Dr. Holloway's Therapy

"Have you been fantasizing about this?"

"It's more than that. This is the only thing I've been thinking of."

She smiled knowing that she was the center of my world. "Put my hand on your cock."

I had to lean awkwardly against the tub to get into position and then I wrapped her fingers around my erect shaft. I held her hand in mine as I moved it up and down the extent of my penis.

"I have missed so much," she said. There was a long silence as I slowly stroked myself with her hand. Then she continued, "I am so lucky you are here."

I must have looked like an idiot with one foot braced against the toilet, the tub digging into my hip, both of my hands wrapped around her hand stroking my penis with that lobotomized expression people get when they are not in pron movies. Before I could cum, I slipped as my awkward position gave way and fell flat on the floor. I recovered as gracefully as I could an pressed on with the bath. I lathered up my hands and began to wash her breasts.

"You have the most beautiful tits," I said. Once again her eyes were closed and her head was resting against the tub. I took her right breast in my mouth, simultaneously sucking and licking. I moved my hand down to her thigh. After sucking both breasts I washed her back and then her legs. I moved down each leg to her feet and then kneaded each foot as deeply as I could without causing her pain. After massaging her feet I sucked on each toe.

"And now for the best part," she said as I finished off her last toe.

I lathered up my hands, then placed my right hand on her pussy, slowly working the suds into her pubic hair. After a few moments of washing I began to pay attention to her clitoris and vagina. She appeared to be fully aroused.

"You can put your fingers inside me. Gently, gently."

She was studying my face as I concentrated on her cunt. I tried to read her expressions and push her as close to pain as I could without breaking the mood. I alternated between fast and slow, deep and shallow and clit and vagina. She surprised me with a loud scream.

I jumped and then asked, "Are you okay?"

For a moment I could see joy on her face, but that soon fell and we were back to business.

"That was very good," she said curtly.

I let her rest for a few moments, rinsed her off and got the sling to get her out.

I toweled her off while she was suspended in the sling, then moved her over to the bed placing her naked body down on top of the covers. I put the sling away then approached her from the bottom of the bed. I gently spread her legs then kissed the inside of her thighs moving up slowly to her waiting vagina. I lightly kissed her several times around her groin then started to lick playfully at her clit.

"No," she moaned.

I slid my tongue into her vagina, licking upward from the inside.

"No," she moaned again.

She seamed to be enjoying it, so I continued until finally she screamed "NOOOOO!"

I stood up to see her eyes were rolled back in her head and she was quaking. I spent just a moment making sure that her heart was beating and that she was breathing before I called an ambulance. I then dressed myself and dressed her, just barely getting her covered up before the ambulance arrived. I tried to get in the ambulance with her, but the paramedic suggested that I follow them.

My mind raced through what had happened, what might happen and what I should do. I got lost, and it ended up taking over an hour to find the hospital. By the time I got there I was an emotional wreck.

I waited at the hospital in the waiting room. I wasn't family, so I couldn't go in with her. After several hours they released her to me as her care giver.

"I'm so glad you are alright," I said as I went to kiss her.

She turned her cheek and told me to get the car. She spoke to me from the wheelchair as I drove her home in the van.

"Why didn't you stop?" Dr. Holloway was very stern.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were enjoying it."

"I was, but it was too much. You could have killed me."

I apologized repeatedly over the following days, but her mood did not improve. She never really recovered. She slept most of the time and wasn't interested in me touching her at all. They put her on oxygen through a hose under her nose and gave me a long list of additional instructions about bed sores and various exercises. The worst part was changing her diapers knowing that pleasure was so close and yet unobtainable.

Her lucid moments were filled with visits from her doctor, her lawyer and her colleagues.

Walter asked me how I was doing.

I shrugged.

"Was it worth it?"

"It was more interesting that what I would have been doing."

He smiled weakly and looked like he had a lot more to say. Then he simply reminded me to call him if I needed anything.

I started spending my time at her bedside. She enjoyed it when I read her the news paper or a trashy novel. I even convinced myself that she was getting better. Then one day while I sat holding her hand she said the safe word three times. The she said, "I want you to make love to me."

"But that will kill you."

"I'm ready to die and that is how I want to go. If I wait any longer I won't be able to do it properly." The smile I so wanted to please had been replaced by a melancholy that needed me more than she had ever needed me before.

"I won't do it. I can't do it."

She gave me a stern look and said, "What do you think submission means? That you submit only when you want to submit?"

I didn't want to be the one that killed her, but it was what the last six months had been leading up to. But more importantly, I knew that it was what she wanted. "I submit," I said.

I gently removed her clothes, then removed my own.

"Kiss me on the lips," she demanded.

I had wanted to kiss her lips since the day we met. Now that I could, my passion was overwhelmed by bittersweet emotions. I began with a light lip-to-lip kiss, then slipped my tongue between her lips and her teeth and pinched her lips between my tongue and lip.

"Hold me," she said.

I slid my arm behind her back and straddled one of her legs between mine and continued kissing her while I ran my hand up and down her body. I released her mouth to kiss my way down her neck.

"No. Just kiss my lips," she said.

I returned to kissing her lips and cupped her breast with my hand and lightly pinched her nipple between my fingers. I softly played with her breast for a few moments, then ran my hand down to her thigh. I then dragged my fingernail up her inner thigh and probed her. She was fully aroused.

"Do it," she said.

I spread her legs and inserted myself. I had mentally prepared myself for the worst sex ever, since she was unable to move, but the six month build up and the life-or-death tension added a dimension that is indescribable. I continued to kiss her while thrusting. Within a half-dozen thrusts she began to shudder and I felt the life leave her body. I lay motionless on top of her body for a moment and tried to hang on to her even though the essential part was gone.

I put my clothes on and called the ambulance. The ambulance refused to take her body and told me to call the morgue. It didn't take long for the police to become involved and within a couple of days I was charged with sexual assault and murder. It was really easy for the police to make their case and my statement didn't help me much.

Later Walter would call my time in jail a "Total Mind Fuck". I was locked in a concrete cell with no support while in a state of physical shock. Worse were the waves of contradictory emotions that I could not resolve. It was true that I had killed her, but it was compassion rather than murder - except that I was coerced into being compassionate. But the real problem was that I could still feel the embrace of the corpse on my skin.

Fortunately, Dr. Holloway had left a sealed letter with her attorney which lead to my release. After I thanked the attorney and we had a bit of small talk he handed me a small package that was addressed to me. "She wanted you to have this," he said.

The next day Walter dropped by to see how I was doing. I was packing what little stuff I had. He sat and watched for a few moments before saying, "You are not okay. Don't try to convince yourself that you are because it is simply not true. Dr. Holloway was a selfish cunt to do what she did to you."

"You are right, I am not okay. You're right that Dr. Holloway was a selfish cunt. But the real question is, Was it worth it?" I continued, "I feel so conflicted, so painful, so sad and so aroused. I feel so alive."

"This is not good," said Walter. "Those are exactly the words cutter's use when they cut themselves. You are entering a self destructive spiral. Please let me help you."

I thanked him and said, "I'm not ready for that. Right now I want to revel in these emotions." I shook his hand as I got in my car to leave.

The package I received from the attorney was a cassette tape that I listened to on the drive home. I heard Dr. Holloway's voice say, "If you are listening to this I am dead. With any luck, I passed away in your arms. While I loathe myself for what I did to you, I want you to know how much I appreciate the compassion you have shown me. As your Domme I give you this final command, submit to no one else."