Diary of an Ultra High Heel Novice

Saturday 24th May 2003

Well today was a shoe delight. My sister took our daughters Daisy 3 (hers) and Holly 6 (mine) to the matinee ballet, a production especially for children, Saddlers Wells Theatre, Angel Islington. It was their belated Easter treat. My brother drove them up and I tagged along as my bro' and I were going to 'do lunch darling' whilst we waited for them.

Twas a totally unexpected event so obviously put me into a "what pair of shoes/sandals/boots do I wear?" quandary.

Finally went with the 4" spiky boots. Turned out to be a good choice, as I love the way they clickety-click and the heels slightly bend and spring, adding to the click, as I walk. Yep walked my feet off around the Angel. Oh and lunch, we settled for a superb Thai £5 eat all you want lunch. Excellent!

Got home and took the boots off. So proud was I that I'd had them on my feet for nine hours without a flinch, I thought to myself that as I'd stretched for that long, that I'd see if I could try my new 6" black patent pumps...

Um. Now I have acquired these shoes via a member of a heel fetish board his misfortune to find them too tight (oh joy of joys). I have attempted them a few times and have had the walk of, well, not a graceful Goddess but more like, a spastic duck. I was wondering in fact that I might have been short changed with these shoes, as I cannot find the crutches that should come with them. No! Make that a Zimmer frame (extra support).

So there was I on a Saturday evening, with no Big Brother to distract from the pain, rising to the challenge of those beautiful shoes. Putting them on no problem. Standing ok too. Walking... yep the duck was back – where were those crutches?

I was faced with the dilemma, do I (a) face the challenge or (b) just use them as, artistic sitting down, or perhaps standing on a good day, photographic objects?

Trouble with me is that I'm stubborn, and want to conquer this obstacle, but I'm a tad impatient so want to do it fast so that I don't loose interest. So after walking up and down the stairs, which for some strange reason is a whole lot easier than walking on flat ground, I decided that I'd sleep with the damn things on...

Bad move as I awoke in the middle of the night with cramp and swollen feet, how gorgeous is that?

I have decided to rise to the challenge though as I love the really noisy clickety-click of these heels and I want to be able to walk outside with them (unaided by Zimmer frame or crutches or spastic duck)... so until tomorrow... "I wonder what sleeping with icepacks on my feet will feel like?"

Sunday 25th May 2003

Well I got up and my feet were still swollen. But the shoes are on as I'm typing this. Yep, if the truth were known, the shoes are on and I am typing this as an excuse "not" to get up.

I am sitting at my kitchen table, compiling this, as I thought that (a) these chairs are in higher position for me to aid myself into standing position, with table taking place of crutches/Zimmer, and (b) near any refreshments I may need.

I just got up to make myself a tea to screams of laughter from my daughter as I hobbled across the kitchen. Trying to make light of it I did the duck trot into the lounge, where she was still in hysterics, to find out that she was laughing at a video "Outrageous Fortunes" with Bette Middler and Shelley Long, and not in fact yours truly. Shows you just how unconfident I am in these sweet and sour beauties, and if the truth were known, the reason for my lack of confidence and the belief that Holly was laughing at me, is that she can walk in them better than I can!

You know sitting here with these shoes makes me totally in awe of these true Goddesses that walk around in these contraptions as second nature... they truly do deserve the title of Goddess. I think I'll be lucky enough at this stage to be worthy of the title Duckess or Rigamortess, as this is how my legs feel below hip.

I am also wondering what the consultants at my place of work would make of all this as I work in an orthopaedic hospital. Cringe-worthy that thought! There is me trying to conquer these painful appliances and doing God knows what to my body, when most if not all our patients would love just to walk without any pain.

Now, there is an actual bonus to all this, which has surprised and pleased me no end. What you may ask? Well it is the fact that after wearing these ultra heels, all my other heels 4.5" and below, actually feels like flats and I don't walk like a duck in them.

So all in all I have managed 4.5 hours in the pumps – sitting for 4 of those 4.5 hours, and when I took them off "Oh my God" my feet felt weird so am now wearing Kit Mules to ease my feet back down.

