece of stray hair that had fallen over his brow and in to his eyes. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached out to brush away the wayward strand. "I see you every time I look at Fallon. Although you've never met, there's so much of you in her. Sometimes, it's the way she holds her mouth when she's concentrating, the way her eyes crinkle in the corners when she smiles, or maybe something she says, so many little things that remind me so much of you. Its like I see some small part of you everyday. "

"Tell me about her," Torr asked as he slid a chair out from under the dining room table and held it out for Erica. He scooted her chair in and went to the kitchen to open the bottle of wine he'd picked out for the occasion. The two steaks soaking in marinade sat on a vacant shelf in the fridge. He wasn't making very good progress on getting them onto the grill, but like so many other things, they could wait a minute or two. He let the wine breathe while he arranged slices of cheese and fruit onto a plate.

Erica took the wine glass from Torr's hand and stared into the rich, red liquid as she spun the stem in her fingers. "Well, Fallon's a smart kid. Sometimes, she's too smart for her own good though."

"You sound very proud of her." Torr sampled the overpriced cheese he'd picked up from the Super Center. The pale square tasted better than it looked, sharp with a hint of smoky flavor, perfectly complementing the Chablis he'd picked out for the stakes.

"I am. And don't think for a second she doesn't know the effect she has on me." Erica took a sip of the wine. Its sweet, heady taste tingled across her taste buds and down her throat with a slight burn. Very potent and very good, she was driving and would only indulge in a sip or two, responsibilities first, pleasure second. "Fallon's... well, I can't explain it, but I think she gets bored with kids her own age. She has to be constantly challenged. I wonder if for a kid, she's too competitive and maybe a bit too aggressive. She isn't really into the whole pink scene or Barbie thing. She likes animals and tree climbing, outdoorsy tomboy kinds of things. Once she's got something into her mind, there isn't much you can do to stop her. She's like a little terrier, once she grabs on, she never lets go." Erica bit into a wedge of cheese and practically moaned as it melted in her mouth contrasting with the sweet taste of the wine.

"Sounds like you've had your share of challenges raising her."

"Definitely. But, Fallon is very loving too. She's going to be one of those people who is loyal to the end and never gives up on someone, no matter how badly they've hurt her."

"An admirable, but sometimes heartbreaking quality."

"I hope she's smart enough to keep those who would cause her pain out of her life. That she'll love herself enough to know the difference between those who would use her for gain and those who really love her."

"You're a good teacher. She'll know the difference. Your love will be the measuring stick she uses to as her guide." Torr drained his glass and set it on the table beside his elbow. "You've done a fine job of raising our daughter."

Erica ducked her head and nervously tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Blushing at the way he looked at her. She'd never seen such admiration in anyone's eyes for her. "Thanks."

Torr smiled down at her as he took their empty glasses and the empty plate off the table. "I promised you dinner. Wine, cheese and a few bits of fruit hardly qualify as a meal. Let me get these steaks on the grill." He could listen to Erica talk about Fallon all night and never hear enough about their daughter. He fished the steaks out of the fridge and cupped the cool platter in his palm as he slid open the patio doors. "Make yourself at home."

"Bathroom?"

"Down the hall and to the left."

Erica padded down the newly carpeted hallway, easily finding the bathroom. The bathroom only room in the house that appeared unfinished. The tile had been stripped off the walls. Torr had completely gutted the space and was furiously working on the walls. She did her business and took her time, giving herself a little primp in front of the mirror. Curiosity, mere curiosity caused her to crack open the medicine cabinet for a peek.

Sometimes people told the story of their lives by the contents of their medicine chest. She didn't know what she expected to find. There was the usual, a bottle of aspirin, a razor and a pack of blades, shaving cream, and an assortment of combs and deodorants. Nothing out of the ordinary at all that would give her a hint at the mystery that was Torr.

She wandered further down the hall. If he caught her, she'd simply excuse it as taking a wrong turn. There were three bedrooms, one was being used for storage for the paints and brushes and various construction related mess. The other was finished, but devoid of furnishings.

