Don't Drink & Drive

ALL CHARACTERS ARE ADULTS

The first time I laid eyes on Alice Scott, real name Alicia, was when she and her husband, Todd, came in for marriage counseling; Alice arrived thirty minutes late then sat beside Todd on the sofa holding hands. Within a minute she opened her legs exposing her fluorescent orange panties for my inspection. Todd had no idea.

Alice smiled at me demurely then simpered, "Do I have time to use the restroom? I won't be a minute!" She left before anyone replied;Todd and I made small-talk till she returned. After she returned, and her knees drifted apart again, her panties were missing in action; she smiled at me, and lit a cigarette.

"Who wants to start?" I asked.

"What do you want to know?" Todd asked. Alice relaxed and spread her legs a smidgen more. She was a blend of Spanish and Inca Indian from Peru, with shoulder length black hair and bangs that went to her eye-brows, and green eyes; I guessed she was five feet tall and one hundred, forty pounds. A small woman, she reminded me of a chubby Snooki or maybe Kim Kardashian.

"The court referral form is for marriage counseling prior to divorce, so what's up with the divorce; you look friendly enough," I said. They were close together and holding hands, they looked at each other.

Todd coughed, "I'm gay."

"He wants to come out," Alice added.

"Is this a recent discovery?" I asked.

"He was gay when we met," Alice interrupted.

I looked at Todd, "It's a long story," he said and frowned.

"So how come it's a problem now?" I persisted.

"It's not a problem for me!" Alice pounced again as she draped an arm across Todd's shoulders and crossed her legs, exposing some of her bare ass. "I don't want no divorce."

"What's up, Todd?" I asked again.

Todd pursed his lips and looked at me," I want to come out," he whispered.

"He wants to marry a man," Alice added.

"What's in this for you, Alice?" I was curious.

"I make more money married to a rich politician," she said.

"I met her at a hotel in Lima," Todd said.

"What he means is I walked in on him having sex with a man," she said. "He was stuffing the man's sausage if get my drift." She winked at me.

"And she black-mailed me to marry her and bring her back to America," he added.

"It worked out OK for you," she said, looking around for an ash tray; I handed her an empty soda-pop can. "Thanks," she said.

"Things have changed, though, and now she can't hold things over me," Todd finished his thought.

"You mean cuz attitudes are changing about gays?" I wondered.

"Yes," he replied.

"I have my own room, I don't get what the problem is," Alice said. "I've been a good wife to you, I don't cause you no grief."

"But you're there, like a chaperone, or maybe a parent, if someone came over to see me," he said. "So I'd just like to separate, with a reasonable settlement."

"Tell the man what your idea of a reasonable settlement is," she suggested. "And tell him what's really up."

"I told you already; this counseling is a formality, there's no way we can reconcile," he said, pointing to me, "and he isn't a legal mediator. How many more appointments before you punch our ticket?"

"Three," I replied. Todd looked at his watch and stood to go.

"Todd wants to be a girl," Alice spilled the beans.

"C'mon!" Todd pulled Alice up.

"Same time next week?" He asked. Alice sat down.

I checked my appointment book. "Sure," I replied. "Need a card?"

"No. Are you coming, Alice?"

"Go on, I wanna talk to the man. You got a minute to talk to me?" Alice asked.

"What's on your mind?" I replied.

"Can I shut the door?" She asked.

"Sure," I said. She then shut the door, locked it, and stood beside my chair.

"How come you're kicking my tires?" I asked.

"You been looking up my skirt," she replied, and started unbuttoning her blouse. "You gonna sit there or take your clothes off? I know you're not afraid of the maricón." She pulled her blouse off and unfastened her skirt, letting it fall off her hips to the floor. "Help me with the bra, baby." She turned her back to me. I unclipped it and she pulled it off her arms, dropping it to the floor. Her skin was tanned and her nipples were large and almost plum color. I like plump nipples. Impatient to fuck, she unbuttoned my shirt while I pulled my pants down. "Take the shoes and socks off, querida, nobody goes with me with shoes and socks!" I kicked my shoes off and pulled off the socks. She pushed me to the sofa and down onto my back, then knelt beside the sofa, pushed her hair behind her ears, and leaned down to suck me. Once she got into it I had her get on the sofa her mouth over my cock, and her hairy gash atop my face. Her aroma was nice, reminded me of a fabric softener scent. I pushed my tongue through her bush till I found her clit.

