Destroying Fantasies Pt. 02

She had been fiercely protective of his interests and despite the pressure from the publisher and media, she'd kept his identity a secret. He'd made it clear that fame and fortune were no exchange terms for his privacy and young family. She had respected that and ensured payments went into the account of a private holding company in which he had vested the copyrights to his work. No one else knew who W Smith, author of 'The Fantasy Next Door', really was.

His increased presence in the house didn't stop Will's surveillance efforts with regards to Ashley. If anything, Will found himself increasingly irritated as Ashley's attitude towards Cary betrayed her resentment of the child. He knew part of that was Ashley's dissatisfaction with the physical impact of the pregnancy upon her body. He'd advised her to seek help for what he suspected was postpartum depression and Ashley had done so, showing remarkable improvement without the aid of medication. However, Will also suspected that part of that resentment was Ashley's reaction to the realisation that her fantasy was never further from her reach. This was reinforced by the sight of Ashley crying over the damn postcard on the recordings he reviewed.

When her counselling sessions had halted during her pregnancy, Ashley maintained her voice journal except the files now resided in her mailbox and cloud account. When she resumed her counselling sessions at the insistence of Will, Will easily resumed his spying and accessed new and existing files. Without meaning to, she'd started to resent and blame her young son for the physical changes and additional stress that weighed down on her. The occasions on which she'd cried in the kitchen over that blasted postcard from her fuckbuddy had also increased as the recordings clearly showed. Will wasn't too surprised at the emotional upheaval Ashley was experiencing, after all, she had struggled with depression and self-esteem issues, struggles which led in part to the affair with Jackass.

He was quietly furious when he saw how Ashley was retreating into her fantasy again as reality seemed to overwhelm her. It had taken time but Will had understood in part the reason for Ashley's straying. It was escapism. Ashley had always had that rebellious stubborn streak in her that was carefully concealed from most of her friends and even family. Life as an adult and married woman placed restrictions upon her which she resented. She wanted to escape. The friction between them that existed for most married couples seemed to increase her resentment. That coupled with her depression and insecurity over her attractiveness as a woman placed her in a vulnerable position. Then temptation arrived in the form of Jackass who, Will realised belatedly, was the embodiment of the bad boy type Ashley had been fond of before they dated in college. Will also had his preferred type before he met and fell in love with Ashley, the difference was he had grown out of it and never indulged his fantasy after college. Ashley, in her effort to escape, had retreated into the fantasies and wilful rebellion of her teenage years. The result was of course the affair and the devastation it wreaked upon their marriage and lives.

He was more willing to be patient with her now that there was Cary to consider. Yet the recordings of her crying over the postcard and her confessions to the counsellor that she was tempted to escape into 'another life' rankled. Slowly the idea of making Ashley see the reality of 'another life' began to form in his mind. Even as the idea slowly fomented in his mind, he realised the gamble was taking since Ashley could very well succumb and see it as her ticket to bliss with her fuckbuddy. So he started improving his odds. He did everything a loving, dutiful husband was supposed to do and catered to all her needs, in bed and everywhere else. Anyone who knew the young family praised Will as the model husband. Even Ashley had to admit to the counsellor that Will was so good to her that she felt increasingly guilty over the affair and those occasional fantasies of living 'another life'. All the while, Will prepared for the downside if Ashley were to abandon Cary and him for Jackass. The house deed, accounts and assets were clearly accounted and divided by his lawyers and Ashley, in her ignorance of his new career status, thought he was merely trying to protect and provide for Cary. The papers were signed and accountant Ashley was none the wiser. The one thing Ashley seemed to be aware of was how dependent on Will she had become and how everyone around her saw him as the best thing to happen to her.

The information gathered by the PI agency on Jackass further improved Will's mood. The PI had been keeping tabs on Jackass and reported that there had been no contact between the adulterous pair after the bastard had moved apart from the postcard sent just after the move. He wondered how long Ashley would take to go from being enamoured with her shiny, bright, exciting bad boy fuckbuddy to being disgusted with the real man underneath the tarnished chrome.

