Decisions, Decisions

Jackie, my Admin Manager, was looking at me with raised eyebrows.

I just shrugged.

"Bit of a mixed weekend. Some highs, and a couple of lows too."

She bent over to ruffle my hair, and as she did so her shirt hung down flashing her boobs (and a very nice lacy bra).

"Hey, you'll have someone's eye out with those!" I joked.

We had worked together for over five years. We had got drunk together on more occasions than one, and when her husband left three years ago it was my shoulder she'd cried on. We had flirted a lot -- but it was all harmless -- she was a mate. But God, she had a hell of a pair! And it didn't stop there, she had a very decent figure and fantastic legs - helped by the fact she always wore stilettos. She always said she had to because she was so short.

For a moment I considered telling her everything. But I couldn't -- the emotions were still a bit too raw. Jackie parked her very attractive bottom in my visitor's chair, and we started to talk. About nothing. About everything -- well, almost everything. When she got up with a "better get back to work or my new boss, the Projects Director, will be wanting to fire me", we had spent a good deal of time laughing.

I looked at her and smiled:

"Thanks. I needed that. Oh, by the way, nice bra." I winked.

She giggled and turned to walk away, then stopped and looked over her shoulder:

"Well, anytime you want to help me take it off -- all you have to do is ask." She winked back.

I'm not sure how long my jaw had been resting on the keyboard, but it must have been a few seconds. In my mind I always knew we were really good friends -- but that was one hell of a come on. I watched her going about her job -- smiling, relaxed, confident -- and definitely competent. But more than that -- she always acted openly and was always honest. She said she was a "WYSIWYG person -- what you see is what you get". I really liked that right now, when one bit of my life was clouded in deceit.

She looked up and caught me looking at her. She smiled and slowly drew a hand from her neck, down her shirt collar to her cleavage and simultaneously licked her lips.

I laughed and mouthed "tease". We must have made eye contact a dozen times that Monday, and as I thought of Simon and Sandie and what would happen if she wanted his excitement more than what I could offer. I imagined myself with Jackie. Kissing those lips, taking up her invitation to help ....

Oh God! Maybe this is how it starts. Friendship, flirting, genuine attraction -- and then curiosity and anticipation. The fun of the chase. The will she, won't she. All that stuff that when you marry, you're glad it's behind you. But somehow, it is exciting. And it does set your heart racing.

As luck would have it -- or maybe as Jackie had planned it -- we left together that night. As we approached my car, she grabbed my hand:

"Alan, I meant what I said. Anytime, all you have to do is ask."

And before I could say anything, she kissed my cheek, turned and walked to her car. I watched her go, her heels clicking on the car park tarmac. She had the sexiest, most feminine walk I could imagine.

If anyone says that women don't have a sixth sense then they are lying. Don't ask me how, but Jackie had obviously picked up I was unhappy -- and was trying to boost my ego and cheer me up -- as well as trying to get me into her bed! I could think of a lot worse places to be.

While Sandie was getting harassed by parents who wanted to know why little Johnnie didn't have his degree yet ("didn't she realise he was an incredibly bright child?"), I got dinner ready -- nothing too heavy or complicated, just a chicken salad. But I took ten minutes out to check the e-mail -- both hers and mine.

There it was -- a simple reply saying he'd be there, and commenting on how much he'd enjoyed Saturday. Half of me wanted him to go into the grizzly details, but the other half of me was relieved he didn't. I set the mail back to "unread" and logged off.

Sandie came home and she told me the usual stories of parents' evenings. We ate, watched a bit of TV, one of the twins rang -- so we chatted to him for a while -- and then we went to bed. I noticed Sandie took a couple of minutes out to check her e-mail. Not unusual at all.

Tuesday was a busy, chaotic day at work for some reason, so the evening with Terry and Jill was just what I needed. Witty banter, funny stories and just happy memories. And for a whole evening, Simon was not in my head.

As I lay in bed that night, I could feel Sandie's slow, steady breathing in my ear. She had an arm and a leg draped over me, her head on my shoulder. I wondered if this time tomorrow she would have had sex with Simon. Would she want to come near me? Would I want her to come near me? Would I be able to tell if she had done it with him?

Decisions, decisions.

Should I go and spy on them again? No, that was way too painful.

What then? I slowly started to realise what I wanted -- revenge! I wanted her to hurt like I did. To feel the anguish I had felt. My thoughts were all about geese -- and sauces...

Decisions, decisions.

Did I really want to do that? Increasingly, I felt the answer was yes.

As we left the house the next morning, she gave me a much bigger kiss than normal:

"Don't forget I'll be a bit late tonight."

How could I forget?

I felt my stomach start to churn in a way that had become all too familiar over the past few days. I watched Sandie (God, she looked good) get in her car and drive off. I felt sick at the thought of the next time I would see her.

That Wednesday morning, on the doorstep, watching Sandie's car disappear into the distance I had no idea that the next time I saw her, it would be nothing like I had anticipated.

It was going to be a busy day at work -- lots of heavy planning meetings about the new contract. Jackie came in just after I had sat down at my desk. God, she looked absolutely stunning. She came round to my side of the desk -- she smelled even better than she looked.

"Wow, you smell really nice. I love that perfume."

She leant closer so I could really smell it. And at the same time I got an eyeful of those wonderful breasts.

"Yeah, it's not bad is it. Happy, Clinique"

Then as she noticed where I was looking, with a twinkle in her eye, she announced:

"And here's something else for you to play with. Your new toy care of the company."

She handed over a smart new Blackberry.

"Give me your phone and I'll swap the Sim and set it up for you."