Later, as I dressed, Alice sat on the edge of the sofa cleaning herself, "Gimme the box of Kleenex, baby." She pulled a handful of tissues from the box, scooped semen from her pussy, and tossed the goo into my trash can. Dressed and painted, she tucked her orange panties in my shirt pocket and kissed me; her breath smelled like cock and spunk. "You busy Saturday?" She asked.

"Till noon," I said.

"I'll see you then," she said, studying my face closely and groping me with her small hand.

Saturday she didn't come by at noon, and hadn't appeared when I left two hours later, nor phone. No problem, I went home and soaked in the tub, then took a nap till dinner when I dressed and went to a local diner. I read my mail as I waited for my order. A few bills and flyers, and another recall notice for my car. My server was one of my patients. I had a sliced pork platter.

When I handed Peggy the money for the meal, plus her tip she asked, "Can you gimme a lift home? My car's broke."

"Sure, what time you clock-out?" I asked.

"After I clean your station," she replied.

I waited outside for her, then we walked to my place. It had rained while I ate, the sidewalk and street were wet. The night air was cool. She didn't say much, and I said even less, I don't like to talk. Peggy's an alcoholic on probation so I naturally made her a drink after we went inside my place, then bribed her with cash to drink it. "I know what you want," she said. I dropped the cash on the bed, she looked at it for a long minute, picked it up, and stuffed it in her purse.

"Go shower," I said, and watched her undress. I lay on the bed while the water ran, then got her a bigger drink as she dried.

"Is this for all night?" She wondered.

"Did you count the money?" I asked.

"I don't know why you pay me, I'd do it free," she said, pulling a robe from the closet to cover herself, then took a long swig from the glass. "I can get in a lotta trouble for this." She tipped the glass at me.

"Naaah, not likely," I suggested. "Your PO is a friend of mine."

"What's in it for him?" She asked and took another swig.

"I look out for you and keep you off the street, makes his life easier," I reminded her. "Where's your old man?"

"In jail," she said.

"Drugs?" I guessed.

"He got caught over at the college selling to kids," she said. I refilled her glass. "You're making me drunk."

"Don't drink it," I said. She took a sip.

Peggy was forty-four or 45, I forget which; five-four and around one-eighty with a nice ass and medium tits. Red curly hair and blue eyes.

"How old are you?" She asked.

"Twenty-eight," I said.

That's about my kid's age," she said.

"How many kids you got?" I asked.

"Three," she said.

"I ain't your kid," I reminded her. "Besides, I notice you like young guys."

"What else do you know about me?" She asked as she climbed on the bed.

I put my hand inside her robe and felt her."Want me to leave the light on?" I asked.

"Are you gonna talk?" She asked.

"You know I don't talk," I said as I unwrapped her robe. "I don't talk when I eat, or shit, either."

"Or when I see you at your office," she interrupted. "I reckon you got no heart or feelings."

"You don't come see me to talk, you come see me to get your ticket punched," I reminded her.

"What are you thinkin?" She asked out of the blue.

"I'm thinking how good your pussy's gonna feel around my dick, your pussy is like a hand sqeezing it, starting back at my balls and working its way up the shaft," I replied.

"Is that why you get me drunk before you're intimate with me?"

"Where in hell did you learn 'intimate,' on Oprah?" I was sucking her nipples. "Or from Ellen Degenerate?"

"Leave the light on, I wanna watch you," she said.

"Watch me what?" I asked, moving my mouth to her gash.

"Try and knock me up," She replied. "I can tell when a guy wants to get off, and when he wants to souvenir me something I gotta feed."

"I'll put it in your ass if you'd prefer," I suggested.

"Later," she whispered and closed her eyes. "Too bad you're so young."

I pushed my cock inside her then spoke. "Why's that?" I replied. She was wet already.

"Because you wanna screw every girl in town," she said.

"You proposing to me?" I asked.

"God, no! But I'd like to know I could walk over after work and not hafta get in line or take a number if I need some cock."

"Come over anyway," I said.

