tagNon-EroticDilemma Continued Ch. 02

Dilemma Continued Ch. 02


These stories will not stand alone, the reader should read both Dilemma and particularly Dilemma – Lorelei's Story by Joesephus first as this chapter hinges on that story but I don't want to bore the reader by repeating it. Some of Lorelei's story as written by Joesephus is included for continuity

Time for a decision

No matter how I tossed and turned, I could not find sleep that night. At about three in the morning I gave up and threw on a robe and went downstairs. At the kitchen table I found Sandy with papers in front of her and what looked like tears in her eyes. I poured a coffee from the pot and sat across from her.

She looked up and said "Chris, I have to be absolutely frank with you. And I don't want you to feel hurt but I have to say this". I thought Oh Oh, what is coming? She went on "You know that when you first met Cindy, I wasn't that impressed with you, I thought you were kind of self centered and it wasn't until you went through Cindy's transplant and her recovery with her that I started to feel that you were a pretty good guy and a real partner for her."

"If I hadn't felt that way, there is no way that I would have acted as a surrogate mother for your children. Well I'm adding my voice to Cindy's and asking you to read Lorelei's story and those of the women she helped. I think it would be an education for you. I agree with Cindy that there is more to be done and if you won't do it because of some past beliefs then you aren't the man that Cindy and I think you are"

Sandy took me aback, I was just stung by her words. I thought does nobody see Lorelei as I do, I'm the guy who was hurt by her actions, doesn't that matter? Why are they so much on her side? I turned to Sandy, "I have to go for a walk for a bit, can I leave the children with you for a while" She said she would look after them, so I dressed and took off into the night.

Thoughts hammered my mind, it seemed for hours. Eventually I found an all night diner and while I was hunched over a coffee I finally told myself. Chris, you've resisted this for six years but Cindy and Sandy are right. It's time you found the truth for yourself, no matter what the truth reveals. As luck would have it, there was a cab driver right there having coffee so I got home a lot quicker than I left.

Sandy was in the process of feeding breakfast to two hungry children, Grace and Lyan chattered away at me, grinning around their spoons and getting food all over the place. Sandy said "Well what are you going to do?" I replied "I'll take that stuff through into my den, and start into it". She smiled and gave a sigh of relief, "Thank you for listening to us, I'm sure that you will find some surprises" I took the paper into the den and looked down at the top one, It had Lorelei's Story written on it. I lifted it and began to read

"Dear Cindy.

I still sit and wonder that of all people you could have picked to befriend, you chose me Chris's ex wife of all people. Standing at the back of the church when you both exchanged your vows was like turning a knife in my body. Trouble was I couldn't hate you, and I realized that if Chris was ever to heal then you were the best person to help him.

Anyway you wanted me to explain what happened to me and Chris on that day in Dallas the day our marriage was assassinated by that bastard King and what transpired after. Here it is. It is a copy of a journal I wrote when I was asked to by my counselor (I'm still going occasionally so that is how it will read)

Half an hour, that's all it took, half an hour to destroy my life and Chris's. That's all it took for that bastard King to screw me and destroy our life together. I still have difficulty believing that it was possible for him to do that and ruin our lives. I still can't give any answer as to why I went to his room, and why I didn't fight harder to stop him. It was like the whole thing was happening in a dream.

I certainly didn't want him as a lover. I hated the whole process, it certainly wasn't seduction, there was no love in it, I just seemed powerless to stop the man. He just pushed me down on the bed, pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and stuck his penis into me. Ten minutes later it was all over as he pulled out and sprayed his semen all over my clothing. It felt unreal, as if I couldn't stop him if I tried. I felt excited, but I wanted Chris my husband, not Jacob King. He was the last person that I would make love to by choice.

To understand Chris and I, you have to know this, Chris and I were born a couple of days apart in the same hospital to best friends. Our mothers met in the first prenatal class they went to, and fast became friends, almost family. In fact we spent more time with them than with family. We lived just a couple of blocks apart, visited almost daily so as we grew up, Chris and I were together much of the time. I might say we spent almost as much time together as twins and developed a sixth sense as to what the other was doing and thinking.

