Dear Dirty Diary Ch. 16

Dear Dirty Diary,

A snore from my husband interrupted my sleep and when soft dreamy music and squeals of delight floated into my ears, my eyes popped open. I concentrated, trying to locate its source. Doug was sound asleep, as he should be at 1:18 in the morning. I most carefully slid out of bed, so as not to disturb him and tiptoed downstairs toward the sounds. I paused at Louise's bedroom door but the music came from further down the hall. Carefully avoiding every creaky floorboard, I crept along the hallway and listened at each door. The music and giggles were definitely emanating from Louise's little den, so I peeked through the old door's keyhole to see what was happening.

The room was in darkness but over in the corner, the TV clearly showed a naked woman playing with herself! The flickering light of the TV screen illuminated a relaxing Louise, reclined back on her sofa. The movie looked considerably more interesting than my sleeping husband, so I turned the doorknob to see if it was locked. To my surprise, it wasn't and creaked open on me. A startled Louise spun her head to see me, so I rose up and croaked, "I heard your TV and came down to keep you company."

As I went to sit beside her, the TV lit up her white thighs under her hiked-up nightgown. Humming away in her pussy was a complex-looking purple vibrator. I turned in embarrassment for so stupidly invading her privacy, but she grabbed my arm and cooed, "Don't go." Louise confessed that she couldn't sleep and when she heard Doug's snoring, decided that soft music and moaning women's voices might lure me down to sooth her restlessness. She patted the cushion beside her and coaxed me to stay by telling me that the movie was one of those low budget "Home alone" videos.

As I reclined my seat back, Louise hiked her nightgown higher and pulled out the vibrator. She offered it over to me, shiny wet, with its knob flailing about wildly and said, "I'm already all shook up, I suppose it's a girl's duty to offer her new purple wiggly to her lover."

Who was I to argue with logic like that? I tugged up my nightgown and let her push its fat wriggling head against my vulva. I sighed just like the woman on the screen as I felt that guided missile rumble into my little silo. I licked my fingertips and then sent my inspection crew down to Louise's silo. The missile had been locked in her pre-launch countdown for way too long. The vibrations on the walls of her silo had rendered them sloppily unstable and since she aborted her launch, her silo doors were jammed obscenely open. Therefore, I decided the best course of action was to stabilize her silo by concentrating my efforts on its entrance.

I got up, turned around and kneeled close to her on the sofa. Lurking beneath the shrubbery just above her silo, I located her little launch button. I licked and sucked the button, but my inspection crew informed me that her doors were still ajar. I called in an additional work crew so that both sides could be worked upon at the same time. The work was labor-intensive and my tongue was feeling fatigue, so I reached between my thighs and pushed the missile's side-mounted booster engine against my launch button to give me energy.

That done, my button felt vibrantly alive! I felt the rocket's powerful engines shake my silo mercilessly as I lashed away at Louise's button. Suddenly I felt her little finger find and push my swollen launch button down against that terrible tickling booster. In a matter of seconds, my slippery silo squeezed down with such force on the missile, that it launched it right out into the atmosphere!

During one of my bunker implosions, my overzealous work crews found the key to releasing Louise's silo doors. By spreading them as far as possible, while sucking on her launch button in a frenzied fit of passion, a similar chain of implosions inside Louise's bunker stabilized her silo and sealed up its doors!

After catching our breaths, we celebrated our successful launches by snuggling back in Louise's bed. However, one French kiss led to another, our nightgowns fell off and we ended up sucking and licking each other's tender bits till our tongues were exhausted. Only then did a mutual need to pee break up our little love fest. After, I thought it best to go back with my husband, but as I opened her door, she whispered, "Won't Doug be upset with us spending half the night together?"

I told her not to kid herself because he was every bit as perverted as either of us. I pointed out that he'd read all about us in my diary and was OK with everything, primarily because he was physically excited by sexual women. I told her I had only to crawl back into bed with him, hold his head in my hands and give him a juicy French kiss. With my lips and my fingers smelling of pussy, I assured her he'd have an erection for the rest of the night and halfway through the next morning! True to my words, I gently woke Doug up getting back into bed, slipped in my smelly, tangy, tongue and gave him a little penis squeeze for good measure.

When I awoke at 7:30, soft puppy dog eyes were staring at me and there was this cute little tent in the covers. I gave it a squeeze and a crank around and then told him to get up and have a pee before it exploded. I hurried him along, telling him Louise was preparing a special crepes breakfast. By the time we got halfway down the stairs, he could stand up straight and had obviously lost his erection. I was determined to prove my point, no matter what. I reached behind me, thrust my hand through Doug's robe and pulled his penis out through his pajamas' fly. I pulled him along by it down the stairs and then I turned around and backed down the last step. I bent over, pushed his foreskin back and sucked his semi-erect penis into my mouth!

It was sweaty, smelly and rather disgusting tasting, but I licked and sucked it clean anyway. Quite proud of myself, I grabbed his stiff penis tightly, told him it was time for breakfast and led him down the hall to the kitchen like a pull-toy. On the last step before entering the kitchen, I shoved it back into his pajamas and fluffed his robe over his impressive bulge.

