Double Switch Ch. 07

"But, in less than two years it won't be wrong any more. I'll have graduated. We can go on seeing each other as we've been doing until then. I don't like sneaking around and lying to my friends as I've been doing, but I will, to go on being with you."

"But there's more to it, Sue darling."

"That's the first time you've called me that. I love hearing it. But, what more is there to it? What more can there be? Is it the age difference. Believe me, that doesn't concern me in the least."

"No, it's not the age difference, as inappropriate as that makes our relationship. Sue, I've been feeling terrible about how I have been treating you."

"Treating me. I think you treated me very well. I'm exhausted from the treatment I've been getting from you since Friday night. I think you're about the same from the treatment I've been giving you."

"I thought this was to be a serious conversation. That's what you said you wanted to have."

"I'm sorry, your use of the word 'treating' just triggered a funny note with me. Ido want a serious conversation. Pleas go on. Why have you felt terrible over the way you've been treating me?"

"Because, I haven't been honest with you, Sue. I've let you think we might have a future together. That's why I never told you before how much I love you, because I didn't want you to get any false hopes. But, even though I didn't say it, I loved you so much, that I guess I let it show in the way I reacted to you. And you picked it up, as if you could read my heart."

"Ican read you heart, Eric. But, Ican't read your mind. There's something else. What is it? Why must my hopes be false?"

"Sue, this is the most difficult speech I've ever had to make to anyone. And, I have to make it to the woman I love, and would marry and spend the rest of my life with if I were free to do so."

"Eric, are you telling me you're...?"

"Please don't interrupt. This is tough enough as it is. Yes, I'll complete your question. Yes, Iam married. I have been for eight years. I'm also Catholic. Four years after my wife and I were married, she was in a terrible auto accident. She was pregnant and was driving to the doctor's office for a check-up. No one knows exactly what happened. It's thought she may have blacked out. In any case, she ran a red light and broadsided a truck. Her head hit the windshield. She lost the baby and has been in a coma, on life support, ever since."

"Eric, you poor man. You lost your wife and baby. So, she's still living, technically, that is?"

"Yes, and being Catholic, I cannot have the life support removed, or the marriage ended. I know what you're going say, I could terminate the marriage. Yes, I probably could. But, my own convictions won't permit me to. I know it was dishonest of me to not tell you sooner. I had hoped what we had for each other was only physical attraction. God knows there was a great deal of that in my lust for you. But, then I knew that I loved you more than anyone I had ever loved and I sensed you felt the same for me. This sunny Sunday morning, overlooking this beautiful lake, we've both declared our love for each other. And now you know it can never lead to anything permanent."

"You're sure of that, Eric. I mean, you will never find a way to end your marriage, not even for the way we feel for each other."

"No, despite how I feel for you, Sue, I cannot."

"Then, I guess there's not much more to be said. It's almost check-out time. We'd better pack and get going."

They drove the two hours back to school in almost total silence.

This was the last time Sue and Eric met. She dropped out of the Drama and Literature organizations. As she did not have any classes with Eric Richardson, and was no longer a participant in these two groups, she encountered him only occasionally and at a distance. Then, she stopped seeing him on campus altogether.

In February, she received a handwritten letter, and immediately recognized the handwriting as his. The stationary was of another college, several hundred miles distant. The letter read:

Dearest Sue:

These last few months have be absolute hell for me, as I am sure they have been for you. Seeing you on campus and knowing we would never again have the wonderful times we shared together, tears me apart. Believe me, what I said regarding how I feel about you is still true. But I also know there can never be any future for us.

Therefore, I thought it best for both of us if I put as much distance between us as I could. So, I applied for a position here. I received an acceptance in late December and immediately gave my notice to leave at the end of semester. I thought it best to say goodbye this way, rather than in person. I'm sure neither of us could have endured that.

You have great promise as a writer. I do hope you will complete your degree and make it your career. I also hope you will, someday, find a man who can give you the love you deserve and the future I cannot.

With all my love,

Eric

By the time Sue finished reading the letter, it was sprinkled with tears. When she finally put it down after having read it for an uncounted time. the paper was soaking and the ink smeared almost to the point of rendering the words unintelligible.

In order to try to get over Eric Richardson, Sue pursued her studies even more avidly than before, even signing up for extra courses. But studies alone would not do it, so she began to make it known to the young men on campus that she might be available. With her looks, she didn't have long to wait for the first opportunity, and the second, and the third. Yes, she enjoyed the unbridled sex these trysts brought, but it was no match for the sheer ecstasy she had thrilled to in the loving embrace of Professor Eric Richardson. But, she was having fun and doing well in school.

Gradually, thoughts of the Professor she had loved so totally, began to fade. By midway in her senior year she seldom thought of him.

Sue Davidson was ready for something, or someone, new.