We started kindergarten together and were together through school. Even in High School we still had lots of classes together. Chris was more than a friend, he was my protector as well. Not that anyone really tried anything after our first year when he took on the meanest dumbest football player in the school because he was insulting me. It almost got him killed but he just didn't quit till he got the point across. I never had problems after that, and while Chris didn't know it, I was proud to be known as Chris's girl and untouchable.

Chris is a runner and a soccer player. He's strong and fast but he's lean, .UT won two national championships when Chris was on their club team because he just wouldn't quit. If I tell you about the last one, I think you might understand It went to four overtimes and the only man on the field still running off the ball was Chris. He scored the winning goal with less than a minute left before they went to shoot-outs, although you'd never hear that from him.

Chris is modest, and I think that's what made him popular. Yes, he was a jock, but he didn't act like he was anything special, nor did he seem to realize that most of the girls in the senior year would have dropped their pants for him if he just smiled at them. Well maybe not most, but a significant number anyway. He radiated strength and confidence and gave it to others. .

He gave me the strength and confidence in myself to go out for soccer myself, and to run for office in the class. Because I was with Chris, it gave others confidence in me. If you don't see it yet, there might be a better man, someplace, but I don't know where, certainly I have never met one. So why King? Why did I betray Chris? Now I know why, because King knew all the buttons to push and pushed them. Everything I had told him about me, about my father's death and me blaming myself for it, he used against me.

I accept all the blame for what I did, that is no problem. Like a fool I was trusting and since the start of the class I had given him all the ammunition he needed to get to me. I wasn't forced by King, He didn't push me into his room. His reason just seemed to be common sense and ok. I could have walked out at any time and I knew what we were doing was wrong but I just didn't have the power to stop it. That's why I can't forgive myself for letting him fuck me. When I opened my legs for him, I knew it was wrong, and did it anyway..

The week before that trip, Professor King invited us to his place.. That's when he started talking about his own daughter, how she had chosen to stay with her mother and how he didn't get to see her, that it was so unfair that she had stayed with her cheating Mom.. I should have clued in then, but fool that I was I felt sorry for him. I was thrilled when he offered me a ride to Dallas

It should have raised all sorts of flags, instead I felt so sorry for him. I was so excited when he "discovered" that Chris couldn't leave early because of a class, and offered to take me to Dallas early and Chris could follow that afternoon after his class.

Even though there were others in the car, I think his charm still would have broken down my defences on the 3 ½ hour trip. King had all the charm and persuasiveness you'd expect from a top notch lawyer, And he really turned it on for my benefit.

The hotel was even more than I had expected It was a different world, so much more than I was used to and I felt so sophisticated as we shared a couple of drinks in the bar. He even bought the drinks with the other professors standing right with him. Everything seemed so above board that I didn't think twice about it when he invited me to his room because he didn't want to be seen socializing too much with one of his students.

It's no excuse, even though I just had a couple of drinks but I felt a little drunk when he started in about his daughter letting him down by choosing to live with her cheater of a mother.. He got me talking about Daddy and when I started crying he put his arms around me to comfort me, I was in so much pain I didn't react when he kissed me.

Sex never entered my mind with that first kiss, just the need to comfort him, and to be comforted. But it wasn't a comforting kiss, it was full of passion, and for some crazy reason I responded to it. If I'd had the sense to stop it right there, that would have been it, no problem but I just didn't seem able to, when I felt his hand in my pants, I knew I had to stop him. I knew I could and wanted to stop him but it just seemed so much trouble to do it so I didn't.

He just pushed me back on to the bed, pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and started to fuck me. I was so dry that he was hurting me. As he pushed into me, I pushed back just as if I was fucking him back. It wasn't passion, or my body betraying me. I just wanted it over and done with. All I could think of was how I was betraying Chris, but I just couldn't fight King. He pulled out, shot his semen over my panties and said I didn't want to cum inside you so Chris can't tell unless you tell him and I don't think you want to do that.

