Derek's Story Ch. 01

My sister just held onto me and let me spill my heart out. I don't know how long she held me, seconds, minutes, hours, for it seemed like time stood still. When I finished I couldn't even look her in the face. I felt ashamed because I was in love with someone that society deemed I shouldn't be in love with, but at the same time I felt ashamed for being ashamed. Should I have felt so badly about loving someone? To make matters even worse, my sister had yet to respond to my declarations, only furthering my level of despair.

Growing up I had always been told that I would experience certain moments when time stopped. There are certain things that are so momentous that time freezes and a million thoughts run through your head. When you ask a girl to marry you, the first time you hold your baby, holding the hand of a loved one on their death bed; all of these things I was told would be moments when time would stop as I was experienced them. This moment, however, the time I waited before my sister replied to me, while I was not sure, could potentially have top all those experiences. She was the most important person in my life and the mere thought of that changing was too much for me to bear.

As the seconds turned into minutes, as the minutes turned into hours, as the hours felt like they were turning into days I waited for some sort of reply. If she would say anything, do anything, just so I would know that we would be alright, then all my suffering could stop. Just as I was about to give up hope my sister looked my right in the eyes and smiled. No words were spoken, not unnecessary gesture, just a smile.

We went on to discuss a great many things after that. I told her what I felt during the kiss and how I felt afterwards when I realized that my dream could never be. The surprising thing was it was no longer such a one sided conversation. Don't get me wrong, I still did most of the talking, but it was her reactions and responses that caused me to almost do a double take. I had expected her to call me a moron, but instead she said she was happy for me. I had expected her to tell me that it would never happen, but instead she only wished me luck. I had expected her to tell me I was gross for even considering doing something taboo, but instead she told me that the heart is funny sometimes and that love is a beautiful thing that can be found anywhere.

I must say that when we departed I felt more confused afterwards than I had been before the conversation. I was no longer ashamed about my feelings for Kara, but I was confused as to why Maura had responded that way. I though over Maura's dating history, which while short was not something to scoff at. From what I knew and from what she told me I was under the impression that she was happy. However, even if she was happy with her own dating life, I couldn't shake the feeling that she was trying to tell me something. I put that feeling in the back of my mind and have not brought it up since, but from that point on I knew that me and my sister would only ever get closer.

As for Kara and I, well she was the one that claimed my virginity.

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FALL SEMESTER 2006

Up to this point, everything that had happened in the collegiate career had been linked in some way or another to the emotion roller coaster that was my relationship with Kara. As much as I wanted to be with her I still felt like there was no chance of it ever happening. I mean I often got to hang out with the volleyball team and interacted with Kara on a daily basis, but I just didn't feel like she would ever return my feelings.

Instead of sulking about it, I tried to expand my social circle. Knowing all the girl volleyball players made me somewhat popular with the single guys on campus, the ones who were only interested in getting into the girls' pants, so I never had a lack on an invitation to hang out with random people, but there were few people besides Maura and Jess that I considered true friends. The people I felt closest too, besides my family, where my fellow Ultimate Frisbee team members. Now that I was one of their captains I was getting to know some of them on a much more personal level.

Before I continue I think I should state that I elected to live on campus when I first became a college student. Aunt Tia had offered to allow me to continue living at home, but I wanted to experience the full college lifestyle. I will admit that a determining factor in my decision making process were my feelings towards Kara. When every time you look at someone your heart melts and you feel a little bit of yourself die inside because you can't act on the truth than maybe you will understand where I was coming from when I made the decision to live in the dorms. I had to get away from there and living on campus provided me with the perfect excuse.

During my freshman year I actually became very close with my roommate Spencer. We had gotten along so well that we had actually decided to be roommates again for our sophomore year, but during the summer, before we returned to school, he was arrested for drunk driving with I believe was an ounce of pot also in his possession. I had known he smoked, but really didn't care. I had dabbled with it once or twice, but smoking pot really wasn't for me. Anyways, his parents were furious when they found out, and they ended up pulling him out of school. I am not sure how it happened, but I ended up having the room to myself for the fall semester of my sophomore year. I knew that come winter time I would likely to get a new roommate, but for now I had turned my dorm room into a palace.

I was able to set it up so that I could tear down the extra furniture, allowing myself to position in beds in a way that gave me a queen size mattress in the room, along with a couch, big screen tv and ample floor space. Because of my setup, my room turned out to be the hang out room for many on my floor. For the first time in my life I actually felt somewhat popular.

However, even with my new found popularity I still found it difficult to talk to girls. I was fine from a social standpoint, but when it came to getting them into my bed it was another story. Some of this might have been due to Kara, some of it might have been due to my hair. I had recently decided to just shave my head completely with a razor and rock the bald look instead of letting it continue to recede. I had received several compliments, but was still questioning how I looked. Even with being in shape I had the constant fear that I looked like a giant penis or some reason. Anyways, I was now shaving my head and was making new friends.

