Death Bed

I lay there thinking.

How did this happen? We were very sexually active for 7 whole years and then for the next I was only allowed to cuddle and kiss her, if I made my way to her sex she would close up on me. That continued for another year and then she just stopped allowing me to cuddle, kiss, touch or anything with her. I wasn't even allowed to hold her hand. But she insisted that she loved me and that she didn't want to lose me.

On our 8th year anniversary I told her that I wasn't happy anymore and that I didn't think that she love me that that I was leaving her. She cried and begged for me to stay. She even brought my hand to her mouth and sucked on my fingers. I saw the tears in her eyes as she then brought them down to her opening and put them inside of her. It was great for me, but I knew that something wasn't right. She didn't have that same passion that she had the year before. Nonetheless I enjoyed it and took it as a token of her love for me and I stayed. I tried to make love to her a few times after that and was turned down until our 9th anniversary when she gave in, probably from fear that I'd try to leave her again. That time I kept her up all night and milked her for everything that she had.

I lied there sobbing helplessly in my hands until I drifted off into a horrible rest of the night of sleep.

1:04am I woke up to my phone vibrating on my nightstand. I picked it up and read the name, 'Shelby'. I opened the text.

"Hi Kendra cn u meet me at our spottt im here al aloned and im knda buzzzzz."

I looked over at Lisa, she was sleeping. I got up and put on some grey sweatpants, a black t-shirt and some flip flops. I almost always wore flip flops, even if it was cold outside. I like the flapping sound they make when I walk. It makes it easy for me to remember how many steps I took without actually counting them. I can just go back and count the flips or the flops later. I'm not sure why I felt the need to do that. I grabbed my keys and left out to the bar. I jogged the 1 2 3 blocks to our spot, a little bar on the corner close to my house but not too close. We had been going there since after the first week that Shelby began working with me. I made sure to never flirt, but I enjoyed it when she flirted with me, and used it as um... motivation for later. When I walked in I saw Shelby sitting at the bar taking a shot. She smiled at the bartender threw her head back and downed it in one gulp. She was gorgeous; I couldn't help but notice. She looks so much like my Lisa but with an edge. She looked at me and then back at the bartender, said something to her and then motioned for me to join her.

I sat down next to her and put my head down to keep from staring.

"What's up Kendra, you're not even going to look at me? Wait let me guess, you've gotten into more trouble with your little cute wife and you're back in the dog house?"

I didn't respond.

"Really what is with you Kendra? Why are you always doing something to piss Lisa off? She is a beautiful woman, and you should be worshiping the ground that she walks on."

"Yes, Lisa is beautiful," I snapped back, "She's also talented, smart, funny, and she loves me," I think, "but she doesn't show it the way that I need her to."

The bartender came back with a shot glass and poured me something clear. I had no idea what it was but I picked up the tiny glass and swallowed the drink inside. I felt the burn of my favorite mood enhancer, vodka, running down my throat.

"I said with a raspberry" Shelby called to the bartender; she shrugged and went back to work.

"Sheesh, such crappy service here now," Shelby said. I could feel her looking at me.

Before she hit me with an onslaught of questions I told her that I don't want to talk about it.

"I never figured you for the player type, and if you are why don't you just break it off with her and then you could be with whomever you want to be with." She said seemingly disgusted.

"It's not that simple, I love Lisa, I love Lisa more than anything, and I'm trying to make it work with her."

"Well if you really loved her then you would keep it in your pants!" She said a little louder than necessary. I don't understand why she is all of a sudden so passionate about this I mean she tries to get down my pants every other day!

"Listen Shelby, it's none of your business what I keep in or out of my pants." I got up and walked out of the bar. I saw Shelby throw some cash down through the window and she started running wobbly after me. I picked up the pace; I didn't want to talk to her, hearing her judging me was making me feel like shit. But she was faster than I thought and seemed to sober up fast. She caught me just as I was going into my building.

"Wait Kendra, I didn't mean to offend you; I just... had too much to drink. I apologize, can we still be friends?"

I thought about it and nodded my head.

"Look if you don't want to talk about this, I won't pressure you, but can I use your phone to call a cab? My battery died right after I texted you."

