Disco Nights Ch. 01

Lisa would be home in a couple of hours. As I started dinner I kept going over that conversation in my mind. The caller knew too many details to be discounted. I decided I did not want a confrontation yet. Part of it was fear of the unknown. Part of it was still hoping and praying this was all a misunderstanding. But whatever it was I needed to know the truth.

As I thought about the call I started thinking about what had changed in the last year or so. Lisa had always been something of a flirt. She would talk to anyone and she wasn't shy. She enjoyed dirty jokes as much as anybody we knew. I know she got a kick out of the attention she got from other men. We had talked and laughed about it several times. I never believed anything could come of it.

When I was out drinking with the guys, sometime during the evening the topic of sex would always come up. Lisa was probably one of the best looking women in our social circle. A couple of times when the guys were half bagged I heard hints and rumors about her flirtatious ways and thinly veiled references to her fooling around. I always attributed those comments to alcohol and envy. Could it be there was more to it?

Another thing that I had noticed was when Lisa first started going out with the girls to the clubs she would always be home before midnight. Sometimes I would still be awake and she would want to make love. Sometimes she would even wake me. If we didn't make love when she got home then we would first thing in the morning for sure.

But when she started coming home later and later that all stopped, we never made love on Saturdays anymore. Sunday became the norm. The fact is she rarely made it out of bed before eleven on Saturday unless I was working and she had to watch Maddy.

Another thing I had noticed this past year was Lisa seemed to exude more self-confidence than she had ever before. Maybe it was her improved figure, or the way she dressed more professionally to fit her latest job promotion. And she didn't seem to care about going up to Mom and Dad's cabin as much as she used to. I had the feeling she had less interest in what I was doing and how the construction business was going.

One thing I did while waiting for Lisa to get home was go to the phone book and look up 'Dan Burris'. I found a Daniel and Patricia Burris listed in Grand Ledge, a nearby well-to-do suburb. Seeing it gave me another chill. I wrote down their number and address and collected all the notes from the phone call and put them in my briefcase. I put my game face on and tried to act as if nothing unusual had happened that day.

Somehow I got through the evening. Lisa was as affectionate as ever. Kissing me as she came in the door, slipping me a little tongue and grabbing my butt. I kept looking at her to see if I could see something different but there was nothing. She chattered on about her day at the hospital and the upcoming Christmas party our friends were having. She talked, laughed, and played with Maddy. Maddy wanted to put the Christmas tree up and we kept trying to convince her it was too early yet. Later that night I just lay awake in bed trying to forget. Lisa cuddled up to me like she usually does and went right to sleep.

The next morning after Maddy left for school and Lisa for work, I got my out my notes. I reviewed everything that was said and everything I had remembered. I decided I needed to do a search of the house for clues. I went through Lisa's closet and dresser drawers. I went through our storage boxes in the basement.

I looked at our old charge account bills, telephone bills and checking account statements. Nothing stood out. I looked through our correspondence drawer, loose note cards, miscellaneous bits and pieces of paper, again nothing.

I got out our address book that we kept and starting going through it. I didn't find anything until I got to the Z's. Like most people, we didn't know anyone whose last name started with a 'Z'. The second blank page after 'Z' I found a half dozen pencil entries in Lisa's writing that were just initials followed by one or two phone numbers.

One of the entries was D.B. and the first number matched Dan Burris's number listed in the phone book! I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. I just sat there staring at the page.

At first I got angry. Then I just got sad and depressed. As inconceivable as it seemed, I had to accept the fact that my wife had a secret life that I had no idea existed. A life that probably included behavior that was in direct conflict with our marriage vows. And she thought so little of me that she actually wrote the evidence in our address book!

I had to believe the story my unknown caller had told me was mostly true. And if it was true, could I put it behind me? Would I be able to forgive her? With a sinking feeling I didn't think we could put the genie back in the bottle. What about Maddy? Whatever happened she would be the most affected.

With what I now had, I figured I could find out the 'who, what and where.' But why, could only be discovered by direct confrontation with Lisa. I had three days left before she went out again on Friday. I needed to get as many answers as possible before then. I had to know my options. And I had to be prepared to make a decision and follow through with it. I couldn't let this drag on. It was eating me up inside.

I had a high school buddy who completed law school. He was clerking for a local judge waiting to take the Bar exam. I gave him a call and he gave me a referral to a divorce attorney who would give me a free consultation. I set up an appointment for Friday morning.

I started calling the numbers I found in our address book to try to figure out all the players. It was easy to pretend to be a wrong number or a sales solicitor. I was right about the second number under D.B. It was the number for a business machines service company. From what I got out of the receptionist Dan was a sales rep. The other names associated with the numbers were not familiar to me except for C.M. Turned out it was her friend Connie from the hospital.

That evening I told Lisa I had to visit a job site we were going to bid on and would be gone for a couple of hours. I drove to the Burris address and parked a few houses down. It was in an upscale residential neighborhood. There was one car in the driveway when I arrived, a recent model BMW. About twenty minutes later a maroon custom Chevy Van pulled in. A well dressed man got out who fit the description of Dan Harris and walked into the house. I could now put a face with the name. I drove slowly by and wrote down the license plate number.

