tagHumor & SatireDiary Ch. 02

Diary Ch. 02



What a night. What a girl. What a performance. What the fuck happened there? What now? What the fuck was that? Questions, questions. She is so gorgeous, so funny, so wild, so mental... mate, this could be it, and what do you do? Yes, I'm talking to you Little John, asshole, leaving me in the lurch like that... It was bound to happen... some day, but last night, why the fuck last night, of all nights?

I'm so fucking tired. Feel like a hundred and ten. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fleeing the scene before she woke up wasn't that bright either now, was it? O damn, damn you idiot.

And then this new assignment, just what I needed, that's going to be a fucking nightmare. She has it in for me, no doubt about that. She wants me to fail. You know what you stupid cunt? I won't, just to piss you off. Have a look at the specs... nope, can't focus now. Oh, Jane, Jane, what are you doing to me. K, switch it on, maybe she has... she has!

November 6th

When I awoke he was gone. Was it all but a dream? But a wonderful, wild, wet dream? My faithful knight, scared by his plight? Or even me? John, John, John hast thou forsaken me? Fear ye not thou be judged by one mere happenstance. Thy queen got plenty of merriment in her pasture, thy grazing was marvel pure and simple.

Mum rang me this morning, to tell me that she thinks Jack's gay. When I asked her what gave her that wacky idea, she told me that she wanted to type a letter on his computer this morning when he was off to school and found that he had a cock as his background picture. I almost pissed my pants, that was priceless. Either he hasn't discovered it yet, or he really likes my lover's cock. If so, it runs in the family. She was really worried, so I had to tell her that I left it there to wind him up. The conversation went downhill from there. Shame she rang me that quickly though, that could have shaped up to become a decent domestic drama there.

Mum gave me the money I asked for, so now I can go and buy the gold to start on the pendant. I did a few alternative sketches, but it's still not quite right. I am going to meet Sarah for some drinks tonight and show her the design. I think I'm smiling in my strokes, or are they his? Smile, stroke, stroke... Later.

Phht, that's a relief. K, get a bite to eat, if she's going out I can answer her later.

Oops, must have fallen asleep there. Two o'clock, well, that's not that bad. Shit, I better write something now, or she really thinks I'm not into her.

6th November

Recuperating from the weekend, I fell asleep, just like Little John did on Sunday night. Since we have roughly the same age, that might have something to do with it. I was so excited. Felt like I hit the jackpot, and rushed to King's Cross to claim my prize. Couldn't stop grinning, shaking and wondering what was going to happen that night. And there she was... didn't know what to do, whether to take her in my arms, kiss her, shake her hand... when she grabbed my arse and pressed me against the wall, I knew I was in for something completely different. Never had anything like that before, she was like a surge of heat and I was burning. I closed my eyes, my rucksack slipped and I would have slipped into oblivion and bliss as well, if it hadn't been for the sound of smashing glass. So much for the champagne. We had a good laugh though.

Dazed and confused, she took me by the hand and we went to her place, which was only four stops on the Northern Line. We kept kissing until the train arrived. She kept fondling and stroking me until I almost came on the tube. She walked, I stumbled to her place, my knees wobbly, all the while my prick resisted flaccidity even when walking. My balls started to hurt a little. She closed the door, threw her bags into the darkness and me to the floor. For a brief moment I thought she is going to devour me alive. She tugged at my shirt, there was the sound of ripping fabric. I was too stunned to react, couldn't speak as our lips never parted, just held on to her for dear life as she opened my jeans. If it could, my prick had sighed in relief, instead it expressed its gratitude in the only way it is capable of after just a few minor encouragements. She seemed only marginally surprised and gleefully licked whatever drops she caught on her hand. I slowly recovered from the incident and felt it was time to return favours.

Apparently, the concept of underwear is indeed not particularly appealing to her, so it took only a few quick adjustments in the dark and my lips met her nethermost wonders. She hadn't exaggerated about being loud when she comes. Think all her neighbours became pretty much aware that she was back from her trip at that point. Gave them the benefit of another confirmation soon after she released my head for the second round. Could have gone for a third there and then, but she decided it was better to level the score.

However, when she sucked my balls I felt a dull pain, and as hard as she tried, my willy refused to become that. We used this unexpected break to get up, into her bedroom and switch the lights on. Despite the additional gratification of beholding one of the most perfect bodies I have ever seen, I did not recover from my unfortunate disability that night. We both did our best to coax that little bastard back into shape, but as usual it had a mind of its own. My tongue gladly accepted the responsibilities now solely resting on its tip for another few hours, until she finally fell asleep in my arms.

