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======Chapter 2: The Take over======
Coming soon
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 9 years agoWhilst applauding the imagination I gave up part way through as I couldnt work out whose voice was speaking. So many mistakes detract from the narrative. Please get an editor to help correct the errors. Don't be disheartened just get it checked!
canndabout 9 years agoI agree that this has a lot of promise. intriguing start. I'd consider getting an editor as some mistakes slowed down my reading to see what the intent was, but overall, I like the imagination and the descriptions behind this. I'm intrigued by the double layered story of the beings in the prison between worlds and that of James and Henry. Look forward to more.
Anonymousabout 9 years agoBut I am a bit confused. I thought the story meandered a bit, and I couldn't always figure out "who" was talking - narrator seemed to shift to different people - which is fine, as long as the reader knows "who" is speaking. I stopped trying to keep track and instead attempted to guess who the narrator was, by what he was saying.
Overall, I like it and plan to read future chapters, but ask that loveless22 provide more context on which character is speaking/thinking at any given time. Also, getting an editor might help - to streamline the narrative so the different plot threads are covered in a less confusing manner.
