Dear Dirty Diary Ch. 03

Dear Dirty Diary,

Brassy trumpets, thumping drums and crashing cymbals increasingly trespassed into the soundtrack of my most lushly sensual daydream. The brassy confusion of marching bands obliterated the wind's delicate whispering through tall pine trees as well as the plaintive cries of loons. My shimmering vision of sparkling blue waters surrounding our idyllic lovers' bed, perched atop a tiny rocky island, abruptly vanished as my eyes unwillingly adjusted to the familiar realities of our bedroom. My bleary eyes read 2:30 on the alarm clock as I questioned the reason for that horrible racket coming from downstairs. The acrid aroma of beer and pickled eggs and popcorn assailed my nostrils as gruff-sounding men bantered with authority and conviction. Occasionally more band music, the roar of crowds and shrieking whistles added to the complexity of the din. Yes sports fans, it was Superbowl Sunday! Gone was my image of Louise, the only person I really ever had an affair with. The sex games we three had played were still fresh in my mind but my husband increasingly seemed distant a lot of the time. In spite of my newfound friskiness Doug's actions seemed lethargic and sometimes I swear he looked frightened of me when we made love. So, I put on a sheer hot-pink chemise, sprayed my tender bits with perfume then strutted into the den. Bold as brass I stood in front of Doug and lifted my skirts so he could see how well trimmed I'd kept my pussy. I climbed up onto his chair, kneeled on its arms and straddled him. I reached down between my legs, unzipped his fly and fished out his penis. As I rubbed him, the scent of perfumed pussy and gamy penis flooded into my nostrils and I was primed for action.

As I squatted down on his lap I felt his searing penis burn through my moistening vulva. I hooked a spaghetti strap with my finger and pulled down one side of my bodice. I squeezed and milked the life out of my right nipple while I held back onto his knee with my left hand for balance. As I humped back and forth on him, that look of fear returned to his eyes and Doug reached for the Rolaids in his shirt pocket. He chewed down a couple as I carried on but that expression continued.

When I asked him if he was close, he shook his head then his eyes shied away behind me. Assuming he was peeking at the TV, I grumbled out, "Fine then, I see what's important in your life!"

"It's not you Laura, it's just this damned reflux all the time!" he appealed.

"If you didn't eat all that crap it'd go away, you know!" I bitched as I climbed off him and stomped away in a huff.

An hour later, I knocked on Louise's front door. Opening the door she seemed surprised to see me so soon. I was just bristling with excitement and radiant, carrying my plastic shopping bags. As soon as I got inside, I just had to tell her about the romantic swashbuckler movie "Zorro" we watched on the TV the night before. I told Louise that it showed Zorro and the heroine involved in naughty sword play, with him slicing off her blouse strap and slitting up her skirt almost to her privates! I explained that got me thinking that it might be fun for each of us to role-play a bit.

That morning, I thought of stuff we could use for props and brought them along. I shook out the contents of my bags onto the sofa. In one bag were two cheap rayon dresses, the flowery kind with the low-cut elastic neck lines that look like peasant dresses, a couple of elastic belts and two large scarves. In my other bag were two long slim English cucumbers, a bottle of olive oil and a couple of suggestive looking Italian Sausages.

"I can see where this might be going already." Louise remarked.

"What, that Doug's going to have barbequed sausages with mushy sautéed cucumber slices for supper." I saucily returned.

"You're so bad!" Louise snickered, as we giggled over the accuracy of my joke. "You called this stuff props, so explain this all to me, just so I know for sure," she requested.

I explained that one dress was for her, "Louise Lafitte", daughter of the pirate John Lafitte and the other was for me, Laura O'Hara, the Irish-Gypsy highwayman and whorehouse madam. The belts were to be scabbards for our cucumber swords and sausage daggers. The olive oil was to be the "Elixir of Submission" and the scarves were accessories for our outfits or whatever else turned us on.

I unabashedly stripped down completely naked then pulled my dress down over my head. For a classic gypsy effect, I cinched my belt around my waist, stuffed a cucumber under the right side and a sausage under the left. I fluffed up my hair and tied a scarf over my head, then struck a defiant pose.

With hands on my hips, legs spread apart and bare feet planted firmly; I spat out, "Well, what are ye waiting for, pirate wench?" I taunted, "Ye should be getting ready for the contest, or are ye yella?"

