Ditzy Donna

"Ralph!"

I held my hand over my eye as she again straddled me and cradled my face with her hands.

"Ralph, let me see, please, let me see if you're okay," she said, her voice breaking.

It stung like a son of a bitch, but I relaxed my hand enough to let her take a look at me. I felt a tear hit me as her trembling fingers touched my cheek, nose, and eyebrow.

"I'm so sorry, Ralph," she said, and started crying in earnest.

I opened the stricken eye and found that I could see, but it was blurry. It still stung. "It's okay Donna, I can see."

A few more tears hit my face. "I think I gave you a black eye," she moaned as she stared down at me.

"I can't think of a better way to get one," I told her as a small smile appeared on her face. As she looked at me, a slow change came over her smile.

While her concern for me in her mind had negated the fact that she was straddling me, it hadn't been lost on mine and there was a small reaction happening below. Well, maybe not so small. I reached up to the coffee table for one of the condoms and held it in front of her face. She started to giggle and snort and her breasts jiggled and swayed.

"Ralph, if this was your plan..."

"Right down to the last detail," I interjected, waving the condom in her face.

"Okay," she said, as she plucked the pack out of my hand and opened it. She held it up for me to see and then applied it like the dry run we had performed on the banana earlier. She looked at me and asked, "Right here?" pointing at the floor.

"I'm not sure I should be moved after two head injuries in twenty four hours," I replied, deadpanned.

She got up, went to the bedroom and returned with something in her hand. She straddled me again just in front of my protected self below. "If you're ready, I'm ready."

"Okay, I guess," I said, trying to figure out what she had in her hand.

"Okay, here we go," she said, while placing the Groucho glasses on and then put a party favor in her mouth. Without any more warning, she positioned herself on me and plunged herself down. The party favor rolled out and squeaked as Donna became motionless.

* * *

Ooww, that had to hurt...

* * *

Several seconds went by while her nostrils flared with heavy breathing. Slowly her hand went to her mouth and she removed the favor. She looked down at me through her Groucho disguise and started flicking at the favor like it was a cigar. "Say the secret word and win fifty dollars."

I guess that was her way of telling me that she was okay, because she started moving in earnest. I tried to get into the act a bit, but Donna seemed to know what she was doing, or at least, what she liked. All I wound up doing was watching her boobs bounce and sway as she wiggled and humped me. Noises and snorts came from her as she shifted her weight from time to time. I knew her knees had to be taking a beating because my ass was getting a bad case of rug burn.

Her pace increased and she started shrieking. I was on the brink and felt that the momentous occasion deserved to be noted.

"Donna, I'm going to cum..."

She shrieked one last time, blew on the party favor and collapsed on me, pressing her breasts onto my chest. I felt her muscles spasm as my own explosion was imprisoned in the condom. Breathing heavy in my ear she whispered, "That was the secret word," and blew on the favor.

I held her tight because I knew I was in love with someone very special.

Someone started pounding on the door. "Police department, open the door!"

"Oh shit," said Donna as she jumped up and looked for something to put on quickly.

There was another round of pounding. "Sir, put the cat down and open the door!"

Donna grabbed my robe and I pulled on my underwear.

The pounding got heavier. "You better hope that cat is unharmed you sick fuck, now open the door!"

I opened it and the guy tackled me. "Where's the cat, freak?"

From behind us, we heard the sound of the party favor. The cop looked up and saw Donna still in disguise with my robe on and waved to him.

"Donna!"

"Hi Tom," she replied and blew on the favor again. "Ralph, this is Tom, Tom, Ralph," she said nodding at both of us.

With his hands still on my neck, Tom played twenty questions with Donna. Yes, that was her making the noise, and there was no cat in the apartment.

Tom let me get up.

"Sorry about that, but after the call last night, well, we wanted to catch him in the act," Tom said to Donna.

Donna explained what really happened the night before and I handed him the citation.

"So you see, it wasn't even me," I explained.

"I'll take care of this," he said, putting it in his wallet. "Nice seeing you again, Donna," he said and then nodded at me as he left.

"Okay, how do you know him?"

"I used to baby sit for him." She blew on the party favor and asked, "Now, where's the last condom?"

We used it and I even guessed the secret word again. This time the cops didn't show.

Donna says that she thinks we were made for each other. I don't think it, I know it.

Well, this is the end of the story. She'll be back soon, she went out for condoms and party favors.

* * *

That's all that was written.

The rest of the pages were blank. Closing the book, I wondered if Looney Louise was in the same predicament as Mom was. She did just move into the area last year and I knew how people treated her. Maybe Pop's right. I should give her a call.

The sound of a car door cleared my head as I realized that I had a book I wasn't supposed to know existed. "Junior?" Mom called from downstairs.

I dropped the book on the bed and went to the top of the steps looking down at her. She still had her clown costume on from the afternoon gig. "Where's your Dad?" she asked.

"I don't know. He went out while I was getting a shower. How did the gig go?"

"Oh, great. I had them old folks rolling in the aisles."

The sound of another car door spoke of Pop's return.

"Hi, how did it go?" Pop asked Mom.

"Good," she replied and then gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Look what I got," he said, holding out a bag to her.

She reached in and pulled out a pair of Groucho glasses and a bag of party favors.

Oh shit. All these years I've seen him give her those things and I had always assumed they were for her clown act she did for parties. Come to think of it, that must be the weird noise I hear coming from their room. I always thought one of them kept stepping on the dog's chew toys.

"Thanks, Ralph," she said and hugged him.

My Pop started climbing the steps and I ducked in the bathroom to use it before he or Mom decided to take a shower. When I headed back to my room, Pop was sitting on my bed holding the book. I almost fainted.

"Where did you find this?" he asked, as he flipped through the pages.

"I found it today while I was cleaning the garage."

"Have you read it?"

I didn't give him an answer.

"Maybe I should put it away before your Mother sees it," he said, heading to his room. The sound of the shower coming on told me where my mother was. "Junior, why not give that girl a call?"

I wasn't sure, but something told me Pop left that book out for me to find.

"You know, if your mother had found someone out west that cared for her, you might not be here today." He paused a moment to let that sink in. "Your Mother and I are going across town for dinner tonight. You can come along if you want and you can bring Louise too. It might help break the ice. There's no need to dress up, it's just dinner. It's up to you," he said and headed in his room.

After a few minutes of thought, I decided that if I was going to become the biggest loser in the school, I might as well jump in with both feet. I called Louise, asked her to the prom and then out to dinner with my folks. I had to assure her it wasn't a crank call before she agreed to both. When she asked where we were going I told her I had no clue, but not to dress up.

Both my parents were thrilled that I had invited her. I tried to apologize ahead of time for whatever buffoonery was going to take place but they waved me off as a worry wart.

When we reached her house, I went to the door to get her. She came out in an outfit that yet again set a new standard in unseen combinations and her hair was perpendicular to the ground. As we got close to the car I heard my Mother remark, "I like the girl already."

The whole drive, Louise talked about everything she could think of. All any one could get in was a grunt or snort because this girl didn't come up for air. One thing that I noticed as she moved from subject to subject, she actually was quite interesting. I didn't even notice we reached our destination until the doors started opening.

"What's this place?" I asked. I'd missed the sign at the entrance.

Louise recognized it and said, "Oh, Ralph, this place is so great!"

She and I walked in and looked around for a second. It looked like an old tavern with booths and tables and it was packed. I heard the door close behind us as my parents came in.

"Donna!"

"Donna!"

"Donna!"

"Deadbeat!"

"Oh shit," Pop and I said.