The last bedroom boasted a king sized bed complete with a lush assortment of brilliantly jewel colored bed linens of all sorts of textures, from plush to rough. The head board was a simple dark varnished wood square. End tables flanked each side of the bed with matching lamps. On the nightstand was a picture frame, the one of Fallon with her at her fifth birthday party. It touched Erica deeply that he'd chosen that particular snapshot to keep by his bed. A dresser occupied floor space on the opposite end of the room. The bedroom was very simple and understated in its elegance, just like Torr.

She wandered back into the living room and ogled the expensive rack of electronics and gadgetry. Everything was black, modern and compact and so at odds with what she had managed to gather about Torr. Her eyes scanned the walls and the vacant spaces on the shelves. There was nothing that hinted at who he was. Who he really was beyond the persona he projected for her. He had no personal effects, no chotchkies, not even as much as a stray magazine or tattered paperback carelessly tossed on the coffee table. Everyone had something they valued and proudly displayed in their homes. The lack of personal touches baffled her.

He did have a collage of photographs hanging in a frame on one blank wall. The pictures she'd given him of Fallon were proudly on display. She saw no other pictures of his family or friends. Nothing that hinted that he had a life beyond Fallon.

She forced a smile on her face as he entered through the patio toting the two steaks carefully on the platter. His lack of personal effects made her all the more curious about him. Even in Texas all those years ago, he'd been very careful to avoid her questions about his family, what he did for a living, and who he really was. She took her seat at the dining room table and watched. He divvied out the steaks onto two matching plates and scooped out two heaps of grilled veggies and two foil lined potatoes. He knew his way around the kitchen with expert precision. More than the modest chef that he pretended to be. One more of the many things she didn't know about him.

Pride filled Torr as he sat the plate down in front of Erica. The steaks were cooked to absolute perfection, done enough to give them that pale pink center, juicy and full of flavor. The veggies were colorful and decorated the space between the baked potato and the meat. With just a dollop of butter and sour cream, the meal was complete. He took his seat across from her and met her bewildered stare. "Dig in." He took the initiative and took the first bite.

The grilled veggies burst into a flavorful bite against her tongue. "Good." She chewed while thinking of a polite way to phrase her question. There really wasn't one. She swallowed down the bite and took a small sip of wine. "I couldn't help but notice," she dabbed her mouth with the napkin, "you don't have any family pictures out or knickknacks out."

"Oh, I haven't finished unpacking yet," Torr answered. The answer was pat and air tight, nothing she could question. Truth was, he wasn't one to collect bits and pieces from his past. The more he could forget, the better. He'd have to hit one of the discount stores to make the appearance of home look more convincing in her eyes. His past was going to be hard enough for her to digest when the time came as it was.

"I know how that goes. Turning a house into a home takes a lot of work and time." Erica blushed an intense red. Internally, she chastised herself for asking too many questions and assuming the worst about him. She was trying to get along with Torr and possibly, yes she hated to admit it, but possibly building a relationship with him for herself. If there was no trust between them, there was no hope of a relationship ever forming. Silently she questioned her own motives. Why was she always, always picking things apart instead of accepting them and people at face value. Simple enough answer, if she didn't take a chance, she couldn't get hurt. She liked safe and predictable. Relationships were never safe and the minute two people entered one another's lives, it was never predictable.

Suffering her silent embarrassment and moment of self-realization, she turned her attention to the steak on her plate. Torr was already finished and patiently waiting for her to dig in. Torr was one of those people who liked to dive in head first without any planning into every aspect of his life. He approached life and enthusiastically gobbled up what was in front of him with wild abandon. Her style was more subtle, more rigid. She planned every cut before she made it and took time to think and analyze every last morsel, weigh every pro and con before she took the first bite. Opposites attract? Maybe? But, she had to wonder what would happen between them once the plate had been eaten and there was nothing left but the dishes. Where would they be then?

