Diane's Diaries

"May I come in?"

I almost said "no" but then curiosity kicked in so I stepped aside and let her in. She was carrying a box and she walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"Could I have a glass of water?"

I got her one and sat down at the table across from her. She took a deep breath and then said:

"As you know the divorce is final and that chapter of our lives is over, but I still need to talk to you. You may not want to hear it, but I have to say it. It probably won't mean a thing to you, but I need closure."

I just sat there and said nothing.

"To begin with I did consider coming to you and confessing right after that first time when Donny drugged me. Unfortunately I convinced myself that even if you did forgive me Donny would still send what he had to my parents and God only knew who else so I caved. I hated having to do it and I was disgusted with myself for giving in, but as some comedian used to say at the start of his stand-up routine, "A funny thing happened to me on the way to...." I hated having to do it, I did not look forward to doing it, but the actual sex turned me on something fierce. I had huge orgasms knowing that I was fucking a man I'd never seen before that day and yes, I confess that I got off fucking a man who wasn't my husband. It didn't take me long to become a sex junkie. I hated the walk down the hotel hallway to the room where it would happen, but once it got started I got into it.

"The first time Donny and those three men used me I thought "How disgusting!" but the second time I thought that it felt pretty good and the third time I wondered what it would be like with one or two more. The time I did five I was wishing there was a sixth. It got to where the more I got the more I wanted. Then it reached the point where I couldn't wait for the next business trip and I started doing it here in town. I know you will never forgive me for the things I wrote in my journals, but I want you to know that they were never meant to disparage you. I never once considered you a wimp or a cuckold. Yes, it did turn me on making love to you after having been with someone else, but that was a purely sexual feeling and that is where my head was at at the time."

"I don't really want or need to know any of this Diane."

"Maybe not Henry, but I need you to know it. I need you to know that it was nothing you did that put me where I was at the time. You were in no way lacking in anything that you were doing. I did not go after others because you failed me. I went because I came to crave more than you or any other one man could give me. I would come home to you after spending hours with two or three other guys, make love to you until you couldn't go any more and then fall asleep wishing that there had been some one else in the room to pick up where you left off.

"The one thing that I do have to emphasize Henry is what I just said. I made love with you Henry. I fucked the others, but I made love to you. I loved you then Henry; I love you now and I always will love you and I will always be sorry for the way things ended up. It is too bad that you aren't one of those guys who like to share their wives. If you would have been my life would have been perfect.

"That is pretty much all that I needed to say. Again, I did not stray because of anything you did Henry. You have to believe that."

I sat there and looked at her and tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to mind. After several seconds of silence she took the lid off of the box and then slid the box across the table to me. I looked into it and saw piles of one hundred dollar bills. I looked up at her with confusion written across my face. She read the expression and said:

"Donny may have blackmailed me into doing what I did, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that I could scream 'sexual harassment' somewhere down the line and he figured that he could take that away from me if he paid me a commission on the deals I closed or the contracts that I got signed. One percent doesn't sound like much when you say it out loud, but a one percent commission on a three million dollar deal is thirty thousand and I closed a bunch of deals that large and some even larger and I always insisted that Donny pay me those commissions in cash.

"I didn't ask for anything in the divorce because when I moved out I had quite a bit tucked away in a safe deposit box. I was shamed when you insisted on splitting our assets evenly. I had several years of commission money that you didn't know about and there you were insisting that I take half of what we had while I sat on what I had. I couldn't bring myself to take half of what we had when I had so much hidden away, but my attorney said you were going to hire an attorney of your own and fight the divorce. If you would have been fighting to stop the divorce I would have welcomed it, but I wasn't going to fight over money so I said I would go for a seventy/thirty split.

"Then I started feeling guilty because of what you did. I finally came to accept that I couldn't ever be at peace with myself unless I balanced the scales, but I'm not totally brain dead so I'm giving you the same split only this time I'm taking the seventy percent and you get the thirty."

She looked at me for a second or so and then she smiled and said to me:

"I know you Henry. I know you are going to look at that box of money and "say no way do I take this. It would be too much like a pimp taking a cut from his whores at the end of the night" but that's not my problem. I've given it to you and I feel better about things now. Keep it or give it to charity it doesn't matter to me because it is yours now. There is a third option. You can give it back to me, but I will only take it back in one way. You kicked me to the curb because I was a whore so the only way you can give it back to me is as a whore. A hundred for straight sex, a hundred for a blow job, one-fifty for anal and five hundred for an all night. If you choose to go that way there is enough money in that box to last for years and years and years."

She got up and headed for the front door and when she got there she turned back to me. "I love you Henry so you know what I'd like you to do with the money" and then she was out the door and gone.

She was right; I would think of the money as a pimp's cut of the night's proceeds, but out of curiosity I dumped the box out onto the table and counted it out. I put it back in the box and sat there and stared at it for a while. I thought about what it represented. I made good money, but what was in that box was more than three years wages for me – before taxes.

It took me all of ten seconds – if that long – to decide what to do with the money. I was going to keep it and if it made me feel like a pimp I'd just have to live with it.