At that exact second in my devious little mind, it somehow made perfect sense to "share and share alike" the dirty penis taste on my tongue. I brazenly poked my salty tongue into Louise's mouth. I swirled my tongue all around hers with devilish delight as I nudged my knee into her crotch!

When I broke off my embrace, I motioned to her, beside me and down with my eyes and whispered, "Check out the bulge if you don't think he's loving all this!" I spun around to my astonished husband and thrust my tart little tongue into his gaping mouth then sidestepped a little so Louise could see his erection.

Doug poked a stiff index finger into my breast and whispered back, "Your wicked games have come back already and bit you on the tit a whole bunch of times, so don't cry to me if it hurts the next time!"

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By the time we finished supper that evening, my confused lovers had recovered from my rude morning prank and we relaxed with a movie rental. On the big living room sofa and with me in my rightful place between them, we watched "Chocolat".

Near the end of the film, when river gypsy Roux returned to Vianne, Louise looked over at Doug and said, "Is it just me or does she remind you of Laura?"

He stared at the screen for a second, then reflected, "Wearing that dress and with her hair all fluffed up like that, I suppose Laura could pass for Juliette Binochet's older sister."

In the scene where the battered wife was depicted successfully operating her ex-husband's bistro, I peered over at Louise and said, "There's something about Josephine's character development that reminds me of you."

Doug remarked, "Maybe in character, but I think she could pass better for Lena Olin's older, dark-haired sister."

While the Lena Olin in Louise was flattered by his comparisons, the Joan Rivers in me blurted out to him, "So if you see me as an aging Juliette Binochet and Louise as an aging Lena Olin, then how I see you more as a Colin Mochery than an aging Johnny Depp?"

To my great surprise, Louise took my wounded ego husband under her wing with, "Here in Quebec, lots of guys look like Johnny Depp. I know lots of women around that have really been hurt by pompous, pony-tailed, St Lawrence River Pirates, that would love a thin-haired mature friend who looks like a famous "Whose line is it?" funny man, sharing their house!"

The two of them looked so smug there, thinking their pathetic little show of solidarity might give them strength against me. To nip this alliance in the bud, I pushed in between them, broke up their curious embrace and forced myself into the center of things, where I rightfully belonged. It was obvious the Bird and the Mouse should be taught to beware the green eyes of Laura, the Lion!

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A week or so later, Louise and I were doing our early morning aerobic workout in the basement when she took a muscle spasm and set off her sciatic nerve She nursed it most of the morning but by early evening she was in dire straits. It suddenly occurred to me that the "ET" massager might loosen up her buttock and leg. I brought it down to her sitting room and had her lay on the sofa on her side. I ran the madly thumping bullet eyeballs up and down the backside of her leg, calf and buttock. After ten minutes of therapy she seemed more relaxed, so I broadened my motions as I prepared to stop. On a loose pass, the bouncy head skated across her buttock and slipped over down the crack of her bum.

"Right there, right there!" she cried out.

I held it positioned so one bullet was pummeling her anus. She pulled her leg up, allowing better access to her bum hole. The second bullet was bouncing harshly on her spine so I slid the massager down so the upper bumper settled in her anus. All was fine and dandy for a while. Louise was relaxed, had closed her eyes and seemed quite content.

The massager however, was fairly heavy and somewhat unyielding so I turned its head slightly to lessen my burden. Wouldn't you know, Dr. Ho's clever design was anatomically friendly. Not only did the twin bumper bullets fit perfectly into her anus and vulva at the same time, the peculiar curvature of the handle was perfectly shaped to allow the vibrator to pummel both tender bits with very little effort on the part of its user. Louise was truly traveling in another dimension as she took control of the wand. She simply lay there and blissfully took it like a woman in both holes at the same time. She didn't want me to touch it or take control of her enjoyment. She just wanted to enjoy herself, alone!

I tried to respect her private moment as best I could, but of course I failed miserably. I kneeled beside her sofa on the floor, nibbled hot breaths into her ear. Then I located her most accessible nipple through her tank top and milked it like a cow's teat. She tried her best to ignore me but the brat in me finally burst through her defenses. She sat up really quick, spun around in a flash and planted ET's eyeballs into me where the sun doesn't shine! I just about hit the roof when those alternating thumpers gyrated my gynography. She pushed my shoulders down with her left forearm, swung her left knee into the sofa cushion and leaned on me so the only air I could breathe came from between her wide spread thighs. The scent of her hot wet pussy was overpowering and all consuming as she pinned me down. However, the pummeling of my private parts was equally enjoyable. In its own way, lustful self-gratification seemed appropriate under the circumstances.

I channeled all my thoughts down to my crotch while examining the wicking action of Louise's hot pink cotton panties. I really wanted to reach out six inches with my tongue and taste that glistening patch but I had to settle for just enjoying its aroma. I'm sure the tremulous quakes rapidly oscillating my nether regions must have rated high on the Richter scale for the valley between my shaking thighs was surely being devastated. My lower sinkhole began emitting sulfurous gasses and my cavern threatened to geyser! The tender stalagmite at the top of my cave succumbed to the ground shaking tremors. Hot lava from within domed up my precipice as well as the two mountain peaks over the next plain! The three domes eventually diminished in stature back to their previous state, then the countryside came to rest once more.