Desperate Confusion

Paul thoroughly enjoyed his extramarital affair with Stacy, but the guilt had begun to affect him. He also feared being caught. The last thing that he wanted was a divorce, since it would mean eternal damnation according to his belief system.

Nevertheless, he couldn't bring himself to end his relationship with the single mom. Not only was she absolutely delightful in bed, but she also seemed to understand and respect him more than his own wife did. It was a terrible dilemma for the exterminator. He wanted to stay married and avoid getting caught, but he also wanted his mistress. He couldn't give either of them up.

Michelle, for her part, had an awful secret as well. She had gotten an abortion behind Paul's back, because she didn't want any more children. It was against her Catholic faith, but she justified it by telling herself that it was dangerous to have more children so soon after her last baby. However, she knew that this act would enrage her husband if he discovered the truth.

She also felt guilty about having secret sexual fantasies about her friend, Karen. She didn't know why she desired to fuck a woman, but Karen was a former co-worker who had always seemed to provide her with risqué humor and plenty of fun. Of course, she was also in an unofficial marriage with a man named Rick and she was about a dozen years Michelle's senior.

The idea of being bisexual confused and terrified her. She knew that she wasn't a lesbian, because a lot of men excited her, but she now doubted that she was straight. Some of her thoughts, such as bending Karen over and licking her ass, particularly frightened her. Why would she want anything to do with anal sex? That was dirty and sick! She never did stuff like that with her husband, even when he asked to rim her.

Stacy, meanwhile, had no worries beyond what Michelle might do to her if she found out about the affair. She could just picture the jealous fury on her co-worker's face. She DID feel some guilt, but she thought that the wife, in this case, had asked for it by taking Paul for granted. That was something that Stacy could NEVER do. He was too great of a lover to her for that to happen. After all, didn't she deserve to be happy with a good man, even if it meant that his sour spouse would be hurt?

Paul knew how his paramour felt about his wife, but he thought that it was a lot easier for an outsider to take a harder and more disinterested view of his marriage than he did. Of course, Stacy didn't regard the matter of pain for his mate to be that important; she was not obligated by vows and a sacrament to either of them. If he were not Catholic, it would only be vows and a contract, but he firmly held to the tenets of his church, even though he presently engaged in violating them.

So, while a seemingly strict Catholic wife and mother hid her abortion and Sapphic lust behind a confusing and contradictory façade, her equally fearful husband anxiously continued his adulterous liaisons with his mistress. He simply kept a tight lipped, placid appearance, while his worried spouse maintained her determination to seem simultaneously faithful and voyeuristic. Stacy just had a grin on her face that she refused to explain to anyone, especially her lover's official partner. She was the LEAST nervous person in that love triangle.

Nevertheless, secrets of such a powerful nature are difficult to keep, so Michelle let her cover slip on the matter of the abortion during a particularly angry dispute with Paul. He pointed out that she still seemed to hold a grudge against him for making her give him a 2nd child, when she snapped back at him.

"You won THAT battle, but you have lost the war! I'll NEVER bear you any more children! I've acted once to stop it and I will again if I must!" she thundered at a stunned husband.

"Mother of God! What the hell do you mean by that? How did you prevent it? Is that why our sex life has gone downhill? Have you been putting me off in the past week to keep from having more kids?" he demanded furiously.

"Partly. I was fertile last week, but if you had gotten me into bed, I'd simply have killed it like the last one!" she shouted.

"Kill what? What are you talking about? Did you have an abortion? Michelle, that's murder!" he probed with a mixture of panic and anger.

"Yes, I had an abortion. I know it's murder, but I don't fucking care right now. The child was better off dead than growing up with us. You're always complaining about my 'attitude' and I'm constantly mad at you lately. We're a terrible couple to raise a family and I REFUSE to have more rugrats anyway," Michelle declared.

"Yes, we do make a bad pair, don't we? Well, that's still no excuse for murder, dear. There IS such a thing as adoption, you know. Mind you, I'm in no place to lecture you about morality. I have to confess that I've been cheating on you," Paul responded.

"WHAT? Who's the slut? Who have you been fucking on the side, Paul? What's her name?" she screamed at him.