One friend in particular, Seth and I were becoming rather close. Seth was an awkward kid, like me, who had been in a few of my classes freshman year. We knew each other then, but it wasn't until this year that we had become particularly close. He lived in a dorm close to me so we often got to hang out and I even had him come play frisbee once or twice. As much as I enjoyed hanging out with Seth, the coolest thing about him was the fact that he had a twin sister who thankfully looked nothing like him. She was a very pretty girl, brunette, in great shape and stood roughly my height. I had only met her once or twice, but both times I felt like there was a natural connection.

On this particular Friday night I was pleasantly surprised when Seth called me and told me that his sister Jenelle actually wanted to hang out. I was even more surprised when Seth told me that he would not be joining us. Feeling excited for the first time in god knows when I decided to do something a little different than what normally takes place on campus. For those of you who have lived in a campus dorm, you know that often kids sneak alcohol into their rooms, take a few shots and then try to see if they can get into an off campus party. I will admit I have done this a few times, but I wanted to be a little different. Because I was a captain of the Frisbee team, and a few of the older members had their own off campus house, I asked them if they wanted to have a Frisbee party, which they thought was a great idea.

Knowing that I could easily attend said party whenever I felt like arriving; without having to worry about paying to get in or how many people were with me (as I had chipped in a few bucks to help pay for the kegs), I decided to use my room as the place for a pre-party with Jenelle and whomever else wanted to hang out that night. I usually didn't throw parties in my room for fear of getting caught, and my Aunt getting in trouble, but I wanted tonight to go well. Who knows I thought, maybe I could even get Kara off my mind for a while.

I am not sure if you have ever heard of a flavored drink called a Hug. I have sometimes heard them described as Quarter Waters so I hope that helps you know what I am talking about. I first became familiar with this drink when I was about 15-16, hanging out with my high school friends. We used to buy them by the case load then smoke cigars and see how many you could drink before having to quit drinking them or puke. While I agree that does sound pretty lame, we also discovered during this period that you can put a shot and a half of vodka in them without tasting any of the vodka or leaving a sort of mixed drink smell. It was with this knowledge that I decided to purchase a handle of vodka and a few cases of hugs before getting showered and ready to hang out with Jenelle.

Jenelle ended up arriving at my room a little after 8 with a few of her female friends, all of which were attractive. Their arrival caught the attention of a few male friends on my floor, resulting in there being about 12 people in my room. I figured with it being so early that the resident advisors would not being making their rounds yet, so I didn't care that there were so many people there. I just wanted to use this chance to get to know Jenelle better. I must admit that after the initial mockery I got for showing them the flavored Quarter Waters everything starting going very well.

Jenelle and I, as it turned how had a lot in common. We both seemed to have the same tastes in movies, some of the same hobbies, and even though I believe she was lying to impress me, the same opinions on certain sports teams. I admit that I was having a great time flirting with her, and from everything that I could tell, she seemed to be enjoying herself just as much. I think her friends even picked up on the obvious connection between the two of us because before long they all left her side and it was just me and her conversing, discussing various topics and enjoying each other's company.

After about an hour or so of drinking, I had put down four of my Hug mixes and was really starting to develop a rather enjoyable buzz. Jenelle, to my surprise, had been able to keep up with me this whole time, making me think that much more highly of her. All the more amazing, I wasn't thinking about Kara at all. I found myself being drawn closer and closer to Jenelle. Now I don't believe in love at first sight nor was I looking for any sort of connection, but I must admit that I was truly having a great time getting to know her. She actually seemed like someone special. As time went on I found myself wondering if Seth would let me date his sister.

As the night progressed, I began to notice that having such a large gathering in my room might not be the best idea. With so many people constantly walking in and out of the room, as the party guest were constantly changing, my room door seemed to just stay open. Now if I was off campus I wouldn't care about the door being open, but I was in a dorm room and sooner or later the RAs would come by. I decide that we should start getting ready to venture off to the Frisbee house so as not to take any more chances.

As our friends were slowly making their way out of my room karma showed its ugly face and timed it so that an RA walked by my room as they all left. The RA, upon seeing the red plastic drinking cups in our hands, came in the room and demanded to know what is going on. Being buzzed, I actually handed her my freshly mixed hug drink; asking her to try it so she would know that we were not doing anything bad. Upon the realization of what I had just done, I quickly grabbed the drink back out of her hands, and instead offered to make her a fresh one. I then opened the fridge to get her a new Hug drink and a cup. Out of pure luck I had previously taken the vodka out of the fridge and put it into my dresser, returning it back to its normal hiding place as my pre-party was winding down. When the RA saw that my fridge was only filled with Hugs, which I will admit is still very odd for a college dorm room fridge, she apologized for jumping to conclusions and left the room leaving Jenelle and I alone.

