Dawn Redeemed

"Torr, I want that for you too," Erica said gently. His expectations were so high. Fallon was just a little girl. Impressionable. Innocent. And for her age, very cynical. With nothing more than a bat of an eye, she could crush Torr's hopes and dreams. Erica reached out and pried his fingers away from the steering wheel and laced them through hers. His palm was sweaty against her hand. Torr was so used to being in control. Funny to think that his whole concept of who he was rested in the acceptance of a ten year-old girl. "Torr, nothing is perfect. Ever. It may take some time before Fallon accepts you as a father. Please try not to be disappointed."

Torr took a deep breath and squeezed Erica's fingers with his. "I'll try." He stared at their intertwined fingers intently. "I want this, Erica. I really want this to work."

Erica watched Torr's adam's apple bob up and down in his throat as he swallowed hard. She unbuckled her seatbelt and stretched over the console between them. The muscles in his cheek and jaw were tense beneath her lips. "It will."

Torr tipped his head, resting his forehead lightly against Erica's. She believed in him. That by some miracle he'd pull the whole thing off and become the father he'd always dreamed of being. Fallon would be showered with love and affection. She'd never cry one tear for lack of a father's love. He had the power to see to that. He slid his nose down the slope of Erica's nose and tipped his chin slightly, stealing a kiss for luck, and for courage. "Ok, I'm ready."

Erica smiled, her lips still rested against Torr's mouth, "Ok." She kept tight hold of his free hand as she slid to the passenger side and buckled in. Erica gave his fingers a tight squeeze as he slowed to a stop and navigated the truck along the narrow lane. She had faith in Torr and in her daughter. Together, they'd pull through this and everything would be just fine.

Fallon leapt to her feet as she saw the big truck clear the bend. Great! Torr had driven her mom out to pick her up. Now she'd be able to give him the necklace she'd made for him instead of having to wait for days until she saw him again. Nervously, she felt the pocket on her jean shorts to make sure it was still there. She waved vigorously and jogged over the hard packed gravel.

Erica had to suppress the chuckle rising in her chest. And Torr was worried that Fallon wouldn't like him. Fallon was practically beaming, all smiles and happy waves. "Hi, did you have a good day today?" She slid up in the seat so that Fallon could hop into the truck's bench seat in the back.

"I had the best day ever!" Fallon exclaimed as she scrambled up into the cab of the idling truck. She paused for a minute and smiled widely at Torr. "Hi." She sucked in a breath and squeezed in behind her mother's seat and plopped onto the narrow bench seat behind her. Buckling up before her mom could take a breath to remind her. She was old enough to handle her own seatbelt. She knew the rules.

"Hi, Fallon," Torr said, returning the little girl's smile with one of his own. He waited for Erica and Fallon to buckle in. Giving the two kids watching from the porch a brief nod, he slid the truck into reverse. "Where to?" he asked. He had no clue of what to do, where to go, or how he should start the conversation with Fallon. He was going to have to sit back and follow Erica's lead.

"I have to go back into town and pick up my car. I heard that What's the Scoop opened today for the season. Maybe we could grab a lemon shake-up and go to the park for a walk before we head home. What do you think Fallon?"

Fallon's eyes lit up at her mom's mention of her favorite summertime drink. Lemon shake-ups were the best. After drinking the lemonade, all that was left was ice and a thick crust of sugar coating the bottom and sides of the cup. She was not about to pass up the rare treat that back in D.C. she only got once in a while when a festival was in the neighborhood. "Sure."

Torr flipped on his turn signal and pulled out onto the highway leading into town. He was very cautious and mindful of his precious cargo. "Sounds good to me. I don't think I've ever had a lemon shake-up before."

Daniel pulled his ear buds out of his ears and leaned forward, resting his chin on his palms as he straddled the porch railing. "Do you think they have a clue?" he asked his sister.

Marianne looked up over the railing at her brother. His brown eyes peered out at her from underneath a thick layer of long, black, messy bangs that hid most of his face. "No, but they will soon enough." Fallon was younger than she. But, she had already matured past Marianne's point of development. Fallon shimmered with the dormant, unspent preternatural energy of her wolf.

