Desire Denied

Copyright 1999 Del Edwards (a nom de plume)

He loved to watch her muscular thighs move with an easy rhythm as she almost danced down the trail toward him. He was used to seeing her in athletic shoes, shorts and a tank top or blouse with a bra under it. More than a few times he had stopped, turned and watched her move smoothly up the mountain trail, waiting for her shorts to gape open at the outside of her hip and show the white satin of her panties and the full beauty of those smooth, muscled thighs and calves working to perfection.

Over a period of several years they had hundreds of short conversations when they met on the hiking trail in one of the city's mountain parks. The compliments and acknowledgement of admiration and love for the other went between them. She once volunteered that he fascinated her and that she had had fantasies about him. He responded by telling her that he had dreamed about her as well as had fantasies about her being his woman. He told her he wished they had met many years ago so she would be the mother of his children. She once told him he was the most sensitive, kind and supportive man she had ever met. Over coffee he had told her she was the only woman he had met since his divorce ten years ago that he would consider marrying.

She was a wholesome woman, quite conservative and conventional as well as complex. She had spoken of her other life a few times and then skittishly retreated into reality with talk of her work and her children. One day, figuring he had nothing to lose but his obsession of wanting her to be his woman, his lover, his companion, he commented to her that if he had his way he would glue her tennies to the floor, put a hot cup of coffee in her hands and instruct her, "Tell me everything about you, leave nothing out, I want to know it all."

Her response was, "You're an attractive man, and if things were a little different..."

'Go ahead woman, drive me into further flights of fantasy' his soul screamed but he did not give voice to his thought.

In full makeup she was shockingly beautiful. Her lips were redder, her cheekbones blushed and even higher, the elegantly casual blond hair even more complimentary as it softly framed her face. At the same time she looked 'overdone' - painted and primped and a little too perfect. He had seen her in street clothes and makeup several times when they met for coffee or lunch. Their first coffee meeting had nearly blown him away. She was elegantly dressed and her hair, her makeup and her nails were perfect. She knew how to be beautiful.

He was prepared for the encounter because he had checked the license plates of several hundred white Honda Accords in the last few months. All the numbers and all the letters of the license plate were in the correct order. She was in the store.

He had parked and locked his vehicle carefully in the lot of the sex store. His heart thundered as he pulled at the door and entered the coolness of the shop from the noisy, hot sidewalk. A quick circuit of the ground floor established that she was not there. He exited the front door and urged his legs to move him quickly to the second floor where the merchandise was more explicit and the videos were for sale, not for rent. There had been chance meetings with her before, in the parking lot of a shopping mall, on a quiet residential street she was out for a walk on a beautiful spring evening and he was on his way to a meeting. He believed and tried to convince her that the gods were causing their paths to cross. She was dubious. Maybe she even thinks I am stalking her, he mused once or twice. That would certainly frighten her. How could I prove to her that I wasn't stalking her he wondered. Well, I'll deal with that if it comes up but it's really the gods who are at work here, he had thought to himself.

He encountered her at a distance; she was close to a man he had never seen before. They were two thirds of the way down an aisle of videos; she was laughing and bent toward him in humor.

He moved down the aisle opposite her so they would come face to face across a double display of erotic videos. He stopped directly opposite her. The diamond lavaliere that she always wore was nearly invisible. It was over-powered by the silver-studded black leather collar that snugly encircled her long, elegant neck. He understood that she was imprisoned by it. He wanted to free her from it but knew it was not within his power to do so. Reality said and he knew she wore it voluntarily. She was not a woman who needed or wanted to be rescued.

Her smallish but beautiful breasts seemed oddly irregular under the open-weave lace sleeveless blouse. The darker pigmentation of her nipples was barely apparent. He saw the glitter of polished metal flashing through the lace where her nipples would be pressing against the see-through blouse. She had not yet noticed him. The soft, black leather skirt about her hips reached to mid thigh where black stockings encased her gorgeous legs. The high-heeled sandals with the ankle straps were the final perfect touch. Later she would move a third of the way down the aisle and nearly kneel to get a tape from the bottom shelf. Her skirt would ride up her thighs to reveal the wide band of double dark lace at the tops of her stockings and the black garters that were attached to the lacy black garterbelt that was snugged about her slim waist. There was no hint of a bra which would be easily seen through her lace blouse, the only thing she wore under the blouse were the clips attached to her nipples.

She did a doubletake when she saw him. She blinked and her eyes went huge. Surprise and panic froze her for a moment and then she shook her head from side to side almost imperceptibly, her eyes locked onto his. Her teeth were clenched and her lower lip was drawn tight across them in a silent scream of trepidation. He picked up a videotape box and nodded his agreement with very small and slow movements of his head, looking at her to make sure she received his reply. Then he made his eyes move to the box in his hand.

Seeing her dressed that way and knowing she was with another man and had dressed for him churned his insides. So much so that after just a few minutes of pseudo browsing some video boxes while stealing glances at her, he left the store.

"I was with my husband," she pleaded defensively two days later on the mountain trail. "He wanted me to drive so he could look at my legs. He had me pull my skirt up past the tops of my stockings. That's kind of embarrassing when you're sitting at a light and there's some guy in a pickup looking down into the car," she added.

"And you were under his power because you were wearing the collar," he noted.

"That's a game we play. When I wear the collar I must do what ever he says. That's how he gets his special stuff. "When he wears the collar I get my special stuff," she smiled nervously.

"I'm jealous as hell. And that's totally crazy, me being envious of a man because he's flirting and being sexual with his wife. It's just that I want you for myself."

"I know, you have said that before," she replied. Then after a long sigh she gazed off into space and said, "It can't be. I am married. I am also very attracted to you but I won't act on my fascination and desires about you."

"I admire your integrity. It wouldn't work for me either. If we did something I know I'd like it and want you even more," he said.

"Did the way I was dressed do anything for you?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure. I saw when you bent down to get a video from the bottom shelf," he said.

"I did that for you," she replied.

"You wanted to show me what I couldn't have, huh Teasy," he growled.

"No, I gave you everything I could at that moment. It was some kind of a perverse thrill for me, being dressed like that, not wearing panties and wanting you to want me. I'm sorry you took it the way you did. You know how attracted I am to you," she wailed.

"I'm glad I got to see that part of you, to know that it's there, even if I can't have you for myself." He stopped talking because he was choking on his tears.

"God I'm confused," she cried to him.

"Do not toy with me woman, I am to be taken seriously," he growled at her. He spread his arms and in a wavering voice on the edge of desperation said, "Either come into my arms or go home to your husband."

She took a half step toward him. Then the sound came from her -- "Aaaheeeha." With tears in her eyes she turned and moved down the trail, totally out of his reach, and out of his life. But she stayed in his heart for a long time.

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