Dawn's Innocence

"God, I missed you guys." Erica blinked back a tear as her aunt hurried Fallon and she into the house and led them straight into the kitchen where the biggest meal she'd seen in years awaited. Her aunt had cooked herself silly. But, that was her way. The table was loaded down with country delicacies such as fried chicken, real gravy made from the drippings in the skillet. A mountain of mashed potatoes floating in a moat of real butter and a basket of freshly baked bread sat hot and ready in the middle of the table just begging to be eaten. There were green beans with bacon and skillet corn. An apple pie left to cool on the windowsill filled the room with the scent of home and family. Nobody ever left Aunt Leigh's house hungry. And if they did it was their own fault. Usually you rolled out the door five pounds heavier than you'd been when you came in.

"Well, just don't sit there gawking at the food. Eat." Leigh ordered as she plopped a mound of creamy mashed potatoes on Erica's plate and moved to Fallon's to do the same. Erica had called at three this morning to say they were on the road. The drive had to be exhausting. Fallon was practically bursting with pent up energy and Erica looked as if she was about to fall asleep in her plate of mashed potatoes. "There'll be plenty of time for catching up later."

Dutifully, Erica dug in and let the mashed potatoes melt in her mouth. Home had never tasted so good or left her feeling such warmth down deep where it counted. After her mother died, she didn't have time to give herself a chance to mourn. She had Fallon to look after and a life to get on track. Well, she hadn't done such a good job at the life thing, obviously. But, with Fallon, she'd done well, and she was proud of her little girl. Sitting so ladylike at the table, politely listening as Uncle Alexander filled her in about the wonders of small town life.

"Alexander, you're boring that kid to death. Shut up and eat your dinner," Leigh teased. She wasn't Erica's mother, but she knew Erica almost as well as she knew her own daughter. She could tell that Erica had things, big things on her mind. Seeing Erica reminded Leigh of Alexander's sister. That call in the middle of the night had shaken the house down to its very foundation. But, calls in the middle of the night were never good things. There wasn't a funeral. His sister wasn't buried next to her husband of many years ago in the cemetery at the edge of town. For them, both Alexander and her, there'd been no goodbye. No closure. And that had stung worst of all. Alexander and his sister had never mended the broken fences and now they never would. Regret had aged him a little. Knowing his parents, his best friend, and now his sister were gone had been hard on him. They still had Alex though. And they always, always would.

Erica was alone in the world now, just her and her daughter. Leigh knew she could never fill the gap left by the passing of her sister-in-law and be the mother Erica still desperately needed, but maybe, if Erica could find room in her heart, she could be a friend.

"Hey, she's fascinated by my big fish tales. Leave us alone and mind your business, woman." Alexander chuckled as he dug into his fried chicken zealously. Ever since that young doctor know it all had put him on the cholesterol wagon, fried foods had been banned from the house. He never would have made the appointment in the first place and Leigh never would have dragged him there under threat of death, if it hadn't been for his sister's sudden heart attack. Leigh and Alex had caught him in a moment of weakness and Dr. Thomas Sterling was all too eager to take in more patients. Kid had a student loan to pay off and probably got a damn kick back from all those damn little pills he prescribed. He wouldn't get in trouble if he had an extra helping or added more mashed potatoes and gravy to his plate tonight. Tonight was about eating and celebrating family come home. And he had plenty of missed meals to make up for.

"Uncle Alexander, what happened to the fish?" Fallon asked curiously. She sat at the table listening to her uncle tell story after story. Indiana certainly sounded like an interesting place to live. She couldn't wait to go swimming in the lake or hunting for Indian beads in the gravel. There were ghosts in the woods, catfish in the ponds, and apples you could pick and eat right off the tree. And he'd mentioned a horse named Jack. Fallon had never ridden a horse before or done any of the other things her uncle had mentioned.

"I ate him," Alexander answered proudly patting his paunch.

"Alexander," Leigh chastised as she pinched his arm hard. He was going to scare that little girl to death with wild stories about catfish as big as a house.

After dinner they sat around the table making small talk and laughing until Leigh chased them out of her kitchen and busied herself doing the dishes. "Well, I think Jack has waited long enough. He's been itching to meet this little girl and give her a ride." Alexander had saddled up Jack and put him in the corral just before Erica and Fallon had arrived.

