- BDSM
- Dinner for...
- Page 2
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- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 1 year agoOutstanding Sir! I really want to be her. The way you own your girl had me wet before I even reached down. Such a tease with the second page :(
Please post the second chapter.
rebekkaflover 1 year agowow... just wow Sir... i could imagine being that submissive...
the story definitely got me very moist....
i'll definitely check out Your other stories on here. much love, bekka
SimplySilverover 1 year agoThere's a few things that need some work here from a technical standpoint. Second person can be ideal for erotic when executed carefully, but its a tricky POV to get correct in communicating the events, feelings, and setting. The other item that would help enhance this piece is if you break up some of your text blocks. You have one particularly long one that needs to be split into 2 to 3 shorter blocks; its visually fatiguing to the reader otherwise and I personally glossed it as a result of getting lost when I scrolled.
