Double Helix Ch. 15

Tilly

"Norm, please," I said stretching my hand towards him. As much as Nissi was hurting right then, our continued presence was only making things worse. Norm let out his breath, but it hitched in his throat. His eyes were rimmed in red as he turned back to me and nodded.

"We have to tell the others," he said. "No more secrets."

When we got inside, Stan was helping Stansy with dinner, but Norm called them away to the living room where Wendy and Nonna sat. Wendy offered to get Nock from the den, but Norm told her "no" in a tone that brooked no argument. I sat next to him on the couch and he squeezed my hand, drawing confused looks from the others. Haltingly, he explained what had happened, and why. I sensed shock, disapproval, concern. None of them had seen this coming.

A thread of anger had steadily been growing out of the initial disbelief. That was from Stansy, who glared at Norm. "How could you do this?" she demanded. "I put my trust in you. We all did. You were our center, the one who held us all together."

"I didn't mean for this to happen," he said, shaking his head slowly.

"This isn't about you," she said. "All of our lives are in the balance. There is no room for this kind of shit. I thought you both were better than this." She stood and brushed past Norm, heading for the kitchen

Stan stared after her a moment. He looked at Norm and shrugged. "She'll cool off eventually, I think. I just don't understand why you would throw away what you had with Nissi." He looked at me. "And you, you had to know what would happen."

I looked down. "Not at first," I said, "not really. But we could have stopped at any time."

"It's not her fault," Norm said. "I should have told Nissi."

Stan nodded his agreement at Norm before returning his gaze to me. "You plan to stay together then?"

I nodded.

"Well, I hope you are making the right decision, both of you." His doubt of that was so obvious that even Norm picked it up without difficulty. "One thing I agree with Stansy on, I don't know that I can trust you the same after this."

That hurt Norm worse than anything that Stansy had said. He just nodded silently at the rebuke.

"Poor Nissi," Wendy said. "She doesn't deserve this. Do you have any idea how much she loved you, Norm?"

Norm wouldn't meet her gaze. "I know," he said hoarsely. He leaned forward and covered his face with his hands, and I rubbed his back in slow circles. "I know what I did."

The moment was broken when Stansy announced that food was ready. We moved to the table and ate in awkward silence. Nock came in presently, saying, "I already know," as he sat down.

Wendy waited until we were done before going back outside. She and Nissi came back in and ate, and then Nissi went upstairs, never saying a word.

I could hear movement, and when I went to check I found her walking back and forth between the two bedrooms at the end of the hall, carrying Norm's clothing and personal items from one room to the other. I heard objects clatter on the floor as she dropped them. She saw me but didn't acknowledge my presence, and anger poured off of her in waves.

I went back down to find Norm. "I guess you're moving into my bedroom," I told him.

"It would only make sense, I guess."

We lay side-by-side in bed that night. Norm turned his back to me and pretended to sleep. The pain of guilt and regret curdled his insides, as they did mine. Through the walls, I could hear the thin, muffled sound of Nissi weeping into a pillow. I felt that I would drown in the sadness, welling up from inside me and pouring into me from both of them. Tears streamed down the sides of my face, and I let them, though I kept my diaphragm from spasming with a constant application of focus and will.

My skin crawled with the impulse to help them. I needed to banish the pain and bring back their happiness, while at the same time, I was paralyzed with helplessness and indecision. How could I make things better? I had pushed Norm into this, over his protestations. He had known what would happen, even if I couldn't quite grasp it at the time.

"This is all my fault," I said.

Norm spoke without moving. "No, I did this to her. I lied to her. I could have told you 'no', or I could have come clean any time. I don't know. Maybe things would have worked out if I had just told her when we first got here."

Pain suffused him anew as he spoke, stabbing at my chest, and I lost my concentration. A shuddering sob wracked me.

"Oh, Tilly," he said, flipping over to face me and gathering me in his arms. "I'm sorry. No, listen to me. I still love you."

A trickle of warmth suffused him, and it was enough for me to claw back my control and calm my breathing again. "No, it's not that," I said, "I know you do. It's all this emotion. All three of us together."

Recognition dawned in his eyes. "We're hurting you, aren't we?" he said. "Maybe I should go sleep downstairs."

"No," I said, holding onto him. "I want you to stay with me. Please, Norm."

"Here, turn on your side," he said. "Face the window."

