Dindi Pt. 05

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Nanaya
Nanaya
211 Followers

"Hello, Travis." She said, rolling his name around her tongue like she would her favorite hard candy.

He dug his fingers on my hip. An angry reflex.

"Anissa." He said dryly.

Only then did I completely understand what was really happening, looking between the two of them. Anissa's absent attempt in hiding her familiarity with Travis, and his obvious discomfort around her.

She was one of the twelve. They had slept together. Obviously.

It was clear as day for all around them to see it. And she didn't seem to make any kind of effort to hide the fact they knew each other well. George's irony was explained as well. He knew of her history with Travis. Apparently everyone knew. Everyone, but me. The thing is, I was used to being the smartest girl in class.

"You two know each other?" I asked Anissa, doing my very best to sound casual, joyful even. I clasped my fingers and Travis's together to assure him everything was fine where he and I were concerned.

The way people worked, I expected her to say a simple 'yes' to which I would mutter an uninterested 'how nice' and then haul Travis away from there. To everyone's utter surprise, though, her answer was much more elaborate.

"We used to sleep together." She said it the way she'd tell the time.

Travis's grip on my hand was hard enough to crack my knuckles. I heard George gasp. Lance's eyes almost jumped out of their orbits. Carla choked on her drink. And I laughed. Loudly. Heartedly.

Anissa's intention was to shock. Clearly, she had succeeded in that. Not quite where I was concerned, though. So that was Travis's past? I had imagined worst. I expected worst. If jealous, insecure, and angry ex-girlfriends were all I had to deal with, I'd be fine.

All five pairs of eyes in the circle were on me. They probably thought I was crazy. Anissa most of all. I had not the time, nor the age to deal with this shit. I wasn't about to fight her over Travis. Why should I? What was the point? He was by my side. Holding my hand. She was the past. Behind him. Taking in consideration the way he looked at her, he thought the same.

"Anissa, that's you name, yeah?" I said, catching my breath, and using Travis's body for support. I didn't really need it, but it didn't hurt to use it, either. "If you've slept with this man, then I'm sure you've had quite a marvellous time. Between the two of us," At this, I leaned conspiratorially towards her, the way I would if we were best friends sharing a secret. "He is quite good, isn't he? George actually calls it Travis's Wonder Cock. Luckily for me, I get it regularly and exclusively, being his girlfriend and all."

My mother would have to forgive me. I was way too old to be picking fights over men. But certainly not old enough to listen to such affrontery and be quiet about it.

Silence stretched for a few seconds, then George's British villain laughter erupted. Anissa's eyes were wide as saucers, just as red as the rest of her face. I suddenly felt a bit bad for embarrassing the girl. But then again, she could've chosen to be quiet. Poor Anissa. What had Travis's charm done to her?

Like a fish, she opened and closed her mouth, only huffing and puffing instead of saying any actual words. I thought she'd say something nasty, but she only glared daggers at me, then turned her back to us, marching away. She barely took three steps in the other direction when the whole group started laughing.

"Fuck, Mo!" George hugged me. "That was bloody brilliant!"

"You can never tell mom, though!" I said, laughing so hard tears actually ran down my face. "She'd kill me!"

When George let me go I risked a glance at Travis. He was rubbing his fingers on his forehead, looking a bit disconcerted, but laughing softly, nonetheless.

"So you're my girlfriend, uh?" He said to me.

I wrapped my arms around his middle, tilting my head back to look him in the eyes.

"Of course I am, silly. I thought that was quite obvious already." If he still had any doubts I meant it when I said I'd stay with him, I hoped they had vanished that very minute.

"It is." His smile when he spoke made it unclear which one of us liked the little word more. I stood on the tips of my toes and he bent his body down so he could kiss me.

"Oh, get a room!" I vaguely registered George's voice, consumed as I was by Travis' mouth on mine.

I pulled away from him with the will an alcoholic leaves the bar.

"What did you do to the poor woman, anyway?" The question wasn't a serious one, even though I was dying to know what exactly had happened between the two of them.

"Come here." Travis took my hand and lead me to a sofa in the far corner of Gee's living room, where we sat down.

After almost four months with him, I already knew how he behaved when he was about to tell me something he deemed unpleasant for my ears.

"About Anissa." He began.