"Yeah, come on up, but please lower your voice because Lisa is sleeping."

"Ok," she whispered. I held the door open for her, motioned for her to head upstairs and I followed her with my head down. It took everything that I had not to look up her bright red dress.

I opened the door and told Shelby to sit on the couch. I walked to the bedroom, closed the door, and quietly came back and turned on one of the living room lamps.

I looked over at Shelby sitting on the couch.

"Here" I tossed my phone to her and it fell under the coffee table. She giggled quietly and got down on all fours to retrieve it. Her little red dress rode up her hips and I saw her closely trimmed pussy, I felt the gas turn up and the fire grow brighter inside of me.

I sighed loudly and reached for my chest. Shelby heard me and turned to see me biting my lip and squeezing my breast. She got up angrily and walked over to me.

"What are you doing Kendra?"

"It's not what you think Shelby, I'm sorry," I was tired of apologizing. I felt like I apologized for everything and everything was always my fault.

"How dare you do something like that, and have the nerve to do it in your home!" "I am going to tell Lisa right now." She said and began walking to the bedroom door.

"NO!" I yelled in a whisper "no, Shelby, please!" I said and put my hand on her stomach holding her back. I was so afraid that that contact did nothing sexual for me at all.

"Please, I can't hurt her Shelby!"

"Then why? Why do you stay with her when you are a cheating bitch?!" She whispered loudly. I felt like this was personal.

"Ok, fine Shelby you win, do you want me to leave her? I will, just don't tell her ok?"

"Don't leave her on my account, leave her because you love her and you can't keep it in your pants!"

I was becoming fed up "Listen Shelby, I can't keep it in my damn pants or whatever because I haven't have sex in almost a year!" I said louder but still quietly enough not to wake Lisa.

Her jaw dropped, "What, what do you mean?"

"I mean my girlfriend, my wife, my love, my life has only made love to me twice in the past 2 plus years!" I sank to the floor and started balling. I felt Shelby kneel down and put her arms around me. I shrugged them off but she put them back.

"I had no idea Kendra, wow..."

I hadn't told anyone about this and it felt even worse now than it did when I was keeping it a secret.

"I love Lisa, I show her in more ways than one, hell I've stayed for over 2 years with little to no sex, if that's not love then what is?"

"God, I was so wrong about you, you're bursting at the seams!"

I wiped my eyes and looked up at her with a faint smile. "It feels good to hear that someone understands and that I'm not crazy."

"Oh no sweetie, you're not crazy at all," She mumbled something under her breath. I didn't catch it all but I heard "Lisa" and "Crazy." She got up and walked me over the couch, we sat down. She pulled my head down into her lap and although I smelled how wonderful her sex smelled I drifted off to sleep.

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"Wake up Kendra" I heard, I opened my eyes to see Shelby looking down at me. My head was still on her lap. It was dawn and I knew that Lisa would be getting ready soon. I jumped up.

"You were having a wet dream and it woke me up." She said lowering her eyes.

"I... did I wet you?"

"No."

"Ok, well you have to go now; I'll see you at work ok?"

"Ok," I walked her to the door, she kissed me on my cheek and left. Still a bit nervous, I felt no arousal.

I lied back down on the couch and fell back asleep.

_________________________________________

I heard Lisa open the bedroom door and come into the living room.

"Wake up Kendra,"

I half opened my eyes and looked up at her.

"Good morning baby, what time is it?" She was already ready for work.

"A little after 6:30, why are you in those clothes and why are you sleeping on the couch?" She asked me.

I answered her and tried to keep my face from showing my nervousness.

"I went out last night for a walk," I told her.

"Oh yeah, alone?"

"No, with a friend."

"Shelby?"

"Yes, Shelby, look Lisa, I'm not cheating on you." I said before she got to her next question.

"I wasn't going to ask you that," She snapped.

"I'm running late for work, are you going to meet me for lunch or are you going out with Shelby?" She said with an attitude. She walked over and opened the door.

"Don't look at me like that Lisa; don't I always go to lunch with you?"

"Well I'll see you at noon," she smiled, turned and left.