I did as he asked and his body slid up next to mine, warm against my back and my legs. His breath tickled the hairs on my neck just before he kissed me. His arm went around me and his hand, heavy and roughened by recent callouses, rested against my belly.

"That's better," I said. I could feel every movement, every pulse of blood through his body where he touched me. I found myself matching his breathing as I sank into him, increasing the contact. My pulse slowed ever so slightly as my heart found his rhythm. His pain had eased with the skin contact. He gradually relaxed, slipping into an exhausted, if fitful, sleep.

I lay awake for a bit longer, listening as Nissi's crying calmed and she, too, fell asleep. Now there were only my own roiling emotions to deal with, but I had already learned how to numb myself to them. I closed my eyes and willed my metabolism to slow and my muscles to relax.

I realized quickly how the dynamic in the house had changed. Norm no longer spoke to Nock, and I felt Norm's anger rise any time he caught sight of the other man. Nock avoided Norm, but not out of fear. Any time I saw them near each other, a heaviness and nausea crept into Nock's chest, clashing with the flush of heat from Norm's anger. There was also a near-constant undercurrent of loss to Nock's demeanor now that I couldn't pin down. He seemed beaten down, defeated. Nissi would not speak to either man, and they all avoided each other as much as they could. It made the whole house feel tense and unstable.

Nissi's birthday was November 4th. Norm and I had planned a big party for her, including cake and wine. When she found out about it, she approached me and asked me to please not bother, to save it all for Wendy's birthday in December. Given Stan and Stansy's reaction, I was surprised by her demeanor. It seemed that all of her anger was directed solely at Norm, whereas her feeling when she saw me ran more to disappointment.

We did still have the dinner we had planned, which featured fresh fish obtained at an extravagant price from a black market source in Seattle. Since Nissi's birthday was also election night, afterward, we all crowded around the living room television to watch it, scavenging chairs from the den and dining room. It would have been amusing if it weren't sad, how Nissi, Norm and Nock all seated themselves at comfortable distances from one another, interspersing the other members of the household between them.

The House had come out of the previous election with 215 Republican and 216 Democrat representatives, with minor parties making up the difference. The Senate was currently 52 to 48 in favor of Republicans. It was apparent early on that the balance was going to be overturned as seats switched here and there throughout the night. The Democrats greatly increased their lead in the house, picking up an additional nineteen seats. The big news was the swing in the senate, where the Republicans lost nine of the twelve seats they were defending, and the Democrats held onto all of their own, ending the night with 57 seats. Combined with the sitting Republican senators that had consistently spoken out against the president's policies, it seemed very possible that there might be the 67 votes needed to impeach McCain.

"Do we still have time to bake that cake?" Nissi asked. Her mood was the best I had felt from her since the night she had found out about me and Norm.

Stansy stood and headed for the kitchen. "Screw the cake. I'm breaking out the alcohol."

"I'll make the cake," I announced, and followed Stansy to the kitchen. I chatted with her as she arranged and poured glasses of wine and I mixed together the rice flour, artificial eggs, water and sugar.

"Who would have thought we could ever live this well?" she said. "I just hope that this nightmare is nearly over and we can stop being fugitives soon." I nodded, smiling back at the warm hope she exuded.

Stansy began to distribute the drinks while I cooked. She came back and waited until I had a hand free to press one of the glasses into it. "I'll be blunt. You and Norm have no concept of a decent vintage, but this one isn't half bad. Tell me how this tastes."

I took a sip and wrinkled my nose at the strange mix of flavors. "I taste malic acid, and a bit of sugar. Alcohol, of course." I took another sip. "There's phenols-"

"Tannins," Stansy corrected. "In wine, they are called tannins."

"Tannins," I repeated. "Pectin, and some other trace compounds."

"Well, that's a neat trick, but not really what I was asking. Alright, here." She took my glass and handed me a different one. "See if you can tell the difference."

I sipped and let the liquid coat my tongue. "Mostly the same substances," I said, "but different proportions. More sugar in this one. Less tannin. A bit less alcohol."

"Does it taste better or worse than the first one?"

I tried another sip, then switched to the other. "I can't say better or worse, just different."

Stansy sighed. "As I feared. You have a chemistry lab in your mouth, but no palette to speak of."

I set down the glass. "It wouldn't have mattered. Norm did all the buying. I just waited in the truck while he went in the store. I don't really like the taste of wine very much."

