Dear Diary: Lonely

Comments and feedback are always appreciated :)

I've been alone for a long while it seems. Normally, I'm ok with it...but tonight....not so much.

We haven't talked in weeks and I haven't seen him in months. I'm trying to move on, but I'd kill to have him here tonight. I've been staring at the ceiling, tracing patterns on my stomach. I feel like I don't remember how to kiss, much less have sex.

I spread my legs a bit, trying to remember what it feels like to have him there. I close my eyes.

I can picture him kissing my inner thighs, the tickle of his hair on my skin, and the warmth as he exhales on my pussy. Feeling him gently lick my outer lips, then parting me to take me in, sliding his tongue along either side of my clit, drawing circles that always drive me crazy until he finally takes the delicate flesh between his lips and sucks lightly, sending little shocks through my body....

I realize that my hand is now far past the waistband of my shorts. I open my legs a little wider and inhale deeply...

I remember the scent of his skin. To the very end, I loved the way his hair smelled. I would roll over in bed in the middle of the night and the smell of his cologne would entice me to touch him. He was always turned away from me so I'd push my body against him, kiss the back of his neck, trail my fingers down his stomach and touch him until I felt him become hard in my hand. Sometimes this meant a midnight blow job. Sometimes, he'd roll over on his back, half asleep, as I kicked off my panties. Already wet, I'd straddle him, let the tip of his cock rub against my clit as I moved my hips in circles. When I was ready, I'd impale myself on him, feel every inch slide in until he filled me. I remember feeling his hands on my hips, helping to set the pace as I fucked him. The moonlight streaming in from the partially open blinds illuminated his face. I loved to watch his expressions as I switched from gently rocking to riding him harder. His arms would tighten as I brought him close to climax. I loved to make him cum. I loved how he closed his eyes, the little breath he'd take, or how his muscles tensed. I loved to hear him say my name. Sometimes, I fucked him because I wanted to please him, and had no intention of finishing myself. So I'd ride him, his fingers digging into my skin as I fucked him harder...

I open my eyes and I'm staring at the dark ceiling. My middle finger is lightly rubbing my clit, which is already soaked with my juices. With my free hand, I reach up to touch my breasts. I haven't touched myself like this in a while. I get goosebumps as my fingernails brush the soft swell of my tits and my nipples harden. That's enough for me. I sit up, throw off my clothes, and find the little bullet vibrator in the nightstand. I settle back down in the cool sheets....

The first summer we got together, we made love...a lot. Slowly, passionately, our arms wrapped around each other. We whispered sweet nothings and held each other long after we'd both finished. The intimacy was incredible. At that point, I loved him more than anything and I think he felt the same way about me...

With one hand, I'm pushing the bullet against my clit, With my other, I'm barely penetrating myself, my inner walls slick and hot to my fingertips. However, my pace has slowed way down. Memories of making love aren't cutting it tonight. I remember the first time he ever made me cum...

We had to sneak around that night. We weren't the only ones in the house and I knew we'd be dead if we got caught. But we were 18, horny, and crazy about each other. The thrill of being caught somehow made it even better. I was laying on the edge of the bed as he kneeled on the floor, his mouth pressed against my pussy. At the same time, he fingered me with two fingers, pushing against my g spot. In and out, he finger fucked me, his tongue sliding up and down on my clit. I rocked my hips in time to his movements, whispering to go faster, harder. The internal heat built rapidly as he continued. I remember my mind shutting down as my body convulsed, my fingers twined in his hair. I couldn't believe he had made me cum so hard. Afterwards, my pulse pounding, I slid off the bed into his lap, whispering his name and how I loved him, my body continuously sending aftershocks. I kissed him, tasting myself on his mouth as I sucked on his bottom lip...

At this point, I'm slowly fingering myself, the bullet still on my clit, buzzing on the lightest setting. My heartbeat is quickening and I remember the first time I ever used this toy...

On my knees, my face buried in the comforter. "Open your legs," he murmured from behind me. I loved his voice, when he took control, asserted his dominance over me. I didn't move, so he forced my legs open with his knees. With one hand, he pushed firmly down between my shoulder blades. A second later, I felt him driving into me. I was already so wet. I swayed myself back and forth, pushing my ass up against him, letting him fill me entirely.

"Fuck me deeper," I moaned into the blankets. "Harder."

He thrust into me and I cried out in pain and pleasure. Again. And again. But he was slowing down, releasing his grip on my waist. I made a disappointed noise as I turned to see what the matter was. But again, he pushed down on my back, keeping my chest flat on the bed. I felt him moving a bit and then I heard a soft buzzing. Before I could think, he had pulled out of me completely. A second later, I felt cool plastic on my pussy. I gasped as he began tracing my slick inner lips. He didn't touch my clit though and instead methodically avoided it, teasing me, following an unseen pattern. I squirmed, seeking some release.

"Take it," he said, holding the little vibrator still. I squeezed my arm between the bed and my body and quickly pressed the vibe against my clit. Instantly, the sensation began flowing through my body. And then I felt him enter me again, without warning. He began to fuck me hard. I opened myself more to him, pressed myself back against him as hard as I could, dying to feel him inside me, to have all of him. I could feel the warm wetness of my pussy soaking my fingers as I approached climax.

"Cum for me," he whispered. The vibrator, his length filling me, and now his hushed order were all too much. I screamed into the bed as I came, rocking back and forth, unable to control myself or my need for him. My voice was muffled by the comforter as I cried out his name, the waves rushing over me...

I'm fucking myself hard now, the mini vibrator covering my clit, two fingers fully enveloped in my warmth. I wish he were here right now. I want his hands on me, caressing me, fucking me. My breath catches in my throat. I'm so close to the edge...I lift my hips and the smallest moan escapes as I cum, my walls tensing around my fingers, my head falling back a bit. I slow down, little by little, my heart pounding in my chest as I drop my hands by my sides. I open my eyes, once more staring at the ceiling. Little tremors ripple through my body but I think of how much harder I'd have cum, if he'd been here tonight...