Dilemma - Lorelei's Story

byJoesephus©

However, I couldn't help hating the woman who would take my place... until I met Cindy. No one could hate Cindy. We met at the Southwestern campus in Georgetown. It's beautiful, peaceful place. She was there to see the chapel and that's were we talked.

I wasn't sure why I agreed to meet her. Okay, I was curious and I still felt protective of Chris. I walked in determined to be polite, but I also think that I'd decided that if she wasn't good enough for him, I'd find some way to send her home like damn carpetbagger.

I don't remember exactly what she said, it was something about her being ordained and confidentiality, but suddenly I was pouring out my whole life story. I didn't spare her any of the sordid details of what I'd done.

When I was finished, she said, "Your revenge won't make you whole you know. You and Chris are brother and sister and neither of you will be whole until you're able to mend that portion of your lives."

I, uh, expressed my profound disagreement with that preposterous idea. That would have made our marriage incest!

Cindy just smiled and we talked and after a while... well I didn't agree exactly, but I did understand that I wanted to spend more time with her.

I won't say we became friends, because that was the only time we ever met face to face. However, we did keep in touch. Cindy never saw me as a threat to her marriage, but she constantly reached out to me as if I were an estranged sister-in-law. In the strangest way, I began to feel the same way.

When Momma told me that Cindy's sister agreed to carry their babies, I had another one of those split personality moments. I yearned to carry Chris' babies and was jealous--- not of Cindy but of Sandy. Still, I was too caught up with my plans for revenge and even if I'd wanted to, I just didn't have the time.

A few weeks after King was disbarred, Cindy called me. She wanted me to consider coming to a family Christmas at Mom and Dad's. She was going to get Chris to fly down there with their children and she thought Christmas would be a wonderful time for Chris and me to reconcile.

I wasn't ready to face him but it marked the start of Cindy's campaign. I'd spent a year in therapy, and all I got were a bunch of platitudes and attempts to convince me that I wasn't responsible for fucking King.

My therapist talked about father images, and authority figures and the pressure King brought to bear on me. All that was true, but it wouldn't have mattered if I'd had the character that I should have had.

Cindy was different, she didn't talk religion, which surprised me. I did use it though. Right from the start, I used her ordination to insist that everything we talked about be confidential. I didn't want Chris to know we were talking.

I think because she never tried to justify what I, did she helped me find ways to move forward. I'm an only child, but I began to understand what it would be like to have a sister-in-law. I wanted that, and I wanted... I wanted some sort of relationship with Chris.

We talked for almost a year. Cindy was begging me to let her begin to work with Chris so we could try to build a new relationship as brother and sister but frankly I was afraid.

If it's possible to love someone you've only met once, I love Cindy. I knew she was totally secure in her marriage, but I wasn't sure that I could deal with that.

I don't mean that I resented her marriage, but I never forgot that I was a cheater, an adulteress, and a slut. I hadn't been with another man since King. Cindy encouraged me to think about dating. She made me understand that while I couldn't change what I'd been, I could decide what I wanted to be. She gave me hope for a normal future.

That wasn't an altogether good thing. I was afraid if I were to spend time around Chris I would not honor his marriage. I couldn't do that to him or to Cindy. It took most of a year to reach the point where I understood that Cindy trusted me, and she trusted Chris. She was sure that even if I were slip, Chris would not.

I wasn't sure. I decided that I'd try to find a man to date. I wanted to believe Cindy that there were good men out there who would help me overcome my whorish past. I wasn't sure how I felt about a man who would want to marry a fixer up project, but I thought it might give me some protection against my nature. I lowered my standards and I went on a few dates. They were disasters.

Then things got strange. I learned from Momma that Cindy was going to start to look for someone to carry her "babies." Her "babies" were the two embryos who had been created at the same time the twins were.

I thought about it, I prayed about it, and I decided that I wanted to carry them. Cindy and I began to talk in earnest about it. I began to see another side of her.

That lady had some sort of steel in her constitution. She wouldn't agree to consider it without Chris's full support. She understood that by carrying her babies I would be part of their family.

However, she was convinced that the new status would help both of us.

