Dirty Bitch: A Novel

'Haha, it tastes better than ever!!!'

21

They say skunk makes you paranoid. Does it? I don't know; maybe it does. All I know is that I felt very peculiar and strange as I sat on the sofa in the living room that evening, a joint in my mouth, and my eyes fixed on the blank television screen. Any normal person would have switched it on, but not me, not the television hating Darren Speck. I just sat there in silence, some weird psychedelic thoughts lurking in my mind, with last trains to hell speeding down flame-besieged tracks.

Then I heard the door open, and for a frustrating moment I thought that that cunt Tony had somehow got himself a key behind my back and was attempting to get in.

'That fucking cocksucker,' I uttered, wishing that there was a shotgun in my hands so I that I could blast a bloody crater of a hole right into the guy's stomach, sending that guy flying back in bursting bubbles of blood. But then I saw that the figure in the doorway had long brunette hair and a womanly frame; and it wasn't long before I realised it was Victoria.

At the first glance of her pristinely beautiful face (the fucking hitchhiker evidently hadn't fucked it up with scratches from his stubbly face) I felt a little strange, and I watched as the woman came on in, a suitcase of her stuff in her hand, and slowly closed the door.

'Darren,' she said, after a moment's glance at me, a sorrowful look to her elegant, Bambi-like eyes.

Ignoring her, I just took a toke of my joint, a vapid, void-of-all-intellectuality look on my face.

'How did you get in?'

'I ... I have a key Darren, don't you remember?' The cock-tease (as Tony had rightly referred to her as) seemed a little surprised that I'd forgotten.

'Oh, right, I forgot. Must be the ganja.'

Then Victoria shook her head slowly, a combination of shame and despair (for me) clearly identifiable.

'Darren, what is happening to you? You just seem to be letting go of yourself.'

I took another toke and shook my head, bewildered.

'Girl, what on earth are you on about?'

'You are a drug addict and an alcoholic Darren.'

I almost wanted to laugh at her comment and for a moment actually felt quite complimented; I mean, that really made me seem quite bad-ass didn't it? Haha, real bad-ass.

'You're talkin' shit girl, now tell me, what the fuck are you doing back here, ay? Who says you could come back? I didn't say you could come back. The front door didn't say you could come back.'

'I was thinking that ...' and Victoria began to look a little teary with a clogged-up nose, 'that we could ... forget about the last week ... and rekindle our relationship.'

I snickered a little. 'Haha, rekindle our relationship. That is a good one Victoria. What about that geezer you been fucking, ay? You know, that ugly cunt hitchhiker? Man, he was butt-ugly.'

'Well ... I wasn't that into him, Darren, and I don't think he was that into me.'

'I'm not fucking surprised, ugly mother fucker.' I grimaced and tried to erase any images of him popping up in my mind. 'So, did you suck him off then?'

A pang of distress hit Victoria right in that sexy lil face of hers at my comment. But I didn't care, it was a bloody good question.

'Well did you, ay?'

Victoria stayed quiet, those tears bubbling in her eyes like acid.

'You did, didn't you. You dirty bitch. Man, you must have sucked him off again and again and again.' Then I pointed cheekily at Victoria, a smirk hovering on my lips. 'I know you girl, what you do with them lips, what you love to do with them lips girl.' Man, I was now starting to get a little turned on.

'Why ... why do you have to be like this Darren?'

'You know, you got some cheek girl,' I said. 'You leave, go and suck of some other geezer with some lynx aftershave, and then you come running back to me! Unbelievable girl.'

'Please Darren. Come on. Let's just forget about all this, and just move on.'

'Hey girl, I am moving on, can't you see? I've been moving on since the moment you walked out that front door. In fact, I've had many birds since you left, many, many birds.'

'Why are you telling me that Darren?' said Victoria, now clearly distressed.

'I'm just laying the cards on the table V, telling you a few home truths.'

And then, taking in a long drag of smoke, so that it filled my lungs and mutated some cells, I exhaled and thought vividly about Chantelle.

'That girl in that DVD you watched, Chantelle's her name. Would you like me to tell you about her?'

'No Darren. Please. Stop it.'

'Well I'll tell you about her V. I'll tell you a few good facts about what I got up to with her. That girl was the best dam fuck I've ever had. The best I tell you. Better than you. I don't know what it was about her; I just really felt a connection between the two of us as we were fucking. A connection that you and me could only faintly have. I mean Chantelle was kinky, don't get me wrong, but she was more of an interesting fuck.'

'Oh Darren,' wept Victoria, now wiping her runny nose with the back of her hand.

'And there was another woman, you know,' I continued, referring to the Spanish escort I banged. 'A woman called Monique. I banged her behind your back, you know, and it was a real cock-bursting fuck. And you wanna know something else Victoria? After I fucked her, I paid the bitch the 50 quid that she'd asked for. You see, that's me Victoria. That's what I'm about.'

Victoria, who'd now somehow become accustomed to the shock, rolled her eyes away from me and gazed over at the corner of the room, appearing to cogitate.

'That's what I'm all about Victoria.' I took another puff of my joint, and exhaled beautifully, poetically, cordially.

After a moment spent wiping the tears from her eyes with her wrist, Victoria nodded and gave a false smile.

'I ... I think I understand now Darren.'

Then, slowly turning around, she opened the front door and descended out of the apartment.

As I watched her shut the door behind her, I let my thoughts drift off to some place where the dolphins leaped up out of the water with rapturous sonnet-like whistles, and I sucked at the skunk, smiling and nodding leisurely.

'That is ... what I'm all about.'

THED