"Stacy. I've been sleeping with your co-worker. It started out as a fantasy, but I let it come true when I fumigated her apartment. It was wrong, but I can't stop doing it with her. I actually ENJOY her company in bed," he confessed.

"So, you're going to just keep fucking the tramp, are you? Don't I have anything to say about this? I'm your WIFE, for God's sake, man! You swore vows to me and took part in a sacrament in the Church! Now, I have to choose whether to put up with your infidelity and go to Heaven as a martyred wife or leave you and make sure that BOTH of us burn in Hell! There is NO SUCH THING as divorce for a Catholic; you DO remember that, don't you, Paul? You were in catechism. I can't divorce you! It's a mortal sin!" she yelled at him.

"Well, you can separate from me. I can move into the spare bedroom or somewhere else. Whatever the case, I don't need your sanctimonious claptrap right now! You fucking killed our baby! That's a far cry from an affair!" he retorted.

"Okay, but why? Why cheat on me? What have I possibly done to deserve such a betrayal? I've never been unfaithful to you!" Michelle demanded.

"Well, you sure sent me confusing signals about that, don't you? Of course, I never thought that you were ACTUALLY getting some on the side, but I wondered from time to time about that. I especially feared that you'd get drunk and do that. However, I'm not the model of marital fidelity anymore, am I? Be that as it may, abortion is a lot worse than adultery! I hurt a grown woman who happens to be my wife and the mother of my children. YOU, on the other hand, hired a so-called doctor who deserves to lose his license to kill an innocent child. Are you hiding anything else?" Paul declared.

"Well, maybe. How did my partying and going to male strippers mean that I was cheating, any more than your doing so made you unfaithful? Do you actually think that I would get so drunk that I would let some stranger seduce me? If anyone succeeded with me, it wouldn't be any of the strippers or guys at a bar. It wouldn't be a man at all.

"I have certain feelings for a girlfriend of mine, but she is involved and I'm married. Besides, I have mixed emotions about same sex activities. I guess that I've made too much of my fidelity because of her. I wanted to convince myself and others that I'm a straight, old-fashioned Catholic wife with basically traditional values, even if that is only partly true. If I leered at men too eagerly for your comfort, that was also because of my confusion. I'm sorry if I made you wonder about me. I guess that I've been a royal bitch lately. I haven't even made love to you in a while, have I?

"As for the abortion, well, I suppose that you're right. It's a pretty serious matter. I know it's a mortal sin. I know that you're furious that I've denied you children by that means. I've been selfish and dishonest. I've been overly critical of you in general. However, you are no saint yourself. You cheated on me and you have yet to explain why you did it," she commented.

"That's very simple. I was unhappy with you and wanted to sleep with someone with whom I could get along for a change. It was a pleasant difference, I must admit. That doesn't excuse my affair, but it IS my reason for it. She was friendly, willing, and available. Also, the fact that you took me for granted, because of my breast fetish, made me want to prove you wrong by screwing a woman who wasn't the busty type. There is nothing else to say," he admitted.

"So, that is it. Are you going to keep fucking around on me every time that you feel mistreated? For that matter, are you ever going to stop sleeping with Stacy? It sounded earlier like you weren't ready to give her up. I can't keep looking over my shoulders to see if you are going to betray me with another woman. I can't leave you either. I don't think that you really want to leave me, do you? You wanted children. Would you want them wondering where Daddy is? There is no solution here. For once, I don't have any answers. If you want to be head of the household, this is your chance, honey. You can figure something out for us," she urged him.

"You're right. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to break it off with Stacy, either. What I would want to do is not something that you could probably accept. I want to keep BOTH of you girls. I don't expect that you'll actually go along with that, but it is the only solution that I can propose wholeheartedly. Aside from that, I have nothing to suggest," he finally stated.

"So, you want to keep your present situation of a wife and a mistress, only now we'll both know about each other? What do I get if I agree to that? Shouldn't you grant me a favor in exchange for one? I think that I should be able to take a lover if you can: a woman. I want my own mistress. I think that's only fair, don't you?

"I love you, but I refuse to let you set a double standard. I'm not a weakling, you know. I'll put up with some things that are past, because of my own lies and cruelty. However, if we're going to start our marriage all over again, we need to treat each other with more honesty and respect than before.