_________________________________________

It was another boring day at the office; numbers, numbers, and more numbers. I thought that when I majored in accounting that it was the best and easiest thing that I could do since I had a love, well an obsession for numbers.

That was far from the truth. It was very boring. The math was too simple for me; it was just everyday stuff and not enough of a challenge. I should have majored in engineering.

I walked into my office and checked my emails. Did what I had to do for the morning and I was at our restaurant waiting for my Lisa for lunch at 11:50. She arrived 1 2 3 4 5 minutes later. She seemed happy to see me and acted as if nothing had ever happened. She told me about her day so far, that she missed me and asked me about my day. I knew that she loved me.

We ate lunch and returned to work. I got back in my office and closed the door. And then I heard a knock.

"Come in."

It was Shelby, in a cute yellow blouse and a navy blue skirt with the bottom lined with a ruffle.

"Hi, I hope that I'm not disturbing you, just coming to check on you after last night."

"I'm fine, Shelby thanks," my gaze drifted to her breast. They were pushed up lovely and I saw their roundness through her blouse. She saw what I was looking at and smiled.

"You want some of these?" She said jokingly as she pushed them up with her hands.

Her little joke started a big flood.

"N.. no..." I stammered "just looking at the lovely shade of your blouse and how it matches your teeth." I joked.

"Not funny Kendra," She turned and left.

We've been joking with each other since the first few weeks of her employment here. I knew that I hadn't hurt her feelings. I'd never say anything to Lisa like that. I would feel too bad.

I turned my attention to my wet panties. I got up and locked my office door. I walked back to my chair and sat down. I opened 1 2 3 buttons of my blouse and put my hand under my bra and on my breast. With my leg propped up on my desk I began rubbing my clit. I leaned my head over the back of the chair and began remembering one of the many times that Lisa made love to me.

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We were cuddled up on the couch and had just finished binge watching a popular series on Netflix. Lisa was super horny from the extra attention that I had been showing her nipples during the show. She got up from the couch and kneeled down in front of me.

"How much do you want this?" She asked me.

"A lot," I replied

"How much? Give me a number." Lisa knew about my problem and used it "against" me frequently.

"Umm... What is the scale?"

"There is no scale, now how much?"

I thought for a second.

"Hmmm... Infinity to the infinitith power." I said with a smile on my face.

Lisa grinned and put her mouth right on the crotch of my sweats and blew hot air.

"Take them off."

I did. Lisa grabbed my butt and brought me to the very edge of the couch. She dove in tongue first.

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I put my foot back down on the floor and dove 1 2 fingers inside of myself at the thought. I remembered the figure 8's that she licked around my clit. She was so talented.

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I lowered my hands and grabbed her hair. I could see her arm between her legs moving fast. She dove her tongue inside of me; I saw her body spazzing beneath me. I knew that she was going to come.

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Just as I remembered how she sang into my pussy as her orgasm hit, I exploded in my chair and began to cry.

I gathered my emotions, cleaned myself up and finished up my day.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Days, 1 week and 1 2 months passed, it was 1 2 3 4 days before our 10th anniversary. I've been getting several calls from my and Lisa's mom in the past week making sure that everything was going smoothly. They were childhood friends and Lisa and I were childhood friends. They were ecstatic when we told them of our love for one another and had a lot feelings and emotions invested in our relationship. I let them know that everything was going according to plan and that they shouldn't worry.

Things between Lisa and I were going well, after my little... BIG scare I have been able to control myself a lot more. She seemed really happy about everything and that I wasn't making any advances towards her. I even got to hug her and cuddle on the couch with her a few times since then. I could tell that she enjoyed it but that she was still nervous that I would do something to make the moments... advanced.

I met Shelby at our spot a few times after that and several times at her house and I've become really comfortable talking to her about everything. She was like my new best friend; she was my comfort away from home. She would hold me and I would lay my head in her lap, she'd even give me little pecks on the lips every now and then. No arousal from me. I felt myself starting to learn to live without sex; with only cuddling, and little kisses here and there.