Fallon was going to grow up to be a strong and powerful wolf, just like Torr, and regrettably his father, Seff. For the moment Fallon was just a little girl in her mother's eyes, but all too soon, she'd become so much more. Marianne understood the importance of harnessing the little girl's power before it was too late. Left to her own devices, Fallon could not only be a danger to those around her, but to herself.

She opened her mouth to say more, but Daniel had already sank his ear buds back into his ears and infusing deafening heavy metal into his cranium. She blew out the breath she'd taken to speak and rested her chin on her knees while she waited for supper to finish cooking.



Chapter 42

Torr fished a couple of crumpled fives out of his wallet and slid them through the window to the bored looking teen and received a few coins and three lemon shake-ups in exchange. "Here you are." he handed the smallest drink to Fallon along with an unwrapped straw and a napkin. Next he handed Erica one of the sweet, sticky cups and a straw and took the last one for himself. He heard the huff of an impatience from somewhere in the line behind them. Shoving the loose change in his pocket, he shuffled Erica and Fallon down the line of hot, weary, townsfolk anxiously waiting for their turn at the counter.

Sheepishly, he took a sip off the straw. The drink was very cold, very, very sweet, and very lemony, almost bad enough to leave him with a permanent pucker and a sugar buzz sure to last for hours afterwards. "Its good," he rasped. Gingerly grasping Erica's hand as they walked across the flat, grassy field that stretched between the park and the ice cream store.

Erica nodded and wiped her hand, dampened from the sweating cup on her Capri pants. Without hesitation she slid her fingers through his and gave them a squeeze. The early evening sun shone from between the houses in the neighborhood casting their shadows long across the grassy field. The shadows were stair stepped. Torr's was the longest, hers next, and then Fallon's tiny outline darkened the ground close beside her. For a moment, it felt like family.

The sound of children's laughter and the chatter of families out enjoying the day grew louder. From somewhere in the depths of the park, Erica heard the rusty creak of swings rocking back and forth. She scanned the busy park and settled for an empty picnic shelter close to an outcropping of budding maples. "Let's go over there till we finish our drinks."

"Ok." Fallon skipped on ahead of her mom and Torr. The sugar was beginning to kick in and she was bursting with energy as a result. She didn't stare, but she noticed that her mom and Torr were holding hands. Did this mean that they were boyfriend and girlfriend for real? Was that what they were both acting so nervous about? If that was all it was. They didn't need to be nervous about telling her. Fallon wanted her mom to be happy and she liked Torr.

Fallon skidded to a stop. Her beat up sneakers kicked up a cloud of dust. Maybe it did matter. Maybe they'd brought her out her to tell her some big news. Fallon's mouth circled into a little O as she sucked hard on her straw. Maybe her mom was going to marry Torr and that would make him her new dad.

Fallon felt her mom's fingers circle her shoulder and guide her toward the picnic table. Oh boy. This was it. She fell into step along side her mom and climbed onto the picnic table as her mom sat cautiously on the edge.

"Fallon, we need to talk to you about something. Something important." Erica said. With Fallon sitting on top of the picnic table, they were eye to eye. She felt the wood beneath her give as Torr sat down beside her.

"You two aren't getting married are you?" Fallon blurted out.

Torr cleared his throat and swallowed hard. "No, Fallon, that's not it." He tilted his head, looking into the eyes that were so much like his. He fishmouthed, trying to find the right words to say. He had nothing creative. No way to break it to her gently. He did the only thing he could and blurted it out. "Fallon, I'm your dad." Erica's fingers gripped his in strong reassurance. This was the right thing to do. And these were the only words he could think of that mattered. He waited for Fallon's reaction.

Fallon cocked her head to the side and studied Torr and her mom. "You mean if you marry my mom you'll be my dad, don't you?" she asked curiously. It was the only thing that made sense. She'd never thought of herself as ever having a father, not a real dad, like other kids did anyway. She knew she had a father. But, she'd never stopped to consider the man, who he might be, or that she'd ever see him.

"No, that's not what I mean. I do love your mother. And I've never ever stopped loving her. Things didn't go the way we'd planned and we lost contact. I didn't know about you, not for sure, until very recently. I'm your dad." Torr's hand trembled in Erica's grip. His voice was raw and cracked with emotion. Telling Fallon was harder than he'd ever imagined it would be. She stared at him, wide eyed, trying to grasp what he was saying. He sucked in a terse breath and wished she'd say something. Anything.