Getting through the rest of the week was tough. I avoided going to bed when Lisa did. The thought of making love to her was depressing. Lisa sensed I was stressed over something and she kept asking me if something was wrong. I told her I was feeling some pressure to get all the end of year tax forms done early. And some of the accounts didn't balance. She accepted my story without comment. Fact was the IRS, and John, my partner, could care less as long as everything was filed by April 15th. I spent as much time with Maddy as I could. I was afraid of the changes the future was going to bring.

Thursday evening during dinner, Lisa casually said "Are you going out for happy hour on Friday as usual?"

On the spur of the moment, I said, "I don't know, for some reason I just don't feel like it this week. Why don't we skip this Friday and do something together? Maybe the three of us could go somewhere."

Without missing a beat she said, "Why honey, it is kind of late to change plans. I promised Connie I would meet her at the club. She is bringing a girlfriend she wants me to meet who is interested in a position we have open at the hospital."

I just sat there and felt so sad. She had fallen to this. Making up stories so as not to miss out of meeting her lover. My feelings must have shown on my face.

"Oh Alan, we can do something together on Saturday or Sunday. It's not the end of the world!" She said with a little laugh.

I smiled and said, "You're right. It's not the end of the world." Not the end of the world, but maybe the end of our marriage.

On Friday morning I met with the attorney and explained my situation as I saw it. I needed to know what my legal options were. His first question was is reconciliation possible? My answer was that it was possible but it would all depend on what came out of the coming confrontation. He explained that we lived in a no-fault state. This meant that the reasons for the divorce were immaterial in order to have a divorce granted.

The reasons could matter when it came to matters of property division, alimony and child custody. Given the fact that Lisa's income was equal to, or greater than mine, spousal support should not be an issue. Since our assets were minimal, division of property should not be an issue.

As far as custody, if the divorce went forward I wanted joint custody of Maddy. In case Lisa wanted to contest it, proof of adultery or her unfitness as a mother would probably discourage any such action on her part. I told the lawyer I thought I could come up with something.

As I sat at home that afternoon I found myself wishing I could confide in someone. Someone who could reassure me I was not over reacting. That this was as bad as I felt it was. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone in my family. I thought about John and Craig. But with their history towards fidelity I wasn't likely to get any good advice from them. And besides I couldn't trust them to keep their mouths shut after a couple of beers.

I had set my plans in motion for the evening so after finishing up some more business paperwork I went out to the bar for happy hour. My head really wasn't in it and after one drink I switched to ginger ale and just sat back and watched everything going on around me. The view was depressing. Is this what I have to look forward to? Hanging out in bars looking for companionship? Marriage had been good to me, it had made me happy. At least I thought it had been good to me. Turns out I was clueless.

I finally gave up in disgust and left for home. I pulled in before seven and Maddy met me at the door by jumping into my arms and giving me a big kiss. "Daddy, daddy, you're home!"

Lisa came out of the bedroom dressed but still putting her makeup on. She looked at me closely like she was trying to judge my sobriety. "I fed Maddy supper. There are leftovers on the stove. I am meeting Connie for dinner before we go to the club." I just grunted at her and made my way into the kitchen. Maddy chattered away about school and showed me some artwork she had made while I warmed up something to eat.

As I sat there with Maddy, Lisa came in with her coat on looking wonderful as usual. She made my heart ache just looking at her, thinking about what she was doing to us. She gave us both a kiss and said, "You two have fun tonight, love you both." Maddy said, "I love you Mommy." I just said, "Bye." I wanted to ask her not to go again but it would have been pointless. Lisa stopped at the door for a second and looked at me strangely like she wanted to say something. Then she opened the door and stepped out.

I waited about fifteen minutes after listening to her car drive away and I got up and called the babysitter I had arranged earlier. I told her to come on over in about twenty minutes. Then I sat down with Missy and said "How would you like Carol to come and stay with you for awhile"? Maddy loved Carol and she was all for it. "You have to be a good girl for her and go to bed when she tells you, okay?" Maddy nodded enthusiastically.

I went into the bathroom and got out my shaving gear. I started shaving off my beard and mustache. Where I was going tonight I didn't want to be recognized. Maddy came in and looked at me. "Daddy what are you doing to your face?"

"I'm making it all smooth like it was before you came along sweetheart. Don't you like it?" I grew the beard right after getting out of the Army and she didn't remember me without it.

"I think I do," but she sounded uncertain. My hair was still long but I combed it back and away from face.

I gathered up some things I needed and as soon as Carol came in I said I had to leave but would be home between eleven and one. I gave Maddy a kiss and a hug and left. I drove over to my brother's house to trade vehicles. He had asked a few weeks ago if he could borrow the pickup sometime to move some stuff. A couple of days before I told him he could have it this Friday night if he was willing to let me use his car. It worked out for both of us.