Ok that's about it for this session, so here I go onward and upward (and I'm not talking heel height here I'm talking actually standing up unaided with perhaps a steady step or two – am getting ambitious now) with perseverance, dedication and unlimited ice in the freezer and um by sitting here so long, in cowardice of actually standing, I think the ice will be needed for more than my feet...

PS Oh and guys please feel free to talk me out of it – like pretty please!

Monday 26th May 2003

Today was the second of our May bank holidays. I awoke in fear of the wardrobe and "those" shoes. The sound of the Jaws theme music started playing away in my head as I looked at the doors. "For God's sake Julie" I reprimanded my self "they are only shoes after all". I then thought, as I slipped into my 4.5" black mules, that I'd wait until after breakfast before attempting them again. I snickered to myself, in a Mutley kind of way, all the way downstairs that I'd escaped the torture by using logic.

Breakfast was a lingering affair. I managed to make it last until late morning before conceding that I was being a complete and utter coward.

I went upstairs, into the bedroom and opened the wardrobe doors. There they were laying where I had flung them the night before, when they had woken me up with cramp, and in a semi sleep stupor I still remembered to put them in the wardrobe in case the dog thought they were a tasty morsel or a big pair of juicy bones, (must remember to not be so thoughtless to the poor dog next time).

"Ok Julie, just put them on", I encouraged myself and started to tentatively put them on. Yep my instincts were right before. They were absolute cripplers. But I didn't let that stop me I made 3 wobbly, stiff legged, bow legged any kind of abnormal legged that you can conceivable imagine, attempts around my bedroom before taking them off pleased that I'd at least confirmed my stupidity for attempting them.

Ok tomorrow is another day for them...

I then spent some time checking out all my other 4 + heels that I'd found a tad hard to wear and started shooting some pictures of my favourite ones, my 4.5" Red Sandals.

I bought these for a mere £15 from Argos Additions (I know, I know and I don't have shares, well not yet anyway). I think they are gorgeous...

They are my favourite sandals and the reason being that, mainly the fact that, they are red. My first pair of grown up heeled shoes were red (my choice). I'd had red shoes off and on all my childhood from my tap shoes to my little flamenco red dancing shoes with white polka dots. In my adulthood I'd always had a red pair of shoes in my collection but my ex partner didn't like red, and especially red shoes, so until last year didn't have any. I then saw these and just had to have them, which started my love affair with Argos Additions.

Any way I had quite an afternoon of taking pictures and wearing these shoes.

Because I had spent so long taking pictures. I decided to ask my brother out to dinner. So my daughter (Holly), my brother and me all went along to a Toby carvery nearby and I wore, with the utmost of ease, my 4.5" black mules which I think look much better with the red toe-nails.

So another day over and another heeled adventure. Ok I chickened out on the Ultra 6" delights but I did at least acknowledge their existence. I did enjoy wearing my 4.5" mules and red sandals without the dodgy walk though and I kept those mules on until 11.30 at night.

Tuesday 27th May 2003

Well today my daughter awoke with the beginnings of a cold. So much for trying to entertain her on half term! All we have managed today so far is a trip to Tescos. I thought the weather was going to be as nice as yesterday so from wearing the 4.5" mules I put on a skirt and my white platform tie shoes and all just to go shopping.

Well we got back and had some lunch. Suddenly a miracle happened! Holly made a full recovery by the sound of the doorbell ringing and her friends asking her out to play. Only thing is "out to play" to them usually means "into play" at my house. So here I am again sitting at the kitchen table and guess what? I have "the" shoes on.

Then I thought about trying to walk about a bit and ventured into the garden. "Is there no end to this torture and cramp and constipated duck walk?" I asked myself as I tried to capture this crippling event on camera, believe you me trying to look glamorous, whilst trying to balance, is an Oscar winner in itself.

Now the thing is this, I'm now in the kitchen with my backside firmly planted and have actually realised that taking pictures, of these high heeled events, is a damn good excuse to keep sitting down as I have to download them onto the computer. So you could be seeing a hell of a lot more pictures if I decide to continue with my quest to actually walk in these shoes.