I couldn't though, the nagging feeling of inadequacy and the spectacular sight of her sublime beauty kept me awake until the wee hours of the morning. When my bladder finally motioned me to rise, I extricated myself from this scene of wonder and defeat. I couldn't think straight, got dressed and out of the flat as if on autopilot. Managed to flag down a cab and was driven home. Went to work wearing my widest trousers, but got my already aching balls busted for inattentiveness nevertheless. Couldn't stop thinking of Jane then, can't stop right now either. Will carry her image to my dreams. Later.

K, got that one off my chest. Shit, it was brilliant despite all that. Fuck, my balls still hurt. What the heck is that? Maybe I make them work a little for their money. Can't sleep now anyway. Can work at home for the rest of the week, thank God for that. Well, if it isn't any better tomorrow, I'm going to see my GP. Hate that. Nah, just see what you can do yourself first. Righteo.


Hmm, that's better. Feels almost normal now. So doc, guess you missed your chance to cup my balls today. Darn, one o'clock already. K, first another comic relief session, then get up and cracking on that program. If I don't call in and ask stupid questions, she'll know that I haven't touched the bloody thing.

Fuck, this isn't getting anywhere. Can't concentrate. Don't feel like it. Get stoned, have a cup of tea and forget about it. Nine o'clock already and nothing much to show for it. That wasn't my brightest hour either now, was it?

No answer yet. Was it wrong to tell her how I felt? Nah, don't think so. I reckon that was what she wanted in the first place anyway. She is pretty young though, hell, must be ten years difference or more. Strange, I know so much and yet so little about her. Well, we didn't talk much, kinda difficult if you continuously have your tongue either in someone else's mouth or pussy. That was fabulous though... I love the way she tastes... hey, now you get up you stupid prick, and what about then? Ey? Pling? That means... yes, thank God.

November 7th

My knight was brave and yet he's wounded. If he's got a lion's heart he should grant me attending to his wounds in their fashion. My heart is filled with joy. When I read his faithful account I could almost feel his tongue again, the slow circles of delight, the stabs of frenzy, the swirls that made me gasp and delirious. Now my fingers cannot fill the void he left. Say the word and make me whole again.

Sarah really liked my designs, but I'm still not entirely happy about them. Something is still missing. I got really plastered in the pub and two blokes tried to chat me up. Last week I might have even jumped one of them, or both. Everything's changed now.

I told Sarah about Jack, we had a good laugh. But then she told me that she got molested by her father, when she was little. She'd never told me that before. I didn't know what to say, she started to cry and all I could do was hug her. What a fucking pig. Then we got really pissed and she stayed at my place. We both slept in my bed, but I had to get up several times as I was sick to my stomach. She looks like an angel when she's asleep.

We both went to the West-end to buy the gold in the morning. I got a good price and a couple of clasps too. Sarah bought some silver for her piece. She always has brilliant ideas, but somehow they never materialise as she imagines them. We are going to meet at the workshop tomorrow, I've got to finish the two wedding bands before I can start on my own piece. Later.

Boah, that's a bummer. Poor lass. Something like that can fuck you up for life. So she's a jeweller. Yes, I think she mentioned something like that in the last one too. He he, if you go on like that, you can start on our wedding bands. I think I'm falling for you here... So say the word... will do luv, will do.

7th November

My little lioness wants to lick my wounds, so maybe she should come to my den. Here it is common to clap our ham, a grove shaped like the waning moon, (or was it waxing, this is vexing). At her brother's age, she only needed to add one and ring the second bell, well, at any time she wants.

Hmm, mate, think twice, you're not good at this, what if she doesn't get it? Ah, come on, what's life without risk. I got hers, and this is so much easier.

Didn't get out of my house today, except for the corner-shop to get some bread. Started the new project but didn't get anywhere. Wish I had an interesting profession like my little friend. Wish I had the guts to start my own business, but then I'd have all the risk... and all the work.

Will get some champagne tomorrow, and this time I won't drop it. Can't wait to see her, feel her, touch her, kiss her, circle, stab and swirl deliriously and more. Much more. Later.

Send. Hmm. Need to clean up the flat, first thing tomorrow morning. Shit, I should have said a time, I could have cooked for her or something. Ah well, doesn't matter, see how it goes.


Wow, astonishing how much I can get done when properly motivated. Even got some candles for the bedroom. You're becoming a sappy old sod mate, get a grip. So far, she just wants to fuck you. Not that there is anything wrong with it. Guess I'm kinda scared of ending up like this. Eight years since I last shared my life. I'm sick and tired of just fucking around. Not that I have done much of that lately either. Fuck, midlife crisis in the offing? Oh, Jane, you really push me off my rocker. Right, get some work done now, it'll keep you from staring at the clock. Just hope my cock won't go ballistic again. Behave. All our hopes are riding on you and hopefully she will later on too.

K, this is better. Why is it not tracking the change on this variable? Fuck, now I have to go back and... no, yeeha, sounds like I need to do some lion-taming now. Hello? Yes my love, come up, come in, come fuck me Jane...