"I would also suggest that you use a condom with me, since you want more children and I don't. Moreover, with each of us having lovers, there is a greater risk of disease that we shouldn't pass on to each other. I know that the Church forbids birth control, but we haven't exactly obeyed it in other things, have we?" Michelle responded.

"This other woman wouldn't be that girlfriend of yours, would she?" Paul asked suspiciously.

"No. Her boyfriend hasn't done anything to deserve that. I want some time to find a lover. Since you will have sex with Stacy during that period, I should get to try out some women before making my final choice. After all, you played the field a bit before we met. Don't worry. I won't neglect our children or become too promiscuous. I just want to experiment with a variety of women. I've never acted on my desires before. This is my opportunity. Whatever the case, you have my word that I will be careful with them. The condoms should help as well," she reassured him.

"Very well. I'll compromise. We'll both get what we want this way. The condom idea makes sense, as I don't want to catch anything from you. I also don't want to give any diseases to Stacy. I wouldn't want to give you anything that I caught from her, either. I know that I hurt you with my affair, just as you hurt me with your abortion, but I still love you. I know that you still love me, as you have said so.

"Since we have agreed not to separate or divorce, we'll just have to live with our past sins as well as our present ones. More to the point, we'll have to live with each other's sins. We must keep this secret from our kids, of course. They don't need to know about our activities, past or present," he concurred, though somewhat sad that they had admitted the failure of their attempt to conform to the ideals of their religion.

"True. It does make you wonder, doesn't? I mean, if it's so difficult and stressful to live by the principles of the Church, maybe Roman Catholicism isn't so right. After all, we have to disobey it's rules in order to do a lot of things or prevent them.

"If we had used birth control, for instance, there would have been no abortion. If we had taken lovers with each other's consent in the past, you'd have the children you want without putting me through the trouble of pregnancy again. I don't mind a child or two, but that's my limit. My health is being affected by these pregnancies, I suspect. That placenta previa occurrence happened just once, but it scared the shit out of me.

"What I'm saying is that maybe we should look for spiritual enlightenment elsewhere. It may be that you find it in one place and I do in another. We can still stay together, though. Face it. We're not going to make it as Catholics, even if the Church is, by some chance, correct. That's just my thought," Michelle suggested.

"Yes, I've often wondered about that, but told myself to dismiss the doubts and just believe what the Church teaches. The more directly it affects you, though, the more seriously you have to weigh the issues and see who's right. Perhaps we can visit a couple of different places of worship in the next few weeks and see if any of them appeal to us," Paul agreed.

"It affects me for sure. I like girls as well as guys. That's NEVER going to be acceptable to the Vatican. You have a mistress. That's also a serious sin, perhaps a mortal one, depending on one's definition of adultery. I just can't see same-sex lust as a choice and an abomination anymore, having admitted to those desires myself. That would mean that I would have to damn myself for bisexuality. That changes my perspective on the whole question of faith," she declared.

"Exactly. A man like me or a woman like you is persona non grata in the eyes of the Church," he commented.

"Indeed, now can we stop talking about sex and shop for some condoms so we can fuck? I'm horny now. I want to do something with you that I have never done before. I'd like to try anal sex tonight," Michelle announced.

"YOU want to take my cock up the ASS? That's a wild side of you coming out for sure! I thought the bisexual thing was dramatically different from your conservative upbringing, but that's pretty intense! Not that I object! I've been wanting to fuck your ass for a while," Paul reacted with shock.

"Good. I just hope that you lube my butt enough for your cock. It IS fairly large, you know," she urged him.

"Agreed," he said, as they left for the convenience store (by themselves, as the kids were with her parents for the week).

After quickly buying the rubbers, lube, and beer (which they felt useful to relax themselves), they headed straight for home. Shedding their clothes, the couple drank a few cans of beer between them and attacked each other like newlyweds. There was a lot of pent-up lust and they acted on it.

Michelle sucked Paul's cock more voraciously than she ever had in the past. She wanted it to be hard enough for her backdoor. When it was stiff, he slipped on the first condom, lubed it up, and began to enter his wife's ass. She gasped from the pain when he started butt-fucking her. That stopped after he allowed her to adjust to the experience of his dick in her bottom.