Soothing his fretting son, Will allowed his mind to wander. His lip curled as he recalled the day Ashley had announced her pregnancy. Will could smell the familiar aroma of veal saltimbocca when he walked through the doors and wondered what Ashley was up to. There were subtle signs that she'd cried and her charm offensive was evidently turned on full. So he waited for her to make her move. Ashley's announcement of her pregnancy shocked him, to say the least. The first thought that ran through his mind was "Whose child is she pregnant with?" followed closely by "Oh God, could I have missed something? Did that bitch cheat on me again? Have I lost the battle before I've truly begun the fight?"

Unconsciously, Will stood up and abandoned his drink, the smell of his favourite dish barely on the peripheral of his senses, nothing distracted him from the thoughts that ran wild in his head. He found himself staring at Ashley and her stomach, wondering if Fate had dealt him a decisive blow.

Ashley's "It's yours" and her indirect reference to her having stopped her adulterous affair since the discovery brought instant relief to Will. But on its heels came the bitter awareness and anger at the fact that he shouldn't have to worry or wonder whose child his wife was carrying in the first place.

God, that it's come to that!

Still, he had allowed the sentiments of the moment to carry him along the unexpected breeze of hope that blew into the empty quarter that his marriage had started to resemble. At the faintest suggestion of an oasis in the sandy grave that his marriage seemed destined to be buried, he'd leapt headfirst into the sand, hoping to pull his wife out. They'd forgotten dinner and fucked hard in what he thought was affirmation of their love. In the moments before he drifted off to sleep, he pondered on his own words of "wanting this to be the start of their new life together" and wondered if the same thoughts were what was keeping Ashley up even as she pretended to be asleep after their vigorous lovemaking.

Perhaps it's time to forget about revenge. There's our child in the mix now. Whatever Ashley has done, she's carrying our child.

Will knew others would think he was weak but they weren't the ones facing the prospect of a child on its way. Sighing, he chose to embrace the oblivion of sleep.

The next day, after he returned from work at the school, Will had intended to work on his manuscript when the sudden memory of Ashley's mildly swollen eyes struck him. Giving into curiosity, he decided to review all the camera and recording feeds. Ultimately, it was the recording devices in the kitchen and living room that captured Ashley's surprise and grief over the postcard her fuck buddy had sent from Florida. Jaw clenched in anger and his knuckles white from the urge to punch the wall, Will made his way up to Ashley's drawers and found the card hidden under layers of her personal clothing. His head throbbed with sudden intensity. For several seconds, Will was tempted to shred the offensive cardboard. Then better sense took hold of him. Apart from the postmark, there was no address. While it was no proof that the adulterous pair wasn't somehow keeping up contact, it was mildly comforting to know that neither were in constant contact. Besides, now that Ashley was pregnant, she couldn't afford to simply run off to her lover.

Jackass doesn't look the type to welcome kids, particularly the kid of his lover's ex-husband.

Will smiled the bitter smile of a man forced to make compromises he never thought he would ever have to make.

His cynicism and bitterness deepened when he had the chance to listen to Ashley's latest audio journal entry. There was no remorse, no regret for her affair. She was still dreaming about "another life", triggered perhaps by the words on that postcard. And what set Will off was her cherishing the scars that her experience had left her.

Will's hands went almost automatically to the fading scar on his left cheek. His traitorous wife's glee over her affair and experiences ignited the searing anger that was never far from the surface these days. All thoughts of forgoing revenge disappeared.

I might have to wait for the baby to be born, but they are sure as hell going to find out what it is to sin against this husband.

Held in abeyance by Cary, Will had never forgotten that burning need, not even now.

****

Ashley walked lazily into the bedroom as she thought to get dressed for dinner. She listened for sounds of Cary fussing or Will trying to soothe their son. Not for the first time, she was grateful for a husband who loved their child so much he was willing to take all the frustrations of dealing with a young child in his stride. If anything, Will was clearly devoted to his son, even more so than he was to her. Oh, Will had been sweet to her all through the pregnancy and in the last months in which they were trying to adjust to the presence of a young child in their lives. Only one thing bothered her as Ashley recalled the events of the last months.

