Domestic Wife Ch. 09

All characters are 18 years old or older.

Thank you for waiting so patiently! I've enjoyed all your suggestions and comments. This story is written for therapeutic purposes and most likely will not feature "breeding" as a main point. This is my story that does not center around objectification/heavyS&M/breeding/degradation. This story is purely about self-improvement/guidance. That being said, I am working on a new story which may feature those aforementioned elements to small degrees. Stay tuned! And as always, enjoy!

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Darcy watched her husband talk, unsure about what he was saying. Jesse was explaining to her, for the third or fourth time, the mechanics behind the poetry he'd just read to her. Darcy hadn't the faintest idea of what he was talking about. Rhyme, alliteration, iambic pentameter, none of it was really sinking in.

A discouraging voice arose in Darcy's mind, like a sinister sort of thought. Darcy was reminded, quite painfully, that her husband was simply attempting to create her into the woman he needed. She was for her husband, a blank canvas to be made beautiful and important by his hand. She possessed none of those qualities on her own. She couldn't achieve any sort of greatness without the help of her husband, the small voice reminded her.

Those thoughts used to feel like a punch in the gut; now they felt normal. They felt right. And they were right, Darcy thought. It was her husband who pushed her to learn to read when her parents had neglected to do it. It was her husband who chose to mold her in the fashion which he found most suitable. She was his artwork, and he worked tirelessly to improve her. Yet, it brought her no joy.

It was true that the list had helped for a while. Darcy was able to see her best qualities written in her husband's hand and posted on the wall. She would often read the list and feel encouraged. Slowly, however, it became easier to negate what had been written. There were times when Darcy fell short of her list. She was not always obedient, kind, or selfless. There were times when saying so, made her feel like a liar.

Darcy felt discouraged at the fact that her husband was always trying to show her new things. He would bring her to a new place and tell her the names of trees and flowers. He would buy her a book and read a story she'd never heard. He'd ask her what she thought. And that was always when she was most discouraged. When she had nothing good to offer. Any comment of hers would have been of little meaning, little worth.

Often she would avoid answering such open-ended questions for fear of saying something unintelligent or embarrassing. She wanted so badly to be allowed to engage with him intellectually that sometimes the need was suffocating. Even so, from the moment she had become his wife, Darcy had always felt the impossibility of such a desire as if it were tangible. Her heart ached at the thought of her own incompetence and inability to please her husband.

"Darcy, are you even listening to me?" Her husband said, setting down the book to look her in the eye.

Darcy stared at the table in front of her. She shook her head. Tears were brewing in her eyes. She could keep them at bay only if she got up and focused on something else, preferably something she was good at. Clearing her throat she spoke softly.

"I'm not feeling well," She lied, pressing a hand to her stomach, "I think I might go outside and just sit for a moment in the fresh air. Could we finish this lesson tomorrow?"

Jesse nodded in agreement and watched as his wife left the house. There was something going on with her. She had been improving greatly in terms of confidence, and then suddenly backtracked. He wondered if he was pushing too hard. He only gave her what he thought she was capable of understanding. His wife was very bright, there were subjects that she struggled with, but she was a fast learner overall.

Before she had left, Jesse noticed the look on hr face. It was a mix of shame and embarrassment. Perhaps he was pushing too hard. He didn't mean to discourage her, quite the opposite. He wanted to challenge her. Providing her with new and stimulating materials was his favorite thing to do. Maybe he needed to take a step back and ask her what she really wanted.

Jesse set the book down on the bookshelf before he headed out of the house. The crisp morning air was colder than he'd thought. It was only beginning to be fall. The leaves hadn't changed colors yet, and the grass was still mostly green. The flower beds that Darcy had planted near the garden were beginning to appear as if they would die soon. The petals had already begun to grow stiff and brown at the edges. Others were starting to wilt.

Darcy sat with one in hand. She wondered if there would be a time when she would be able to feel happy with herself. Pulling at the petals of her flower, she thought of how pleasant it would be for her to know that she was worth everything she'd been given. A beautiful house to call her own. A large plot of land. A good husband. Money, and food, and clothing. Many books and other gifts. She didn't deserve a bit of it.

