Dear Diary

Comically, Debbie and her friends were moaning on screen, too. Either Amber came from Bill's fuck, or she faked it. Her noises made it very obvious. Alas however, I did not cum. I did not care, I was ecstatic, I was no longer a virgin and I discovered that I loved fucking.

I felt liberated, free of my fears, free of my terror. Just then I felt as if I craved sex. These days 22 years old is an advanced age never before to have experienced sex. I had finally crushed the deflowering bugaboo. I was happy. I was content. I was fulfilled.

We all fell asleep, and I awoke as the morning sun streamed into the hotel room. I heard soft moaning next to me, and I turned my head to see Zeke finally getting to fuck his little sister Amber, who seemed to be enjoying it immensely. Given how adamant she was about not fucking her own brother just hours earlier, this truly surprised me.

Even more surprising was the sensation that two hands were spreading my legs apart. My primo fantasy man, my brother Bill, was taking the temperature of my pussy. Finding it rapidly getting wet just from the incestuous thoughts running through my head, I guess Bill decided the temperature of my pussy was hot. I was ready, and he knew it.

Bill's eyes met mine. Our eyes locked as his fingers probed my pussy. It was the moment of truth. I said, "Steve must never know. Nobody can ever know. Promise me, big brother."

Zeke held his cock still inside Amber and he leaned over to me and said, "I promise too. At least I'm your first cousin..."

I got the giggles, and while I was distracted, Bill climbed up and entered me. Zeke resumed fucking Amber, and she resumed moaning. Bill began to pump inside me and I yelled, "Oh my God. I can't believe I'm fucking my own brother! Christ Bill, you feel so good. Oh, I need this. I need you. Faster, harder! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," and then I subsided into a long series of back-to-back moans.

I had found it amazingly erotic not only to fuck my first cousin, but actually to fuck my brother, whom I had lusted for in fantasies for years. This was just like a wet dream come true. It actually was a dream come true! I realize this may sound strange. But I love my brother, and at some point in my sexual development I fell sexually in love with him too. It was all in my mind all this time, but now, Bill was inside my body, too. I knew it was wrong but frankly, I did give a damn.

Soon everything got very wet: I had an over the top orgasm, and I screamed to the high heavens when it swept over me. Bill pulled out and spewed ropes and ropes of cum all over my tummy and boobs. Then he collapsed and fell on me, and I enjoyed lying there below him, his hard, masculine, muscle rippling body resting on me, my spent lover, my brother.

I showered and came out of the bathroom naked only to find the room service waiter in our room, while Amber signed the check, herself dressed only in her robe. Amber's robe was open, so she was exposing her charms to the room service waiter. Seeing her doing that, I just froze.

I should have run back into the bathroom for modesty's sake, but I was not thinking. Like a deer in the headlights, I simply froze in place and I remained there naked. The waiter saw my naked body and was startled. He had been enjoying the peeks Amber provided, but I was offering him a full-frontal treat.

I winked at him. Amber was offering him a tip and he said, "No tip necessary, m'am," as he winked at me. I blew him a kiss. I was aroused by my inadvertent exhibitionist display to the waiter, but there was no time for anyone to do anything about it. We ate breakfast, got dressed, and then I had to get ready for my marriage.

As my mother fussed about me, making sure I looked gorgeous and perfect, and Amber's mother did the same for her and her bridesmaid outfit, I began a debate in my mind. First I wondered how I could have committed so many incestuous sins the previous night and this morning? With my own brother, no less?

Second I wondered, putting aside the incest angle, how I could have had sex with two men almost back to back? Third, I wondered how I could behave with such wanton sexual deviance the night before my wedding, even the same morning of the day of my wedding?

And fourth, I wondered why I did not seem to care, and simply wished I could do it again? What did this say about my mother's pious, Christian daughter? Nothing good, I decided.

My thoughts then segued to Amber. Had I led her down this incestuous road? Did she fuck my brother and her own brother because of me? I knew she had free will and that she had chosen to fuck each of them. Nobody forced her, but I was sure it had something key to do with me.

