Dear Diary Ch. 03

Oct.21

Well, I can't say the house has gotten back to normal, I don't think it will ever be normal again. At least what most people would consider normal, but the tension has gone down between the children and me when we are in the house together. Mike has noticed the past few days I'm sure some sort of tension, but as I treat him as I had been doing and the kids seem to react to him the same, he hasn't noticed the stress...or may I say the silence between me and the kids. But the girls at least have started talking to me some, other then the automatic hello as they walk through the door. Genie actually hugged me yesterday and Mary gave me a small smile at one point. I guess I'll have to wait further for signs of Peter's shell breaking, but that is to be expected. He knows, and rightly so, that the brunt of the blame from me falls on him. Well, except what I blame myself for...which is a lot. Peter was right; I could have stopped it whenever I wanted.

At this point I feel like a pariah, an outcast. The kids seem to talk to each other much the same as before, I can hear them in the living room, or at times in one of their rooms as they talk, but things usually grow silent or more whispered when I pass. And I can't help feeling strange now, happy that I am no longer under the microscope with Peter molesting me and the girls watching the show, but I find myself...well...missing the attention. As well, if I may say so, the sexual tension and stimulation. I feel at times like a junkie without a fix, my nerves all tense. I've had to masturbate several times the past few days to relieve the stress I feel during the day and I feel rather sick afterward, because every time I masturbate, even though I fight and try not to, I keep reliving how Peter felt inside me and of Mary below me, even Genie as she came, her fingers inside herself.

I know we have to put it behind us and move on, but it is hard with these thoughts...these sick desires inside of me. And wondering what else might be inside me, am I pregnant? I won't know for a few weeks, though I dread it, because I know I was fertile then, when it happened. And I still cant see forward to what I will do if I am, it makes me sick to think of aborting it, but how could I carry it, Mike would know it wasn't his. I guess I just have to wait and see, about everything I guess.

Oct. 22

Peter gave me a hug yesterday, our first real 'touch' since that day. After they got home and I said hello, both Genie and Mary gave me a hug shortly after they entered the kitchen and I gave them smiles in return, my hands being messy as I fixed supper. Peter walked past me to his room I'm assuming, but when he returned I gave him another "Hello Peter" as he walked past me and I looked at him. He hesitated a second then he slowly hugged me and I noticed that he was making sure to hold his hips away from mine as we touched. I whispered "it's ok Peter." Telling him it was ok between us and he gave me a surprised look at me as he pulled back. I hope I didn't give him the wrong thoughts, I didn't think when I spoke and he might have taken it to mean I meant it was ok to...resume his past behavior. I hope not. But after getting things to drink and in Genie's case a snack, I didn't see them much until shortly before their father got home, which seems to be the trend nowadays. I'm starting to feel very left out and even somewhat depressed after what happened, now thinking and wondering if it was more my fault then theirs.

Oct. 27

Ok, I am getting feed up of being ignored in the afternoon after they get home. It's almost like they are trying to make me feel guilty for what happened the other week. They come home and then they shortly after disappear, sometimes to one of their rooms, but other times I have no idea where they go, although I haven't been searching for them. I'm usually busy about that time with supper or cleaning up and have little time before their father gets home. Maybe I should try to talk to them later and see if that helps the situation any...

Susan made sure to finish all of her cleaning early, before the kids got home, making sure to not watch TV or read so as to finish before they got home. She even had the supper of meatloaf almost ready when they got home. They spent a few minutes in the kitchen and Susan made sure to hug each of them these days (Peter seems to be on parole and seemingly hasn't tried anything), today included. Then they left the kitchen and Susan again was left alone. She quickly washed the few dishes she had made dirty when she fixed the supper, then checking the meatloaf in the oven, knowing it had another hour at least to cook. Susan then washed her hands and then went off to talk to her children.