Stansy put a hand over her heart. "You wound me, Tilly. I'll draw up a list for next time, and we'll work on your education. There's much more to wine than its chemical composition."

I got the cake in the oven and sipped at the first glass she had given me, trying to understand how anyone could enjoy the caustic flavor of alcohol. What was the point? The others all seemed to be enjoying their own, though. By the time I had gotten the cake out and frosted it, all six of the bottles that Norm had bought were nearly empty.

I cut two slices and went to find Nissi first, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor with her back to me. Wendy sat opposite, and they both had neat stacks of multi-colored discs on the floor next to them. Cards were splayed out in front of them, some face up and some face down. "What are you playing?" I asked.

"Texas hold'em," Nissi answered without turning, "and Anklebiter here is kicking my ass." I looked and saw that, yes, Wendy had nearly twice as many of the discs as Nissi.

"Hey, ankles are delicious," Wendy said. Her words slurred a bit. I got an impression of dullness and giddiness from her. "Oh, speaking of delicious, there's cake."

Nissi caught Wendy's glance and turned to look. "Oh, is one of those for me?"

"Here you go." I passed each of them a plate.

I made more trips to the kitchen and back, handing out cake slices to everyone. I went back for my own and returned to find Stan and Stansy sitting down on the floor on either side of Wendy and Nissi. "Deal us in," Stansy said. "What are we playing for?"

"King of the farm," Wendy said, and hiccuped. She spread her arms wide, wobbling a bit. "Soon you will all be my loyal subjects."

Stan grinned. "Sounds like fun."

I watched them play a few hands. My education hadn't included gambling, but the game seemed simple enough, and Wendy went through the various rankings of hands for me. Stan won only one of the three hands, but netted a rather large pool of the chips, putting him about on par with Wendy, who had lost pretty big. I was confused at first why she had continued to match his bets when, at the end, she had revealed such a poor hand.

Stansy must have seen my confused look. "That's a bluff," she said. "You can do that in poker. It doesn't always work out, though. Try it against a good player and you might lose your shirt."

"My...shirt?"

Stansy laughed and gathered the cards to shuffle them. "It's just an expression. You want in on this hand?"

I considered the offer for a moment. "No, I'd probably better not."

Wendy nodded in agreement. "We wouldn't be able to bluff her, and what's the fun in that?"

Nissi snorted. "Well, you couldn't bluff a blind man. I knew you were full of shit last hand."

It was good to see Nissi having fun for a change. I could tell she had been dreading tonight, having to be forced into close proximity with people she didn't want to be around. I hoped it would help her reframe her circumstances in a better light.

I approached Norm, who had retreated to the kitchen. He was checking for any dregs in the remaining bottles. "Trying to drown your sorrows?" I asked him.

"Oh no, I would rather 'wine' about them."

I shook my head. "If the quality of your puns are any indication, you haven't had nearly enough."

He lowered his voice. "How is she?"

"Better," I said, nodding. "She's doing better, at least right now."

"Good." He had found a bottle and tipped it back. It had still been half-full and he drained it in a series of loud gulps. He set the empty bottle on the counter and proceeded to stare at nothing, no doubt waiting for the drink to take effect.

"How many drinks have you had?" I asked.

He sighed and rubbed his temples. "Before this? Four or five. What else can I do? I can't fix this. Nissi won't even look at me."

I was going to respond, but the sound of footsteps and a displacement of air made me look toward the living room. Nock stood in the entryway. I felt heat from Norm and turned to see that his expression had gone dark.

Nock stepped forward, glancing at me then back to Norm. "I think we need to talk," he said, speaking in a low voice. Where Norm had that same dullness as Wendy, and was starting to show all of the physiological effects of moderate to heavy intoxication, Nock was completely sober.

"Well, I think you've done enough talking," Norm said.

"I just want to explain myself."

Norm started to retort, but I put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, we don't know his side of things. What harm will it do to hear what he has to say?"

"Maybe we just should step outside and settle this," Norm said, drawing himself up to glare at Nock.

I sighed. "That's the alcohol talking, Norm."

"Yeah, no need to get physical," Nock said. "But some fresh air might do you some good, and I would like for what I have to tell you to remain private."

Norm nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Nock waited a moment, but Norm just watched . "Alright, then," he said, and sidestepped between us to get to the front door.

"Stay here," Norm said and moved to follow.

I rolled my eyes and followed just behind Norm out the front door into the chill of the evening air.