Then I thought: What's done is done. The key thing is, I have no regrets, strangely enough. I began to think about Steve, finally, and now that I knew how wonderful sex could be, I was eager to drain him dry that very night! I pushed thoughts of my sinful behavior with my brother and my cousins from my mind. I concentrated on looking forward to being naked for my very own husband. I felt as if I were in heat.

We went to Hawaii for the honeymoon. As soon as we got to our room I stripped naked. Then I sexily undressed Steve. We were both naked and I kissed him lovingly. He fondled my boobs. I was so excited!

His penis was flaccid. Well, I figured it was performance anxiety. I had read up on this, the bride's wedding night, in all sorts of women's magazines, and I knew what to do. I gently played with his cock. No reaction. Disappointed but undaunted, I took his penis in my mouth for the first time ever. I had watched so much porn (always secretly) I knew just how to give a good blowjob. I had my recent experience via my incest, too. Steve was impressed with my ability. I wondered if he got suspicious? I got his cock nice and hard.

I lay down. I spread my legs. I said, "Come on in, lover, and deflower your bride! I'm wet and ready for you." That is exactly what Steve did. Well, he did not deflower me. That had been Zeke's task. But he did not need to know that.

We made tender love. It was his first time, I'm sure, but he lasted a long time, finally blowing his seed deep inside me. It felt wonderful. I loved it and wanted to do it all the time. I wondered if I would get pregnant on my wedding night!

It would be okay if I did. It would be God's will, and we would be parents. But I didn't. I never used birth control, and I did eventually get pregnant. But I also never got pregnant from Steve, or at least that's my best guess. I also never told Steve that he was most likely not the father of our two children.

You see, Steve was remarkably bad in bed. Somehow his heart was just not in it. At the beginning, we made love around once a week, with it gradually morphing into around once every two weeks, then around once a month. He never seemed really to want to do the deed with me. Instead he seemed to do it out of obligation. It was always I who initiated sex. If I had not constantly seduced him, we would have had a chaste marriage.

Given all that, Dear Diary, perhaps you will understand what happened to me. Perhaps you will not. Please try not to judge me. I had a huge struggle with myself between religious piety, marital fidelity, and sexual frustration. It all came to a head when one of my coworkers invited Steve and me to a party.

Alcohol flowed freely at the party, and Steve did not approve. He stayed a polite amount of time, and then he went home. He never drank a drop. As it turned out, I drank for both of us. I asked if I could stay, because I was having a good time. I was already tipsy. He said sure, and he left.

Once he was gone, all sorts of men asked me to dance with them. I'm pretty, and I looked sexy in my dress with its plunging neckline. I accepted all invitations. I enjoyed all the attention and the harmless flirting. Steve had never behaved that way with me. I guess he had never really tried to flirt with me with the idea of sex in the unspoken background, even when he was courting me, before our marriage.

As it got later some more people left, but I stayed. Eventually we were just six people left: three men and three women. We began to play a game that involved losing clothes when you lost. Remember I was drunk, and I was religious, but I was not a prude. Indeed, I did not fully realize it then, but I was a closet exhibitionist. I enjoyed showing off parts of my body. I was okay with losing my clothes down to my underwear, and eventually that happened.

It was the type of high school game I never, ever got to play. However, it was in fact the type of game I fantasized about during my adolescence. Now I was getting to do it, finally. Yes!

Now in bra and panties, I was at my limit. I dropped out of the game, but the other five friends continued. The girls eventually removed their bras, which surprised me, but did not scandalize me. I was jealous, and I wished I had had the courage to do that, too. But I'm married, I reminded myself. And Steve was not there.

Steve not being there swings both ways, I suddenly thought. Why did he leave me to the mercy of alcohol and my friends? Maybe he got vicarious pleasure from letting me have some fun? Where was that thought coming from, I wondered. Then I giggled and forgot about Steve.

The two girls were down to their panties, and they lost yet again. They let themselves get naked. While it was hyper sexy to watch it happen (and the girls earlier removed their bras, and now their panties, quite dramatically) I was shocked, but said nothing and tried not to show my surprise.

The boys too got naked, and I saw hard, throbbing erections, a quite exciting and for me, rare, sight. Of course, I saw them almost daily on the porn videos I watched on the internet, but here they were in front of me where in theory, at least, I could reach out and touch them.