The other thing I forgot to mention is that I had decided yesterday, and with approval from another high heeled friend, that perhaps going straight to a 6" heel when 3" - 4" being my norm is probably a bit ambitious and that I should really consider buying 5" pumps or Oxfords (I like those). Of course I am seriously considering a red pair or maybe black too. Who knows? But I do know that it would probably be a good move and hopefully help me to actually walk with some decorum!

...And that I feel is enough for today, as I cannot conceivably keep getting up to answer the door in these shoes. I am getting funny looks from the kids, as I hobble to the door, and a puzzled look as to why I am all of a sudden not so accommodating in getting them drinks and things and expecting them to fend for themselves. Some lesson I'm passing on to my daughter here, or hopefully she will learn from my mistakes as she wheels her mum and her broken ankles around in a wheelchair!

Oh well, I have the track music of Gone With the Wind in the background. The thought of Scarlet, and her infamous words, makes me realise that yes, "Tomorrow 'is' another day", and I think it's back to those mules for me as I've had these pumps on now for over 2 hours and I cannot even bear the thought of attempting to cook dinner with them on. So ciao for now xx

Wednesday 28th May 2003

Today was one of those sweet and sour days. Sweet because it was pay day and bitter because that meant paying bills.

Holly was feeling better so eventually we got ready to do the long walk up and down the high street into various banks, post office etc.

I was going to wear my denim Raid sandals:

Then I remembered how much walking I was going to have to do so thought better of it and changed to my faithful old Marks and Spencer camel pointy boots. The heels are only 2.75" but they are so comfy for long walk abouts.

It was a really nice day and as Holly had been really good I thought I'd treat her to lunch at a local Italian restaurant. She loves eating out, mind you who doesn't. The food was lovely and must go there again sometime. It is a fairly new restaurant and I hadn't ventured there before but it was truly delicious.

Replenished, we started our usual window-shopping. Holly, desperately needing summer clothes, dragged me into Peacocks where she proceeded to choose her summer wardrobe whilst I got a little side tracked on the shoe racks. Now guys this is becoming more than an obsession as I am starting to take my damn camera everywhere, for that just in case snap. So there was I in Peacocks trying on a pair of black pumps and snapping pictures with people looking and wondering what the hell I was up to, so please excuse the fuzziness as this was the only survivor:

I did try on some other shoes but I decided to stop snapping pics due to the looks I was now getting, especially as we had been in there for ever. I was given the impression that if I were to carry on with my strange behaviour I could either carted off to the local funny farm or to the men in blue.

Holly now, with bags full of clothes, decided that window-shopping was now "boring mum" and so she now wanted to head off home to try on her new goodies. She then started using the usual the type of emotional blackmail that children are so good at when trying to manipulate an adult when they are after getting their own way. So all the way home I had to listen to her justifications as to why she should be allowed to wear one of her outfits out to play to show her new friend.

Mentally worn out I lost... and anyone on this board with kids knows what I mean. Some things you have to put your foot down on, and believe you me I do, but some things just aren't worth the agro especially a new outfit that can be washed and is supposed to be worn anyway – I think...

Ok I had such a nice day I felt in the mood for putting on the shoes. I actually found them pretty comfy this time round and found that I had ended up walking/standing more that I sat this time with the walk not so much like a spastic duck, more like a... erm...just a duck with a slight waddle. Anyway I did feel as though I was making some way forward with them and if in the end I don't end up conquering them I have had fun taking pictures as they are amazing arty pieces:

I ended the day with having them on for 2.5 hours, so quite an achievement and that is that for another day. Now tomorrow I have to mow the lawn and if I wear the heels I can spike the lawn at the same time... now there's a thought!

Thursday 29th May 2003

Well today I was going to mow the lawn... but it didn't happen.

It was a nice day and my neighbour and I decided that we would take the kids (her son my daughter) out for the day, after they had pestered us relentlessly. I had to wait for a plumber and thought we would go after that. I had clean forgotten that my friend, who was going off to another job in Cardiff on the weekend, was coming over for the afternoon/evening so when she phoned and reminded me it threw the other plans slightly out of the window. I have a memory like a sieve at times, the amount of times in my life that I have double/treble booked things and then have had to let people down... will I ever learn? And please don't tell me to get a diary/calendar as I forget to look at that too, either that or I forget to write on the damn things. Anyway I digress where was I? Oh yes, my friend(s). Which one to let down – neither came my answer as I winged it on the phone – she could come with us with the kids and I wiped my brown as she said "what a good idea" phew!