Boah, the whole flat still reeks of smoke. What a fiery night. Well, let's have a dekko here... ah, it's not that bad, just the headboard singed, the wallpaper, the mattress. Could have been much worse. Open the windows wide and close the door. Have a spliff and crash on the sofa. Didn't get much sleep... Fuck, what a night. So what's next? Are we going to trash her place? Is she going to smother me with her pussy? He he, what a mental, catastrophic, weird, hot, incredible shit I got myself into. Darn, I'm spent. Darling, you really are quite a handful. Dunno how long I can keep up with you there. I probably won't reach my fortieth birthday, but I can't think of a better way to kick the bucket. He he, what a night. What a night.

Hmm, three pm? Phone? Hello? Ah, Pete. Yeah, I'm alright mate. You just woke me up. Nah, no probs, glad you did. How it went? You wouldn't believe it, mate. Crazy shit. Disaster written all over it and still the best thing that ever happened to me. Can't really talk right now, need to get up and running, am going to meet her later on. We almost burned my flat down last night... Yep, I'm not pulling your leg. Nope. Yeah, give me a buzz tomorrow. I should be in after three. Nah, you've got to hear the whole story. K, later mate.

So, where are we now? Three solid hours of work, not that bad, not bad at all. Better get ready for the date. Hey, looks like she really needed to record last night's madness for posterity already. He he, let's see what she thought of that...

November 9th

When I went to my knight's abode, little did I know about the baptism of fire I was about to receive.

I found his place easily enough. My heart was pounding when I rang the bell, just as it did when we first met. There he was, all smiles, all ready, all mine. I thought I let him rule the night on his turf, lest my exuberance would hurt him again. He was so tender and sweet, so calm and collected.

We kissed, embraced, talked, kissed some more, got stoned, ate, got pissed, heated, horny and then he carried me into the master bedroom. My knight lit all the candles, then my fire, burning higher and higher and higher. Whilst repeating the wonders of that glorious Sunday, I was thrashing around in delight. I thought I have visions of fire, alas, it was all too real, as the pillow my head rested on had moved too close to the candles on the nightstand. Too close to heaven I was to care. So I let him finish his administrations to the very apex of my lust, before informing him about the clear and imminent danger.

My hero was quick to respond and ran out with the burning pillow to the bathroom. In an instant he was back and extinguished the smaller flames on the mattress. I was still panting from that earthshaking orgasm and just looked on the scene in puzzlement. Heavy plumes of smoke filled the room, so we opened the windows and retreated back to his living room. There was no time for merriment or laughter, as the fire alarm went off at this very juncture. My poor knight speedily went out to the hallway, to disarm that infernal device. He reassured his alarmed neighbours, still starkers, which apparently he didn't notice, but they almost certainly did. Since I went off long before the alarm, I doubt they were surprised. Breathlessly he returned to my arms. The smoke had pervaded all the rooms, so we abandoned the idea of continuing there and got dressed again. We made sure that there was no sneaky glimmer left, kept all his windows ajar and decided to retreat to my realm.

It took all my strength to restrain myself during the endless cab ride. We had smothered those flames back there, but I was still burning, and so was he. We joked around but even our laughter was loaded with lust.

This time we made it past the hallway and went straight to my bedroom. For all his braveness he deserved to be royally fucked, so I quickly undressed him and lavished my attention on his this time remarkably responsive sceptre. I just couldn't keep it in my mouth for long, as I needed to feel him inside of me. Since this was on my grounds, I took it upon me to ride him to the gates of heaven, first deliciously slow, then galloping in ever wilder frenzy. Twice I came before he reached his destination. And as if that wasn't enough, his valiant member rose thrice more to the occasion. Felicitations.

Can't wait to hold him in my arms again. Later.

Yes luv, that was amazing. Burning beds on both ends. Darn, she is hot. I thought she'd ride my knob off though. Wild, wild thing. Never had anyone that dedicated in my entire life. Damn, a few more nights like that and I'm bound for the emergency room. Good thing we agreed to meet on neutral grounds tonight then. Need to get a new mattress a.s.a.p, as a matter of survival, if that's how it's going to play out. Wow. That really wasn't just sex, that was mayhem. And something else. She's something else. She's a keeper. Can't respond now, need to get ready for dinner, or I'm not gonna make it. Shower. Shave.

Ah, ok, I still have some time on my hands. Well, those will be unemployed for the foreseeable future, so you might as well use them to write what's on your mind.

9th November

Can't really add much to that account. Except for one thing: I'm in love. Fuck, Jane, you've done it. I'm in love. I love you. Love you. Love you.

Need to run now, into your arms and wish I'll never have to leave them again. Later.

Hmm, should I really... what the fuck, I'm going to say it all night anyway. And its true. It's real. Really. I'm in fucking love. Bugger. Send. Switch off. Yeah, I am. Yeeha.

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