She said Chris was still weak emotionally. I can't tell you how bad that made me feel. Chris was so strong in most areas. He was a wonderful success in business. He was making a fortune and was a gifted manager. He was involved with the twins and was becoming a local community leader. There was a group encouraging him to run for the local school board. But like me, he wasn't whole.

Cindy and I finally agreed on a plan. She got a couple of appointment cards from the fertility clinic. In the slot for the time of the appointment she wrote, "Of your choosing."

The idea was that she would first introduce the idea that she had an applicant to carry her babies. Then she would spend as much time as she needed to prepare Chris for who that applicant would be.

She told me that while it had taken her a year to get me to the point of being ready to come back into Chris' life, she didn't think it would take her six months move Chris in that direction.

Then the day arrived. Cindy called all excited about a book deal she'd just signed. She thought it would be a great way to start to introduce the idea to Chris. She said she was sending me a copy of the appointment card she was going to show him. When she thought he was ready, she'd set up a meeting and I could give him my copy to prove that I wanted to atone for what I'd done.

She told me one more time that it would be his choice, but she was certain that he needed me as much as I needed him. I know it sounds crazy but, while it wasn't the same I'd never actually lost our "connection," and through that, I was certain that Cindy was right. With Cindy's help we could begin a new relationship, as brother and sister.

Of course, by this time I had so much faith in Cindy that I'd have believed her if she told me that the sun was going to rise in the West.

She was wrong! It wasn't the time. She died that night. Momma called and I lost it. How could God be so cruel? How could He do this to Chris?

I have to tell you that I said some pretty hard and harsh things to God that night. It didn't get any better either. I was determined that I was going to go to the funeral. I knew that I'd have to do it without Chris seeing me, but I couldn't let her be buried without being there.

The second time I saw Cindy was in her coffin. I made arrangements to see her when Chris wasn't there. I hadn't cried that much since that night in Dallas.

I can't tell you how hard it was. Through our connection, I could feel Chris' pain and I hated myself that I couldn't do anything to help. I spent a full week in Philadelphia. I didn't speak to anyone. I spent a lot of time at her church both before and after her funeral. I prayed for some way to show Chris that he wasn't alone in his grief.

Finally I went back home. When I opened my mail, there was the note from Cindy with the card. It was full of her joy and hope for her babies. I spent some real quality time with God, telling him what I thought of him. How could he do this?

I also spent more hours thinking about what I should do than I'd spent on anything in my life to this point. I knew that Cindy believed that those few cells created from Chris' sperm and her ovum were people. I didn't know what I believed but in this case my opinion didn't matter.

I also knew that Chris hadn't been prepared for what Cindy and I had discussed... he certainly hadn't agreed. Still, when all was said and done, I knew that I had to let him know.

I debated for days. Finally, I sent him a birthday card... with the appointment card inside. I knew he'd understand. For once I don't know what Chris will do. I also don't know what I should do.

I am bed rock certain that if Cindy had lived, I could have accepted Chris as my brother. I would have tried to find a husband. I would not have interfered in their marriage. Now, I'm not sure. Can I still just be a sister? Should that be all I'll be? Should I try for more?

What do you think I should do?

*

I hope you enjoyed this, I realized after I began getting feedback on Dilemma that I had not provided the read with a good picture of Lorelei. That made the nature of his Dilemma a little different than I intended. I need to thank CopyCarver for all his hard work on Lorelei's story. The errors that are here were made after his last effort.

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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous08/17/18

Dear Anonymous on my friend’s death

I’m not sure what you base your statement upon, perhaps because I continue to answer his mail. I just wish you were right!

Jonnyrebel82

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by tazz31708/15/18

MYSTERIES, SOUL MATES.KHARMA. DEATH

whose to say control cannot transform celestial and earth bodies, TK U MLJ LV NV

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by Anonymous08/15/18

A load of crap

That whole story of his death is bullshit. He was just some anonymous guy who decided to quit writing under this alt and go out in a blaze of glory.

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by Jack9908/15/18

Ending

Joesphus passed away. But this story was taken up by Northlander, and he has written a well-regarded ending here:

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpa ge.php?uid=1004078&page=submissions

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by mcbs08/15/18

Death of Joesephus (1982-2007)

Enclosed is a link to authors page, and at the bottom, an introduction he wrote shortly before his death in October, 2007.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpa ge.php?uid=608680

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