Went to meet her at the bus station and brought her back to mine. Kids were all excited as my other friend fed them. Then I had a phone call from the ex ☹ which went on and on and on and on... next thing I know Holly is at the front door in tears, neighbour/friend has stormed off, apparently in a huff, so child is screaming at me that she isn't allowed to go because neighbour/friend says so ☹ Lovely! Dramas on the phone and dramas on the doorstep "Beam me up Scotty, and don't bring me back!" You know the situation when sayings like "you can never please all of the people all of the time but you can please some of the people some of the time" starts ringing in your ears as you think to yourself "I'm definitely in the first part of that saying as nothing I do today pleases anyone"... but hey I'm stubborn. So off we went after I'd calmed the "omen" child down and told her that I was the one who would say if we were going or not going anywhere and not my neighbour/friend.

Bet you are wondering what I was wearing? Well I'm afraid that it was the Marks boots again as we were off to a local farm where you can feed/hold animals, see shows and there is also a huge play area for kids to exhaust themselves, and I thought that shoes were a tad inappropriate.

We arrived to find out that there was only an hour and half left and due to a pretty high price for that short amount of time we decided to leave that trip for an all day outing another time. Now we were going to eat out that evening but it was only 4.30 at this point so we decided, to the sounds of a whinging child, to take a trip to a local shopping centre as my friend wanted to buy the same digital camera as I have.

It was there outside the Gadget Shop, as we were playing with our cameras, that I spotted a lady with some pretty high white plat mules and by the time I decided to actually snap her she had entered the shop, and I did feel a bit naughty doing this - is there a privacy act somewhere?

Not very clear, I'm sorry to say, because a shaky hand, through a shop window, took the picture.

The day ended after we had a lovely al fresco pub meal (made sure I picked a pub that had outside child entertainment), so all in all the day ended brilliantly I'll miss her we've had some laughs on our ward to the point of hysteria sometimes, seems like I'm loosing a lot of friends this year (where's that violin)... now to make it up to my other friend, wonder if they do doggy bag steak and chips!

Friday 30th May 2003

Today was spent mowing the lawn and I can assure you that I'm not always a glamour puss, if only you could check out my lovely gardening footwear. I would just take my word for it that they are definitely not of the glamorous variety. Clogs with holes in the toes... anyway!

...And the rest of the day was spent making it up to my friend, who seemed to be making up to me too as she made me dinner. I then spent 3 hours talking on the phone to another friend who told me about the Northern Lights to be seen in the sky that night. But from mowing the lawn to going to bed I wore my Kit mules (as previously seen) and I'm afraid the shoes have not been worn again, am slipping but tomorrow is another day...

Saturday 31st May 2003

Made a barbeque for my brother and I before going to work. Wore my kit mules from getting up until then. My brother commented on how weird I looked with my nightie and the mules (he came round quite early honest ☺ – thought I'd better drop that one in). Guess it does really but I've got used to wearing them and thought that as they are 4.5" it would keep my feet stretched for when I tackle "the, I'm not worthy, big ones".

Went to work at 3 and walked my unisex loafered feet up and down the ward for 6 hours before going home and having to pop into my neighbour/friend again, as she wanted to fill me on her latest drama/crisis. God this "keeping people happy" can sometimes be draining and because of it by the time I left there was again no time left for "those" shoes!

Sunday 1st June 2003

Well today was another working day but my brother took me for a pub lunch and of course I wore my mules. I wish you could just take a look as these babies as I have practically worn them out. I noted that the label inside no longer exists.

Holly returned from a weekend with her dad and so we spent the remainder of the short evening, as I didn't get back until 9.15, chatting and laughing until she fell asleep. Ah it's so nice to have her back xx

Monday 2nd June 2003

Well it was back to work as usual and time to catch up on a weeks worth more or less of hh postings. I was feeling a bit like a rebel and so thought I'd shake up that sleepy hospital by wearing the black version of those lovely red sandals.