It seemed almost too coincidental. Ashley had returned early that afternoon and Will was busy dealing with a rambunctious new-born when she ran into the delivery man who had been about to ring the doorbell. It was the private mail delivery service and he had two items for Will. One was a card in an envelope that gave off a scent that was decidedly feminine. Ashley's instincts told her something wasn't quite right but she was thrown off by the other, which bore the corporate address and logo of a prestigious testing laboratory. Ashley looked curiously at Will as he tore both envelopes open. He barely glanced at the card and merely mumbled that the cryptic card that said "Remember me?" beside a clear lipstick imprint was probably some marketing campaign. No, it was Will's reaction to the laboratory letter that captured her attention. She gasped when she realised it was a DNA match test result.

"What is the meaning of this?" Ashley asked, her tone both unsteady and accusatory.

"I had a test done for Cary and me," Will answered quietly, his gaze steady and unwavering as he watched her.

Ashley felt herself tremble with anger and outrage as she realised what it implied. Will's unwavering gaze however challenged her indignant response. Knowing Will had grounds for his suspicion and action, she kept a tight grip on her temper, opting for sarcasm.

"So, have you satisfied yourself that Cary is your son?"

Will suppressed the urge to wince at the sarcasm in Ashley's voice and merely nodded.

The silent accusations and heavy silence that hung in the air between them was interrupted only by the sounds of Cary stirring coming from the baby monitor. As both turned instinctively towards the direction of their child, a wave of sadness washed over them as their eyes met and a wealth of emotional knots loosened between them.

If anything, that experience merely made Ashley more cautious than ever when it came to interacting with male associates and acquaintances as she eased back into working life. She was more receptive of the counsellor's advice though an occasional indulgence in the odd thought of "another life" proved inevitable as her audio journal showed.

****

Both husband and wife, lost in memories of the past, were unaware that the other was thinking of the same event. While Ashley winced at the thought of Will's unforgiving reaction and attitude as the DNA test showed, Will smiled at the memory of that first assault on Ashley's pride and started anticipating his latest attack.

Ashley looked curiously at the brightly coloured package that sat on top of the drawers and almost had a heart attack when she saw that postcard from Jackson with the three little words 'In another life ' scrawled across it lying next to that package. It was rather telling how the items were arranged on the top of the drawers. There was nothing on the side of the postcard but on the side of the package stood the framed photos of Will with Cary and herself. And her wedding band.

With trembling hands, Ashley picked up the items and walked slowly down to the kitchen. Will sat quietly drinking the red wine he'd poured. There was uncomfortable silence that hung between the couple as each avoided the eyes of the other. Finally, unable to handle the discomfort of the overwhelming silence, Ashley blurted out in a stammer.

"Ho-how did you find...When-when did you find this?"

Will's brow arched in response.

"The gift? I bought it a couple of days ago. The postcard you hid in your drawer? I found it a couple of weeks after you announced you were pregnant."

Pale with recognition of how long Will had known about her little deception, Ashley stumbled to explain herself.

"It-it isn't what it looks like...it was just a postcard.. just to let me know he's ok.. I asked him to send it so I'll-I'll know... It's not anything..."

"Your concern for the wellbeing of your ex-adulterous partner is most heart-warming, my dear wife. I wonder if you'll have similar concern for me in the future!"

Will felt like kicking himself for the slipup he'd made. Fortunately, Ashley was too agitated to notice.

"It's not that at all. Y-you are mistaken. I-I just felt guilty for what I'd done, letting him leave without knowing...

"That's a great sense of guilt you have there, Ashley. No guilt about betraying me, trashing our marriage and us. No, you save your guilt for the fucker you allowed to screw you and us over!"

The sounds of Ashley's sobs floated around the kitchen as Will sat impervious to it all. He waited for her sniffling to subside before he renewed his attack.

"So it's nothing that your ex adulterous lover sent you a piece of communication, that is assuming he's an ex..."

"Of course! How could you think otherwise? I've not been communicating with him..it was just a postcard..."