Her aunt and uncle were the only couple she had to use as a measuring stick. They'd been together since...well forever, and their plate had never been empty. She'd never seen them look at one another with anything but love. They took the time to make sure that their plate was never empty and that they shared every bite that life had to offer. Two people who were truly in life long love could do that for one another. She wondered if she had the energy for such an undertaking or if Torr had the endurance. She chewed in silence. What was she doing thinking about the long term when she had yet to get through the day? She couldn't afford such thoughts and the planning. Despite what Torr said, it wasn't entirely up to her.

"Steak ok?" Torr asked to break up the silence that stretched between them. Although they were sitting only a matter of feet apart, the distance seemed to be more like miles. Erica chewed with such thought and intent. It made him wonder what she was thinking, really thinking.

Erica swallowed her bite and answered, "Oh yeah, the steak is incredible. Torr, I have to ask this." Erica smoothed a stray piece of hair behind her ear nervously, "What brought you here, to the exact same place and at the exact same time as me?"

Torr smiled confidently. He'd been expecting this question to pop up sooner or later. He had a pat answer already planned. "I have friends that moved into the area and I just kind of migrated up here with them." He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could and redirected the subject off his friends before she started asking more questions about them. "How about you? This isn't exactly the bustling metropolis of D.C. either."

Erica frowned and took a sip of her wine. "My aunt and uncle have a ranch here and I spent every summer with them and my cousin growing up. I guess, after my mother died, I was looking for a small piece of home. I didn't realize how much I missed this place until I moved back. Besides, D.C. isn't the kind of a place I wanted to raise Fallon. I wanted her to have the same childhood that I did. You know, sunshine, trees, wide open spaces, fresh air, family."

"All good reasons," Torr said, dropping his used napkin onto his empty plate. "Family is very important."

"What about your family, Torr? I've never heard you mention them." Erica watched Torr's facial expression shut down tight. Before she'd asked the question he'd been all smiles and congeniality. The question had somehow flipped a switch deep inside of him. His face was clouded with a dark shadow and a hard set to his jaw. Pain was there hiding behind the shadow. Something bad had happened, recently, if she had to guess.

"My parents are dead, Erica. My mother died a long time ago when I was just a boy and my father, just a few months ago. He was killed in an accident." Torr didn't elaborate any further. The truth was something she couldn't understand. He'd killed his father to save the lives of many. His father's death was the price of he paid for the freedom of them all.

"Oh, I'm sorry Torr... I didn't know." Erica's face burned with an embarrassed blush. Shame on her for digging too deeply and asking questions that caused him such pain and brought bad, hurtful memories to the surface.

Torr waved off her apology with a dismissive gesture of his hands. Her sympathies weren't deserved, at least for the death of his father. "Its ok, Erica."

Erica floundered for a change of subject. Work, yeah, work was a safe topic. Actually, if he were having the same problem finding a job as she was, it would help to soothe her tender and bruised ego a bit. "So, what do you do for a living? Before... you were in college, did you get your degree?"

"I did," Torr nodded. "Graduated top of the class," Torr chuckled and shrugged casually, "I got a master's in Philosophy just to piss off my father. I've never used the degree. What, I mean, really, are you going to do with that kind of an education anyway? I was just so determined that I was not going to end up behind a desk all day like he was."

"What happened?"

"I got sucked in anyway. I became the very thing I didn't want to be, dad's perfect little puppet. He ran me the way he ran his business, with cold, harsh, efficiency." Torr looked at Erica over his glass of wine and pinned her with a look. "Every man has a breaking point. I finally reached mine and I decided that I was done, with everything, with the office, with the business, with him. The things he was doing destroyed people's lives. I couldn't be a part of it anymore. I just couldn't.

"I began to see myself the way other people saw me, rich, spoiled, indulgent, self-serving. That person wasn't who I wanted to be. Now that my father is gone, I manage the business the way I want. The way it should have always been from the very beginning. I've invested everything he has into rebuilding the lives he tore apart. I'm doing everything that I can to set things right, for them and for myself. I'm working as hard as I can to grow up and to change that spoiled little boy everyone took me for into a man."

