Dear Dirty Diary Ch. 01

"Just keep your motor running for a few more minutes." she called out as she scooted into her bedroom.

After a few short minutes, Louise, dressed only in sheer black pantyhose, carrying a tray into the living room. As she placed the tray on the coffee table, I found myself admiring her petite little body. She was a fine featured, pixie-like woman with short, tapered black hair, had sparkling dark eyes with tiny little crow's feet at their corners and a caring smile. Her slim, almost boyish figure was accentuated only by the nipples on her pert little breasts and her dark triangle of pubic hair peeking through her pantyhose. Aware of my stares, Louise cupped her firm little breasts then teased her nipples.

"Pretty small compared to yours, but check these out" she said, smiling.

Her dark pink areoles surrounded immense pink teats that had grown the size of ripe raspberries. As I scanned down her flat belly, I couldn't help but notice a small gold chain curled up between her mound of pubic hair and her pantyhose. Louise smiled provocatively when I asked her about it.

"I'll show you," she said, reaching for her reading glasses on the end table.

She pulled the small cord from the arms of her glasses. Then she slid her hand down inside the front of her pantyhose and retrieved the mysterious gold chain. She pulled back the tiny vinyl-retaining clip at one end of her glasses cord to form a loop. I watched in wonderment when she positioned the loop onto her erect left teat, then cinched the clip tight. She then threaded the opposite end of her cord through a clip on the mystery chain, and then snared her right teat firmly with that loop.

"Pull my string and I'll follow you anywhere!" Louise taunted. The other end of the gold chain, she explained, was attached to her clit by a tiny glass nipple bulb. "It feels best when you tug where they come together." she coached.

I obliged and gently pulled as she requested. Her bulging nipples stretched incredibly as I pulled out on the cord and she moaned in sheer ecstasy whenever I pulled up as well.

"Just come on up and give me a tug anytime." Louise cooed.

Now what about you?" she asked, composing herself. "Is Madame ready for this sumptuous treat I have prepared?" Louise joked in her best snooty French accent.

I eyed the platter and found only two extra-large carrots and a jar of mayonnaise. Closer inspection revealed that she had rounded off the pointed tips and dug out the stems at the big ends. I'm sure I blushed like crazy when I suddenly realized they weren't for meant for eating. Louise sat down beside me on the couch and plucked the larger carrot from the platter. She dipped it fully into the mayo, and then thoroughly spread the salad dressing over the entire carrot. I must have looked apprehensive when she glanced at me.

"It's just food, Laura. "If it's good enough to eat, it's good enough to fuck!" she assured.

Louise smeared the excess mayo on her fingers into my labia. I heard myself sigh when she pushed that carrot into my vulva and I heard myself moan when I felt her shove that whole carrot deep into my vagina. After a few minutes of stroking me delirious, Louise suddenly announced,

"And now Madame, for your pleasure, please witness a feat of extraordinary muscle control!"

She peeled her pantyhose down around her thighs, and then dipped the other carrot in mayonnaise. Louise positioned the tapered tip of her carrot up against her vulva, and then cradled the big end down against the crotch of her pantyhose. She pulled her pantyhose back up snuggly, stretching them tightly over the protruding carrot.

"Presto Magnifico" she called out, then vigorously undulated her hips to and fro.

Slowly, but surely, the tension of her tightly stretched pantyhose drove the carrot deeper and deeper through her relaxed vulva, into her vagina.

"Neat parlor trick!" I applauded.

When I asked her how she developed such wonderful muscle control, she replied, "Self preservation." She confided in me that Marc, her ex-husband could be kind of rough so she had to find a way to relax herself quickly so he wouldn't hurt so much.

We sat facing each other, with legs spread apart. We returned to slowly and caringly stroking and rotating each other's carrot in complete bliss. Because the tension from the pantyhose she was still wearing kept pushing her carrot back in, I mostly amused myself by just pulling it out, then watching it slide back into her. Eventually I tired of this a bit and pointed out that there wasn't much room on the sofa to do much else.

"Perhaps then, Madame would prefer to lead me to my boudoir." Louise suggested.

With carrots still protruding from our pussies, I lead her pulled her steadily along by her nipples cord and clit chain. Once comfortably on her bed, I felt strangely driven to suck deeply on Louise's hugely swollen nipples. I released the clips from her teats and squeezed the sucker's little rubber bulb to release the sucker from her clit. Recalling what I enjoyed Doug doing to me, I carefully closed my teeth on the base of her erect teat and then pulled gently. I asked her if she could feel a tingling sensation in her clitoris when I did that.

She replied, "If I concentrate hard enough, I can feel a vague sensation, something like butterflies in my stomach, but at the base of my clit."

After discussing that, it occurred to me to ask Louise if she too, ever became aroused while breast-feeding. With a wistful look, she quietly explained that she was barren and could never have children.

"Marc left me because I couldn't give him a son." she confided in me. Then she lamented, "He'd come home from drinking with some foolish notion that I couldn't conceive because he wasn't fucking me hard enough to get his sperm into my uterus." "In a drunken stupor, he'd screw me so savagely, I wouldn't be able to walk for hours." she recalled. " He woke up one morning after and caught me massaging my sore pussy and went ballistic, saying I couldn't conceive because I was always playing with myself, then stormed out and left me." Louise tearfully confided.