Steve's cock had never been that hard. I saw lust and desire in the eyes of the men, and realized I had never seen that in Steve's eyes. The two remaining girls were sisters, and they were named April and May. Those were also their birth months: They were identical twins. April was born at 11:59pm on April 30, and May was born at 12:01am on May 1. As far as their Mom was concerned, their names became preordained.

We paired up and we became three couples, all making out, except everyone but me was naked. I was still dressed in my bra and panties. My bra and panties were white cotton. They were not sexy, even if my body was. They maintained my modesty, or what was left of it.

I felt guilty being married and making out, but I was drunk, horny, and amazingly sexually frustrated. I was making out with Jim. The two boys enjoying April and May were Frank and Greg. Frank and Greg were obviously thoroughly enjoying the twins, and the twins' reactions made me believe the feeling was mutual. I was jealous of their reckless abandon. I wished I could be like them.

I know for a fact that April had a crush on Frank in any event. Greg had a crush on May, so it was natural that the four of them paired up.

I lost religion that night. I'd like to tell you it was gradual, but it was as if someone flipped a switch. Here I was, 23 years old, married, and I had never had any real sexual gratification other than self-stimulation. I was pathetic. April and May were having a great time, and they were also truly pleasing Frank and Greg. It was not fair. I was jealous.

I was jealous as all hell.

The fifth time Jim tried to remove my bra, I ceased stopping him. Instead as my bra was off and he was caressing my boobs, I kissed him. My kisses were different than my earlier ones. My kisses now conveyed sexual desire, and the implicit promise to back it up.

Jim saw how turned on I was, and he quickly picked up on the near total change in my attitude and behavior. He slipped off my panties and rather than protesting, stopping him, or doing anything, I lifted my hips to make it easier for him to slip them off. Also, I never stopped kissing him. I kissed with the passion of the possessed.

I moved to his ear. I whispered in it, "Jim, I want you to fuck me now. Fuck me with passion, and never stop." I lay down on the floor, near Greg and May, and spread my legs wide. I pulled Jim down on top of me as I lay down.

Jim knew what to do with a woman. Since I was already as wet as the Ohio River, he plunged his strong cock right into me. He began to pound me something fierce. Both April and May knew how religious I was. They knew that I was devoted and true to my husband. They both looked at me in a combination of dismay and surprise. Fortunately, I did not detect disapproval.

Seeing Jim being to fuck me, Frank and Greg put their moves on April and May. Very quickly the two girls gave themselves to the two men. This distracted the girls, to say the least. Consequently, April and May could not really stare at us, or try to stop Jim. They were busy, shall we say.

They might have thought I was so drunk I did not know what I was doing. But I did in fact know. I knew exactly what I was doing, despite my inebriation. I was having the fuck that changed my life. And by the way, it was a great fuck. It was also the first great fuck of my life since the night before my wedding, and we all know what happened then, don't we Dear Diary?

In spite of my level of inebriation, I was self-aware enough to know that I was cheating on my husband for the first time of our marriage, and that nothing would ever be the same again. I also knew I had to do this. I had no choice. I was sexually trapped, and this was the way out.

Jim fucked me with passion and I realized Steve had never fucked me with passion. Jim could not get enough of me. I decided to moan and discovered I actually meant the moans. April, May, Greg, and Frank had finished their fucks, but we were still going at it. I wanted it never to stop. April, May and their men sat there naked, watching us go at it. God, I loved it.

I had never had an audience watching me make love, or anything else, for that matter. Now I was not only naked in front of the four of Greg, Frank, April and May, I was bleeping fucking Jim right in front of them! That is quite a leap from a hyper religious goodie two shoes. I found it thrilling.

Jim finally shot his load deep inside me. I needed more. I quickly began to try to suck him hard, but he had a slow recovery rate. "I need you hard again, Jim! I need another fuck!" I cried out loudly. I was like a woman possessed.

That was when Greg surprised all of us. He said, "Mary, I'm hard again. If May does not mind, and if you like, I'd love to fuck you now." Well as I have said already, Dear Diary, I was drunk. Really drunk. And I had the horniness of what seemed to be just then an entire lifetime of sexual frustration. I grabbed Greg and pulled him to me. I looked at May, and she hesitated, clearly thinking. Finally she nodded okay.