Somewhat demurely, I followed Louise as she scampered into her bedroom to prepare for our game. She took off her sweater and bra, tights and panties and kicked them into a rumpled pile by her bed. She tugged on her flirty little dress and put on her belt, stuffing in her weapons, but tied her scarf around her neck in French sailor fashion. Louise peeked at herself in her mirror and she said all that was missing was a little lipstick. She also decided that any gypsy worth her salt should be wearing large hoop earrings and crimson lipstick. In no time at all, she located the accessories for me and returned with them to the living room.

I pretended to be impatient, pacing about and slapping my cucumber into the palm of my hand. "You'll pay dearly for this tardiness, pirate whore!" I forewarned, shaking my weapon at her.

Louise tried to calm me up by lovingly tracing deep red lipstick on my pouting lips and clipping the earrings on my earlobes. I again struck my defiant pose for her approval. I strode in a circle around Louise, eyeing her costume. She jumped when I playfully goosed her bum with my cucumber. "No knickers, Matey?" I questioned.

"Oui, nothing underneath." she replied and mimicked my same proud stance with eyes glaring, hands on hips and feet firmly planted apart.

"If that's the case then, en guarde!" I retorted and sneakily gave Louise a quick slap on the pussy with my cucumber prod. She yelped in surprise, but when I immediately led with another quick thrust, poking her left breast, Louise learned to keep up her guard.

Firmly clutching her sausage, she used her left hand as a shield. Louise bobbed back and forth, crossing cucumbers with me each time. We practiced a few other basic Fencing moves on each other, but soon our seriousness led to giggles as we played pirates. However, Louise's quick moves soon proved to be a problem for me because my swaying breasts became an easy target. She quickly noticed that whenever she poked one of my breasts, I would immediately cover them up, dropping my guard on my lower body. I foolishly kept my widespread stance, leaving her ample opportunity for pussy pokes with her sausage.

Intimate little pubic jabs and painful little slaps to my hardening nipples soon forced me to retreat backwards into the bedroom until I finally backed up into Louise's vanity bureau. Realizing I was trapped against it Louise tried more aggressive swordplay. She slapped me on my left knuckle, causing me to drop my sausage, then knocked the cucumber right out of my grasp with a quick whirl of her wrist. Louise pressed her sausage firmly against my pubes, then hooked her cucumber through a strap of my bodice and flipped down the front of my dress. She centered the cucumber's tip slightly under my bared left nipple then firmly prodded it into my soft breast tissue.

"What now, my love?" Louise asked triumphantly.

I pondered my situation briefly then realized a new plan of attack. "Do you think Peter Pan ever got Wendy into a predicament like this?" I reflected.

Louise burst out laughing at the absurdity of the comparison and for a second, relinquished her control over me.

"No retreat, no surrender!" I exclaimed and instantly began to tickle her ferociously.

Taken off guard by my strategy, I savagely tickled her ribs and belly, causing her to back into the bed, where my slight push sent her sprawling backwards onto her bed. I hopped onto the bed and continued my tickle assault on Louise, who by then was completely in the throes of a giggle fit. All she was capable of doing at that point to defend herself was to cross her arms tightly over her breasts, hug her sides and pull her legs up. This however bared her little bottom and I leapt at an opportunity.

I snatched up the cucumber Louise had dropped while being tickled, flipped up the hem of her skirt with my free hand, then planted the cucumber's tip firmly against her vulva. She felt around for her sausage but my firm pressure on the cucumber prevented her from rolling over to find it. I snatched up the sausage and put it between my knees where she couldn't possibly get it.

"Now my little French pastry, it seems the tide has turned!" I sneered. I reached backward for the olive oil on the vanity while continuing to pin her to the bed. I flipped open the bottle's cap and squirted the "Elixir of Domination" along the sausage with my free hand.

"Spread your loins and prepare for penetration, oh vanquished pirate wench!" I announced.

Realizing the considerable girth of the sausage, to say nothing of how repulsive it looked to a vegetarian, Louise decreed, "I'd rather be run through with your sword than split apart and scourged with your greasy pig's tool!"

I stuffed the dripping sausage between her breasts and the bodice of her hiked-up dress. I dribbled lots of "Elixir of Domination" down my cucumber sword. The olive oil soon flowed all the way down the cucumber's slender shaft and then encircled its tip where it pushed into the fleshy lips of her labia. I lifted up slightly on the cucumber to ensure that the oil trickled well into Louise's vulva. When I put pressure back on the cucumber, Louise's eyes sparkled and grew wide and her jugular vein pulsed with anticipation.