"Fallon...,honey," Erica said softly. Torr had always put off an air of confidence and strength. She felt the slight tremor of his hand in hers and heard the choked, labor of his breathing. His voice was tight and strained, faltering at the end of his words. As if Fallon rejected him, the pain would be more than he could bear.

Fallon's glance bounced between Torr and her, searching out the truth in their eyes. Erica could see her confusion transform to realization as understanding took root. She worried about what Fallon would say and about what Torr would say back. These few fleeting moments were the most critical. It was on them that their the relationship between father and daughter would be built or destroyed. "Please, Fallon... say something."

Fallon slid off the picnic table and reached inside her pocket, "I made you something." She gripped the wad of leather in her fist and walked over to Torr. The treads of her shoes made little whispering noises against the concrete pad as she walked. She stopped and carefully straightened the braided leather with her fingers and held the necklace out to him. The silver wolf charm spun in tiny circles, dangling from the braid.

"It's beautiful," Torr said, dipping his head low. Her tiny fingers were cool against the heat radiating off his skin as Fallon carefully worked the braided leather necklace over his head. The wolf charm hung at the hollow of his throat, heavier against his skin than it looked. "I'll never take it off." Torr swallowed back the lump that rose in his throat and blinked back a tear. "Never."

Fallon smiled at him. She rested her hands on the back of his neck and leaned in. At first his hug was light and timid and then he squeezed her so hard that he forced the breath from her chest. His shoulders shook with weighty sighs. "Dad." She whispered softly against his cheek, squeezing him as tightly as she could with the force of her whole body behind the hug.

Erica rested her hand a hand on Fallon's back and leaned in against the two of them. Her fingers lightly brushed away a tear as it escaped beneath Torr's dark lashes. The embrace seemed to last hours, but in reality it was only a few minutes. So much healing in such a brief moment should be classified as some sort of a miracle. It was almost as if she could feel the world, her whole universe tilt on its axis, and her life, none of their lives would ever be the same as a result of the last five minutes.

The world around them kept spinning as it always had. The playground was a flutter of activity, children playing and adults keeping careful watch over them. The occasional sound of a car as it idled past. The distant bray of a dog barking. Everything was exactly the same as it had been minutes ago, yet, everything was different, for all of them.

Fallon wiggled out of her mom and Torr's arms. She had a dad. A real dad. Finally, after all the explanations, she had the answers she'd longed to hear. Her dad loved her. Her dad wanted her. And her dad would never, ever let her go. She belonged. Finally, she knew exactly where she belonged. She scooted in between her mom and her dad. His big hand closed over the top of hers, clasping it carefully in its grip as if he were afraid he'd break her. Sighing happily, she rested her head on her mom's shoulder and swung her feet off the edge of the seat. Unable to sit still, as badly as she wanted to remain sandwiched between her mom and dad, she hopped up. Darting through the grass and leaping, to catch the first fireflies of twilight in her hands.

Torr watched his daughter leap at the fireflies, capture them in the cup of her hand and release them, only to catch them again. "She really is beautiful."

"She's yours, Torr," Erica whispered. His jeans made a rough scraping sound, sliding across the boards closer to her. Sighing, she leaned into the crook of his arm. The heat of his arm across her shoulders, chased away the chill of the darkening sky. Fallon was perfectly content frolicking in the grass. She sensed that Torr was finally after years of wondering, at peace. And she was happy to let things be, to just sit back and breathe and let them be.

"No, she's ours. We did a good thing when we made her didn't we," Torr said proudly. He closed his eyes and tried to piece together all the years he'd missed into a mental collage. All the firsts he'd missed with Fallon: Christmas, Easter, her birthday, her first breath, her first tooth, her first words, her first steps. He hadn't been there for any of them. Out of all the things he'd let his father rob from his life, he regretted those the most. Missing out on all those firsts were the price he'd paid for Erica and Fallon's safety. He could not regret the cost, no matter how much it hurt him. Fallon would get to grow up.