"I do, and you're always with someone; don't stop," she cooed. "Are you gonna be an asshole if I get pregnant?"

"What makes you think you'll get pregnant; shit, what makes you think I'll be the father?" I asked. "Youre not exactly a virgin."

"I don't use protection with you," she whispered.

"You want my baby?" I asked.

"I like to feel your cum in me," she replied.

She fell asleep atop me after the anal, and it was storming when we awoke; lotsa thunder, lightning, and wind. It was dark outside. We dressed and went out the back door to my car, I unlocked it and we got in about the same time two guys appeared out of nowhere, one of them stuck a gun in my face. "Get in the back; lady you stay in the front." he said. "Listen good pally, any bull shit at all and I'll blow your head off. So get in the back with my associate, and we'll go for a little ride. Check him for a weapon."

I eased out of the front seat and let the other guy pat me down, then I got in the back with the man. The man doing all the talking got in the front, started the car, and we took off. No one said anything. The guy beside me held a pistol and watched me and Peggy. The guy driving looked at me from the rear-view mirror, occasionally. When we hit a patch of really nasty weather the windows fogged, and the rain pressed against the glass made it look like it was melting; I pushed the elecrtric window button and set off the driver side airbag.

It knocked the driver unconscious, Peggy screamed, and I used the brief chaos to grab the gun and smack the guy beside me. "Grab the wheel!" I barked at Peggy. She pulled the wheel hard and the car went off the road onto the shoulder, and stopped when it became stuck. "Get his gun," I told her. When she had the gun I said, "Now get out!" She and the guys got out. "I want you guys to start walking, and gimme the phones before you go." I waited fifteen minutes and called AAA to come pull me out of the deep sand.

Both guns were 9 millimeter models but I kept the Ruger LPC 380 model because it weighs around 9 ounces and is wonderful for concealment; tuck it in your back pocket and it's almost invisible.

"What was that all about?" Peggy asked.

"Never seen them before in my life," I replied.

"How'd you get the airbag to open?"

"I got a recall notice warning me the car's computer's fucked up and might deploy the airbag if I used the power windows in wet weather," I replied. "You gonna need a ride to work later?"

"I got money for a taxi, thanks," she said. I let her out in front of her motel and went home where I cleaned up the mess and clutter of her visit, took a shower, and went to bed. I wasn't asleep too long before I awoke and discovered Alice beside me in the bed sucking my wong.

I buried my fingers in her thick mane of hair to hold her head, "You were s'posed to be here yesterday," I whispered as a hot load shot into her mouth. I felt her gulp it down. "How'd you get in?"

"I own the building," she said. "I came by last night but you were busy with the skank from the diner. Todd's away and won't be back till tomorrow, let's go to my home and play. Too many people know me here."

I followed her home in my car. She made me hide it in the garage. Inside she grabbed a bottle and two water glasses; I followed her back outside to the pool where she set the bottle and the glasses next to the Jacuzzi, got naked, and stepped in the tub. I removed my clothes, too; my dick was already hot for her. She took hold of it and led me into the water so she could ride my face and sip whisky outta the bottle. When she came she drenched my face with water and pee. I immersed my head for a quick rinse and returned to slurping her tender hole. She stopped me to insert the neck of the bottle into her snatch, pulled it out, and stuck it in my mouth. "Pussy cocktail," she said.

I took a long swig, swallowed it, handed the bottle back to her, and led her out of the Jacuzzi to the bedroom. I dropped my clothes beside the bed and climbed aboard. She climbed aboard with the bottle, mounted me, and fucked me as she drank. Her hole was loose and slick. I squeezed and pinched and twisted her nipples. "Hit me," she groaned. I slapped her ass. "Harder! And bite my tit!" I came hard. She climbed off me to ride my face. "Eat me," she growled. Before I did I scooped cum out of her with two fingers and stuck the fingers in her mouth. Her head exploded and brains and blood sprayed all over me, the headboard, and the wall.

Todd stood behind Alice, at the foot of the bed, holding a pistol. "You got one chance to tell me where the money is," he grimaced and pointed the gun at me.

"It's not here," I lied. I had no clue what he was talking about. He looked in a panic.

"Where?" He demanded to know.

"She came by earlier today, wanted me to help her hide the money," I lied again.