"I can't believe Old Jack is still around," Erica said as she zipped Fallon up in her jacket. She kissed her daughter's forehead and sent her on her way trailing after Uncle Alexander. "Be careful and don't break any bones. We don't have insurance." She turned to help her aunt gather up the supper dishes, promptly setting them back on the table when her aunt gave her a disapproving scowl. "Aunt Leigh, I can't...thank."

Leigh cut Erica off from her thanks with a curt not of her head and an understanding smile. There were no thanks to be given. This was what family did for one another. They saw each other through the storm. "There'll be plenty of dirty dishes later. Why don't you put on your jacket and go out with your uncle. I'll take care of these. That little girl is not the only one Jack has been waiting to see."

"Oh Aunt Leigh, Jack is just a horse, he can't possibly remember me from Adam."

Leigh raised a sculpted blonde brow. "Really? Go out and see for yourself then." She pulled a heavy wool jacket off the coat rack and thrust it in Erica's hand. "Go on," she said as she shoved Erica out the backdoor and out of her kitchen.

The afternoon sun was warm on Erica's cheeks. She leaned her chin on the rough wood of the corral fence and watched her daughter giggle gleefully on Jack's back as Uncle Alexander led them around in a circle.

Alexander pulled Jack to a stop and slid Fallon down out of the saddle. "Why don't we see if your mother wants to take Jack out for a spin?"

"Ok." Fallon paused and stroked Jack's soft velvety nose. "Thank you, Jack. It was nice to meet you." She giggled when Jack nudged her and sniffed at her hair.

"That's his way of saying, "You're welcome," Alexander explained. Handing the reigns to Erica he ambled over to open the gate. Putting Fallon on Jack's back and leading her round the corral had reminded him of Alex and Erica when he'd done the same for them. "Go ahead. Take him out. He aint what he used to be, but he's not exactly ready for the glue factory either."

"I shouldn't. I haven't ridden a horse in years," Erica said hesitantly. She stroked the soft down of the white streak between Jack's deep chocolate colored eyes. Smiling when the horse blew out a warm, sweet breath in appreciation. "Hi Jack." Maybe the horse really did remember her after all.

"Well, it hasn't changed any. Go on, off with the two of you. Don't worry, you won't get lost. Jack knows his way around." Jack had made the trip to the bluffs dozens of time. He carried forth the next generation of brother as he'd done for the last twenty years. Alexander swung open the gate and held the reins while Erica wiggled onto Jack's back. "See. It's like riding a bike, only with four legs."

Erica stared down at her daughter and her uncle. It was a lot farther down to the ground than what she remembered as a kid. Jack huffed impatiently, stomping a hoof and waiting for her to give him some slack in the reigns. "Ok. Here we go. Giddy up, Jack." She laughed as Jack sauntered out of the gate with a grunt. "I know. Sorry, old pal, I'm not as light as I used to be." She ran her hand down his sleek mane and let him carry her wherever he wanted.

Chapter 48

The wolf routed through the woods, sniffing out potential sources of prey. The woods were teeming with new life. Routed out by the harsh winter in search of plump shoots, an unsuspecting rabbit or a juicy squirrel shouldn't be too hard to scare up for dinner. The wolf licked his lips in eager anticipation of a morsel or two to snack on. Pack was near and prey was plentiful. The wolf was content here in this blooming world of greens and browns. His human was a storm of questions and internal conflict, not content anywhere.

The wolf's head was a quiet place. Empty of the confusion and constant chatter of the thoughts of the human male that shared his fur. The human...his human had wanted a retreat to the place that was neither here nor there and perfect in its isolation and solace. The place where his consciousness went when he gave up the body they shared. The never land was the shadowy place the wolf lived when he was not in control of the body.

The wolf was well aware of the sacred purpose into which he'd been called into existence. The human...had no idea or belief in purpose beyond what he saw and touched. The wolf flashed mental images of the hunt into the human's mind to calm him and to extract some measure of contentment. To remind him wherever he went. He was never alone. The male was more complex in the things he showed the wolf. Names of things the wolf didn't care about. Cautions to keep the wolf out of trouble. The wolf knew of prey and of pack and the hunt of defending the borders between the here and there and things of purpose. The human's world was more complex, emotions of which the wolf couldn't conceive and the confusion of restrictions and boundaries that made no sense.