I felt bad, because once we were fully engaged in coitus, I saw May trying to suppress tears. She really liked Greg, but all he wanted was sex, and more sex. Well, I guess I was helping her to see that, wasn't I?

Greg put me on all fours and entered my sloppy pussy from behind. He held my hips and fucked me doggy style. I had once seen two neighborhood dogs fucking exactly this way, and I imagined I was the bitch, and he was the sire. We were dogs, fucking with animal instinct. And actually, I felt just then as if I were in heat. Any man who wanted to fuck me just then, probably could have fucked me, as far as I was concerned.

Greg fucked me with what seemed like anger. He was really pounding at me, grunting as he pushed me around the floor with his cock. Nobody, not Steve, Zeke, or Bill had ever fucked me like this. Was he mad at me for falling for me (or falling for my ready pussy, more accurately) and thereby ruining his chances with May, whom he had just fucked? Maybe. Or maybe he was just another angry white misogynist man? Lord knows there are enough of them.

These were prophetic thoughts, because once Greg was done and had spilled his seed deep inside me, Frank wanted to know if I was up for thirds? I felt like asexual glutton; I felt like an animal in heat. When I pulled him on top me of me I kissed him as if my life depended on it. Frank enjoyed my body as much as had Jim and Greg before him.

Frank was not vicious with me as Greg was; he was kind of in between the loving, tender, wonderful fuck of Jim and the nasty, angry but oh so pleasurable fuck of Greg. People are mysteries I thought as Frank pumped away at my pussy.

When Frank was done, I was used up, but Jim was now ready for round two, and since he was by far my favorite, I could not deny him, so we did it again, this time with me on top. He played with my boobs as we did the deed.

This second time Jim was not so urgent. I guess he no longer feared I would have second thoughts. He took his time and he was tender. He took advantage of the leisure he had to mix up his moves. I never knew what he was going to do next. I found erotic his unpredictability. I never knew what he was going to do to me with his cock. Whatever he chose to do, I loved it.

I enjoyed the raw sexual lust of my fucks with Frank and Greg. I would mind them fucking me again some time. But I truly loved the way Jim fucked me. Of the four fucks in a row I had just enjoyed, this last one of Jim was in a class by itself.

I came close to orgasming, but shortly before I was about to cum, Jim stopped, went rigid, and exploded inside me, depositing a fourth load of the evening into my vaginal canal. I did not see how all that cum could fit inside me, but it did, although a lot of it leaked out over the rest of the evening.

I did not cum with any of the men, by any of the four fucks, nor had I ever cum either with my husband Steve, but for the first time in my life I was sexually satisfied and amazingly happy. I stayed naked with them for another few hours, and the six of us had fun, discussing many things, from sports to politics to literature.

All three men played with my boobs from time to time, as they did with those of April and May. Greg kept whispering to May, and towards the end she relented and she let him finger her until she came. April was not so forgiving with Frank. I felt I loved Jim just then. But perhaps that was the alcohol and the fantastic sex confusing my brain. I knew it was my husband Steve whom I loved.

I noticed that Frank's cock was recovering and getting hard again, probably due to the sight of us three naked women, two of whom (April and yours truly) he had already enjoyed. Like men everywhere, he now had eyes for May, April's twin sister. But Greg had May wrapped up, and the group sex time was over. I figured Frank would survive. I felt however, even though they had fucked right in front of me, Frank and April were over.

Nevertheless, Frank and April began to make out again, and so did May and Greg, which left Jim looking at me. I had had enough, and I actually apologized to Jim for not being up for a fifth fuck of the night. I can't believe I did that! "Another time, perhaps?" I said. I got dressed and took a Lyft ride home.

Nine months later I gave birth to my daughter June. I named her June because she was conceived that night, and the date was June 10th. It was a secret homage to April and May, and how they got their names. The biological father theoretically could have been my husband Steve, since we had fucked the previous day, or it could have been any of Jim, Greg, or Frank. I had no idea.

Now that my baby, June, is a few years old, I've noticed that her face has a lot of Jim in it, and essentially none of Steve in it. There is also none of Greg or Frank in her face. I think it's poetic: The fuck that changed my life also gave me one of the two most precious things that ever happened to me. The other is of course my son.