Ashley's indignant outburst and defensive attitude lost its bluster as she wilted under Will's direct stare.

"So why did you have to keep it? Hide it? If it's not significant, why is it hidden in your drawers?"

Swallowing the unease that formed a lump in her throat, Ashley tried for some dignity.

"It-it was just something from a friend that I thought to keep. Besides, you shouldn't be looking about in my drawers."

"How many ex adulterous fuck buddy friends do you have that send you postcards? Do you really want to talk about what I shouldn't be doing?"

The harsh and vulgar overtones of Will's words brought a wave of shame and fear crashing over Ashley. They sat in uncomfortable silence.

"So," Ashley started hesitantly after finding her voice, having sat in silence watching Will's implacable face. "So what is going to happen now?"

"The question is what you want Ashley," Will asked. "Do you want to look for your fuck buddy and try for another life? If you do, let's end this farce of a marriage now. And you don't have to worry about Cary. I won't let my son be a burden to you."

The words were barely out of his mouth before he saw Ashley shaking her head vigorously.

"No! I told you it's not anything like what you've thought," Ashley protested vehemently.

"It was.. it was just some guilt on my part...I couldn't leave with him ...I love you too much-"

Will bit back the words "but not enough not to fuck that Jackass" and said instead, "But you have feelings for him and still fantasise about another life?"

The blush that overtook Ashley's face told Will he was right.

"I-I don't know. I'm just so confused," Ashley blurted out, her face a mask of helpless pleading.

Will abruptly stood up, his sudden movement made Ashley look up in fear. "Well, make up your mind now. I won't have shadows in our marriage, not now when we have Cary to consider. Make up your mind and let me know."

He stood up and walked out of the kitchen, walking upstairs to his son's bedroom. Hearing Ashley's soft sobs behind him, Will was almost tempted to comfort her but remembered how his love for her led him to immeasurable heartache a little over a year ago. He steeled himself and walked away.

Almost half an hour passed before he felt Ashley's arms wrap around him as she muttered into his back. "I choose you and Cary. I won't lie to you Will, there were times when I can't help but wonder if I could have a different life. But right now, I can't face losing you and Cary. I-I just need time to get my head out of the clouds... Sometimes, it's so hard."

Will just turned round and hugged his wife. He knew she wasn't completely over her fantasies and he sighed inwardly as he realised he had to proceed with his plans. Later that evening, as he took out the trash including the pieces of the torn up postcard he'd seen in the trash, he smiled as he contemplated how he would expose the reality of her fantasy.

****

Will allowed matters to quietly settle for a couple of days before he sat Ashley down for a talk.

Ashley looked at him with apprehension, wondering if he was about to raise the issue about her affair or the postcard again. Instead, he surprised her with holiday plans.

"Look, I know we're both exhausted and stressed after the last couple of years. Let's take the time to unwind. I took on all those extra classes so we could go on that cruise you always wanted," Will said in a calm, reasonable tone, ignoring Ashley's wince as the same thought occurred to them both.

Yes, while you fucked your lover, I was working to give us a better life and you your dream holiday.

The shame and contrition Ashley felt made her walk round to hug Will as she sat gingerly on his lap. "Yes, we really need this time alone...to..to recover," she whispered lamely, unwilling to even broach the topic of her infidelity.

"Well, you should arrange with Bob to make sure you can take two months of leave. I'm planning a surprise extended vacation for you."

The flash of surprise on Ashley's face was quickly replaced by a frown which furrowed her brow as she asked the practical questions. "Are you sure we can afford this? What are we going to do with Cary? Can he come along?"

Will was mildly surprised since Ashley rarely concerned herself with practical considerations despite her profession. She had indeed changed but not enough to assuage the concern and rage he felt after listening to her audio journals.

"Well, I've received some of the commission for the freelance work I told you about, so money won't be too much of an issue," he lied glibly.

I'm not letting you know I'm now financially secure, I won't put it past you to clean me out if you decide to choose Jackass!

"And I'm thinking of getting a part-time nanny to take care of Cary if Emma can't come over while we're away."