But, for all of the differences between them and their worlds, down to the very core they shared. The two of them were the perfect union of purpose and awareness. Symbiosis at its finest, two living in one suit of flesh, part but not part of each other one being but two separate souls. Pausing at a stream choked and overflowing with fresh melted snow from the bluffs the wolf drank deeply of the cool water and shook out his ruff. Scent and a sound captured his attention. The musky smell of prey drifted downwind on gusts of air. Dinner? Maybe? Stealthily, the wolf picked his way through the dense underbrush clustered around the stream closer to the smell.

Erica relaxed as Jack wound his way along the overgrown trail. He'd adjusted to her weight and she didn't feel quite as guilty about putting him through his paces as she had when she'd first climbed into the saddle. She wasn't that heavy. Ok, so she could have skipped the second helping of mashed potatoes and gravy and maybe, that third homemade dinner roll dripping with real butter and definitely the pie. The waistband of her jeans was decidedly snugger after such a humongous meal, but she had no intention of bursting out of the seams of her size eights anytime soon or ever.

Jack was pretty resolved in his task of carting her around on his back. He ambled along the trail at an even pace. She'd even managed to coax him into a canter before easing up on him a little when the rugged path angled at a steady incline. Poor old horse didn't need that much strain on his weary bones. Carrying her with sure footing on his back, he plodded over the muddy ground and the two of them had settled into a steady rhythm.

The woods were beautiful this time of year. During the fall the trees put on quite a colorful display, but spring was her favorite, so filled with promise and hope. The stark trees of winter budded with brilliant green spring leaves. Birds chattered noisily from the branches over her head. The dull brown of winter had been replaced by fresh green foliage. She inhaled deeply of the crisp, clean air and held the breath deep in her lungs. She'd missed this place more than she'd realized. For all the noise of nature, it was quiet. Activity bustled around her, yet at the same time it was still and almost reverent.

The day was one of those perfect days with a clear, blue sky and warm sunshine streaming down on her shoulders. The air was still a little cool with the remnants of winter, but you could tell spring was just a breath away. Her troubles melted and their burden somehow felt lighter. Erica hated that she didn't have a plan. She had no idea what kind of a job she was going to find, if she found one. She had no clue of where Fallon and she were going to hang their hats in the long term. There was exactly two hundred dollars and fifteen cents in her checking account and a crumpled twenty dollar bill in her purse. Her gas tank was on empty. Torr was a constant source of angst rattling around in the back of her mind. But, for the moment, she couldn't bring herself to care about any of it.

Her aunt and uncle were good people and she had no plans on imposing on them any longer than she had to. Although they didn't seem to be as concerned about having Fallon and her around as she did about being there. Finding a job and a place to live were priority number one. Fallon would adjust to small town living. She'd make friends and have sleepovers, do the things little girls did. There'd be hikes in the woods and visits with the family, festivals, and ice cream cones with cherries on the top. Erica supposed she'd adapt too. She wouldn't make the money she'd made in DC. The paychecks would no doubt be decidedly smaller and she'd have to pinch every penny till it begged for mercy. But, she couldn't regret her decision to drag her daughter halfway across the country and start over. This town was a good place and it was home in a way DC never could be.

Erica couldn't wait to see Alex again. The two of them had been thick as thieves growing up. Best friends more than cousins and always getting into some kind of mischief. The things they'd done in the long hazy days of summer to entertain themselves brought a smile to her face. Alex climbing way up into the tops of the trees just because she could and she, trailing a branch or two below, tormenting her aunt and uncle, sneaking off for a swim in the lake, jumping off of boulders, riding their bikes down endless gravel roads and sitting parked in the middle of the road to look for Indian beads, and the boys...always talking boys.

It broke Erica's heart for Alex when Lucien died. Alex hadn't been the same afterwards. The car accident had taken the wind out of her sails. Alex's injuries had been severe and she'd missed the entire summer. But, it was Lucien's death, not the steel rod in her femur that had changed her. Alex had been injured far beyond the physical and it didn't seem like she'd ever recover and become the carefree girl she had been before. Alex became distant, and while they were still BFFs, their relationship had changed.