"No, Travis. I was just kidding. You don't have to explain-" I interrupted him.

"No, Morena. Let me." He interrupted me back.

His blue, piercing gaze was fixed on me. He looked serious enough to convince me to be quiet and listen to him.

"Go on, then." I said, putting that wayward strand of hair behind his ear.

"She's right. We used to sleep together." He confirmed Anissa's statement, sighing heavily. "We used to do it every time she was in town. I met her at this party years ago. She knew who I was, so she threw herself at me and...Well, I'm only human." He sounded apologetic. The woman wasn't very nice, but she was drop dead gorgeous. "We had a fling. Nothing serious. Strictly sex. I ended it about a year ago when she decided to trade the sex for magazine covers."

So he had ditched her. No wonder she was so bitter.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"For how long exactly did you two had a fling?" Considering the way Anissa had reacted, she still nurtured some feelings for Travis. Whether those feelings were the love or the hate kind, I didn't know. Regardless of their category though, it was obvious she still wanted him.

Who was I to blame her for that, poor thing.

"Four years." Travis looked a bit embarrassed to admit that.

Fuck me. That was a long time. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me a little, even though I knew that I was being irrational. I had nor the reason nor the right to be bothered. I didn't even know him back then. He didn't own me any explanation regarding his past behaviors. I only cared for his current actions. The idea of Anissa's hands on him, though...

"Travis. It doesn't really matter to me what you did, or with whom you did it." I brought his face closer to mine with my hands and touched my lips to his. "Besides, I knew you weren't a virgin when I met you." That made him smile and, as always, I got that fluttering feeling in my stomach knowing I was causing it. "I only care what you do now."

"Now, all I do is you. Only you." He said, and the sweet smile in his mouth didn't match the malice in his eyes.

"So what do you say you do me now, uh?"

We were back inside the room in a flash, not minding who would notice our absence this time.

****

When we reemerged, a good couple of hours later, roughly twenty people still lingered at the party. Most of them drunk, or still trying to get there.

Gee was unashamedly making out with Lance on the nearest couch.

"Oh, please. Not on my favorite couch." George removed his hands from a very embarrassed Lance.

"Fuck off, Mo. Don't you think I know what you two were doing in there? Naughty Mo." He pouted his swollen, freckled lips, eyeing the door of his room with a knowing grin. "Better change my sheets."

"Technically it's my room, too." I gave his shin a playful kick. "And I didn't use your bed, George! I'm that considerate."

Gee was drunk, that much was evident. He was crimson red, which was considerably redder than usual. I could smell his vodka breath from a mile away. On Top of that, his face was pasty, and his eyes heavy lidded.

"I'm walking Travis to the subway station. Be nice and say goodbye to him."

With great effort, and a little help from Lance, Gee got to his feet and threw his arms around Travis's neck.

"Hey, mate." I'm sure he meant to whisper into Travis's ear, but drunk as he was, he yelled more than anything else. "If you hurt my sister, I'll rip out your balls and put them in jar for public display, no matter how pretty you are." When his threat was made clear, George returned to his spot on the sofa, under Lance's arm.

Travis chuckled awkwardly. "I wouldn't dare do that, George."

I believed that. It scared me senseless, but I had to admit Travis hadn't really done anything to disappoint me, or make me distrust him. Every doubt, every reservation came from me. My baggage. My past. It wasn't fair of me to make him pay the price for someone else's mistake. He was lovely. He was my boyfriend. If I was happy as a daisy lately, the fault was all his.

"Alright. Be back in a bit." I said, walking with Travis to the door.

The boys said their goodbyes, and George resumed his attempts to fit Lance's entire head inside his mouth before I had closed the door completely.

"Dindi, did you start looking at apartments yet?" Travis asked me as we climbed down the stairs.

I had mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I needed to find myself a place to live to give Gee the privacy he deserved. Even if he told me I could stay forever.

"No. Not really. Why?" I asked him cautiously. He wasn't going to propose what I thought he was going to propose, was he?

Don't, Travis. It's too soon. Way too soon.

He must have seen the apprehension on my face, because his lips just quirked into a sad smile.

"No reason. Just wondering if you needed help with that."

I tried not to look so relieved. Of course I had serious feelings for him, but we had been too fast since the beginning of this thing between us. If I were to get accustomed to the idea of having a boyfriend after seven years of avoiding one, he'd have to be patient with me.