"Where is it?" He was impatient, now.

"It's hid at my office," I lied. I was getting good at lying.

"OK, get dressed," he said. I pushed Alice off me, got up, and put my clothes on. On the floor there was almost no blood on them. I felt the Ruger in my back pocket when I pulled my pants up. Dressed, we went out to the garage and I shot him when he opened the car door to get in.

I opened the Cadillac's trunk, got naked, and put him in, then I lifted Alice outta the bed, carried her to the Jacuzzi, and dumped her in. I got in, too, and cleaned her up, to remove my semen. Then I carried her to the car and put their prints on the whisky bottle after I removed mine; I cleaned the car and the keys, and sanitized the bedroom as well as I could. I wondered what she had done with his money. I emptied Todd's gun and put it in the glovebox.

Back home I found two bricks of hundred dollar bills under the mattress of my bed. I left one brick in its wrapper, broke the other open, counted out one thousand, I then stuck in a manila envelope, and hid the remainder of the money in a gallon jar I filled with sugar. I guessed Alice employed illegals who would help her out when they changed linen and when Alice wanted the money. The place was infested with Hispanics.

Back at Alice's house, I backed the Cadillac into the garage, then opened the truck and checked her and Todd. They looked OK for bein dead. I put the wrapped brick of cash in the glove box along with an envelope of cash. Then I went looking for a place to dump the bodies. Driving through Wally World I had a brain fart.

My brain fart was a Barbie looking blonde of the homeless variety; she looked hot from behind but her face gave her up. Missing teeth, leathery skin. I parked near her and motioned for her to come over to the Cadillac. "Can you spare some change so I can get a cup of coffee?" She tried me.

"I can do a little better than that," I said, waving a hundred dollar bill in her face. She grabbed for it and I snatched it back. "You gotta earn it," I said.

"A hundred bucks is what I get for a blow-job,"she said.

"In your STERNO fueled dreams you get a hundred dollars, skank," I thought. "Maybe later," I lied. "What I want you to do is drive this car to Tallahassee tonight. The guy who owns the car needs it by tomorrow morning."

"Tallahassee is a long drive," she complained.

"It's a four hour drive, to be exact. I'll call him when you leave town, he'll meet you at the parking garage near the state library, and give you the rest of the money," I said. "All you gotta do is stay sober for four hours and keep the car on the road."

"What about gas?" She asked.

"I'll fill it up before you go, a tank full will more than get you there, then it's his problem," I replied.

"Can I bring a friend with me, I don't like going off alone?" She asked.

"I don't care so long as you're here at eleven o'clock ," I said.

"Can I have some money now?" She asked.

"Un, uh," I replied. "I'll never see you again if I give you a dime, and you better be sober. Be here at eleven."

"OK," she frowned. I drove off to get something to eat, then home to take a nap and shower.

At ten-thirty I got up, dressed, and drove to Wally World. Lucy, the name she gave me, and two friends were waiting where I left her earlier. They looked like shit and stunk. "Get in," I said. We went to the gas pumps and filled the car, eighty bucks worth. Back in the car I reminded them, "If he finds one dab of puke in here he'll shoot you."

Back at the ranch I unlocked the glove box and opened it, pulled out the envelope filled with cash, and handed it to Lucy to count. I made sure she saw the other brick of money and the gun. "You get the rest of it when the car is delivered to this address," I handed her the address and the key to the car. "Oh! I almost forgot," and went inside to fetch a quart of whisky. I handed it to her. "I really appreciate you helping me out." She put the whisky bottle under her arm, counted the cash, nodded to her companions, and someone knocked me out cold. But my wallet and car keys were inside my car.

Rain woke me up, my head hurt like hell, and I was soaked, but I was lucky I wasn't dead, and surprised the cops hadn't found me. I checked the time, it was two o'clock. It worked out okay.

The news reported most of it, but I imagined my homeless friends stopped at the first Quickie Mart they came to, bought cigarettes and a case of Ice House quart bottles; then, one hundred miles away, going the wrong direction, they had a drunken fight over the money and ran the Cadillac off the road into a retention pond fulla water, mud, and cat-tails. Lucy and the guys looked like they'd had a battle. The highway patrol popped the trunk open and found the bodies, then found the money and gun.