She knew they weren't in the living, which is just off of and in front of the kitchen and figured they weren't in the dining room, she would have heard them from the kitchen. She walked down the hall to the bedrooms and saw two of the bedroom doors, Genie's and Mary's was open...both empty. She walked to Peter's room and knocked on the door, only to be greeted with silence. She knocked again and waited. After a minute she tried the handle, opening it and finding the room empty. She even looked inside the closet, empty. She closed Peter's door as she left. She checked Marie's room and found everything undisturbed and closed the door. She moved back, seeing they weren't in the hallway bathroom and walked to her room. Her room was empty as well, even her bathroom. She stood perplexed and then wondered if they had left and gone somewhere.

"Maybe they left by the dining room door?" Susan said as she talked aloud, but knew that was improbable. The dining room front door was very noisy and if they had used it, she surely would have heard it. But Susan walked to the side door and opened it, looking out and seeing Peter's car and hers still in the driveway. Now she was confused, even if they left by the back screen door, they didn't take the car. She went to go get her house keys and slipped on her shoes and using the front door, started looking outside for them. She was starting to feel funny about the situation, she felt certain that the kids would tell her if they had left the house, even with what had happened between them...why shouldn't they? She felt funny standing in the front yard as cars drove by her on the road, but she wondered if they had walked to a neighbor's house. The girls had a few friends close by within walking distance, but why would they when Peter could drive them. She sighed, thinking about calling around, but only after she checked the side and back yard.

She passed between the cars, looking in the windows for the weird off chance they would be hiding in the cars, nothing. She opened the gate to the backyard and closing it behind her. She didn't see them and walked to check the far side of the house, where she once had a garden, but which was now just grass and a few weeds. She looked around as she saw the whole yard was empty and she turned and started back to the front yard and the open door. Then she stopped, catching something and she spun about and realized what she had seen...the shed door was unlocked, and the padlock was on the ground. She moved to the door and looked inside, seeing it empty, but now figuring she knew where her children were...the spare bedroom that Mike and Peter had built into the rear of the shed. They had taken a few weeks to convert the mostly unused shed to a spare bedroom in the back of it for the odd times that one of their relations would come and visit them.

Susan quietly opened the shed door, making it creak only slightly and she walked softly to the door of the spare bedroom and put her ear to the door, half guessing what she would find. At first she didn't hear anything and was about to try the door when what she thought was moaning come from the other side of the door. She turned the knob and flipped the door open and saw all three of her children were inside...all of them naked and on the double bed. She got a quick picture of what they were doing before they reacted to her presence and saw that Peter was between Genies legs, actively licking her pussy, and Mary was under Peter as he knelt, her mouth firming around Peter's hanging cock! They flew apart as she entered the room, her face flush with surprise...as theirs now were.

"What in the hell are you doing!" She demanded of them, though she could tell very well what they were doing. They scrambled to cover themselves, but they had been lying on top of the covers, so only Genie was able to pull the covers enough from the side to cover herself. Susan caught herself smiling as she watched them scramble to cover themselves...Peter was covering his crotch and Mary hid behind him. "Oh stop it...I've already seen you naked and all things considered we're past that. I can't believe you three doing this, after...after what happened in the kitchen!" She told them loudly, but she was surprisingly not mad. She stared at all three of them.

"We...we just, well...wanted to, you know..." Peter tried to explain to her and just fumbled for words as he looked at the floor.

"Yes I know, as you all just wanted to what...fuck right?" Susan asked them sarcastically. She saw Genie shaking her head vigorously.

"We haven't fucked mom!" Genie cried in protest as she looked at her mother and Susan saw the other nod to what Genie said.

"Ok, maybe not, but you don't think you wont? And regardless of what Bill Clinton says...oral sex is SEX!" She said as she looked at each of them. At first the looks were to their faces, but Susan caught her gaze moving to their uncovered bodies and she blushed, her thoughts becoming less motherly. She averted her eyes slightly to try and avoid their bare flesh. "So what am I suppose to do now? Susan demanded of them and waited a minute for their reply. What she heard shocked her.

"Nothing mommy! You're not going to tell daddy, just like you didn't tell him before." Mary said, her voice without anger, but Susan could hear the confidence in her voice. She gave her daughter a hard stare, and Mary looked back at her.

"You smart ass child!" Susan retorted in anger as she looked at Mary. Mary gave her a hurt look, but continued to look at her.