"And who will that man be?" Erica asked.

"Hopefully someone I can live with." Torr sat back in his chair and blew out a hard breath. "What about you? Who do you want to be when you grow up?"

Erica smiled at his question and curled her feet up under her butt. "I don't know yet. You think after high school you have all the answers. Doesn't take long to realize that you don't. Then you go to college. Once again, you think you have all the answers, but you don't. Sitting here, right now, at twenty-nine, I'm a mother and I won't be so naïve as to say I have a clue as to who I want to be when I grow up. I'm not sure, no matter how old we get, that we ever really finish growing up."

Torr emptied the last drops from the wine bottle into their glasses and sat the bottle down on the counter. He took his chair and scooted it around the table so that it was positioned next to Erica. "Cryptic, evasive, but well said." The glasses made a little clinking sound as he tipped his against hers. "Here's to Neverland."

"To Neverland," Erica said. Sitting next to Torr should have made her feel nervous as a cat in a roomful of rockers, but, it didn't. The nearness of him and the content of their conversations made her feel more comfortable with him than she ever had before. Casually, she leaned her head on the wide expanse of his shoulder, smiling as he rested his cheek on the top of her head.



Chapter 28

Torr sat with Erica, together, they'd managed to finish off two bottles between dinner and hours of talking. He smiled as Erica stifled a small yawn and readjusted her skirt over her knees. He didn't know how she'd managed to curl her legs up underneath her or her body into such a small tight ball on the kitchen chair. Maybe, she felt some of what he was feeling and she didn't want to move and break the magic of one of the rarer moments in life when the only thing that mattered was the perfection of the simplicity of the moment and the person you shared it with.

Reluctantly, Erica glanced at her watch. To her, it seemed like time had stood still. But to her watch, time had marched forward and she was already late getting home and tucking Fallon into bed. There was no telling what kind of mischief her uncle had let her daughter get into while she was away. "I've got to get going. Fallon will never forgive me if I'm not there to tuck her in to bed."

"Why don't you let me give you a ride?" Torr asked, unwinding his arm from the back of Erica's chair.

"Are you trying to go all macho on me?" Erica asked defensively, probably a bit too much so. Leaving him here and walking the two blocks to her car would avoid some of the awkwardness of the goodnight kiss. Goodnights were always the most uncomfortable parts of a date. She wanted to kiss him, but not with her uncle peeking from behind the drapes at her. "You're such a guy sometimes," she said, poking him in the ribs as she gathered up her purse and shoes.

"No... I mean... I am a guy. I was referring to your safety. Those roads out in the country can be dangerous in broad daylight let alone after dark. We put away two bottles of wine and I get the impression that you don't drink often. I mean, what do you weigh one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet?"

Erica snorted, "I wish. So because you're a guy, you're naturally a better driver?" She blushed. Did she slur that last sentence a bit? He was right, she didn't drink and the wine had gone straight to her head. She was about to agree with him and accept his offer, until he butted in.

"Don't go all feminist on me. I do outweigh you by double, maybe a little more. I usually have a drink or two with dinner and I did clean my plate."

Erica balanced herself on Torr's bicep with a hand as she slid into her sandals. "I wasn't trying to go all feminist on you. I was just about to accept your offer before you rudely interrupted me," Erica sputtered. "As for the food, it great. I didn't mean to offend you on that point either. I'm just trying not to gain any weight. I never did lose all my 'baby fat' after Fallon was born."

"I think you look perfect just the way you are," Torr slid a hand around her waist and guided her closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her and molded her body against his. "See we fit together like we were made for one another."

"Are we?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out." Torr's voice was a hoarse whisper as he leaned down to kiss her. Erica's fingers wound through his hair and grabbed on, pulling him impossibly closer to her mouth. His body surged with reawakened need. No one had ever quite did it for him the way she had and his body responded to her like a starving animal awakened out of a long, lonely, extended hibernation. He kneaded the soft curves of her waist with his palms, twisting and wrinkling the fabric of her dress against them.