DJ Wife Ch. 01

"I was on my period and I knew I was grouchier then usual. I meant I wouldn't make a good dinner companion."

"You didn't say that though."

"I know, I should have explained it better and postponed it."

"Two weeks later I asked you if you wanted to go to Atlantic City for the weekend; we could see your favorite comedian, George Lopez and relax in our room the rest of the time. You made it clear you didn't want to go."

She stared at me like she had no idea what I was talking about.

"When did you say we could go see George Lopez?"

"As I said it was about two weeks after you said no to the dinner date."

"I don't remember you saying anything about that."

"Don't blame your period for that. Yours don't last that long."

"I wasn't going to," she said with some heat, "but I must have misunderstood you."

"Maybe you were thinking about what you were planning to do with your lover and that's why you didn't want to go with me."

"No! I would never choose him over you. Yes, sometimes I daydreamed about being with him but that would have been before we started the affair again. But why didn't you try to get me to go with you again?"

"You had already said no to going out with me twice, and you said no to sex more then that. I reverted to being a little boy again. I regret that for a variety of reasons but I decided that if you didn't want to "play" with me I wasn't going to ask again."

"That first time you should have noticed I was on my period, you know the signs."

She continued to talk but I tuned it out for a moment so I missed a couple of sentences but she finished with something about me being too unobservant. I had still been feeling melancholy during our conversation but that repeated criticism fired up my anger... a little bit anyway.

I stood and said, "Come with me."

I turned without looking to see if she would but I could hear her footsteps following me. I led her upstairs to our room. I opened my closet and pushed some of my suits to one side.

There was a coat hanging there. One definitely made for a woman. It was very well made with red and two shades of brown panels with black trim. It would keep her nice and warm in the coming months. But that had not been the only one reason I bought it.

I watched her eyes widen and her mouth drop open again, as she looked it over. I knew she realized the main reason I had bought it.

"I bought this for your birthday in six weeks. With this you wouldn't have to stop wearing your favorite dress when it got cold."

Her expression hurt me. I could tell that she was surprised that I knew what her favorite dress was and that she was worried she would not be able to wear it when it got cold. I had missed things at times but I wasn't totally blind.

Suddenly it hit me. I knew why she hadn't said anything about the dress when she bought it.

"So it's your favorite because he bought it for you?"

She looked at me for I hadn't been able to keep the pain out of my voice.

"No, that isn't why it's my favorite. He did give it to me but I swear to you I would love it no matter how I had gotten it."

"Is that why you sleep with him because he gives you nice things and can play better than I can...or do you love him?"

"No!" she shook her head hard. "I have sex with him..."

I interrupted her with, "No, I mean sleep with him - laying next to him all night long."

She blinked as if that was the last thing she had expected me to say.

"No, I don't love him. And it wasn't because he gave me nice things or for any other reason. I slept with him because it was convenient. I would go over to his place later in the evening and instead of driving home late I stayed the night. It had nothing to do with loving him or wanting to be next to him."

"So you were too tired to drive home?"

A painful expression crossed her face, therefore I knew I was at least partially right.

I sighed and we were silent for neither one of us could think of what to say.

Finally I asked, "So you had your fun at his place...and here on our bed?"

"No!" She said that like it was the last thing she would do, "Yes we...we..we had our fun here but only in the bathroom."

"In our tub?"

"Well, you and I weren't using it. You're usually too busy and you liked showers better than baths, even with me."

I flinched at the pain in her voice.

"I know living with me isn't always easy but living with you isn't a piece of cake either. I have tried to talk to you about our sex life but you have either ignored me or gotten angry."

"Sometimes I have overreacted but sometimes it was the way you asked about it and sometimes I thought you wanted to do something when I was tired or upset."

"So it's all my fault."

"No, it's not. I've made mistakes too," she said in a calmer voice.

That calmed me down, "I know I haven't always said things correctly or lived up to your expectations. As I said you haven't always been easy to live with either but I didn't go find someone else to have fun with."

She flinched and instead of blowing up as I expected she sagged. I hoped she wasn't going to start sulking. I hated it when she did that. I couldn't talk to her when she did that. Of course some times I didn't try to talk but it was so immature of her. I don't act mature all the time but her sulking made it worse.

I let my suits fall back and looked at her. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I examined my feelings for a moment and decided there was one thing I wanted right then. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do or not but it fit what I was feeling.

In a surprisingly soft voice I said, "Maybe you should pack your things."

Her head flew up and she looked at me in shock before nodding. I saw her glance at her wedding ring and I held out my hand. She looked at it like she couldn't understand what I wanted.