"I wasn't being smart assed mommy, just saying you can't tell daddy, after what we did is all." Mary replied to her mother's anger.

"Is that a threat Mary?" Susan asked her daughter, not sure of what her daughter said or meant.

"No!" Mary uttered out quickly as she looked hurtfully at her mother.

"God no!" Peter also responded to their mothers comment.

"We wouldn't do that mom." Genie threw in as well.

"Mommy, I would never do that to you, I was just saying we would ALL get in trouble if daddy found out...you said the same thing last week." Mary muttered out and Susan saw her start to cry softly as she seemed to hide further behind her brother. Susan just nodded at her and lifting the bottom of the bed throwing it over Peter's lap to try and cover him. She then sat of the edge of the bed and looked at them.

"Ok I'm sorry I got mad. Wait, what am I saying...listen, you guys can't do this!" Susan tried to make it clear how she felt...even if she was feeling conflicted inside at the moment. "How much have you been doing...this...?" Susan asked as she waved her arm over the bed.

"This is the third time we've come out here and one time just me and Mary in my room." Peter told her quietly, and then glanced up at her. Susan sighed heavily at them.

"And it has only been oral sex?" Susan asked, wanting to know how far it had gone.

"Well that and...umm...our hands." Genie said meekly from behind her. She looked at her daughter and smiled at her as she rubbed her hair with her hand. Genie actually smiled back.

"I kind of assumed use of your hands, I just wanted to find out if it had gone further. And it hasn't?" Susan asked again of them, and all three of them shook their heads. "Ok, good. Now, it really needs to stop here. No more, please." Susan pleaded with them as she looked from face to face. After a few seconds, Mary shook her head and she looked at her daughter.

"No mommy, we...we want to..." Mary started then hesitated when her mother gave her a dark look.

"We want to keep doing it mom." Peter finished for her, and Susan gave him an incredulous look, not believing what she was hearing. "We talked about it, and even discussed what we would do if you caught us." He admitted to her and she looked at her daughters and both of them nodded.

"I can't believe this! So you three are telling me you won't quit, even after I told you too?" She asked them and they nodded. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs out of it and looked at them again. "Ok, I can't stop you and I WONT tell your father...but what are you going to do when he finds out in a week...or a year. What then?" Susan asked excitedly as she stood up to face them. "And he will you know." She said more quietly.

"We don't know mom, it's just we don't want to stop, it feels good...no...more then good." Peter said as he tried to explain.

"Well it might feel good...sex usually does but, dammit kids, this is wrong!" Susan exclaimed at them, looking at them and seeing her words were falling on deaf ears. "I didn't make a dent did I?" Susan asked them and they just looked at each other and not at her. She sighed deeply as she thought for a minute. "Ok, well you guys CANT keep coming out here! The neighbors will see something or hear something and well...you can't do it out here." She said as she gave up trying to dissuade them and started to make sure they weren't found out. All three of them looked up and gave her funny looks, Mary even smiled at her.

"You mean we can...play...inside the house?" Mary asked before the others could. Susan groaned aloud but nodded.

"I won't be calling it playing, but yes. I don't want the neighbors finding out." Susan announced to them, then shook her head when she saw them grinning. She couldn't believe what she just said, but knew she didn't want her children caught by anyone else. She started to leave, and then looked back at them. "Get dressed please and make sure the bed is fixed and then come inside...I am so going to hell for this!" Susan muttered out as she turned back around and walked out. As she walked back to the house she tried to fight back the images of her children as they pleasured each other, and wondered if she truly was damning herself with her decision...damning herself in more then one way.