Jesse saw her sniff, wiping her nose on her sleeve. She let out a deep breath as she sat, hunched away from the house. He stepped closer to her. Hearing him, Darcy sat up straight and turned to look behind her. Jesse took a seat on the grass beside her and without asking, he pulled her onto his lap. He caressed her face gently as he held her close.

"Why are you crying?" he pursued the question with a gentler voice.

She only shook her head, not wanting to speak to him about all the thoughts buzzing around in her mind.

"Darling, please tell me if it's something I've done."

"It's not." Darcy said quietly, without looking at him, "It's me. I'm no good at understanding anything."

"What? Of course you are."

"No, I'm not. I don't ever understand what you mean when you tell me about new things. And on top of that I ruin the fun you have explaining things to me by getting upset about it which is the very reason I came out here."

"All this is because of that poem?"

"No." Darcy continued quietly, "I just feel sad sometimes especially when I remember all of the bad things."

"What bad things?"

"The bad things about myself," she said as if it were painfully obvious.

"Like what?" He laughed.

"Like being stupid."

"You're not stupid."

"Yes. I am. And it doesn't matter how many times you tell me to say that I'm smart, at some point its going to feel like a lie when I do."

Jesse's eyes shifted away from her's and he took her off her lap. Silently, he thought about getting up and going back inside. He stayed instead, looking his wife in the eye. It was the look in Darcy's eyes that made him stay. The sadness pulled at him as if it were a taut rope, straining to keep them together.

"Is that really what you think?"

Darcy nodded, avoiding eye contact.

Curious as to the inner workings of her mind, he inquired another time, "What else do you think?"

Her eyes darted towards him. The beating in her chest was gaining speed as she imagined confessing all of her thoughts to him. She waited before continuing.

"What else?" She repeated, trying to give herself more time to think of how to reply.

"Yes." He stated clearly, still looking at her, "What other thoughts are you having about yourself?"

Darcy met his glance this time. Her eyes were cold and her gaze was hard, "That I'm incompetent. That no matter what I do, I won't amount to anything because I'm worthless; and nothing will change that. That I deserve for bad things to happen to me because I don't deserve for someone to love me."

"Darcy..." her husband sighed, deeply hurt. "What are you talking about? You absolutely deserve for someone to love you. I love you. I thought you were feeling better about that sort of thing. What do you mean you think you deserve for bad things to happen to you? What sort of bad things are you talking about?"

"Being punished if I act badly or if I make a lot of mistakes. I think that," She paused looking at him nervously, "someone should hurt me for it. That way, I can learn my lesson. And sometimes, even if I'm not doing anything wrong, someone could hurt me."

"Why?" He was frightened for her. But, he was also angry that his attempts to help had proven fruitless. Perhaps he'd even inadvertently made her thoughts towards herself worsen.

"Just so I can have a physical or mental reminder that I shouldn't be treated with respect. Or any sort of love at all, for that matter."

"That's enough. Get up and go inside now." Jesse could feel himself getting angrier by the second. What was the matter with his wife that she would say things like that? How could she not see that she was completely worthy of his love as well as his respect? She deserved respect from everyone. And plenty of people loved her.

He stayed outside for a moment, trying to cool down. He knew how angry he was and didn't want to give her what she seemed to be asking for. Usually, if she'd told him what she wanted, he would be obliged to do it for her. This time was different. He could never hurt her. Even if he punished her with chastity, the goal was never for her to be in pain, but simply to redirect her thoughts. It was merely a tool to be used to help his wife tap into her goal-oriented self. When Darcy was locked in chastity, she began to focus on serving him. He knew that serving brought her both sexual pleasure as well as personal pride.

He couldn't imagine ever hurting her like she'd described. She didn't deserve that. No, thought Jesse, this time he would not allow her to make the decision on what would please her or satisfy her. He would decide what was best for her; and pain and humiliation were not what Darcy needed.

She was already inside when he entered the house. "You are not to speak that way again. Do I make myself clear?"