I got back to my room took a really hot shower and got rid of the panties King had soiled. I knew what I'd done. I felt then and still do that I was a cheating slut and I'd betrayed the only man I'd ever love. I did it knowing that I was doing it and my biggest concern was how I was going to tell Chris, because I could not keep that secret to myself.

I know now that I was making mistakes, and compounding them as I went. I should have kept the panties. I should have called the police and told them, but I thought that I had done this willingly and had no comeback . Then I figured I had to get Chris back to Austin to our home before I told him. All I could think of was that when Chris found out, if King was anywhere close, then Chris would kill him.

That was when I saw that stupid note about the sheets. I felt a longing for Chris that I had never felt before. I wanted the comfort of his arms but felt that I was a cheater and he deserved better. A phrase I had heard in class came to mind, Once a cheater always a cheater, I couldn't let him be stuck with someone like me.

Okay, that's it I don't think I can say it any plainer, I screwed up and was an emotional disaster area., That's the closest I can be to making any excuse . Why I couldn't make sense when I talked to him, I will never know. And why I let King take me back on the dance floor is even more inexplicable. Maybe I was trying to get him away from Chris as I was sure he was going to say something to Chris. His face was enough, the gloating look gave things away to Chris almost right away.

When I came down from the room I saw Chris at the front desk. I hoped that he would go up to the room first and give me a little more time. I went into the ballroom and sat at an empty. Of all things, that rat King came over and sat down, talking about our new relationship, how we would have to keep it quiet. He was still setting me up. I blew my top, and was about to give him hell, when I felt Chris's hand on my shoulder. I wanted him to help me pack, but instead made that damn stupid comment about the sheets being 1000 count.

It was obvious that Chris knew something had happened, but I don't think he realized what it was exactly. Then when King whisked me away on to the dance floor, that just made it plain. It was just as if King was saying "see I've taken your cheating slut of a wife away from you"

Why I danced with him, I have no idea, all I wanted was to be with Chris. I could understand me dancing with him as much as I could understand how I let him fuck me. I had no idea. When we were dancing he started on about keeping our affair quiet. I smiled at him, just as seductively as I could and sweetly said. "In this society I can't kill you. I can't even assault you but I can guarantee you this, I'm going to make sure that you lose your job, your money and your law licence. It may take time but I will do it. You have no idea how much it is going to cost you for causing me to lose Chris". I just spat in his face and left him standing, in the middle of the floor in shock. Perhaps I was his only victim to ever fight back.

As I walked back to the table, I saw Chris' back as he left the room. I thought he was going to our room and I decided that I needed a few minutes to clam down before I faced him. I sat for a few moments to collect myself. The it happened, I had this horrible feeling, that Chris was gone, that I was alone

I've learned through my therapy—about the only thing useful from my therapy—that Chris probably went into what is called a fugue state. It similar to dissociative amnesia, and it sort of means that the body continues to act on auto pilot but the mind has taken a vacation to a dark place.

I was worried sick. I called his cell, it went to voice email. I called the room there was no answer. I called his cell again and it went to voicemail, so I left a message asking if he was okay, and told him that I needed to talk to him so badly and loved him so much. I was so scared, I trembled as if I had a fever, and hardly knew where I was. I got back to the room somehow and collapsed on the bed, a bed I knew that I would never share with Chris.
It took about an hour before that steel streak of mine kicked in and I put together enough pride and anger to start to take back my life. King was going to pay! Of that there was no doubt. I'd told him what I was going to do, now I needed to figure out how I was going to do it. I knew that with the way the schools responded to threats of sexual harassment suits, I could get him fired. I also knew that I wouldn't do that just yet.

I'm a lawyer, I know what the law allows, but I also know what's right and wrong. King seduced me, he never offered me grades or favors or issued any threats. But I also knew that because he was the type of slime ball he was, that I wouldn't be the only one. I'd been seduced, but I was sure I'd be able to find some of his students who had been harassed. I would have that bastard's job, just like I'd promised him earlier.