If you have ever shared one of those "oh shit" moments with another person, then you should know that at that point in time, Jenelle and I were really into each other. The experience just sort of seemed to create a strong bond between us. I am talking if we had been alone for maybe even another minute that we would have been rolling around on my bed all over each other. There was something about the thrill of not getting busted that seriously just made us want to celebrate. As I was actually leaning in for the kiss, which I knew was going to be returned from her body language and the fact that she was pulling me closer, my door again opened and a few friends returned ready to head for the party

While still holding each other's hand (yeah I know) we retold the events that had just taken place mere moments ago to those who had just ruined our moment. They were shocked and amazed at what we told them, but they did say we made a cute couple so all was forgiven. Deciding that it would be unwise to tempt fate twice in one night, we all headed out for the Frisbee house and kegs. Jenelle's roommate decided that she did not wish to come with us saying she was feeling a little sick, so I promised that I will take care of Jenelle as we headed out. While leaving I remembered hearing a few of Jenelle's friends giggle. Jenelle actually turned around and glanced back at them, giving them a slight smirk as she closed the door. Upon seeing her smirk I opened myself up to the possibilities of where the night might take us.

The walk down to the party was rather uneventful. Jenelle had her arms embraced around mine the entire time and I will admit that I was actually thinking of calling Seth in that moment to thank him for setting me up with his sister. I know that setting a family member up on a date is one of the hardest things to do, as it requires a lot of trust, and will admit I was pleased that Seth thought so highly of me. By the way things were going I figured that tonight was going to be a good night. I don't mean that I was expecting to get laid, even though it would have been awesome. I mean that for the first time since I was eighteen years old I actually saw a chance for me to be happy with someone other than Kara. I don't mean I was day dreaming about standing at the altar with Jenelle or anything, but instead that maybe, just maybe I could break Kara's spell over me. That someone else could replace Kara as my dream girl.

As our group arrived at the party, Jenelle and I were greeted by some of the seniors on the team who handed us both a fresh beer and welcomed us into their establishment. As I took in the spectacle before me I was pleased to see that the party is actually pretty full. A lot of people were there and everyone seemed to be having a great time; plus as an added bonus no one had yet reached the obnoxious drunk stage, so the party was actually pretty cool. Jenelle excused herself to use the restroom as I begin to interact with my fellow teammates. Now like I said, I naturally tend to have low self esteem, but will admit I was feeling a boost in confidence because several of my friends were giving me props for my date. I will admit that I was liking this new feeling, and also that I was really starting to like hanging out with Jenelle. Thus far, she had been amazing to be with, and I was curious to see if maybe there would be a second date and beyond.

Once Jenelle returned from the restroom I returned her drink and was astonished to see her chug it down in one gulp. My lower jaw might have hit the floor and my brain thought of some rather sexual things as I watched her swallow her beer. Not to be outdone, I quickly finished my own drink. Before long we both ended up repeating the process. Up until this point my interest had been purely platonic. I mean I would not have complained if I ended up hooking up with Jenelle, but now I found myself actually wanting to hook up with her. We had both been drinking rather heavily so I suggested that we both get some fresh air, so we headed outside to the back deck. I was beginning to realize that we were both rather drunk. I wanted us to slow down, get some air, have some water and make it through tonight so that date two would be firmly established. Even if I was thinking with my dick, I still wanted her to remember everything in a positive light.

We got outside, and before long one thing lead to another, and we are in each others' arms making out. Each touch of her lips sent electricity racing through my body. I literally felt like I was in heaven. Here I was, standing under the stars, with a beautiful woman in my arms, making out with her. As our tongues intertwined our hands started to explore each others' bodies. As our kisses lingered, I became more and more excited as I felt myself growing. As Jenelle became aware of my hardness she brought her hips closer to mine so that we are almost humping. The chemistry between us at this point was off the scales.

Just as her hand made its way to my crotch, I broke the kiss. Every fiber in my body wanted us to continue, and there were certain parts of me that wanted to kick my own ass, but I knew we were both drunk. Additionally, she was my very good friend's sister. As I overcame my urges, I told her that we were both drunk and should wait until we were sober before continuing. To my relief she actually thanked me for being a gentleman and I agreed to let me walk her home with the plan of calling her tomorrow and arranging for us to have lunch together. We headed back into the house, said our goodbyes to our host, thanked them for the wonderful time, and left.

As we walked out the front door we both ended up tumbling down their front stoop with her landing on top of me. We both laugh about it, realizing we were both a little drunker than we originally thought we were. One of my friends who drove to the party saw us tumble and upon learning that we were alright, offered to drive us back to her dorm so I can drop her off for the night.

If the night were to have ended at that point, I will admit that I had a wonderful evening. I had gotten to know a beautiful girl, and we had really hit it off. I had gotten to second base and the future looked very bright for me to be able to continue around the base paths. Also, the fact that we had so much in common just made me want to get to know her better. Fate however is often cruel and doesn't always play out as one would wish, for as soon as we arrived at her dormitory, she opened the door and vomited all over the pavement.

As I held her hair we slowly made our way towards her room. All thoughts I had of ever hooking up with her were replaced with genuine concern for her well being. I was so worried that that I actually called Seth and told him to come help take care of his sister. My fears were only worsened when the dorm RA noticed her in the bathroom. The RA suggested that an ambulance be called because Jenelle most likely needed her stomach pumped. I had failed in getting her back safely.