"Oh, that'd be lovely. You could help me avoid the dodgy neighborhoods." He had this lost puppy dog look on that turned me into mush. "I'd like somewhere halfway between here and your place so you and Gee don't get jealous of each other." I added

When I opened the building door and the air hit me, I shivered. The end of the summer was bringing some chilly nights with it.

"Agh! It's cold!" I hugged myself, cursing under my breath for not grabbing a coat. Travis was already shrugging out of his. "No, no! I'll go back and grab a jacket." I rushed up the stairs before he could insist with me.

George didn't even notice when I came in. He was way too busy almost fucking his boyfriend in the living room, live, for his remaining guests to see. I entered the bedroom, searching the closet for my leather jacket. Since I was already inside I took the opportunity to pee and check my hair in the bathroom mirror. I took my time, applying some balm to my lips. All the kissing combined with my nervous biting weren't doing them any favours.

When I was done, I put on my jacket, then ran down the stairs again. Travis was nowhere in sight, so I figured he must have stepped out of the building. I pushed the door open, glancing both ways, searching for him. Most of Gee's guests were still outside, probably on account of the bar next door. Some of them were smoking, some others making out in dark corners...

That was when my eyes landed on Travis.

I recognized his profile. The chiseled jawline, the beard, his man bun on top of the blond head. He had his back pressed against the wall, and Anissa's body was pressed against his.

She was kissing him.

And he was kissing her.

He won't hurt me. I won't let him.

But how was I to control that?

****

Everything that happened after my brain registered the fact that Annisa's lips were on Travis's felt like a surreal fiction movie. How could it be real when he had promised me he wouldn't hurt me? How could it? Why did breathing hurt so much?

My legs moved on their own, taking me up the stairs. I pushed Gee's door open and immediately fell on the floor, feeling stupidly weak all of a sudden.

"Mo!" Gee was by my side in a flash. "What's wrong? Why are you crying? Where the bloody hell is Travis?"

I didn't register most of his words. All I had in my mind was the image of Anissa's body pressed to Travis's.

How stupid I was. I knew it. I fucking knew it.

"Knew what, Mo?" I didn't think I had said that out loud. "What the fuck did he do to you?" Gee grabbed my shoulders, shaking me out of my trance until I brought my blurry eyes up to his.

"Anissa." Was all I managed to say. Enough for Gee to understand.

He helped me up and led me to the couch. I didn't want to sit, though. I needed to stand. I needed to feel something solid and real under my feet.

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" Gee screamed menacingly.

Lance walked towards the door and opened it. I didn't even hear any knocks.

Travis didn't immediately see me. But when he did, he knew what was wrong. He pushed past Lance and marched my way, his expression determined.

I'm sorry. He was going to say.

Sorry. Why do people think that word solves anything?

George's tall body shielded me from Travis. I heard screams, and knew they were fighting, although it was all soundless to me. Tears were falling down my face in such a constant stream I felt them run down the valley in between my breasts.

"You can't feel things properly, Morena. You don't know the right way to love somebody. How can you expect me to marry a woman whose priority won't be me?" James's voice was echoing in my mind.

"I won't hurt you, Dindi." Travis had promised. He had promised me he wouldn't.

Then why had he? Why?

"George?" He didn't hear my voice, it drowned amid his yelling. "George?" I called again, touching his back. He turned to me, allowing Travis to come into my view.

I fixed my gaze on an invisible spot on his white t-shirt. I didn't have the strength to look him in the eyes. Eyes that reminded me of my father.

"Can you..." I swallowed back tears that wouldn't let me speak. "Can you...let me ...talk... to him?"

When I was little I had very bad asthma. It worsened when my father died, only getting better when I was well into my teens. Still, whenever I got too emotional, the worst aspects of it came back. The shortness of breath, the inability to speak, the tightening in my chest, and the awful desperation that followed such feelings. The last time it happened had been seven years ago. When James pulled his ring out of from my reluctant finger.

"Mo-"

"Ple-Please?" I managed to bring my eyes up to George's. He was flushed to his limit, several veins on his face were bulging. He sucked in his bottom lip, frowning his red brows. "Please?" I mouthed.

Gee simply nodded and stepped out of Travis's way, turning his attention to the people who, for some reason, hadn't left yet.