Try as I might, I just couldn't get hold of Chris. Where he was I had no idea, maybe on his way back to Austin, I couldn't sense him at all, it was like he had closed himself off totally from me, and my biggest fear was that he would either harm himself, or King and King wasn't worth going to jail for. I had an image of a gun from somewhere and I called Chris's cell once more.

I'm not sure how I spent the next two hours. Perhaps I entered my own little fugue state. Then suddenly, I felt a new bolt of fear shoot through me. I was terrified for Chris. I had an image of Chris with a gun in his hand and grabbed my cell phone and again went to voice mail.

I tried not to let my fear show in my voice, but I couldn't help it. I was sobbing and begging Chris. I was trying to make him understand that what I'd done, what I was, didn't change who he was. Finally, I said something important, although I didn't realize it for several years. I said "we would get past this." The important word there is "we."

Less than two minutes later Chris was back. I knew he wasn't okay, but for the first time in over three hours I could sense him again. I wish I hadn't.

"I could feel his pain." I know that phrase was hackneyed and overused when I was still a kid, but in this case it was true. I had an image of King on top of me, inside me and I lost it. His room was only a few doors down from mine and I flew out into the hall and I began pounding on his door. I wanted to kill him.

I know that Chris felt the same way, he'd already driven his hunting knife all the way through King's front door.

All I could think about as I pounded on that door was that if Chris killed that piece of shit he'd go to prison. Even Texas no longer allowed a man to get away with murder... even justified murder. I couldn't let that happen, if someone was going to prison it was going to be me, it was less than what I deserved.

And Chris was gone again! I left with him.

I'm not sure where he went, but I ended up in a mental hospital. It was two days before I "came to." I called Momma and told her to come get me. I wasn't insane, but I wasn't a whole person either.

I understood what I'd done to Chris and I hated myself for it. Because we were "connected," it was far worse for him, he knew that there was no excuse. I'd broken him and I'd made him something he could never have envisioned. I made him a cuckold. For years, just thinking about what I'd made Chris was enough to send my blood pressure through the roof.

I'm not going to bore you with the sad saga of my life after Chris left. I will say that it almost killed Momma. Chris was a son to her and she begged me to try to find some way to try to get past what I'd done. She never understood that even if somehow Chris could forgive me, if somehow he wanted me to stay with him, all that would do, would be to lower my respect for him. I could never be married to a wimp! Besides, even if we could somehow work past that, even if he was misguided enough to trust me the way a husband should trust a wife, I could never trust myself.

I'm a cheat and a slut. I broke the most important vows it's possible for a person to make. By doing that I broke the finest man I've ever met. Chris needed healing and I knew I couldn't—I didn't have the health in me to heal him.What I did have was a burning need for revenge, and I got it in spades. I found two student from King's summer class who he'd bedded. One did it under threat and one for the promise of grades.

I'm not particularly proud of the tactics I used to force them to come forward, but King was publicly fired. I got my law degree, passed the bar. I found women who had worked for him and been harassed. I sued on their behalf and I wiped him out financially. It took longer but I found a former client who had been pressured to sleep with him and I got him disbarred.

How did I manage to find and get those women to come forward? Let me just say that Chris's second major was in computers. Some of his friends wanted to see justice done. I gave my portion of the settlement to the women's shelter.

All of that took almost four years. They were lonely years, and my obsession with getting revenge was my life. Did I date? No! I know there are men who don't mind getting hooked up to a slut and a cheat, but I knew I could never be involved with a "man" like that. Even so, I still feel that there was more that I could have done, but I just don't know what it is.

'Anyway, back to the present, when Chris brought you down to meet his Mom and Dad. It almost killed Momma, but I understood why Chris couldn't see either of us. All it could do was bring up memories of a life that I'd destroyed. Frankly, I didn't think I could bear to see him either. We'd had so much and it was gone. Have you ever seen "Gone With the Wind?"

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