It was Saturday night; I was on my way to Shelby's place. She had convinced me to get wasted with her while Lisa visited her parents' house for the weekend. If I'd known better I would have figured out that she was a closeted alcoholic before I agreed to this.

Apartment 7A.

I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked a little harder.

"Hey bitch!" The door swung open. There was my beautiful Lisa... I mean Shelby standing there in a bra and panties with a glass in her hand. Goddamn she was already plastered.

"Come on in," She turned and walked into her apartment. My eyes roamed over her backside and quickly darted to the floor.

Shelby walked over to the kitchen table where she had been sitting and poured a lot of vodka into a glass.

"I hope that that is not for me," I said with my eyebrows raised.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Shelby walked over, opened and disappeared into the fridge. She emerged with a fresh carton of raspberries. She walked back over to the table and dropped 1 2 3 4 5 of them into the tall glass of straight vodka. I shrugged, picked up the glass and gulped half of it down.

Ahhh the burn. I decided to fight the fire inside of me with a different kind of burn tonight; vodka.

"Slow down Kendra, we don't want you puking your guts up before the fun starts now do we?"

I looked at her and laughed. Fun? Whatever...

I sat down and we talked about everything, how Lisa and I met, how much I love her, what my anniversary plans are; everything. Lisa was everything to me. I drank the rest of the vodka, ate the raspberries that were at the bottom of my glass and poured myself another tall drink. I walked over to the fridge and got the raspberries. I turned around a little too fast and felt what the new burn was doing to my body. It felt good. I smiled to myself. I walked back over to the table, plopped the raspberries into my drink and sat down.

"So, when did you know that you were gay?" I asked Shelby, trying to not make this night all about myself.

"Since I was born, I don't know, elementary school I guess." We laughed. As much as a heavy drinker she obviously was, she was definitely feeling her alcohol now.

She looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Hmmmm... What if I told you there was a way that you could make love to Lisa tonight?" She asked me with a slight smile on her face.

"What? What are you talking about? Lisa is at her parents' house and won't be back until tomorrow and I can't get on a flight now." I said annoyed that she got my hopes up even for a second.

"Well, I look like Lisa don't I? You don't have to answer that, I've seen her pictures on your desk at work."

"Forget it Shelby, I am not going to cheat on my wife."

"When did you get married?" Shelby snapped back.

"You know what I mean Shelby, Lisa is my life, we have been together exclusively for 10 years this Wednesday and I don't plan on ruining that for a one night stand with you. "

"That's why I will pretend to be Lisa; it'll be just like it's you and her." Shelby got up from the table and took my hand. She led me to her couch and sat me down.

I considered. "You may look like Lisa, but you don't sound or act like Lisa, and you don't smell like Lisa either."

"How would you know how I smell?"

I didn't respond. Shelby walked to the kitchen and turned off the light; she walked back into the living room and turned off the lamp. It was pitch black.

I felt her sit next to me on the couch. I felt afraid. She touched my thigh. The alcohol inhibited me from moving myself or her hand (or so I'd like to believe).

"Don't worry Kendra, I won't say anything, I'll be quiet, and you don't have to touch me." Her hand crept closer to my now burning hot center.

"Just talk to me and tell me what Lisa would do."

I didn't say anything.

"Kendra, you are sexually frustrated," she continued, "anyone with eyes can see that, you need to get it out, it'll make your relationship better, and it'll make Lisa happier."

She turned my body so that I lay down on the couch. She crawled between my legs and one fell to the floor. She kissed my neck and whispered in my ear.

"What would Lisa do?"

I grabbed her right hand and put it on my pants. She took her hint and sat up to take them off. She dropped them to the floor and went to slide my panties off. They stuck to my wet spot a little, the feeling of the detachment along was divine; I knew that I wouldn't last long. I sat up and she took of my shirt and bra.

She wasted no time; she pushed me back and started pulling on one of my nipples.

"No," I said, "Lisa... I mean you would cup my breast first, you would never go straight for the nipple."

Lisa... I mean Shelby did as I requested. She cupped each of my breasts in her hands and squeezed. I let out a sigh as I then felt her mouth on my left nipple. It felt so damn good. My pussy started throb. Shelby felt the pulses on her stomach.