"Alright! Everyone, out! Party is over!" He yelled, ordering people out the door. "I'll be right outside, Mo." He said, then left himself, dragging Lance out with him.

I still didn't look at Travis. Not even when he stepped my direction. I only stepped back, away from him until my shoulder blades hit a wall. The movement seemed almost like a natural reflex of my body. A protective mechanism.

"Do-" I held my hands up to keep him away. "Do n-not to-touch me!" I struggled to say.

With my eyes still fixed on his chest I tried desperately to take gulps of air in. Travis's chest heaved, while I was beginning to feel dizzy with the lack of air in my blood.

"Y-you pr-promised me." Never in my life had I felt so much like an idiot. So stupid, so silly. I should've known better. I knew better! Why didn't I listen to myself?

"Dindi." He said, coming dangerously closer to me.

"Don't you fucking call me that!" This time my voice came out in full. All the residual air I had inside my lungs was wasted in that outburst.

I slid down the wall, until I hit the ground. I was panting, clutching at the pendant on my neck with such force, I broke the golden chain. I gasped in vain, the air refused to flow inside my body. I couldn't see anything. Everything was a blur as more tears than I could handle ran down my face and neck.

A wrenching feeling tore at my chest. It was a physical pain. My lungs were rebelling against their own stubbornness. It was also the kind of pain that wasn't entirely literal, but became so when the body was too overwhelmed by it.

The sudden hate that invaded me was confusing. I didn't know whether to hate Travis or myself more. I hated him for lying to me, using me, and doing just what he'd promised not to do. I hated for myself for being so weak, for sinking to the ground and allowing him to see the power he had over me.

I didn't even have the strength to fight him when he touched me. As unaware of my surroundings as I starting to be, I could feel, more than see, his desperation. He touched my face, lifting my blurry eyes to his, speaking words that didn't reach my ears. All I wished was to have the capacity to push him away.

"I-" I tried to speak, but I couldn't. I only wheezed.

My vision was blackening, my limbs felt heavy and light at the same time. My whole body was surrendering to the deprivation of oxygen. Travis's touch on my skin felt as light as a feather brushing against it. He shook me, screaming words at me as I felt myself drifting away, welcoming the feeling.

Just when I thought I'd pass out and be rid of all the terrible sensations coursing through my body; my inhaler was there and I sucked a huge gulp of air from it. Relief isn't enough a word to describe how I felt. I took another, and another, and another mouthful of air from the inhaler until I was gasping, but breathing on my own. My world slowly shifting back into focus.

My eyes were closed, my head resting against someone's chest. My hands fisted into the fabric of a shirt. Initially, I thought it was George, then, as my breathing normalized, Travis's scent triggered the recognition area of my brain. I jerked away from him abruptly, my back hitting the wall again.

"Morena, please." His voice was so tortured, carrying so much hurt.

In that moment, I allowed my eyes to meet his. I realized what a mistake it was as soon as I took in his expression. His eyes, under furrowed brows, were red, contrasting badly with the blue, which was dark, like a stormy sea. His mouth was set in a hard line. He looked at me expectantly, with pain marring his face, making it ugly.

"You said you wouldn't hurt me. You promised you wouldn't hurt me, Travis." My voice was husky, small. It made me sound weak, little and I hated it. I hated him.

"Morena, listen to me, I-" He spoke nervously, reaching a hand towards me. I winced, shrinking away from his touch.

What I wouldn't give to be able to at least put on a strong front so he wouldn't see me in this disgusting state. I noticed, belatedly, that his lips were stained with her lipstick. Lips that had been on mine minutes ago. Lips that had tasted every possible curve of my body.

"Go away, Travis." I knew that I had to talk to him eventually. It didn't have to be now, though.

"Morena, please, don't do this." He pleaded, reaching a hand to me once again.

"NO!" I screamed, disturbing the new balance in my breathing.

"Just fucking leave, mate." George's voice commanded. I didn't even notice he'd returned.

Travis ignored George, giving me one last pleading look, mouthing "Please", but I just shook my head, averting my eyes from his.

He lingered for a few more minutes, then he got to his feet, defeated. "Please call me when you're ready to talk." He said. His voice strangely nasal.

Nanaya
Nanaya
211 Followers