I hugged her tightly against my breast like a child and tenderly kissed her head. I told her, "You poor thing, men just don't know anything, do they?"

"Women are so much nicer in every way," replied Louise, nestling her cheek against my soft breast. "Everyway!" she repeated, turning her head and kissing my nipple.

I had Louise lay back against her pillow, then again suckled her bloated nipple. Pausing to tickle her other teat, I pointed out that a man could never understand how comforting breast-feeding could be. I also remarked upon how nice it was to not feel a bristly, stubbly chin rasp across the soft skin of my breasts, as Louise lovingly took her turn suckling my nipple again.

" Men always squash the breath out of you when they're on top of you!" Louise returned as I maneuvered around to face her pussy.

"And men can't begin to carry on a conversation while they're having sex!" I replied as I pulled off her pantyhose and extracted the carrot from her pussy.

When I painstakingly licked the mayo from her gaping vulva, Louise replied, "And only women truly know how to satisfy another woman."

"And men certainly never know what hurts!" Louise panted, undulating her hips rhythmically as I ferociously licked the underside of her swollen clit.

"And what feels really, really good!" Louise stammered, shuddering in the throes of orgasm.

"And how they never seem to know what feels really good when it hurts!" I added, hoping to whet her curiosity further, now that she was beginning to calm down from her climax.

For reasons I could never hope to explain, I heard myself plead out loud, "Would you please pretend that you're my gynecologist?" I've got this ache so deep inside of me and I'm sure you're the one who can relieve it!"

Somewhat confused by my request, Louise said, "Let me get this straight, you want me to give you an internal examination, like a gynecologist, just to scratch your itch?" I felt so perverted as I explained the fantasies I conjure up whenever my doctor examines me. "Well' I certainly don't have any stirrups her on my bed, so what will we do about that?" she queried.

"Oh, just lay me on my side so I can watch and I'll be fine." I replied. When Louise asked if she should wear latex gloves like a doctor, I said, " It would make my fantasy complete if you had some."

Louise slipped into her bathroom and returned wearing white latex gloves she kept for "dying her hair". She dipped her slender little fingers into the mayonnaise jar and to my delight, spread slippery salad dressing right up past her slender wrist. She scooped a little more out to smear my labia with, then reached toward my pussy. She smiled and said my bald pussy looked like a smooth ripe peach, just waiting to be split open and consumed.

She easily slid two fingers into my anxiously waiting vulva. She wiggled her fingers back and forth, like little walking legs to relax me further. Soon, loud slurping showed I was more than ready. She pushed all four fingers in up to the web of her thumb, rotated her hand back and forth a few times then tucked her thumb snugly between her fingers. By applying pressure while manipulating her thumb joint, I felt Louise's tiny hand stretch apart my vulva and slide into my hot slippery vagina! I couldn't help but watch in awe as her hand disappeared from view. A little uncomfortable with the girth of her hand, I told her to make a fist and push her whole hand in up past her wrist. With that done, I felt much less pressure spreading my vulva.

"Do me a little." I pleaded. Complying, she rotated her clenched little fist to and fro, while with the help of her other hand, stroked in and out as deeply as she could. Completely out of control, I whimpered, "Fist me good!" and grunted obscenely whenever her strokes punched into the back of my vagina.

When my hips began to undulate wildly, Louise must have realized I was close and strongly pulled out her fist between muscle surges. The additional stretching of my vulva drew my labia tight on my clit and I just exploded in a frenzied, writhing orgasm. My poor ravaged nipples swelled painfully erect as my body shook and rocked in ecstasy. As my entire chest flushed in a rosy glow, Louise warmly held my rock hard teats to ease their agony as the final tremors of climax ebbed from me.

Louise got out of bed, slipped into the bathroom, and then promptly returned with a hot, soapy washcloth and soft towel. She carefully bathed and tenderly dried my hypersensitive pubes. We lovingly dressed each other between caring hugs and kisses. Concerned over my lengthy absence, I thought I'd better look in on my husband, who'd probably been wondering what I'd been up to. I stood up to walk, but my knees buckled under me! I told her this was as bad as when I tried to walk with my dildo in me, while stuffed in my stocking top.

"My, my, it seems that my new lover is every bit as perverted as me." Louise quipped.

I told her that must make us kindred spirits. After a few minutes, I was able to walk shakily. As we tidied up, I carried the platter back to her kitchen, sliced up the carrots for my compost box and wrapped them in some cling wrap.

"Don't be a stranger, now!" she stressed as she helped me to the door. Louise told me she read once that Elvis Presley's favorite food was peanut butter and bananas and his favorite pastime was watching women wearing nothing but white nylon panties wrestle in his bed.

"Wouldn't it be fun to combine both his passions at the same time?" she suggested as I pecked her nose with a kiss.

As soon as I returned to my condo, Doug called out, "What's shakin' babe?"

Smiling broadly, I thought to myself, "Knees and pussy mostly."

He grabbed the carrots out of my hand and said, "Hey, munchies." I stood there in silent bewilderment as he munched them down. Half way through them, he burped, sniffed his breath then said, "There's something familiar about that veggie dip, but I can't quite figure out what it is."

I heard my voice casually reply, "It's probably all that Bearded Clam Sauce that soaked into the carrots so eat them all up, Darlin', they're good for you."