Dearest Ch. 01

I remember screaming. I remember running. I remember tripping and falling, being caught, breaking free, being caught again and restrained. But these are not real memories. They are the creation of my battered psyche, an attempt to make sense out of what was then to me a senseless, purposeless act of fate in which my mind refused to accept that I might not have fought for my own life. In truth, I most likely passed out at the sight of my chaperone's gruesome murder.

What exactly had befallen us on the journey to the capital city seemed clear at first: we had been set upon by armed bandits, most likely to steal the gold within the false bottomed trunks that rode along with us. How they had known was a mystery to me. The carriage was unmarked, and none save my guardian and his household knew that I was being sent to convent that very day to be trained under the guidance of the holy ones.

I must admit I had not been pleased to learn of the arrangement he had made with them, for I was perfectly happy living under his roof. And yet my...transgressions...had troubled him enough that he felt my further development would be better placed in their hands. Like most young girls on the cusp of womanhood I had developed a healthy curiosity, yet I had been careless and now that I had reached maturity I would pay a heavy price for my indiscretion: removal from my childhood home for the duration of a year, far from the lands where my parents had raised me before their untimely death, beyond the fields and valleys where I had delighted in the simple pleasures of nature, charming man and beast alike with the sound of my voice raised in joyful song.

As for the gold, it was their payment. Usually it was sent ahead, so that a portion could be spent to prepare my quarters and the rest placed in trust for future expenses. However, thanks to my guardian's absentmindedness, the shipment had never been arranged and so it had been sent along with me, my chaperone, and a half dozen armed men of the household. Perhaps one of them had been a spy, a turncoat determined to keep a portion of that gold himself. Perhaps even my chaperone himself...ah, but these were only the ruminations of a scared, traumatized mind. I knew nothing of the truth and might not ever discover it.

What I do know to be true is that I awakened much later after the assault, lying on my side on a stone floor, bound and gagged and completely bare.

I know that I was bare not because I could see my reflection, but because I felt the cold dampness of the stale air over every inch of my skin. I knew not how long I had remained unconscious, nor where my assailants had disappeared to. Movement was limited; my arms were bound tightly behind my back at the wrist, elbow and upper arm, and my legs were doubled upon themselves, each ankle tied to a thigh with additional rope encircling my knees. A few more moments of self-inspection revealed that I was also blindfolded, also tightly and quite expertly. This explained the pitch black darkness of my current location.

Only my ears remained intact. I listened intently and heard no animal noises, nor any sounds that might be interpreted as human speech, however muffled or distant. Only an occasional faint grinding noise, like the opening and closing of a gate. Once I determined my life was most likely not in imminent danger, I resumed struggling against my bonds, but they held fast and I only succeeded in making myself more uncomfortable.

After what seemed like an eternity, the sound of footsteps approached, growing louder until a door was forced open, followed by several sets of boots that vibrated sharply against the stone floor where I lay.

They stopped in front of me and multiple pairs of hands lifted me up and carried me out of my enclosure, down a hallway and at least two flights of stairs, down another hallway and into a room, where I was placed face down onto a flat wooden surface, most likely a large table. Each of my bonds was checked in turn, and those about my arms were tightened to the point where I felt that my shoulders would pop out of their sockets.

A hand slipped between my thighs, and I instinctively closed them, shocked at the invasion. Immediately a pair of hands grabbed each leg and drew them apart. Then the hand was reintroduced as I screamed into my gag.

I felt fingers toying with my nether lips, pulling them this way and that, eventually tugging quite painfully as if to see how far they would stretch. The hand withdrew momentarily, though my legs remained forcibly separated. Footsteps retreated into another part of the room, then returned laying a tray on the table beside me. When the hand returned to the same region as before it tugged again, first on my right side. Something cold clamped down and was tightened into place, painfully squeezing and flattening my sensitive organ, then stretched down and out by means of an attached rope and tied off to the bond around my right knee. The same thing was done to the left side. I felt as though I would be ripped in two.

I was then flipped onto the reverse side, arms compressed underneath me, causing my back to arch towards the sky as my breasts protruded upward and outward. Another length of rope was looped behind each knee (a difficult task given that my legs were already bent double) and tied to some sort of post on either side. This ensured that I would remain spread widely and obscenely. A third length of rope was tied underneath my armpits and bound again to a post beyond my field of comprehension, and a final one looped around my waist and tied off to either side.

I steeled myself between shallow, labored breaths for the inevitable penetration. This was how my virginity would be lost. So be it, I would survive. What came next shocked me so much I made no noise at all. I didn't know what had even happened until I felt the pain radiate outward from the affected area.

The whip struck again, and this time I screamed.

I do not know how long it lasted, only that my voice gave out not long after the second whip began to attack my breasts. I lost consciousness at least twice. The beating ended at last, and I heard the footsteps retreat and the door open and shut closed behind them. A strange noise reached my ears and I realized it was my own voice crying hoarsely. Fear and pain kept me awake for a while longer, then I drifted off into a nightmarish sleep in which my body was dismembered by faceless men, one limb at a time.

I was awakened, limbs intact, by the sound of a door slamming shut. A single pair of boots approached the table again. My arms had long since fallen asleep, and for all I knew they were damaged beyond repair. My chest ached, as did the region between my legs. The footsteps stopped at the foot of the table and I tensed, expecting the worst to resume. Instead my bonds were loosened as I was untied rope by rope. Strong hands massaged the feeling back into my legs and arms, carefully avoiding my sore areas, and I relaxed into the kneading sensation despite my better judgement. After several minutes, the same pair of arms lifted me into a seated position, legs dangling off either side of the table, and pulled me closer.