Lucien's death had taken something out of Aunt Leigh and Uncle Alexander too. Alex so wrapped up in her own suffering hadn't seen the changes. But, Erica had. They were more cautious and protective of Alex, almost secretive as if they were hiding something from her. Erica assumed it was the way Lucien had died that burdened them so heavily. He'd been burned to death in that accident. Trapped in the car as it burst into flames. And then there'd been Alex's nightmares. Night after night, she'd wake up in a cold sweat screaming his name. After almost losing her and the constant wake of trauma that came afterwards, who could blame them for wanting to shield their little girl?

As a mother, looking back on that dark time in their lives, Erica understood it a little better than she had. In part, she supposed that was why after her father's death so long ago, her mother had packed her up and they'd moved to DC. It wasn't that her mom didn't love her brother. But, Uncle Alexander and this town had reminded her too much of what she'd lost.

Erica understood a lot more about loss than she had years ago. After her mom's sudden heart attack it'd taken her forever to move forward with the plans for the coffee shop. She'd gone through the motions of living and of being ok for Fallon's sake. But, she hadn't been ok for a long time afterwards. Sometimes, she still wasn't ok. The failure of the shop had been a hard blow to take. She'd wanted to honor her mom's memory and do something good. Make a legacy her mom would be proud of. But, it'd gone so horribly wrong. Everything was gone.

She wasn't the only one still feeling the loss. Her uncle felt it too. Uncle Alexander was a strong man, a proud man. He wasn't one to wear his feelings on his sleeve. But, she could see it. The weight of it, of regret and all the things left unsaid between him and his sister, pressing on his shoulders. Maybe taking them in was his way of making amends. Oh, her mom and him were congenial. In fact, Uncle Alexander and Aunt Leigh had come to DC for an unexpected visit about a year before she passed. But, there was a distance between them that the words they'd never spoke and the person they'd never spoke them about. Some wounds were too raw and too new. No matter how old they were. And they'd never, ever heal.

Her aunt, bless her, was the peacekeeper, the smoother overer of all the bumps. She with her quiet grace and nimble hands knitted the fabric that held everyone together. Her aunt had made the calls, signed the birthday and Christmas cards, and bridged the gap brother and sister never could. In her graceful way, Aunt Leigh was still smoothing things and keeping the peace. There was a vagueness to her when she spoke of Alex. More secrets, Erica thought.

If Erica was ever going to get the whole story from anyone, Alex was her best bet. Alex had never been able to keep a secret. Erica wanted to know all about her BFF cousin and make up for the years of lost time that had come between them. She wanted to meet Alex's husband, Chance. Meet the in-laws. See their home. Make sure Alex was as Aunt Leigh claimed and happy as a clam in a bowl of chowder. If Alex had managed to pull it together and live a fulfilling life of love and happiness, maybe there was some hope for her too. And if there were secrets that had followed her mother to the grave and still haunted her uncle, Alex would be the one to tell them.

Jack's nervous whinny and stomp of a hoof drew her out of her thoughts and back into the here and now. She pulled gently on the reins and slicked her hand over his dark mane. "What is it buddy?" Looking into the thick green foliage she tried to spot what might be the problem. It was too cold for snakes to be slithering across the trail. The woods weren't known for predators. This was Indiana for god's sake. There were no wolves, no bears, and certainly no panthers or mountain lions in the middle of the heartland. But, Jack was pretty low key and not skittish the way some horses were.

Something had him flicking his ears every which way and flicking his tail. Scanning the woods and the thick underbrush flanking the path, she didn't see anything alarming. It was probably a fox or some other harmless critter he could hear rustling around and she couldn't. "Easy boy," she whispered as she patted his neck reassuringly. "It's just us out here."

Dinner? No. The horse was too big for one lone wolf to take down on its own. The human? Not even remotely appetizing. The wolf dismissed the promise of a fight in preference for an easier meal. Better to move on and keep hunting than to provoke a thousand pound horse and its rider. The human within him battered at his skull, wanting control of the body they shared. Not here though, not now, later where nobody, especially that female that had him reacting in such urgency would see. The wolf bounded off into the woods going as quietly as he'd come.