Nock had just stepped off the porch when Norm took a swing at him. Nock ducked under the blow and spun to face him, his arms raised in a defensive posture. "That's pretty low, trying to hit a man from behind."

I wondered if I should intervene, but decided on a hunch to let things play out. I closed the door behind me.

Norm tried again with a right hook, but Nock slipped to the side, sending Norm stumbling off balance. It took him several steps to regain his footing, and he had to put a hand in the gravel to steady himself. Nock shook his head. "Jesus, Norm. You're drunk and this is stupid. You couldn't beat me even if you were sober."

Howling, Norm came at him again. Nock waited, ready to side-step again, but Norm's hand came up early, hurling a fistful of dirt and rocks at Nock's face. He grunted in surprise and pain an instant before Norm's shoulder collided with his body, knocking him off his feet. Both men went down, Norm trying and failing to grab hold of Nock's legs as he fell. Nock rolled to one side and came up on hands and knees, then up to his feet, while Norm was still trying to get his bearings in the dirt.

Nock idly rubbed a spot low on his ribs with one hand while wiping at his eyes with the back of the other. "Alright, you keep this up and you're going to piss me off."

"You're pissed off?" Norm hissed. He struggled to his feet, panting. "After what you did, you're pissed?"

I could feel Nock's patience wearing thin, the guilt that had plagued him for days subsiding from his mind. "I just told her the truth, Norm."

"Yeah, you're a real stand-up guy, always there to help." He had been creeping closer as they talked and lunged now, aiming a punch at Nock's body. Nock hopped to one side, so fast it made their moves look choreographed, and delivered a sharp blow to the side of Norm's head. I felt a stab of pain in my cheek as it happened. Norm stumbled and went down.

He lay there for a moment, clutching at his head. Slowly, he got to his feet. Moonlight glistened off his fingers and the trail of blood that trickled from a cut on his face. "Slow down and fight me, you pussy," Norm said. His words were even more slurred than before, and I worried that Nock's head blow had a part in that.

I strode into the driveway. "Okay, that's enough, guys, break it up."

Norm spun to face me and he stumbled. Nock used the distraction to rush up behind and throw his arms around Norm, locking his hands together. This pinned Norm's arms to his body. He began to struggle and yell, but Nock held him tight. "What do I do with this idiot?" he asked me.

"Let's take him out to the barn," I suggested. "I don't want to ruin everyone's fun."

Nock lifted Norm and carried him bodily, stepping to avoid most of the kicks that the other man threw his way. Once inside the barn, Nock dropped Norm on the floor and stepped back. I half-expected Norm to get up and start swinging again, but he just lay there, groaning.

"Are there any clean towels out here?" I asked.

"Over on the workbench," Norm mumbled.

I found some freshly-laundered towels and other cleaning supplies and took one of them. I knelt next to Norm and helped him to sit up. "Hold this against your cut," I told him. I checked his pupils, but they appeared normal, so he probably didn't have a concussion.

"You're pretty scrappy when you're drunk," Nock said. "I didn't think you had it in you."

"Yeah, I got you good," Norm said pointing at Nock.

"Only because of a dirty trick."

"You deserved it."

Nock laughed. Surprisingly, both men seemed more at ease now than they had been at any time since the incident with Nissi. I was sensing their emotions just fine. They just didn't make any sense, given the circumstances. "Come to that," Nock said, "I probably did. Now, are you ready to talk?"

Norm's lips pressed together as the moment of levity passed. "Why did you do it?"

Nock looked down and kicked at a rock. "I've been asking myself that same question. What do you know about me, Norm?"

"You're an asshole."

"Yeah, I probably deserve that too. What else?"

"You like lesbian porn."

Nock glanced at me with a tinge of embarrassment. I shrugged. "Doesn't bother me."

"Anything else?"

Norm looked up at the ceiling for several seconds. "You have a girlfriend."

"Had," Nock corrected. He came over and sat next to us on the dirt floor. "My father was a Russian ambassador. My mother was a Jew, though few knew it. They both defected to the United States in 1983. He was fifty-seven and she was fifty-three, and had never been able to have children. A few years after arriving here, they were able to put together the money to pay for me. By this time, there had already been two attempts on their lives by Russian agents. They were understandably paranoid, hence my particular set of enhancements." He tapped under one of his eyes, which shone with light reflected from the house through the open doors. "The third attempt on my parent's lives succeeded. I became a ward of the state at the age of three and was placed in foster care."