I sat, arms by my side, unsure of what to do with myself. I was confused, and ever fearful for my life. Still blindfolded, I felt heat radiating from this unknown man's body - my captor was undoubtedly a "he" at this point - and the warmth of his breath on my face. I sat and continued to do nothing as his hands roamed over my skin, stroking my arms, tweaking my nipples, squeezing my thighs, pinching between my legs. I whimpered at the pain, but gave no other reaction lest I provoke a more severe response.

Suddenly and without warning he pressed his lips against mine, slipping his tongue between them and forcing my mouth open, right hand exerting firm pressure on the back of my head and the other arm encircling my torso and clasping me against him. I felt the smooth fine linen of his shirt scrape across my chest. Given my state it might as well have been burlap. His left hand lowered to my buttocks, lifted me off the table, and set me down right on the edge. Hot tears streamed down my face, soaking my blindfold.

I knew what came next.

And yet it did not. As quickly as he had seized me he moved away, leaving me to fall backwards quite unceremoniously onto the rough hewn table.

"You have a choice," a smooth voice intoned as its owner's footsteps began to echo slowly around the table.

"Others would take you in but leave you forever in the dark. I offer you true knowledge: a wealth of information beyond anything you could ever conceive, and an understanding of that which has tugged at the edges of your awareness for as long as you can remember. But," he continued, dragging a fingernail slowly down the outside of my right breast, "you must ask for it."

"And if I do not?" I queried between ragged breaths as my lecturer continued tracing circles round my chest.

"Then I will release you back unto the life you have built for yourself. A life of considerable comfort...and considerable frustration." He bent to take my nipple in his mouth and a small sigh escaped my mouth despite knowing better. I thought a moment, attempting to make sense of my situation despite being distracted by his ministrations.

"What if I could...could sample what you have to offer?" I said tremulously.

Abruptly his mouth left my bosom and he leaned his entire body over me. I could feel the heat of his face close to mine, and his breath smelled faintly of chocolate.

"There is no sampling here," he said brusquely, "the offer must be accepted in full or rejected outright."

"Then there is no real choice, for if there were I would be able to choose freely of my own desire-"

"And you desire to sample what I offer, do you?" he cut me off with a sharp whisper that sent an icy shudder through my spine. Almost as quickly another rush overtook my senses, as though my body answered what my mind would not. Great Eos, what was I doing? I felt my back arch away from the table, bringing me in contact with the figure above me. My mind cried out in protest, but another part of me desired a different outcome. The last time this happened I had been sent away from all that I knew and loved. Against my sense of reason, I felt a lump in my throat begin to move, words formed in my mouth and my tongue rose under the command of a new mistress.

"Speak." He willed me to voice that which stirred restlessly inside. I obeyed.

The words pierced the heart with the most deliciously sweet pain I had ever felt, and I felt myself wince even as it continued to emanate from my person, growing more terrible in beauty and power as it did.

"I do."

One finger, then two, penetrated me, slowly and methodically at first, then gradually faster and deeper, until finally in one swift motion he plunged them all the way to the last knuckle. This was too much for me and I recoiled, pushing away from him. Immediately he removed his mouth from mine and slapped me hard across the face, once with the palm of his hand, once with the back, then grabbed a breast and mauled it as though he were kneading wet clay. All the while his other hand continued to invade me without stopping. When he was convinced I had been sufficiently chastised, he released my breast and resumed the forcible kissing.

After repeatedly penetrating me to the hilt with three fingers, he plunged inside one last time and left them there. With the tips he began tracing out a small circle against my inner wall. In the midst of it all a familiar golden feeling blossomed and mingled with the soreness until I no longer knew where one ended and the other began. I almost didn't notice when he withdrew his fingers completely. Seconds later they were replaced by something much longer, wider, and hotter.

Before long my pelvis was a mass of pain and pleasure. Both hands gripped my backside as he thrust inside me over and over, leaning into his efforts and angling me towards the surface of the table. I braced myself with my hands to keep him from repeatedly slamming my hips into the rough edge. And yet somehow I found my legs wrapped around his backside, locking us together, enabling him to thrust deeper and more rapidly. His mouth left mine and my head rolled backwards as I gasped irregularly. I felt his lips draw my nipples outward and his teeth crush them flat.

Eos, what was this?! Behind the blindfold, my vision exploded. Broad streaks of gold intermixed with all the colors of the rainbow and others I scarcely believed existed in the mortal realm. In a distant corner I thought I saw a flash of blue violet, but it was quickly painted over by the multi-hued brilliance that washed through me again and again.

Eventually the colors faded and were replaced by a dull grey aching. I became aware once more of my body, and of his against mine. He released his grip on my buttocks and leaned back upright, moving his arms upwards to gently cradle me. Too exhausted to support myself, I collapsed against his chest, linen shirt by now soaked through and through. I felt him grow soft inside me, and yet he made no move to detach himself.

After a while his breathing slowed to a more orderly pace and I felt his lips on mine again, this time in a gentle, loving caress. They were softer than I expected. The blindfold was removed suddenly and he pulled away. As my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness of candlelight I caught a glimpse of dark curled locks and bright eyes flecked with honey and gold. They were somehow familiar to me, but before I could get a better look a pungent vial was held underneath my nose and a voice whispered into my ear.

"Exquisite," it murmured before shadowy blackness enveloped me once more.