Once she had accepted his full length in her tush, he thrust more vigorously into her sphincter. He rammed her ass with his cock, riding his plump wife like a thoroughbred. The harder he pushed, the wetter she became. Even with the raincoat that he wore, his dick felt the effect of her rectal muscles on it. He kept straining to make sure that he didn't cum early.

"Damn! That's amazing!" Michelle grunted finally as she came.

"Yes, it is! Holy shit, I'm cumming now!" Paul groaned as he expelled his seed into the rubber.

"Next time, though, I want your cock inside me, without the condom! I've changed my mind about the whole protection thing," she announced.

"Why request that now?" he asked.

"Because I'm not used to having a latex sheath between me and my hubby's dick. I'll just try to be careful not to catch anything. Maybe I test any potential partners first, even if that is frustrating," she proposed.

"Makes sense. I must admit that wearing a condom with my own wife sounds and feels just WEIRD. Let's NEVER do that again! The rubbers, I mean, not the anal," he urged her.

"My sentiments exactly," she concurred.

"What are you going to do about preventing more children?" he probed.

"The pill. I'll just take birth control. It's not that difficult. I don't smoke and I don't plan to start," Michelle answered.

"Okay. Well, as long as neither of us is promiscuous about the affairs, we should be fine. Which brings to mind another matter. We can't expect our mistresses to be any more exclusive with us than we are with them. Think that you can handle that? I can, but I'm not sure about you," Paul pointed out.

"I'll survive. I'll just pick a bi girl like myself and let her screw guys. What will you do about Stacy?" she responded.

"I'll let her have flings now and then, if she pleases. She's never brought it up, but I'll ask her anyway," he commented.

"I'm surprised about one thing," she stated.

"What's that?" he inquired.

"You've never mentioned or suggested a threesome. Most guys would in your situation," Michelle noted.

"I figured we were doing enough things that required adjustment without pushing ourselves too fast," Paul replied.

"I wouldn't be opposed. You never know. It could resolve all of the issues quickly by making her OUR lover, not just yours. Unless, of course, you're jealous," she remarked.

"Well, it's an idea. As it is, Stacy has co-operated with my plans so far. It might work, as strange as it sounds for my wife to be proposing a menage a trois," he agreed.

"I'll bet you never would have guessed that your wife was interested in girls, either, but I am. Since I don't have the usual reasons to object and we're renewing our marriage as something less than exclusive, why not?" she reminded him.

"Well, it would clear up any issues about STDs and HIV. Plus, YOU would actually benefit from my affair for a change. Not to mention that you would get to know Stacy better and see that she really IS a special girl, despite her flaws," Paul reacted to his wife's proposition.

"Just the three of us. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Simple and straightforward, assuming that it works out. Why don't you call her and see what she says about it," Michelle encouraged him.

"Seems like a great plan. I just hope that she doesn't shoot it down. What about tonight?" he replied as he dialed his mistress's number.

Well, we are even now, Michelle thought. I can't get too pissed at Paul, in spite of his infidelity. I didn't help matters with my attitude toward him. Subconsciously, I must have pushed him toward a softer woman. That doesn't excuse his cheating, but I'm guilty of murder, which is even worse. I'm still hurt, but so is he.

I'm bi anyway, so I might well have ended up having an affair with a woman eventually, given how poorly prepared I was for dealing with my desires. I wouldn't blame him for thinking that I got drunk and cheated while attending some bachelorette party. Hell, I blacked out enough times that I might well have, for all I know. I hope that doesn't mean that I'm an alcoholic.

Damn, this has been one weird evening, Paul reflected. I got in a fight with Michelle, found out that she had an abortion, admitted to cheating on her with Stacy, discovered that my WIFE is bisexual, agreed to an unconventional marriage, considered the possibility of changing religions, had anal sex for the first time in my life, wore a condom for the first time in my marriage, and heard my supposedly straight-laced spouse suggest a threesome. I'm now waiting to see if my MISTRESS would like to fuck BOTH me and my WIFE, no less! Whoever said that truth is stranger than fiction understood reality quite well. This seems surreal.