A second later she must have figured it out because her mouth formed a silent "No." I moved my hand slightly and she looked me in the eyes with a pleading look on her face. I just stared at her with what I thought was a hard look. I don't know how long we stood there but finally she removed her rings and placed them in my open hand. I saw tears glistening in her eyes but at that moment they didn't move me.

After another long moment and a couple of swallows she said, "I will get my things together. I'll try to hurry."

"You don't have to hurry. Take as long as you need... I will sell the house and you can have fifty percent to buy a place of your own, if you decide not to move in with your lover."

She stared at me again, probably trying to decide if I was being sarcastic or something else.

I left the room and went downstairs. As I walked out of the door I thought I heard her sob twice but I wasn't sure.

I went to the living room and turned on the TV but I have no idea what was on or what I watched. After a while I heard her move a couple of suitcases to the top of the stairs. I knew some had rollers on them but if she was taking any of the larger ones she might need help.

I went upstairs and as she went to use the bathroom I moved her suitcases downstairs to the garage.

When she arrived there she asked in a low voice, "Are you that eager to get rid of me?"

Softly I said, "No, that's not why I helped you."

She looked puzzled like she couldn't figure out why I had helped. I wasn't too sure either. I was sure it wasn't because I wanted her out of the house but it just seemed the right thing to do.

She loaded her car and when she was done she said, "Bye, I'll contact you when I find a place..."

I nodded saying, "That would be good."

"And you can have sixty percent of the house if you really want to move to the beach. I won't be moving in with John, it's not that type of relationship but I will only need a small place."

When she finished she got into her car. After raising the door she backed out and drove away. I watched her until the door closed. I went back inside the house and up to what had been our room. I almost cried as I sat in an easy chair.

Finally I got up, looked at the bed, and went into a spare room to try to sleep.

The next few days were a blur. I did my job but not as efficiently as usual. My boss didn't say anything so my work must have been better than I thought, but he didn't give me any difficult assignments either. I believe he could tell something was up.

At home it was hard to sleep. I finally figured out that it was because she wasn't next to me. She was gone. I didn't know where. Despite her promise she had yet to tell me where her new place was. Of course I knew her cell phone number, but I didn't called her. A number of times I almost dialed it but I couldn't bring myself to push the buttons. I just sat staring at my phone. I finally decided it was because I was afraid that she had changed her number. I wasn't sure why that concerned me so much.

A week later she sent an e-mail. It was full of apologies; she again explained why the affair had happened each time. She hadn't meant to hurt me like this. At first I thought she was blaming me because each affair was when our relationship was on a downward swing. I did this or didn't do that. However she repeated that she knew I wasn't at fault, not totally anyway. She did blame me for being ashamed of her and she spent half a page telling me how much that hurt her. I hadn't realized it hurt that much. I knew she didn't like it therefore I tried to hide my feelings but they must have shown through my defenses.

I responded to certain parts of her e-mail. I ignored her apologies for cheating but I told her that I was sorry I had hurt her so badly and that obviously I hadn't hidden my feelings as well as I thought.

She sent more e-mails but I kept ignoring her apologies for cheating. Either I would just respond to her other comments, or I would ignore the e-mail altogether.

She kept sending at least one per day though. She continually asked how I was doing which I sometimes answered and sometimes ignored. Once when I ignored her question three times in a row she sent a note saying "Please I don't mean to pry but how are you doing?"

I told her that I was doing fine under the circumstances. I explained that I had some trouble sleeping but I wasn't going to go off the deep end in any way.

She finally sent me her new address and phone number. She said it took her so long because she needed to get some money for a deposit on the phone. She had some money in her own account but it must have been less than I thought. So I withdrew a thousand dollars from our savings and deposited it in her account. I knew her password so I did it online. I sent her an e-mail telling her what I did I ended the note by apologizing for not thinking of it sooner.

She sent one back telling me to keep the money it was mine, she didn't feel right taking it from the savings. I told her some of that money was hers. It had come from her pay for being a DJ. We had some money in a couple of CDs and a regular savings account as well as investments of various types. I explained that we had so much because we had been including some of her money. That meant the thousand was her money.

She finally said thank you and went on to say that she could now buy some furniture and other stuff she needed.

Things went on pretty much the same for another month or so. Even though she included her telephone number I never used it. I didn't want to see her face to face or mouth to mouth. I didn't mind e-mail for some reason, perhaps because she couldn't see any emotion on my face or hear it in my voice. I could think about what I wanted to say with e-mail.

I noticed from the time stamps on her e-mail that the first week she had been sending me the e-mails at night but afterwards she started sending them either right before her show or right afterwards. I thought she might be using the station's computer. I didn't know if they allowed that or not so she might be taking a chance of getting into big trouble by using one of their computers.