Oct. 28

I found the kids in the spare bedroom in the shed yesterday. They were all three of them, having sex. They claimed it was ONLY oral sex, but so what? How long before they start having intercourse, a week...maybe two, hell maybe today after they get home. And there is no way I can make them not have intercourse or stop the sex whatsoever. I can't tell their father at this point...as they pointed out, and I can't punish them in anyway that would have the slightest chance of stopping them. I feel this is my entire fault; I should have stopped the whole damn mess at the start. Mike might have been harsh with Peter then, but if would've been better then when he finds out NOW!!!! Or maybe he'll just find out when I start to show, if I'm pregnant. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Oct. 29

It was so weird after the kids came home yesterday, after what I had told them the day before. The first few minutes were fine...hello's, hugs and a bit of snack or drink there. Then it was almost like a switch was thrown and Mary leaned over and kissed Genie right there...in the kitchen! With me watching, like I wasn't there. Peter then grabbed Mary's ass as he walked past her and to their rooms. Mary and Genie followed him and I knew what they were doing, as sure as if they had told me. Maybe they had with the way they acted. All I know is I'm there trying to finish up supper and cant. My heart was beating its way out of my chest and my pussy was throbbing so bad that the pressure my panties put on it hurt. I finished the fish as soon as possible and threw it into the oven to cook. I knew I had to go listen at their door to make sure they were, well, doing it. I ignored the dishes for now, washing my hands and softly walked down to the bedrooms. I could hear some sounds and knew even before I got up to Genie's room that they had left the door open! I couldn't believe it, they left it open, and I knew they did if I wanted to see them. I stopped, my legs weak and shaking. I felt a bit ill, but not enough to actually be so. I almost turned back to the kitchen, but I had to look.

So I pretended to walk to the bathroom and looked shocked when I reached the open door...and I was shocked, even though I knew they were having sex. I paused at the door for just a second, maybe a half minute, I'm not sure. Peter was lying down on the bed, and was of course erect, but Mary kissing him and I saw he had his hand between her legs and Genie was kissing his chest and stomach and as I stood there she reached down with her hand and grabbed his erection and looking up at me, smiled. She said "hey mom" and then began licking Peter's erection. Mary and Peter both looked up at me then and I hurried past them and went to the bathroom. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. And my panties were completely soaked. I had to masturbate and I did right there on the toilet. It didn't take long; I barely had my fingers inside myself before I came. I splashed my face with cold water and let myself calm down. On the way back to the kitchen I had to avert my eyes or I would have watched as before. I fought to control my thoughts and tried to watch TV when I was checking supper. I did the dishes, and then the laundry...nothing took my mind off of what I saw. My face was flushed the entire time we ate, after Mike got home. I noticed Genie was as well. I also noticed Mary and Peter playing footsie under the table. I'll certainly have to talk to them about that, least Mike see them. But Mike did get lucky last night...a lot!

Nov. 4

I'm being sorely tested I can tell you! The kids are purposefully tempting me and to be frank, it's working. I am losing myself in a swirl of lust and excitement every afternoon and I'm getting sick everyday I fight it. Me masturbating, isn't coming close to handling the pure horniness the kids instill in me when I see them going at it, nor is even having sex in the evenings with Mike. Yes it helps, but I still stay up after hours of sex and he's already asleep, I find myself fingering myself till I pass out in exhaustion the past few nights. I wake in the morning feeling tired and in a dream; at least till my body and mind becomes supercharged by my children's sexual forays each day.

Yesterday, I was trying my best to get my work done after they got home...I still hadn't gotten a good start on supper, the dishes, and I still had some clothes to do and fold. After they came home they gave me the usual greetings and hugs, though in Peter's case he reverted back to his old nature for the first time since the breakdown and I felt him thrust into my rear for half a minute and he even reached up, quickly tweaking my nipples. That got my motor started I can tell you, and I was almost drooling as he left the room. And I'm not sure at this point if I was just stunned or just so willing that I didn't say anything to him. But I tried to relax and breathe...my heart rate slowing as I figured they were at least out of sight, if not mind, back in the rear of the house. But that was not to be...

Susan was just starting to combine that night's casserole into the pan, rolling in the ingredients, when she noticed Mary walk into the kitchen behind her...nude except for her panties. Susan glanced at her, thinking she had come for a drink...guess she worked up a thirst already Susan mused to herself as she looked back down at the bowl. Mary then began cleaning the kitchen table, placing most of the items in the living room or on the floor off to one side. Susan stopped what she was doing and looked intently at her daughter.