Dear Mother

I knew that I had to keep our family together until you were out on your own at College. I was planning to leave your father then because I couldn't live with the misery we had made for ourselves. He hid this very well from you and I admire him for that. You never saw how he treated me when you weren't there, but I'm glad of that too. After five years of his mental torture, I confess I stopped loving him and fell into the relationship with Mr. Robinson. It was an accident, but I let it happen and I will never forgive myself. Not only did I destroy our family, I destroyed his as well. I don't know who told your father about the affair, but I think I may have wanted to get caught just to put an end to the charade. These are things I will have to take with me to the grave.

I want you to know how much I love you, my son. I want you to know that I will never interfere with your life and never again cause you pain. I hope you can forgive me and I hope someday, I can forgive myself. I wish you all the best in your bright future and I send you all my love,

Your mother, Helen

As I finished reading the letter, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her; even with her anger in these past years. She was my mother and she still loved me and she would always love me; just as I would always love her in some way. I tried to understand what she was telling me in her letter, but it seemed that she was just blaming Dad for her problems.

There was a return address on the envelope that I didn't recognize and it was from out of state. I put the letter back in the envelope and put it in my shoebox of keepsakes. Maybe someday I'd answer it. I didn't show the letter to anyone, not even Penny and I'm pretty sure my Dad didn't know it existed. I still have it and I think I always will.

Jeanine moved in to our house in late May and almost immediately, things changed. If they thought they were pulling the wool over my eyes with their nighttime shenanigans, they were sadly mistaken. Jeanine was quite noisy in bed, it turned out. She liked to let Dad know how he was doing and how she was feeling and what she wanted him to do. For me, it was Sex Ed 301 ... way past what I had known about. As far as I could tell, she liked sex and wanted it regularly and couldn't care less who knew it. I think my Dad was a bit embarrassed, but I thought it was interesting and funny in a way and besides, he was entitled to some happiness. He was certainly getting a regular dose of happiness.

Jeanine wasn't much of a cook. In fact, I think Dad and I each made more meals that she did and based on her efforts, it was probably just as well. She also didn't really take to housework. She and Dad would get home from work in the late afternoon and she would be too tired to do anything. I got the message pretty quickly and it was back to the days when Dad and I were on our own. Oh, and she didn't iron either so we were still sending Dad's shirts to the laundry. All things considered though, it was a pretty happy household and it was a big change from the tension of Mom and Dad's days and the loneliness of our bachelor days. She did take to the new TV, however. She had all the shows she wanted to watch memorized. She knew which channel, what day and when. So, she did have another skill after all.

It was late June on a Saturday afternoon. I was sitting at the kitchen table with Jeanine, telling her about my plans for College and talking a bit about my relationship with Penny. She was very interested in that. She thought it was very romantic that we had known each other since we were little kids and had grown up together and were still interested in being with each other. She asked me point blank if we had "done it" yet and I blushed and assured her we hadn't. She seemed to think that was too bad and we were missing out on something great and calmly stated that she had lost her virginity and the tender age of fifteen. I was stunned at her admission. She talked about it as if it were commonplace; no big deal she said.

Somehow the conversation got onto the subject of love. She talked about her first husband who she thought she was in love with but it turned out to be something less. I gathered that she didn't mourn his death in Korea for too long and I said something to that effect to her.

"What gave you the idea he died in Korea?" she asked with a funny look.

"That's what Dad told me." I answered.

"Hell no! I dumped him and got a quickie divorce in Reno. He's still living in some trailer park in Idaho I'll bet." she said offhandedly.

Well, that was a bit of a shock. I guess Dad didn't want me to think less of her because she was a divorcee. I could understand that.

"So, how did you and Dad meet?" I asked innocently.

"Oh, I spotted him the minute I went to work at his office. He was the cutest and smartest guy there and I set my sights on him." she bragged.

I was beginning to get a very uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hadn't had this feeling for many months and here it was back again.

"So, how long have you worked at the Agency?" I asked carefully.

"Over five years; almost six." she replied smiling.

"So, how long have you and Dad been ... dating?" I asked equally carefully.

"About a month after I started. I don't mess around. I see what I want and I go get it. Your Dad didn't have a chance." she laughed.

I could only assume she had no clue the importance of what she had just told me. I was almost at the point of asking her when they first had sex, but realized she had already told me. I must have turned white or something, because I felt faint and I guess it showed.

"Are you all right Ron?" she asked with a worried look.

"Yah ... I'll be OK ... maybe just something I ate." I stuttered.

"Excuse me, I've gotta go over to Penny's. I'll be back in a while." I said.

I drove to Penny's with my mind going nine hundred miles an hour. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. How could he?

When I got there, I was happy that Penny was in the back yard, reading a book. She looked lovely as always and I told her so. She looked at me strangely and could see I was in some kind of turmoil.

"What wrong, Ron?" she asked with a concerned look.

"Penny, we have another assignment. We have to find my mother."