A week before her birthday I was listening to her program as usual. I wasn't sure why I kept up that habit, part of it was that I wanted to hear her voice, I think. As usual, I was listening to it as I worked. Suddenly I stopped and thought what did she say? I thought back on what I had heard and realized she had just said she was quitting. I sat up in my chair in shock. She loved being a DJ especially with that station. She had had two other gigs as a DJ before this station hired her, and they seemed to love her. They would do special public parties with her and they had started a special online fan club for her. The last I heard there were a couple thousand people listed with the club. Not nearly as big as some of the bigger stars but not too shabby for a local DJ, I thought. The station manager also would give her free tickets to shows and such. Sometimes she would have to take some winners of special drawings with her but sometimes it was just one or two tickets for her to see the shows she wanted to see. Ones I hadn't wanted to see.

I hadn't thought of it before but now I wondered if her lover had anything to do with that. Anyway now she was quitting. She explained that it was no longer fun being a DJ here. She had hurt someone close to her very badly, for once she didn't go into any amount of details, and she no longer liked her job. She would do it for two more weeks and that would be it.

I sat there amazed. I would not have believed it if I hadn't heard her say it. As I said she loved working there. She liked the people at the station, she loved the music she played, she liked what she could talk and joke about, and she liked that they loved her. I wondered if her love for her job had something to do with her lover being there. I couldn't say.

As I thought about it she went to a commercial and it was one about her birthday. I didn't recall hearing about it before but they were throwing a birthday bash for her at a popular nightclub. Presents would be okay to bring but they wanted everyone to bring at least one can of food for the local food bank and any cash or checks given that night would be sent to a certain emergency home for battered women. This home was a long-time charity of my wife's. There were two in the city but for some reason the other one got most of the publicity and money. This one was always short on funds so for years she had been doing fundraisers for them, even giving out of her and our funds. I didn't mind that most of the time. It was a worthy cause.

I decided that I would attend her birthday bash. It was for the next week, four days before her birthday. I made a mental note to buy extra cans the next time I went grocery shopping.

The next day the announcement about the birthday bash had changed. A new announcer, whose voice I recognized as her lover's, said that it would now be both a birthday and going away party. So everyone needed to come and wish her well. And don't forget the canned goods and money.

When the day arrived for the party I got off work early and wrapped the present I had for her. I also wrote a check for the home. I decided to go a little early but someone called with whom I had to speak for a moment. After I had driven a block from the office, I realized I had forgotten the cans so I had to go back and get them. Once I got near the club I saw I would have to park farther away then I had planned. I arrived at the nightclub very close to the time the party was supposed to start.

There were two brand new plastic trash cans set next to the door with a sign that said canned food. I placed the six cans I brought in one. I noticed a table with presents on it near the stage so I started walking that way. Most of the tables were filled as I walked the winding course to the front. I heard snippets of conversations as I passed the tables. One caught my attention when someone said something about John's girlfriend. I slowed and another man said "You sure?"

"She's living with him so that would make her his girlfriend."

Of course they could be talking about another John and the she didn't have to be my wife but that logic didn't comfort me.

While passing another table I heard a girl say that she wondered if Passing was divorced. Another girl asked why.

The first girl said, "Because she must by living at John's and we haven't seen her husband for ages."

I didn't catch the response. I didn't need to. For a moment I wondered how they knew that much about my wife and where she was living but it didn't matter so I dismissed the thought. At that point I almost turned around but after a moment I continued up to the stage.

There was a smaller trash can sitting on one end of the table, with a paper mache top. The top had a slit barely big enough to slip cash or a check through. Around the slit was a sign shaped like a handle with the words FOR THE HOME. I slipped the check, made out to the home, through the slit. I next placed her present on the table with a few other presents. I wondered if the nicest one was from John, or if he had given her his present already in private. With that thought I turned around and started for the door.

Later Joanne told me that she saw someone, from where she was standing at the side of the stage, that she thought was me but she wasn't sure. She went over to the table and looked everything over. She saw the present I had put down and picked it up. It was a large flat box colored to look like a present. From the shape of the box and it's weight she knew it was clothing and for some reason she wasn't sure about she decided to see what was inside.

As soon as she caught a glimpse of one sleeve she knew what it was and who had left it. Her head lifted fast enough to give her whiplash as she quickly scanned the floor of the nightclub. She saw my back just before I reached the end of the tables.

She took off going around the table fast enough to hit its edge and almost knock the table over. She ran, reaching me when I was almost to the door.

She touched one of my arms saying "Hey, where are you going?"

end of part one, part two soon.