I handed it over and she swayed out of the office. I rolled back my tongue and started to do some work. A few minutes later she was back:

"Here you go. I've added my mobile and my home number to your phonebook. Just in case you wanted to take up my offer sometime."

I smiled. Decisions, decisions. Before I could say anything she grinned:

"Oh and by the way, just because it's a Blackberry doesn't mean it counts towards your five a day."

Still smirking, she turned to leave.

"Jackie! You free tonight? After work?"

Oh my God, did I really do that? Did I really ask her?

I felt my pulse start up like it was an F1 car bursting off the grid. She turned, looked thoughtful, then grimaced:

"I'd really like to spend the evening with a handsome, charming and witty man, but I suppose you'll do."

I threw the Blackberry manual at her, and she left giggling like a naughty schoolgirl.

The meeting was rowdy and chaotic. It's great when you get a bunch of bright people who are passionate about their jobs, all interacting. Everyone had their new Blackberries and we spent half lunchtime setting them up. During the course of the day, my mind kept straying to six o'clock. Would Sandie and Simon end up in some hotel bedroom? And what about me? Where would I end up?

I was all over everywhere as Jackie and I left the building. She hugged my arm and said how pleased she was I'd agreed to come out. She still smelled absolutely gorgeous, and she'd obviously touched up her lipstick and make up. Not that she needed it. We drove the short distance to the pub in my car. I glanced at my watch -- 5:55 -- Sandie would probably be waiting for Simon. Waiting to fall into her lover's arms. Waiting for him to ...

"Alan? So, what do you think?"

"Sorry, Jackie, was miles away -- thinking about that bloody contract."

She gave me a "Yeah, I really believe you" look.

Jackie is one of those people who is just brilliant at making you feel at ease and open with her. Our sales guys spend a fortune on courses to help them do what Jackie does instinctively. Don't ask me how but I found myself not thinking of what was happening in the pub by the river a few miles away. Maybe it was Jackie's eyes, or her smile, or her laugh -- or her cleavage, but I was actually enjoying myself.

I finished my drink and was about to ask her if she wanted another when she grabbed my hand:

"Come on, let's go!"

"Where?"

She just tilted her head to one side, sighed and looked at me.

"Where? Not here."

She put her arm round me as we walked to the car. My mind started racing -- picturing us together. I felt her hand move, caressing my torso. It felt so good. Different. Exciting. That word again -- I think I was understanding what Sandie meant.

As we got to the car, Jackie stopped to face me. Wearing that silly grin of hers, she looked at me and whispered:

"I've been waiting a long time to do this..."

She closed her eyes and softly nibbled my lower lip with hers, and as I opened my mouth to respond she pulled me in tighter. Then we eased into a kiss that seemed bounce round my whole body. It felt like it lasted hours, in fact it lasted until ...

"Alan?"

At first I thought Sandie's voice was in my conscience. Then I realised -- I must have looked a picture of pure guilt ...

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Her voice, her eyes, her face -- her entire being was a statement of complete and utter disbelief. At times like that there is no right thing to say. I looked at her:

"Probably what you and Simon were doing ten minutes ago...."

She started to say something, but no words came out. Her hand went to her mouth. Her eyes were wide and staring at me like I had suddenly grown an extra head. She started to slowly shake her head.

"How... how long have you known?"

"Friday."

"And this, how long has this been going on?"

I looked at the pain in her eyes. I wanted to hold her and hurt her at the same time. I made a weak smile.

"About half an hour."

She dropped her hand; her expression complete confusion.

"I did it because I wanted to hurt you, like you'd hurt me. And because I wanted to see if someone new, someone different really is more exciting than the person you love."

Sandie looked at her shoes, then back at me. She sighed a heavy, resigned sigh:

"I think I can answer that. They aren't. That's why I told Simon tonight it was all over."

I stared at her, speechless.

"I almost told you everything on Sunday, but it was such a perfect day, and I couldn't see the point. You didn't know about Simon, and it would only hurt you. And I was never really unfaithful."

I think it was about this point I vaguely remember Jackie saying that she thought she should go, and she quietly left us, telling us how lucky we both were.

The next thing I knew we were in each other's arms, babbling "sorry" to each other. If the kiss with Jackie had knocked my socks off, the one with Sandie blew my shoes off too. Sandie has always been the best kisser in the world.

I cradled her head in my hands and forced her to look me in the eye.

"I love you, you know. So, why'd you decide to ditch the good doctor?"

She looked at me, and touched my cheek with her hand.

"Because he's not you. Oh it was flattering being chased by a good looking, bright guy. And it was fun snogging like a teenager again -- but after a while all I could think of was that his kisses, his touches and everything else he did was ... I don't know ... just missing something."

Before I could say anything, she hugged me tight and continued:

"And all of a sudden on Saturday night, it went from fun and I suppose a bit of naughty fooling around in his car to ... well, I dunno, to a bit tacky really."

I smiled. I had known Sandie for over twenty years and I knew exactly what was behind it. She is as sexy as any woman I know, but deep down inside she's a prude at heart. Having her boobs felt up is one thing -- having someone trying to take off your underwear in a pub car park -- that's tacky. I was so grateful Dr Simon White had no style!

"Anyway, how'd you know I was here?"

"Ask Dave, I rang him."

Now I was really puzzled, I had no idea she knew Dave other than as someone at work that I mentioned occasionally.

"Actually, I rang you -- but I think in the excitement of playing with your new toys, you boys got them mixed up. He said he thought you were coming here."

So, the whole thing had started with a phone conversation, and ended with one. If either conversation had been five minutes later ...