Decisions

"Instead of killing them, wouldn't you rather use your experience to help others to avoid your situation?" Steve asked after I had sat through a particularly brutal video. I didn't know how anyone could get sexual satisfaction form seeing stuff like this.

"What do you have in mind?"

Over the next month or so Steve, Trevor and I discussed their plan. It was during these discussions that I found out that Steve was also a policeman, he worked in Vice and was a part of a media unit that went out into the community with an education program designed to make kids aware of the dangers of drugs and how many girls had ended up as prostitutes because of them.

"If you look at me now you would find it hard to believe that no more than a few months ago I could look like this." I pushed the button of the PowerPoint display on the laptop on the desk. The screen came alive with a picture of me as I was when I was in hospital. There was a gasp from the group of kids in the room. The girls in particular were horrified by what they saw. "The reason I was in that condition was that I had made some very wrong decisions that led to other decisions that I had no control over. It was my decision to leave home after an argument with my mother. It was my decision to move in with my boyfriend. I thought that I would be safe with him and that he loved me."

"We lived in the most disgusting squat, there was no running water or heating, there was nowhere that meals could be prepared. It was in these conditions that I was abused and lost my virginity. Then I was forced to have sex with many, many men. I had no control over that because my wonderful boyfriend was feeding me stuff called GBH, you know the date rape drug, and I was out of it most of the time."

"He was also charging the men money for the privilege of fucking me, in other words I was an unwitting prostitute. Not only that but he was videoing the whole thing and selling the tapes to a web site." I hit the button again and the screen was filled with a porn site promo that had a picture of me and several men and the caption: 'Teen slut fucked in all holes.'. "I want you to imagine what it would be like to see yourself in this situation."

"The message is: Don't do drugs, if someone offers you a drink and you haven't seen the container opened or the drink actually made, don't drink it. Don't do anything that would jeopardise you ability to make rational decisions, because once you lose that control you won't know what can happen to you. I lost that control and found myself pregnant to I don't know who. I lost that control and found myself with a sexually transmitted disease, caught from I don't know who. I lost that control and found myself beaten to the extent that I lost my baby."

"I owe my life to this man," I pointed to Steve who was standing to one side of the room, "It was he who put his life at risk to get me out of this mess. It was he who helped me to get better and to make the decision that has led me to this. Now that I have regained control over my life again, I have thought about how best I can use this experience and have made the decision that I will be devoting myself to getting the message out to young kids like you about the dangers of being unable to make rational decisions, decisions that will affect you for the rest of your life. Thank you for your attention, are there any questions?"

A girl raised her hand. "Why weren't you on some sort of contraception?"

"I was 'in love' and naïve. I didn't think that any of this would ever happen to me. Now, when I look back on my life, I realise that it probably wouldn't have made a difference, because once I lost that rational control I probably wouldn't have kept up with the contraception anyway. Also, when I look back on all of this I realised that part of the debasement that I was subjected to was that I had to have cum all over me, on my tits, in my hair, on my face and coming out of my cunt, so condoms were not an option. I was totally submissive to the animal lust of these men."

"You were good in there, you would never know that you have never done this sort of thing before." Steve said as he helped me carry the equipment back to our vehicle.

"Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come along when you did and helped me when you did."

"Let's not talk about that now, we have all the time in the world to discuss that."

"What do you mean 'all the time in the world'? You aren't suggesting that this should be a long term career are you?"

"Only if you feel that you can handle it. What I am suggesting, if you're agreeable that is, is that we should make this into a long term relationship, you and me."

"Is this a proposal?"

"Yes."

I dropped the case that I was carrying and threw myself into his arms.