Impatient for the rush, she blurted out, "Be done with it then, run me through with one good thrust and don't you dare stop till it hits bottom!" Unsure about her demand, I began to push gently.

"Use both hands and do me right!" Louise snapped.

I asked her if she was really sure she could stand that, as I grasped the cucumber with both hands.

"Yes damn it, just do me!" she insisted.

I assumed a steady stance with one foot firmly planted on the floor and the other knee tight up against her bum. I wrapped my left hand around the cucumber's shaft to steady it and used the palm of my right hand to push. With both of our eyes riveted on her pubes, push I did, strongly and smoothly just as I was ordered to. I was in awe as inch after inch of the cucumber disappeared into Louise's vagina. About half the way down, the foot-long cucumber's entry balked.

"Don't stop yet. Tilt it up a bit and it'll go in some more." she moaned.

I did as she said and sure enough, deeper it sank. When a low guttural moan came from the back of her throat, I quickly glanced at Louise's face just in time to catch the most wanton expression of lust I had ever witnessed.

She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and said, "I need more elixir in me to ease your thrust, Gypsy Harlot."

I pulled out the entire cucumber and liberally squirted her dilated vulva with olive oil. "Lance me again, Gypsy Bitch!" she taunted.

I began to shove in my cucumber sword, but this time it slid in considerably easier. Peering at her reflection in her vanity's mirror, Louise told me she found her image quite fetching, spread and impaled by her adventuresome neighbor. "I'd think a truly blood thirsty conqueror such as you should run her conquest through at least twenty more times, just to make sure she's fully vanquished, wouldn't you agree?" Louise suggested provocatively.

"Oh at least that and each violation should be re-anointed with the elixir to denote complete domination." I said in agreement.

After each retraction, I faithfully squirted a little more oil into her gaping vulva to soothe the cucumber's journey to the depths of her vagina. Eventually her vagina filled to the brim with olive oil and insertion of the cucumber caused a rude slurping noise as the excess oil gushed out of her pussy. When I began to swirl the end of my cucumber sword around in circles, Louise grabbed onto my outstretched leg and hugged it tightly. As I continued to grind my sword about inside, she rubbed and kissed my thigh. As her caresses crept further up the insides of my thighs, she purred, "Does doing really dirty stuff like this to me make you warm and wet inside?"

I answered, "Of course, how could it not?"

Louise first ran the tip of her index finger along the length of my hairless slit then poked her middle finger through the delicate lips of my labia, slightly into my vagina. "So it seems." Louise murmured to herself as her finger immediately sensed the abundant sea of pussy juice lurking inside of me. I felt her wiggle it back and forth, slurping my vagina and causing my sap to run down her finger.

"Such a pretty pussy for all the abuse it's gone through, but then you just love that don't you?" she reflected as she peeked up my flirty skirt.

I suggested that perhaps I'm less sensitive than most women and told her to feel free to abuse away with gusto. "

Well eat this then, Gypsy!" Louise replied, grasping the sausage from the folds of her bodice and with one quick thrust, plunged the tip of the still-oily Italian sausage well into my vulva. The shock of this surprise invasion of my genitals knocked the breath right out of me. I gasped for air as I felt her push and grind the sausage further up my pussy. In a few short seconds, she had stabbed all but a short stub of the fat sausage through my vulva to the very depths of my vagina.

"What do you think about that, Gypsy Slut?" Louise taunted.

I told her that I might be wounded, but I wasn't about to give up then cranked the cucumber by its stub around in circles. A vindictive Louise returned the torturous favor by likewise cranking her sausage about inside my pussy. After a few more rounds of mutual torture, both our pussies were really loose and looking for fulfillment. Taking the initiative, I extracted my cucumber, bent my head down and poked my whole tongue into Louise's gaping hole, then lapped wetly inside.

"Enough with the swordplay, let's make peace and have a truce of tongues." she wryly sighed, obviously in pleasure.

"Cunnilinguis au chocolate?" Louise suggested and assured me that it would be an absolutely sinful taste experience I'd never forget, as she popped up from the bed and headed for the kitchen.

Momentarily, she called me into the living room. She was spreading a bath towel across the seat of her reclining chair. She instructed me to relax in the chair, pull up my legs and spread them wide, resting my heels on the edge of the seat cushion. I obliged then watched with curiosity as she removed the wrapper from a Fudgsicle.