In a way, Torr felt as if he'd just stepped over the edge of a very steep cliff and was plummeting head long to the rocky earth below. He had no idea of how to be a dad, not one clue. His father was the only role model he had to follow. The bastard had been heavy with his hand, all too generous with his whip like tongue, and cold as a winter's deep freeze with his heart. Torr might as well have been an orphan when it came to his father's love. His father had treated him as he would any soldier, simply a tool to be used to obtain means to an end. Seff had never shown him any compassion or love, not one seconds worth.

The wounds had faded into scars, but he still felt every one of them on his skin. The words had faded into his memory, but he still heard them with the sharp clarity in which they'd been spoken. Even in the end, with his last breath, his father had rejected him. Yet, lighting that pyre and knowing that he'd been the one to lay his father upon it had been the most painful thing Torr had ever had to do. As bad as his father was, he still mourned his passing and there was an emptiness in him that no amount of love would ever fill.

Torr would do better than his father had. For his own sake, he had to. He loved Fallon too much to disappoint her the way his father had him. He would find a way to be so much more than just a father. He would find a way to make this work and be the dad he wished he'd had.

Erica nodded against his shoulder and smiled. "Yes, we did." Fallon had been conceived in the usual way, brought into this earth in a conventional manner, raised much the same as any other child, but she was something special, definitely the best thing Erica had ever done.

How much of happenstance had played a role in bringing Fallon into being? If Erica had gone to the pool at the hotel instead of down to the beach. If some other girl had caught Torr's fancy instead of her. If Erica had blown him off instead of inviting him to share a space on her towel. Fallon wouldn't even be here. She wouldn't be a mother and Torr, a father. If she hadn't answered the phone that day, Torr would have never known about Fallon. They wouldn't be sitting here now, watching their daughter play in the grass. She couldn't help but marvel at how much chance had come into play. There were so many variables. So many possible outcomes from just one role of the dice. She had to wonder where the next roll of the dice would take them.

Fallon closed her hands in a cup around the firefly. The greenish light glowed on the inside of her palms as she slid her thumbs apart to look inside. The firefly sat on the edge of one of her fingers, fluttering its wings. The light under its belly blinked on and off illuminating her fingers. Giggling at the tickly sensation of its legs crawling against her skin, she opened her hands and let it go into the darkening night sky.

Fallon was excited and nervous at the same time. She had a dad. Finally. The big question had been put to rest. She knew who her father was. In a way the knowledge made her feel like, at long last, an ordinary kid. She had a dad, just like everyone else.

A part of her wanted to climb into his lap, feel his big arms wrap around her, and finally feel safe. Another part wanted to accuse and yell. Where had he been all these years? All of her friends had dads. Dads who went to the school plays, to soccer practices, picked them up from school, and dropped them off. For so long, it was only her mother and her. What was she supposed to do with a dad now?

Fallon didn't know how her mom expected her to act. She didn't know how he expected her to act. She didn't know how to be around him. What did she call him? Torr? Dad? She wanted to love him, she really did. She wanted to accept him as her dad. But what happened if she woke up and he was gone? Wouldn't it have been better if she'd never known him at all? For all her little girl hopes and dreams of having a dad, a part of her was very, very afraid that something would happen to shatter them.

Torr stared down at his hand. His fingers were loosely and casually threaded between Erica's, resting on his thigh. "I'd better get you two back to your car. Fallon's got school in the morning and it'll be full dark before long. I'm not being pushy or a sexist, but I'd feel better if you weren't driving on those gravel roads alone after nightfall."

"Does safety conscious sound better than sexist?" Erica teased, righting herself. She didn't necessarily like driving on those long, dark deserted country roads after nightfall either. Every day, she drove the same road, took the same curve that cost Lucien his life and landed Alex in the hospital for months. She couldn't help but look for the mangled remains of the tree every time she coasted around the curve. The accident was so many years ago. Surely any evidence of the crash would have been washed away in the seasons of rain, snow, and summer heat. Still she looked and remembered, every day.

Torr chuckled lightly and pulled Erica to her feet. "Safety conscious, I like that."

"It does sound better, doesn't it?" Erica wasn't quite ready to let go of his hand and there was about an hour of dusky twilight left, plenty of time to walk the two blocks to her car and get home. "Let's walk. Fallon, time to go."