There was something in his voice that frightened Darcy and made her feel guilty. She said nothing as she waited for him to continue.

"The only time I am ever going to listen to that sort of talk is if you come to me and tell me that you are sorry for thinking those things. Those are bad thoughts, Darcy. They're lies. You are worth being loved and you should be treated with kindness and respect. You should be treated like that all the time. I'm sorry if I've ever lead you to believe otherwise."

Something inside Darcy cracked. She didn't like to hear him say those things. She knew in her heart that they weren't true. Darcy knew that women were to be protected and loved and cherished by their husbands. She knew that as a person, she had the right to be treated decently by others. But, those facts felt grossly out of context when she thought about herself being treated that way. Even moreso, Darcy was frustrated at her inability to explain how she was feeling. She tried again.

"Jesse." She started hesitantly, watching the expression on his face soften, "I've always felt this way. It's nothing to do with you." She paused thinking, "I just feel guilty that you treat me well. Sometimes I want you to be mean to me so I can feel like you're giving me what I deserve. Other times, I'm terrified that you'll realize I'm not very good and you'll leave altogether."

"You must not have a very high opinion of me then." He said rudely, "If you think I'm the sort to hurt a woman or just run out."

"I thought you wanted me to tell you when I feel this way." Darcy said, starting to cry nervously, "You just said that you wanted me to say if I was feeling worthless. You said you wanted to know what I was thinking. Why are you getting angry with me?"

"Because after everything," Her husband said now with a softer, more visibly hurt expression, "You think I'd hurt you. Darcy I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I don't want you to feel like that, but I don't know how to change your thoughts. I thought I was helping when we made that list."

"The list was good."

"Apparently not."

"It did help me to see good things about myself. But, some days it's harder to believe. I'm sorry. I can't always make sense of it."

He was quiet. For a moment he just looked at her. Then he walked to where she was standing and hugged her. His arms enveloped her. His hand resting on the back of her head, he brought her close to his chest.

The thought gnawed at Jesse's mind. He was sickened by it. This was perhaps, out of his hands. His wife's thoughts were her own and he could not monitor them like he could her words or actions. The only thing he could do was to keep the lines of communication open and hope that she found him trustworthy enough. Darcy was the only one who could change her mind about these negative thoughts. Even so, Jesse told himself that he would do anything in his power to put her on the path towards success. He needed his wife to see her true value. It killed him to know that she had no idea she was completely irreplaceable.

Jesse's head was swimming in a sea of uncertainty. He usually had a plan. He always knew what to do and what to say, when others needed help. This news had shaken his very foundation.

"When I tell you what to do," He began, "Does that make your negative thoughts worse in any way?"

"No." Darcy said truthfully, "Sometimes, if you do things for me I feel bad. But, when you tell me to do something myself it lets me know you see me as competent. It helps."

"Good." Jesse said, "What about the chastity belt? Are there any negative thoughts when I use that?"

Darcy laughed, blushing she replied, "Usually I'm so fixated on needing pleasure that I don't really think about it. But, we've never done it for long," Darcy's voice trailed off, "I suppose, if we were to commit to a longer chaste period I might start to feel that I don't deserve pleasure or that I've failed you in some way because I'm not being rewarded."

Later that night Jesse laid awake. His wife slept comfortably beside him. Her breaths were deep and relaxed. Jesse sat up. Walking to the table, he grabbed a notebook and pencil and began to write. Smiling, he created a set of rules for Darcy. Thinking carefully, as to how each rule would impact her he wrote only five. They were simply and would hopefully help her sense of self worth. Each rule corresponded to a word from her list. This way she could help prove to herself that the words were true and that he saw her as competent. These rules would give her a way to hold herself accountable and feel good about it when she did. It was exactly what she needed.

Darcy's Rules:

1. Honest- Darcy will tell someone as soon as possible if she is feeling negatively about herself. She will not hide bad thoughts.

2. Kind- Darcy will treat herself with kindness by not dwelling on mistakes after lessons have been learned. She will not speak rudely about herself.