"Chocolate, God's gift to women." she quipped, then licked the dripping Fudgsicle lustily.

Louise touched the cold tip of the ice cream bar to my sleeping clitoris then slid it down slowly, spreading my labia, I shivered as she dipped the Fudgsickle slightly into my partially dilated vulva, melting and smearing the chocolate treat into my pussy. Removing the Fudgsickle, she plunged in her tongue and hungrily lapped the runny chocolate out of my slit. After several repeats of this fire and ice torture, I begged for mercy, but she ignored my pleas and continued to dip and lick. With each pass, Louise poked her soft wet tongue deeply into my vulva, then slowly and sensuously lapped up, splitting my labia, swirled around the tip of my swollen clitoris then finished off with a sucking stretch on it. I soon grew delirious with rapture, moaning and quivering with each torturous assault on my pussy. One last barrage of clit licking and I was done for, back arched with hips undulating, chest flushed, dark pink nipples erect and finally breathless in shuddering orgasm.

Giving me a chance to catch my breath, she washed her face and rummaged through her underwear drawer. Out of the array of delicate under things, Louise fished out a pair of beige nylons. As she sexily rolled on the gossamer stockings, I said candidly, "The most exciting sexual experiences are mostly in the head."

Louise agreed and in that line of thinking, suggested, "I'd cum really good if you told me secrets while you played with my pussy."

When I asked her what kind of secrets, she replied, "Tell me how Laura plays when everyone's gone away."

As I pondered where to start, Louise slouched back in her living room chair and spread her legs, causing her skirt to ride up provocatively. I swung around and sat on the chair's footrest so I could see everything better. I softly caressed the insides of her legs, being careful not to snag her nylons, in random little circular patterns. I started at her ankles, traced up her calves, and then concentrated on that most ticklish area just above her knees.

I recounted that when my husband was watching a football game, I dribbled hot melted candle wax on my nipples and down my pussy as I tickled the inside of her inner thigh just above her stocking.

"Really!" Louise replied in astonishment.

I reached over to Louise's other leg and repeated my caressing, but this time, I slid my hand under the hem of her dress and felt all the way up the inside of her thigh. Louise whimpered as my burning hot fingers traced a path through her pubic hairs. I continued my story, telling her that I was positive that my husband was spying on me when I waxed myself, but he never let on he was there so I did more outrageous things just to torment him.

I wet the tip of my index finger then gently spread the hair-shrouded lips of her labia, to find she was very wet and nicely dilated. I dipped my finger into the dark pink opening of her vulva and began to rub. I paired up a second finger then pushed them both into Louie's creamy vagina.

"Whenever I do my housework, all I wear is those silky sheer-to-the-waist pantyhose." Louise replied. "I spread my labia, then pull them up really snugly so that whenever I walk, bend or especially squat, they ride up and chafe inside my pussy. By the time I've dusted all the low things, vacuumed all the corners and wiped up all the spots on the kitchen floor, the pantyhose are just frothy with my sap." she divulged, as I wiggled my two fingers like a pair of swimming legs.

I lamented that it had been a lot harder for me to be home alone with a husband and two kids always underfoot. I added, however, that I had found ways to manage. I admitted that I felt guilty doing anything sneaky when the kids were around but if the two of us were alone and Doug was ignoring me, watch out.

I turned my hand palm up and shoved my fingers in deep, then began to massage the top of her vaginal passage. After a few seconds of my sensual fingering, I felt Louise's "G spot" swell with passion. Pleased with my progress, I continued, telling her that if Doug were preoccupied with TV, I'd change into a housedress, push in my dildo, pull up my panties tight to hold it in, then tidy up around the TV room. His not knowing what I was up to made a little pleasure an absolute thrill. "If I can't have his attention, I'll have something ever so bad!" I always thought.

On a whim, I wet the tip of my right middle finger in my own pussy, then immediately moved it up and anointed Louise's erect clit with my juice. Unsure if she was wet enough for intensive diddling, I again dipped into the artesian well of my own vagina, then spread more of my sap all over her bulging clit. Intoxicated in a fit of passion, Louise's head grew woozy and her breathing grew more labored. I teased her clit, swirling my finger around and over it, tickling its erect little shaft most erotically. Realizing Louise's passion for this new little perversion, I continued to draw more of my sap to massage around the tip of her straining clitoris. I noticed her chest begin to flush and realized my little lover was near orgasm.