He is also something of an amateur photographer and I had asked him if I could borrow his camera and a zoom lens with film that would work in lowlight conditions. He questioned me about what I was going to shoot but I just told him I would tell him about it later if it worked out. He set it up and gave me some pointers and off I went.

Snow flurries were coming down as I pulled into the club parking lot about eight thirty. I cruised through it until I came across her car all the way in the back in a dark corner. I didn't see the maroon van so I thought maybe they were still at dinner. I hoped they hadn't decided to go somewhere else. I parked where I could get a good view out my side window and waited. About thirty minutes later the van pulled in with another car close behind. They both parked close to Lisa's car.

Lisa and Dan got out of the van and another couple got out of the car. I didn't know the other man but I recognized the woman as Connie. Lisa had introduced me to her a couple of times. She was a cute blond, divorced and a couple of years younger than us. Lisa and Dan walked hand in hand, laughing and talking and looking at each other with obvious affection. I got a couple of photos as they walked by me towards the entrance. Watching them reinforced the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I waited a few minutes and got out of the car. I had dressed differently than I usually did, khaki pants and a dress shirt. I put on a long dark rain coat with the collar pulled up and a Panama hat. I figured if I kept my head down the brim would hid my face. The disco crowd tended to dress pretty eclectic so I thought I would not stand out if I stayed in the shadows. I slung the camera around my neck and hid it under the coat.

I walked to the entrance and paid the cover. I went right to the bar glancing under the brim of my hat just enough to find my way. I bought a coke and starting looking around. I figured if they came for the dancing they would be near the dance floor and the deejay. I spotted them up front. They had put a couple of tables together and were sitting with six or eight others.

I made my way around the back of the crowded bar staying against the wall as much as possible. I found a table with a single bar stool against the wall about thirty feet behind them. It gave me a good view of their table and the floor. I needn't have worried about being recognized. The only light in the club was around the dance floor and the bar, which made it almost impossible for anyone else to be seen from a distance.

It was apparent that they all knew each other, the women were hugging and kissing each other's cheeks and the guys were laughing and joking around. Connie was the only person I recognized other than Lisa and Dan. I wondered if my whistle-blower was one of this crowd. The music was playing and most of the group paired up and moved out on the floor.

For the next three hours I watched Lisa with her lover. It was obvious within the first hour that 'lovers' described their relationship. They danced; they kissed, and held each other. They whispered in each other's ears. They danced together like they had been partners forever.

God knows how many hours they must have practiced the fast ones. The slow dances they melted into each others arms like they were one. I saw Lisa look into his eyes like she once looked into my eyes; at the end of the dance she would kiss him slowly and tenderly like she once kissed me. I just sat there all choked up, continually wiping the tears from my eyes.

When they sat at the table, he would have his hand on her leg and she would have her hand on the back of his head, slowing stroking his hair, her wedding rings glittering in the light, mocking me. When she stroked my hair like that I would get an instant erection which always amused her.

As the evening progressed they became more and more affectionate and I knew how it was going to end. He would occasionally caress her breast or ass when he thought no one was looking, and Lisa would tease him by rubbing his bulge or blowing into his ear. Then they would sit back and talk very earnestly almost touching nose to nose. They were in their own private world, sharing their own intimate thoughts.

After three hours I was emotionally exhausted. I had intended to follow them out to his van and witness the end of the evening but I couldn't stand anymore. I had my answer and it made me bitter. This wasn't just a physical relationship but a close emotional one as well.

What I thought we had, what I thought we shared only with each other, she had given freely to him. She had already left me. I knew there could be no satisfactory explanation, no satisfactory solution to this.

I had seen enough. And I had covertly taken enough pictures to prove to myself later, or anyone else for that matter, that it wasn't my imagination.

I took a sheet of paper out of my pocket and wrote in my bold printing that she would instantly recognize:

'Don't come home tonight. I don't want to see you. The doors will be locked.

Go to your Mom's, go to your sister's, or go home with Dan.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Don't call me tonight. I won't talk to you now.

Call tomorrow. If you have anything to say to me, you can say it then.'

I carefully folded it. I got up and walked to the bar. I stood there for a few minutes and stoically watched Lisa and Dan as they started to get their coats on. A waitress came by and I said, "Would you like to make a $20 tip?" She looked at me like I was crazy. Impatiently I went on, "See that woman near the dance floor in the green dress and black coat?"

"Oh sure, Lisa, I know her, and her boyfriend too."

Disgustedly I said, "Great, that's just great, here's the twenty. Just walk over and give her this paper." She took the paper and the twenty, looked at me, shrugged and went toward the dance floor.

I walked over to the entrance, turned and watched, my mind numb as the waitress approached Lisa and handed her the paper. Lisa said something to her, and the waitress said something back and pointed back to the bar.

Lisa unfolded the sheet of paper and one hand went to her lips and I could almost hear her cry out above the sound of the music. Then she slowly crumpled to the floor as her startled lover tried to hold her up.

Wearily I turned, and went out into the cold snowy night.