3. Pretty- Darcy will maintain a proper hygiene schedule and will spend time in from of the mirror, reminding herself of why she is attractive.

4. Smart- Darcy will spend 2-3hrs studying or reading. She will report to me what she has done over dinner.

5. Obedient- Darcy will follow these rules to the best of her abilities and will admit when she makes a mistake.

Additionally, he wrote punishments. But, the punishments were not physical or mental. Helping Darcy to control her negative thoughts was Jesse's goal. He needed to avoid feeding into her desire to be hurt, without taking away consequences. He knew now that his wife's desire to have pain inflicted on her stemmed from her low sense of self-worth, so it was not a good idea to participate in that sort of behavior. Even if Darcy said she wanted to, Jesse would never allow it. For that reason, he allowed her to have 'consequences' that would give her no sense of twisted pleasure. Given that she could choose to follow a rule or break it, each rule would have a positive and negative consequence attached to it.

Her reward for being honest was that she would be allowed to come as many times as she could. Jesse hoped that she would connect the feeling of pleasure with her actions and would therefore, not be afraid to tell him when she was feeling down.

The reward for being kind was that Darcy would get time taken off her chaste period (if applicable). If she was not locked in chastity, Darcy would be rewarded for her kindness with a surprise date with her husband. He wanted to pamper her for working so hard. He concluded that it might be hard to measure her progress here, because he was essentially measuring something she was not doing. But he decided that if she went one week without saying anything bad about herself, she would be rewarded.

For reminding herself of her beauty and for taking care of her physical body, Darcy would be rewarded with new clothes, jewelry, or other fine items. Jesse hoped that this would remind her of how beautiful and precious she was to him. For studying and reading, she would be rewarded with new books and writing materials to help motivate and inspire her.

For her obedience, Darcy would be allowed one day a month for her husband to serve her. Jesse wanted her to know how he viewed her. In his eyes, she was a radiant queen. Although, he loved to guide and protect and control her, he believed that dominance also required humility on his part. Though he gained no great pleasure from serving her as she did him, he thought that it would remind her of the value she held.

The negative consequences were less elaborate. If Darcy was not honest, she would write lines. If Darcy was unkind to herself, she would write lines. If Darcy was intentionally neglecting her appearance or hygiene, she would be required to bathe and go to bed early. If she neglected her studies, she would be required to read twice as much the next day. Each time she disobeyed a rule she would be required to write the set of rules 100 times, in order to avoid forgetting them again.

Jesse smiled looking at his work. He was proud of his solution and hoped that it would help his wife. Yawning, he stretched and went back to bed. The covers shifted beside him and his wife sleepily scooted closer. She wrapped her arms around his arm, resting her head on his shoulder as he settled in.

"Why are you up?" She asked sleepily.

He answered her with a kiss. He could feel her body opening up for him. The way her shoulders relaxed, the way her mouth parted to allow her tongue to move softly against his. He held her cheek with one hand, moving the covers back with the other as he crawled into bed beside her.

His hands were searching her body. They graced the soft skin of her legs as he pulled her nightgown up around her waist. His fingertips brushed her hips, then made their way down. He paused.

"Darcy?"

"Yes,"

"Tonight, I want to show you how much you're worth to me," His warm hand brushed her cheek as he spoke.

Before anything else could be said, he pressed his lips to hers and started to rub her clit with his thumb. Soon she was moaning underneath his weight. Licking a trail up her neck, he nibbled on her ear.

"You deserve to feel this good all the time Darcy."

Her face turned to meet his. The expression on her face was enough to make his cock swell even more. He kissed her again, as he slipped a finger inside of her. Darcy moaned, a helpless, fragile, beautiful sound. The way her voice broke as she whimpered made him all the more excited to see her orgasm.

When she was just about to topple over the edge, Jesse stopped. He spread her legs slowly, making more room for him. His eyes were piercing. His wife beneath him was breathtaking. Her hair was messy and tangled, her cheeks and lips were like soft rose petals. He loved that he got to take her, and that he was the only one who ever could see this radiant expression. He leaned in close to her, waiting at her entrance as he covered her face in delicate kisses.